A Stroke Of Luck
by Hack.Drawer
Summary: Sanji fails with females: Zoro helps rub it in. But it takes a visit from Ace to have Sanji questioning everything he's ever believed in. SLASH, AU OMG COMPLETED FINALLY
1. Drive You Home

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece, but I do acknowledge using Eiichiro Oda's characters without his permission.

Warning: AU, Out of Character charas, profanity, slash, TWT (if it ever existed)

A/N: Totally inspired by all the teen movies that ever existed. It'll be a crazy AU; sorta modern-fantasy setting, I guess, but I'm not focusing on the background TOO much...it's the characters themselves that need to stand out. This fic will be DIFFERENT from my last OP, so don't worry. Angst and drama will be in relationship and such situations; not gruesome killings and mutilation. O.o All chapter titles will be by _Garbage_. Man...I love them...Shirley Manson is just...there are no words to describe her awesomeness. XD

A/N2: Oh yeah...and I'm one with a heavy eye on fashion. I love writing about what my characters wear. It's a really bad habit of mine. If my habit ain't repeating words over and over again, it's describing in full detail the fashion.

A/N3: The boys are smelly, belchy and talk freely of bathroom and booger duties. For those that don't want this, DON'T READ.

: **Drive You Home** :

It looked like another one of those nights: where his watch read over 2200, the stars were twinkling as brightly as they could over the light polluted skies, and where the cobblestone streets were full of drunken voices. In the heavily populated area of Area 29, where young adults and teenagers alike frequented for the tech, entertainment, taverns, and clothing shops, Zoro found himself waiting at his usual post outside of Area 29's theater for his sometimes best friend. 'Sometimes', because often or another they were fighting over something that turned out to be rather trivial for its moronic undertones.

With one hand curled around the handle of Wadou, Zoro scanned the crowds of drunken college. At his feet was a bottle of grog; he hoped to finish it soon. The triple X's on the faux weathered label was turned inside toward his boot-clad foot, so that patrolling Marines wouldn't bother him with trying to investigate for proper drinking ID. He yawned loudly, lifting one tanned wrist to glare at the cuff watch he wore. It was nearly forty after 2200; he'd gotten the call on the den-den mushi at 1900. Gotten lost over in Area 25 because of some tavern brawl that had Marines swarming the area, and finally find himself here at his usual spot at 2125.

Flicking the sword from its scabbard a few times, Zoro frowned at the Area. "C'mon," he muttered.

Finally, he spotted his source of irritation ambling toward him, struggling not to look dispirited. Zoro had to smirk, straightening from his post and releasing Wadou to pick up his grog. Seeing Sanji wearing his argyle sweater vest over a striped button-down shirt and navy blue jeans made him want to smack the other man. He could also smell the other man's cologne from a mile away, making his eyes water. Zoro tried not to breathe in too deeply whenever Sanji was in his full desperate mode.

"'Bout time. God. I told you not to wear that hideous thing. It gives me a strange and new urge to beat you."

"Oh, shaddup, you goggle-wearing asshole. I told you about wearing _that _ugly orange thing. What _is_ that? Knee pads? Orange does not go with anything! Especially with that hair of yours!" Sanji complained crankily, giving Zoro's outfit a once over. The neon-colored orange and grey camo carpenter shorts over untied boots, worn knee pads, and tube socks made him shudder. The blue jersey sleeveless shirt with a Jolly Roger on the back and a number 1 on the front showed off Zoro's muscled arms. The three swords that he carried everywhere hung at his side.

The man was absolutely color and fashion blind. Just looking at the orange and white goggles on Zoro's green hair made Sanji's eyes ache. He stood proudly in his own outfit, which he thought made him look rather jaunty. He stuffed his hands into his back pockets, wallet chain jingling lightly with the movement while his white leather shoes scuffed the cobblestone.

Zoro snapped said goggles over his eyes and grinned before taking a long swig of his grog. Exhaling heavily, he said, "They help me see what I'm doing when I'm drinking."

Sanji snorted, lighting up another cigarette. Zoro shoved his goggles back up onto his forehead and scratched at the back of his neck with a grouchy frown. "So...what? It didn't work out? Or...something?"

"I think she...got lost. I mean, I went from 27 to here five times since 1900," Sanji said with a shrug. "I was absolute on the time. I made sure that she knew. I think that perhaps...I made the mistake. Maybe I told her 27 rather than 29...maybe I said 1800 rather than 1900..."

Zoro rolled his eyes. He just wanted Sanji to accept that he'd been duped once again. "Whatever. Point is, she ain't here. Let's find the others."

"I can't. I was wondering if you'd happened to see Nami on your way over. Y'know, a fresh pair of eyes sort of thing?"

Zoro finished off his grog. "I wasn't watching out for that witch. I had more important things to do."

Sighing heavily, Sanji's shoulders dropped. Smoke from his cigarette rose high. "I should try 27 again. Maybe she's inside."

"The movie's over and done with, moron. Ditch the broad and let's go. I'm not spending all my time looking for some idiot wench that's probably shacking up with somebody else from Econs class."

Flicking ashes to the side, Sanji refused to show his childhood friend how let-down he was over their classmate's actions. "Maybe some family emergency came up," he muttered. "I should get to a den-den mushi, but Bellemere has it turned off for some reason."

Zoro snorted. He started walking, hand resting on Kitetsu as he began the maneuvering through the cobblestone street. People were practically bouncing off each other in their scramble to make this night 'that great night', eager to do anything and everything to make each memory memorable. He heard Sanji following after him, muttering to himself over Nami's disappearance.

It took nearly an hour to get to their familiar haunt; over eager Marines and Zoro's lack of direction while Sanji was angsting over being stood up had interfered with their destination that sat three blocks away from Area 29's theater. The tavern was popular with the college crew, and boasted a sports bar and grill in the back that made it easy to drift to when hard alcohol made minds blurry. Zoro inhaled deeply of the mixture of foods and stench of the bar, thinking of the grog that was calling to him as Sanji pushed past him to bother the various women that were mingling around. The bar maids were working in full force; working their corseted bodies for tips, skirts rustling as they hustled to and fro the bar area to serve drinks. Men and women crowded the entire tavern, cheering over the television screens on the wall; Zoro was only mildly interested in the boxing match, signaling for a bottle of grog to a barmaid that only smiled and nodded.

Seeing that Sanji had met up with the others in the 'Pocket Billiards' section, he paid for the grog and carefully made his way over, holding onto the bottle with both hands and smacking his lips. Reaching the pool table in use, he snapped his goggles over his eyes and began drinking again.

"Those things are hideous, Zoro," Ussop said, giving his friend a grimace as he held tightly onto his pool stick. "I don't think I can be friends with somebody that insists on wearing those ugly things every time he drinks."

"Tell me about it. I have to walk around with that idiot," Sanji muttered, giving Zoro a cross look. "People just stare at him like he's mental. Then they look at _me _the same way for even being around him!"

"I think they're cool!" Luffy interrupted, tongue in cheek as he lined up his shot. "You guys are just jealous because he's so cool! I wish I had a pair..."

Giving a satisfied sound, Zoro belched loudly then settled in a stool, hugging his grog. "You got my back, Luffy? That's cool. I'm your numbah one, dude."

"Right on, Zoro! Aw, man...I scratched...can I try again? Do over!"

"Tell me again, Zoro. Enlighten me. Why the goggles? Why not just...drink like a normal human being?" Ussop asked, snatching the white ball from the basket and lining it up. With an expression of concentration, he pointed at the nearest basket and leaned down for the closest shot. As striped balls sunk into the basket he'd pointed at, he straightened from the table.

"Because no one else does it. _Duh_." Zoro frowned at him, as if disappointed that Ussop didn't already know the answer.

"Only _you _would be comfortable being such a dork," Sanji said, starting in on a new cigarette. He reached over and roughly straightened Luffy's collar, sweeping his strawhat aside to do so. Luffy ducked away from him with a slight whine, straightening his hat. Sanji kicked him lightly, Luffy grinning back at him.

"Says you, Mr. Argyle."

"_Yeah _Sanji, that outfit offends me," Ussop then said, covering his eyes. "It screams to the world, 'Pansy'! Do you _have _to wear something like that around here? Hey, wait, didn't you have a date tonight? And, dude, lay off the cologne. What did I tell you about _bathing _in it?"

"Shut up, dick face. It smells awesome."

"So? The date?"

"Uh...well..."

"Yeah! How was it, Sanji? Did Nami finally shmmm ffu—!" Luffy continued to speak, even as Ussop slapped a hand over his mouth.

Sanji scowled, but he pulled nervously at his shirt collar, not wanting to confess that it was another flop. Luffy gave a dejected sigh as he scratched once more. "Ah, well...the date. Yeah...uh...it—it went well. I mean, y'know, business as usual."

"So...Nami actually made it this time?" Ussop asked, looking at Zoro for confirmation. To end the game, he methodically shot the rest of his stripes into appropriate pockets, then took out Luffy's end. Luffy fed the table a few quarters then searched the area for chalk. The tables around them were crowded, with laughter and booming voices making them raise their own voices. He waved for a bar maid, and rattled off orders before she could even reach them.

Ussop looked at Zoro once again, waiting for an answer. As Sanji slipped off his stool to join Luffy, Ussop used the end of his pool stick to gain his attention once more. Reluctantly pulling his eyes from the barmaid's ample bosom, Sanji sulkily regained his seat and puffed smoke donuts at the ceiling. In the meanwhile, the green haired man lifted his grog up to his mouth, filled it, and indicated that he couldn't speak because of it. Ussop flicked at his goggles, then cringed when Zoro punched him in the chest.

"Um...yes?" Sanji looked over at Zoro with a warning, who rolled his eyes at the silent signal to stay quiet. "Yes, and...I don't give details. You all know that."

"That's great, Sanji!" Luffy then said, now that Ussop was crouched on the floor, rubbing at his chest. Sanji reached down and yanked Ussop to his feet, straightening the multi-colored bandanna that he had tied around his head. Ussop ducked out of his ministrations with a protest and an embarrassed fluster, earning a kick in response. "I'm sure you had a great time. You're always so popular with the ladies. I can't even imagine what to do with one all by myself..."

"And that's why you're still a virgin."

Zoro finally swallowed his grog, belched, and rose from the stool. "My turn. One-pocket, Ussop. You look like you need a challenge."

"Um...well...oh! There's Kaya! Berightback!"

"Get back here! Aw well. Sanji. Man-up. I challenge you."

"Oh no you didn't."

"Get over here."

-

On the way home, Zoro peered at the nightlife from behind the orange colored lenses of his goggles. Sanji walked five feet away from him, struggling not to be associated with him. As they maneuvered through the cobblestone streets, Marines hustling a group of underage students from a nearby tavern, Zoro had to wonder why Sanji bothered with his act. This was the countless time he'd shown up for the other because Nami or some potential date had duped him. For the last several years he'd watched Sanji crash and burn with every cold-hearted wench that decided to use him for a laugh or ego boost.

Why Sanji just wasn't getting the fact that females didn't like him was something of a mystery to Zoro.

"Hey, asshole. You ever get tired of this?" he asked, then realized that Sanji was no where in sight. He stopped in mid-step, lifting his goggles from his eyes to peer around himself curiously. There were girls giggling nearby, Sanji grinning brightly at them as he pretended to read the palm of one brave soul. With a scowl, Zoro watched for a moment, unable to hear what he was saying. He crossed his arms and waited, making people walk around him in their scurry to find fun before the taverns began closing up for the night.

A loud scream, followed by laughter from a nearby alleyway, prevented Zoro from hearing what it was that made the woman with her hand extended jerk it back and slap the blond man with a loud smack. The others scowled and hurried away, Sanji giving his clueless expression that told Zoro he had no idea what he'd said wrong.

"You done?" Zoro asked impatiently. "I gotta piss."

"Well...damn. I wonder what I said that was so wrong," Sanji then said, walking over as he rubbed at the red mark on his face. "_Ow_. All I did was compliment her on her surgeon. Those things were sculpted beautifully!"

Wrinkling his brow, Zoro frowned. "Her...bosoms?"

Sanji snickered. "'_Bosoms_'. Who says 'bosoms' nowadays?"

"Shaddup. Man, girls don't like it when you talk about shit like that. No wonder you got slapped. I'd slap you too, if I were a...chick."

"I wasn't, and I didn't. I was looking at her _lips_. But now that you mention it, she did have a wonderful rack." Sanji sighed, tilting his head to rest his cheek against his clasped hands. "I can just imagine resting my tired head against those pert, well-rounded ti—!"

"Gah. _Enough_. Shit. I'm not drunk enough to hear the rest of it!" Zoro said with a huff. He once again slapped his goggles on, adjusting them so that he was able to see the world through the orange tint. "I'm ready to see myself home. I've got enough couch change for a bottle tomorrow, and that's what I'm going to do."

After walking in silence for a few blocks, the pair made their way down a flight of stairs that disappeared underneath the cobblestone streets. It smelled of piss and rotten hot dogs, a vendor closing up for the night while bums rested on the platform nearby. Sanji slipped a few tokens into a till booth while Zoro leapt over it, ignoring a nearby Marine's call. The pair then made their way through the maze of underground tunnels, searching for their gate. Zoro nearly led them astray a few times while Sanji oogled the passing girls, and it took a longer time than necessary to finally reach the right gate.

It was dark and empty, the sounds of working cars echoing off the tunnels of the system. The overhead sign blinked with desolate action, announcing arrivals and departures with missing letters.

While waiting, Zoro removed the goggles once more and stared off at a point ahead of them. Sanji fiddled with his cigarette box and lighter, frowning at the crushed container and realizing he was nearly out of lighter fluid.

"Anyway, I was asking you: don't you ever get tired of it?" Zoro then asked, startling Sanji with the very noise of his question.

Sanji frowned at him. "Of what? Smoking? No. I'm damn well addicted, damn it. Ever since I was ten. You were there, remember?"

"No. That's not what I meant. I meant, finding these girls, planning to meet up with them—getting excited over their dumb asses, then getting all rejected." Zoro lifted an eyebrow. "Don't you get tired of it?"

"That's all just part of the chase," Sanji said with a sigh, stretching his arms high above his head. "That's the game of love, m'friend."

"Can't you tell by now that girls actually genuinely _not _like you?"

"Every girl likes me. They're just in hard denial. What's not to like about me, damn it?"

Zoro held up a hand, and lifted a finger with each of his reasons. "One: you smoke like a chimney. Two: you're a dork. Three: you're a lurpy fool. Five: you suck. Oh yeah, six: you wear too much shit stank for any normal human being to stand the stench of."

"You're such a dumbass. Don't you know how to count? You completely skipped out 'four', you fucking nut!"

"Oh yeah. Four: your breath smells like a fucking cesspit. Yeah. I could go on," Zoro then said, hands on his hips. His swords were given a comforting caress as Sanji scowled at him. "If you let me."

"Oh...shut up. Don't talk to me until I tell you to."

"Hah. Like I ever listen to you."

"Yeah, that outfit's proof. Loser."

"Man, this is my _style_. Careless, but fashionably so."

"Grungy, just like your face."

"Shut up, you lurpy moron."

"After you, ass face."

"String bean."

"Algae head."

-

When they were children, the pair had always challenged each other over everything they could think of. Comparing heights in the pantry; endurance runs; grades; obstacle courses; dares—everything was competition. As the years drifted by and they became college students, rooming first with other students before managing to get a small house they shared with Luffy and Ussop, their competitive edges became nothing but flickers of memory. There were little things they challenged each other on, but since their world had expanded to include others, it became rather tedious trying to outdo the other when so many things commanded their attention.

Sanji had entered Roguetown's University to get a step up on his cooking skills; the college was famous for its culinary programs. Zoro had tagged along for a chance at the more adventurous side of present-day professions: the bounty hunting program was designed to make any student excel in the field of paid pursuits of various quarry.

In their second year of school, both were considered top of their classes; something that often surprised others when they came into contact with the pair. With how lazy he could be and with tendencies of alcoholism, one would be surprised to find out that Zoro was effective with three swords, and quite stubborn and successful when it came to gaining his prize. Four times he'd been sent out on a mock field test and four times his instructors had been awarded with success well achieved. With Sanji, while cooking and anything related to food preparations tended to be what drove him and caused his instructors much glee and pride over having him in their workshops, women were his weak point. The man could whip up a meal with limited supply and preparation that would satisfy a king, but the moment a pretty face caught his visible eye, he'd turn into a puddle of manipulative goo that made it impossible for him to work with.

School took up a lot of their time, but the time that they had free was time spent either with each other or with Luffy and Ussop. Luffy was set to enter the university on a full scholarship in the competitive field of buccaneering—because the seas mostly required a degree for such things—and Ussop in carpentry; some of their general education classes had brought the four together, the two younger men still in high school and on a program that would allow slow assimilation into university life. Legal age of adult was eighteen—giving them free rein to access the drunken revelry of Area 29's nightly festivities.

Both boys were without parents, but Luffy had an older brother that had been in legal care of him until he decided on his own adventuring, trusting Luffy to fend for himself until he returned. Everything worked in that sense—the boys used their scholarship money to keep them out of trouble, and the two elder males worked weekends, relying on loans to tide their schooling.

The house that the four shared was small—two bedrooms, a single living space that Ussop managed to divide into two separate areas that would allow a dining space; a kitchen and a bathroom that had seen better days. The two elder shared one room while the others shared the smallest room. With Ussop's carpentry skills, Luffy and Ussop were able to relax in massive hammocks that could be allowed down for extra space for their more important items. Their room held a massive television set, various game consoles and games, and a huge closet that expanded outside and was accessible by balcony.

The larger bedroom had a bed for Sanji and a daybed for Zoro. While Sanji claimed the whole closet for his wardrobe, Zoro had an old dresser that was more than enough for his clothing choices, and a mere nine-hole cubby shelf that held whatever he deemed important. To separate their spaces, Sanji had hung a thick curtain that would completely close off Zoro's area of the room from Sanji's.

The bathroom down the hall held a relatively large cabinet on one wall, and a stained toilet and shower stall on the other. The single window above the toilet was frosted, but decorated with Luffy's drawings. There were hair and face products scattered over every available inch of the counter. Toothbrushes were hidden and toilet paper revered as treasure within their own rooms. Towels littered the floor to stop the leak in the shower stall, but reading material was stacked neatly atop of the toilet.

While the house wasn't messy, it was apparent to a visitor that the four didn't focus entirely on cleanliness. The kitchen was the only area that was truly spotless; it was Sanji's work area, and he prided himself on keeping that area clean.

The living space had a television set that had seen better days, a den-den mushi, scattered gamer chairs and a shelf that held various movies of their combined collections. A battered coffee table held aloft whatever materials that a man needed for his class, and a couch was crammed against the back wall as an afterthought; holding various jackets and sweaters on its battered back and arms. From the ceiling hung paper lanterns of a popular noodle shack, the walls decorated with street signs.

It was a somewhat cozy bachelor pad. It was home.

Seeing that Luffy had yet to draw Ussop away from the polite Kaya, Sanji let himself in first, Zoro coming in second after tossing a snot rocket on the grass outside the door. Without much movement, Sanji snatched a ball of crushed toilet paper from the couch's overcrowded arm and tossed it at Zoro.

"That's disgusting. Ape. Be a normal human for once."

"Luffy used this to wipe away pimple juice," Zoro complained, swatting the wadded ball aside and making Sanji shudder as he hurried to the bathroom to wash his hands. Checking the fridge, Zoro concentrated on his choices of alcohol before him while Sanji observed himself in the mirror.

He frowned at his styled blond hair, wondering what was it about himself that made the ladies so eager to dismiss him. He'd spent minutes making sure it fell perfectly over his left eye; it was soft to the touch and it didn't reek of hair product. He then reached up to touch his curled eyebrow—wondering if it was truly distracting. Then touched a pimple near his left temple, reaching for a popular acne product that belonged to Ussop.

Zoro filled the doorway, frowning at Sanji for a moment before crossing the floor to stand in front of the toilet. At the sound of a zipper being manipulated and the familiar sounds of pissing, Sanji scowled.

"Can't you wait?! I'm almost done!"

"I told you, I have to piss. I'm not going to wait while you tweeze and pop. I was practically drowning in my own urine," Zoro complained, concentrating on the task.

Rolling his eyes, Sanji dabbed the cream on the pimple, scrunching his face as he did so. He heard the flow of urine stop, glancing at Zoro's reflection in time to see the man pull his goggles over his face.

"_Sweet_."

Hearing the resuming task of pissing, Sanji shook his head. "I'm going to throw those stupid things away!"

"Why are you hating on these so much? Are you that jealous? You can buy your own pair."

"I don't want stupid-ass goggles! Who wears those things nowadays?! They were popular last fall, but it's—it's definitely not popular now! Now you just look stupid!"

"Bwa ha ha. Fear the goggles. The goggles of manliness. The goggles of might. Aw, shit. I just pissed all over myself."

With a flustered growl, Sanji capped the cream and tossed it. He stalked out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. Then grimaced because he hadn't washed his hands. He kicked off his white leather shoes, leaving them lying in the hall while he headed over to the kitchen. Using the industrial sized soap container that sat on the sink's edge, he washed his hands. He heard Zoro finish up in the bathroom, muttering. Seconds later, he heard the green-haired man stumble over one of his shoes, and Sanji could only grin as a huge thud sent walls shaking.

One of the shoes sailed through the air, Zoro cursing fluidly as he made his way into their bedroom. Finishing up with his hands, Sanji then grimaced. He rummaged through the fridge for more alcohol, then headed back into their room. He sank onto his bed with a huge sigh, handing Zoro a bottle of beer before settling back with three bottles of his own.

"Hey..."

"Shaddup. You've had enough."

"I had grog. That was different. Gimme another one of yours."

"No. Go get some of your own if you want more so badly."

"I just sat down. I'm not getting back up."

Sanji opened his first bottle and nursed it while Zoro grumbled, undressing for bed. Clothes were tossed and the telltale sound of goggles hitting wood told Sanji that they'd finally been abandoned. Three precious swords were hung neatly from a nail that jutted outward from the wall Zoro's dresser stood against.

"Tomorrow will be different, bastard," Sanji said. "Nami will apologize for whatever emergency it was that kept her from meeting me. She was going to be there. She'd promised. She'd gone through the plans with me earlier, during Econs. She isn't like the others."

"..._Right_. This is the same woman that had been expelled the year before for stealing off with the Student Council's end of the year school party. The very same one that duped at least thirty people of their wallets at a Valentine's Dance that same year. The same red-headed bitch that claimed some guy got her pregnant and made him give her abortion money for something that went for her damn slutty wardrobe."

Sanji hurled his finished bottle of beer at Zoro, catching the green-haired man on the shoulder. "Shut up, asshole. Those were just fucking rumors! She's not like that! That was just bullshit made up by fucking jealous assholes like yourself just to bring her down! Nami's a kind, intelligent woman. She wouldn't even dream of making up shit like that just to—just make herself look good! You don't even know shit about her, jerk-off."

"Don't get your panties in a bunch, bottle blond asshole. I'm just telling you, she's not what you think."

"Oh, please," Sanji then grumbled, opening another bottle of cold beer. "You don't know anything. What you do know is shit from guys that she had to forcefully turn down. You and your bounty-hunting types...shit. Don't know anything."

"Aw, cut the crap. Shitty jerk. Shut up, now. After I finish this beer, I'm going to sleep."

"Fine." Sanji sulked, nursing his second bottle of beer while he thought of the red-headed woman that enticed him with her scantily clad body and seductive smile. He could only scrunch his shoulders with glee just imagining her as he'd seen her that morning—bending over his table with her chest pushed out and mini-skirt riding high, smiling with that flirty way she had when going over their plans. He felt his mouth go dry just seeing the way she'd licked her lips at the mention of a restaurant they were going to go to after the movie, the way she adjusted her bright red bra-strap when she mentioned she hadn't any money to pay for 'everything'.

He frowned over at Zoro, who was finishing off his beer. After belching loudly, he tossed the bottle in the direction of the hall; then thought better of it, rising to go pick it up and throw it away in the kitchen.

Sanji set his own bottle aside. "Hey. Stay in there. I'm going to beat off."

"Ugh. _Geez_. Hurry up. I'm tired as hell."

"Watch a movie or something. Shit. At least I have the courtesy to say something, rather than making you listen to me...the way you do, jerk-off."

"Blah, blah, blah...I'm getting a beer. Hurry up."

"Shut the door. I don't want those kids seeing me."

"Aw, hell. Who cares?! Like they don't do it!"

"Yeah, but Luffy will try to watch!"

"...Oh yeah. Heh. Perverted kid." Zoro chuckled as he shut their bedroom door.


	2. Special

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece, but I do acknowledge using Eiichiro Oda's characters without his permission.

Warning: AU, OOC, profanity, slash, TWT (if it ever existed), modern-fantasy setting.

: **Special **:

Zoro drummed his fingers idly up Yubashiri's scabbard, taking in the university's sprawl. It was nearly noon the next day, and he found himself accosted as he was finishing up his lunch. At his right, Nami waited for him to answer her, her painted lips pursed in a frown. Her lunch of tangerines and assorted fruits waited for her attention. Her red hair was tied back in neat rows, puffed and fashionable. Diamonds winked at her earlobes and her exposed neck dripped with thin platinum chains. Her cleavage was exposed with some lacy undergarment that was layered over another, her mini-skirt held closed by her own palms as she straddled the bench she sat upon. Her heels were wooden and well worn, her legs dusted with glitter. While Zoro could see why Sanji was so enamored of her, knowing her personality was something he didn't exactly pride himself on.

It was to his unfortunate luck that Nami managed to find him when he tried to hide away from the rest of the campus, talking to him as if they were close and hanging on him with every opportunity. The woman had made it a point to get to know him at the beginning of his second year, and she'd pried reluctant answers from him with blackmail and threats. He found her annoying and she found him useful. It was something that he didn't tell Sanji, because he knew Sanji would take it entirely wrong.

"Are you going to answer me or not?" she asked impatiently, fluttering her dark eyelashes. She reached out to wipe at rice on his chin, and swatted him when he jerked his face from her touch."You can't ignore me, Roronoa. I'm not a person you should be ignoring. I've got dirt on you."

"Eh. What was the question again?"

"I asked you how long Sanji waited for me last night. He's such a dork. I hope you know I'm doing this for his own good," Nami added, reaching up to check one of her ponytail rows. "I'm trying to teach him not to be so fucking desperate. What did he do last night?"

"Dunno. We drank."

"That's all?"

"Yup. That's...pretty much it."

"You guys do that every night. Was he sad? Mad?"

"Dunno," Zoro muttered, picking at his nose. Nami swatted the back of his head, jamming his finger deeper into his nose and making him curse.

"Stop that! You can act beastly all you want when I'm not around, but—! Never mind. A meat head like you would never stop and consider such things," Nami said with a sigh. "Look, it's nothing against him or anything, it's just—! He's got this reputation around here, and I feel so bad for him. I'm hoping to teach him that he should just be himself; that the right girl will come along when he's not trying so hard."

"You're taking on a challenge that's way too strong for some weakling like yourself. _Chick_."

"Zoro, can't you talk some sense into him?" Nami then asked, peeling at a tangerine. "Haven't you guys been friends for like, ever?"

"That man listens to no one."

"Well, can't you just—! EW! Did you just eat your booger?!"

"NO! Woman, you're really annoying me right now—!"

"I'm just _saying_. As his best friend or whatever, can't you _make _him see what sort of fool he's making himself out to be? And that everything I do is out of the kindness of my heart? I'm only leading him around just to teach him a lesson that can only come from friends wanting to look out for each other," Nami insisted, stuffing a slice into her mouth. With a wince, she rode out the bitterness of the fruit and set the rest atop of her tray. Chewing, she wiped at her lips with a napkin. "It's not because I'm actually evil."

"Ch."

"I'm not a bad person, Zoro."

"Yeah, yeah."

She grinned at him, leaning close to wrap an arm around his shoulders, making him jump and pull away quickly. "Oh, c'mon. You're not gay, are you? All I wanted was a hug."

"Keep your hands to yourself, thief." Zoro rose from the bench, swords falling into place. He checked his pockets for his wallet. Nami winced, lifting a hand to cover her eyes.

"Zoro, why are you wearing pink? That's sooooo not your color. Is that Ussop's shirt?"

"Meh. My clothes were dirty."

"DO YOUR LAUNDRY! I swear, men are so—! I don't even want to imagine what your house looks like...all you men in a small place...letting laundry pile up..._gross_," Nami muttered, stuffing another slice into her mouth. She then kicked out, catching him in the back of the thigh. "And don't _ever _wear pink with orange! You wore those shorts yesterday!"

"Stop abusing me! I'll wear whatever I want with _what _I want!"

"At least Sanji and Luffy have some sense in color matching. Ussop wears those stupid rags over his head...the girls are so jealous of his hair. It's so curly and...Anyway, tell Sanji that I'd dropped him to meet up with Fullbody last night. Tell him I came to school wearing the same things I was wearing yesterday. I swear to God, if he comes over to me whining about how he made the mistake of—of making the entire thing his fault, I will come and kick YOU, Zoro."

"Ch. Whatever. Don't follow me," Zoro muttered, walking off.

Nami squinted after him, wondering if that was a tube sock dangling from the back pocket of his shorts, then shrugged.

-

"Eat this."

Zoro lifted an eyebrow as Sanji stuffed a cream filled pastry into his mouth, then chewed. Without much of a facial reaction, he spit out the contents, making Sanji's face redden. "_Ugh_. What is that?"

He wasn't quick enough to duck the roundhouse that sent him sprawling over the tables, sending plates and trays flying. Ussop cried aloud, ducking while Luffy took advantage of the situation and began to eat everyone's food while they were distracted. Since Zoro had a class later in the afternoon, he usually chose to hang around until the others could gather together so he could sit with them. Sanji had arrived just moments earlier, while Zoro had been arguing with Ussop and Luffy over some subject that he couldn't even remember.

"Asshole! What the fuck—?! Why'd you do that?! You're not supposed to waste food!" Sanji growled, rounding the table to kick Zoro again.

"Knock if off, asshole! You said 'eat this', and didn't even give me a chance to ask what it was!"

"It's tangerines! It's a tangerine pop-over, you fucking wasteful asshole!"

"...tangerines..." Zoro muttered, wiping at his tongue and remembering that it was Nami's favorite fruit. Just knowing it made his taste buds die a little. He slowly rose from the ground, brushing himself off.

"Um...is that _my _shirt?" Ussop dared to ask, furrowing his brow. "What the hell, Zoro? You're going to stretch out the collar! Gah. You might as well as have it."

"_Sweet_. I look hot in pink."

Swallowing hard, Luffy frowned over at Sanji, who stared down at his container of pastries with a mutter. "What's the matter, Sanji? Do _you _think they taste bad?"

"He has no taste buds. He smoked them out," Zoro muttered, taking a seat at the end of the bench. He brushed food from his shirt. "It's not bad, really. It's just...the fruit you used isn't exactly ideal."

"I made these for Nami. To make up for my inept ability to keep our dates and times straight. I'm an airhead—she was waiting for me over at Area 23 at _1500_, not 29 at 1900! Area 23 is the more respectable joint where a woman can feel more comfortable and secure, and I totally blew it. I was hoping that by making these, I can beg her forgiveness for wasting her time last night," Sanji said, looking rather delighted as he held the pastries up high.

Ussop frowned. "I heard Nami was out with Fullbody last night. Kaya told me those two were coming out of a love hotel—"

"_Fool_! You don't speak of Nami that way! She's too delicate a flower to allow herself to be anywhere near that idiotic moron," Sanji snapped, thinking of the haughty boxer that made full use of the university's athletic programs. "She has standards that elevate her to the very highest peak of greatness, and Fullbody is nothing but scum under her shoe. She wouldn't be anywhere near him!"

"Then what's she doing around you?" Zoro mumbled, but Sanji heard him, throwing him a snarl.

Ussop shrugged. "Okay. But Kaya doesn't lie, y'know. And I don't know why you keep talking about Nami like she's some pristine flower when she's really more of a paid whor—"

"Can I have one, Sanji?" Luffy asked after Sanji had kicked Ussop off the bench, sending the curly-haired man into the grass. "I bet I can tell whether or not they're good. Zoro eats his pizza with half a bottle of hot sauce and crushed red peppers—there's no way he has properly working taste buds like mine."

"No. I only made four. These three are for Nami and her family," Sanji said, covering the pastries with a plastic top.

"But you gave one to _Zoro_! _Why _Zoro? You knew he was going to bitch about being a gummi bear!"

"... 'Gummi bear'? You mean, hamster?" Zoro asked.

"...huh? No. Hamster? Why—?"

"Why would I be a gummi bear?" Zoro asked, giving him a clueless look.

"Well, I mean...y'know, a test animal."

"A _lab rat_?" Ussop croaked, crawling back up onto his seat. "Ugh. Please pull your kicks, Sanji. That hurts. I'm still young—my body is still growing into itself, and with all these assaults, I can't rightly expect to—"

"Shaddup. I gave one to Zoro because Zoro always tells me the truth. But this is one exception where I truly believe his taste buds are broken."

"It tastes _fine_! I'm just saying, the tangerine bullshit is bullshit!"

"You are just jealous of me because Nami likes me better than you!"

"...you are so stupid..."

"You callin' me 'stupid'?! I'll kick your ass you—! Oh, wait. Shit. I have Roasting 309 to go to. _Shit_. My station! That bastard Patty's always taking my station!" Sanji cursed, running off.

Zoro snatched Luffy's soda and drank it all down, belching mightily. "Eh. It was good. I just don't like tangerines."

"Do you really think Nami likes Sanji better than you, Zoro?" Luffy asked with a skeptical frown. "I always see her hanging all over _you_. I haven't even seen her talk to Sanji, before."

"Don't say that in front of Sanji, Luffy!" Ussop pleaded, before Zoro could open his mouth. "I don't think Sanji knows that Nami _talks _to Zoro."

"That's right. He doesn't. And he shouldn't," Zoro added, frowning at Luffy. "He's only going to get the wrong idea. You can't say shit around that guy without having him mix it all up."

Luffy blinked. He rubbed thoughtfully at the scar on his face. "But...you shouldn't hide things from him, Zoro. It's all going to come back on you."

"By the time it does, he'll be over the witch and be all over somebody else," Zoro said confidently. "I could care less about her! But I _do _mind if Sanji tries to give me shit over something that I'm definitely not involved with."

"I don't know...it sounds shady all the same. I like Nami—she always gives me food during class. But sometimes I don't like her ethics..."

"That's because she makes you pay triple the price for some vending machine snack," Ussop muttered. "Luffy! Don't give that hag anything!"

"She brings me food! I _need _food! I can't just take it for free! That's not right! And it's quite reasonable to pay a hundred beli for a bag of chips," Luffy protested, Ussop giving a rather painful face palm.

Zoro shrugged, leaning back against the table. "Whatever. It's your money."

-

Nami's fingers brushed over Sanji's hair in a quick caress, her glossy lips spread in a smile while Sanji beamed at her in a rather goofy way. The professor was talking quietly in front of the class, making the more attentive students scramble to take seats up front in order to hear him, while others lounged about with no real clue as to what the man was saying. Nami had found herself cornered when Sanji came into class, bearing a container of pastries she wasn't interested in trying and giving his usual ramble about her beauty and style.

She'd rolled her eyes inwardly, wondering why Zoro hadn't spoken to Sanji yet about his 'problem'. While she found it flattering to have so much devoted attention to her, Sanji's behavior was downright annoying. She couldn't break free from his nostril-flaring, gibberish sprouting and cigarette stank presence without showing unwanted observers that she couldn't handle the situation. She tried not to breathe in too deep—wondering if the man had drowned himself in cheap cologne just before class; to either disguise the stench of his chain smoking or unwashed laundry. But she doubted he was like Zoro; there was something about Sanji that told her he took care of himself and his appearance. It was such a shame that he behaved in such a foolish manner around girls; the man was part octopus, part perverted old man.

She couldn't sit five minutes without having his hand sneak over to her knee or inside elbow, in gestures of engaging conversation. Or even keep his visible eye on level with hers; it was most often wandering over her exposed cleavage, dipping down the vee of her crotch, or examining her legs with every movement she made. It was a little tedious in being molested by a single eye; it really drained a girl out of her energy.

"I'm serious, Sanji," she said wearily. She didn't want to touch the delicate pastries that sat rather prettily atop of waxed paper and arranged in a decorative pattern within the container. She had thoughts that he may have slipped her GHB or something equally as mind-altering. A single girl couldn't be too careful on a campus this big, with men so bold and dumb. "You didn't have to make this for me."

"I'm an _idiot_. A _stupid_ airheaded idiot! I must write down our plans on my own very hands and—and try to go through the entire day without washing them or—or even _dirtying _them so I wouldn't mess up again! You must've been so—argh, I don't know _what _I was thinking," Sanji blathered on, unable to lift his visible eye from her exposed cleavage. Nami shifted so that the glitter she'd applied there shimmered.

She shrugged a thin shoulder. "Whatever. I _did _spend four hours waiting for you...out in the cold...in the rain...shivering in my thin silk sundress...my _expensive _silk sundress..."

"It...it _rained_? But—! Oh, Nami, I'm so sorry! Please, I made these for you. Something I created expressively and only for you! I also want to make up for my stupid mistake last night, and, uh, I'm free tonight. Or even all week. I mean, when you're ready, and—and I'll pay for it all! The food, the—_everything_! I, uh, will even replace your sundress if you'll just tell me the—"

"Betsy Johnson, size double zero, in lavender," Nami said automatically. "You can only find them in the Crunks shop down in Area 29, back there behind Emporium and Double Doubt? They're right in the back. And, oh, my sandals...I was wearing these really slinky black patent sandals designed by Louboutin. You can find those there, too, dear. Size nine, please."

"Oh, yes, certainly! Right away! I can't have you go without your sundress and...really..._really _expensive slinky black patent sandals—"

At the sound of his falter, Nami leaned forward, licking her lips and reaching out to lightly caress the carefully groomed hairs on his chin. Sanji automatically leaning forward in thoughtless reaction, wanting more of the chance to have her hands on him. "Oh, but Sanji..._five _hours..._five _hours in the cold and the rain...wasting my entire evening waiting for you to show up while I could have been volunteering in the homeless shelter, spooning out soup for the more unfortunate souls that lack everything you and I are completely able to have!"

"Yes! Of course! I'll have them both for you, all for you, Nami pretty. I am such a pathetic and utter fool for completely wasting your evening and—! Won't you have one? Maybe—"

"Not now, dear. I've gotten a bit of a muffin top. But I'll take them," she said, taking the container of pastries. She set it aside, lifting a foot to run up the length of his shin. She watched him for a few moments, his face and neck turning red. An amused smirk lit her features as she wondered if he were a wet-between-ears-virgin or just extremely flustered. She had to bet within herself that it was the former; she couldn't imagine any girl in her right mind ever submitting herself to some goofy-faced cook. "Meet me in front of Area 27. 2000 hours...in front of Choux. All right? Can you remember this, Sanji? Don't make me wait _six _hours like you did last night..."

"Uh...um...ah...well, what?"

She dropped her foot with a frown, lifting an eyebrow. "Weren't you listening? Am I speaking gibberish?"

"NO! I mean, I—Area 07 at...2200. Yes. In front of Chouz. Yes. _Yes_, I'm writing it down right now Nami," Sanji said hurriedly, writing it down on his palm while Nami frowned at him. She shrugged lightly and picked up the container.

"Thank you, Sanji, you're such a dear. A kind, helpful and really _really _awesome man. More so than anybody else in here," she added, giving a look at their busy classmates. "Have my dress and shoes with you when you meet me there in front of Shoez, okay? Remember, Area 26, Shoez. Don't forget!"

As she walked off with her container, Sanji snapped his head up to watch her pert ass move within her tight mini-skirt, and then looked down at his hand with a puzzled expression.

-

The pastries were gone. One bite each had completely decimated the trio, and Luffy was entirely disgusted. Fullbody just didn't appreciate anything that slipped past his lips, save for Nami and her tongue. Which was gross, but there had to be something entirely interesting about that woman's mouth because Fullbody sure loved to put parts of himself in there—

In any event, Luffy was disgusted that Nami had given away Sanji's pastries because Luffy hadn't had the chance to test them himself. Luffy had to bet that the reason why Nami didn't eat them for herself was because they weren't from Zoro. People sure were finicky when it came to things like gifts and food.

He was watching Nami now, the woman grinning brightly at Fullbody while he finished licking his fingers. Luffy was taking the chance to bask in the afternoon sun in a section of the campus which allowed him a great view of the ocean that surrounded the island. It also allowed him the solitude to completely imagine having adventures on the sea beyond Roguetown. There were people that took advantage of the place as well, hiding behind various outcropping of rock and brush, giggling, laughing, sputtering and whatever it was they did that required privacy from prying eyes.

It was also a great place to hide when he didn't want to go back to the high school after completing the day's schedule at the university.

Luffy found himself distracted from his dreaming because Nami was carrying the familiar container that he'd seen Sanji carry around with him during lunch. He'd been hoping that Sanji would come home with them, but disappointment was something that Luffy had to deal with.

Nami sat next to Fullbody and laughed at something that he said; Luffy didn't really think too highly of Fullbody. The man was a bully and a braggart, with nothing to back up his stories. He supposed it was only because Fullbody's family was military and rich. But Luffy didn't understand why Sanji focused so much on Nami when Nami didn't think too much of him.

It was really none of his business, but Luffy didn't like to come home and see one of his friends moping because of something that had happened to them.

He rose, brushing off his shorts and adjusting his straw hat. It hung from the back of his neck on a worn tether rope, and the wide red band matched his red t-shirt. His sock less feet were stuffed into ankle skimming gladiator sandals, and though his uniform consisted mainly of shorts and t-shirts, it was the sandals and straw hat that truly made him stand out in a crowd. So he thought. Ussop always insisted on a trademark look, and Luffy had made this ensemble his.

He marched over as Fullbody leaned over Nami with something of a growl, the woman pushing at his chest with a light laugh. Snatching up the container, Luffy scowled at them both, startling Fullbody and making Nami frown.

"These were supposed to be for _you_, Nami," Luffy said, pointing at the inside. "Sanji made these for you. Not for _him_."

"Luffy...what'd I say about interrupting Nami's Quiet Time?" Nami asked sternly, pulling out a compact mirror and reapplying her gloss. "Besides, Sanji said I could share it with my friends. And Fullbody here is a friend of mine."

"They were real good...I guess. A little better than the supermarket crap," Fullbody said with a snort. "Nothing special, really. Who's this squirt, Nami? Friend of yours?"

"He's a junior classmate of mine...high school. Here on scholarship. Luffy's going in for a buccaneering degree, aren't you?" Name asked, beaming up at the younger man.

"Oh! Yes! I'm going to be sailing as soon as I'm able!" Luffy said cheerfully, lowering the container. "I wanna get off this island and start having me some adventures!"

"You still in high school, kid? Ch. I didn't think the university's officials continue to do that crap," Fullbody complained. "What's it look like to us older students? A real insult, I say."

Luffy frowned, but he turned his attention to Nami. "You've got a real insecure friend there, Nami. Who would be threatened by little ole me?"

Fullbody snapped his head around. "What?! _Threatened_?! Hah!"

"What else am I supposed to think when you're saying stuff like that? Well, whatever. You're nobody important to me. I just came here to talk to Nami. And Nami, I don't think it's right of you to accept something from Sanji when he put everything he has into making things for you. I think it's wrong of you to make him feel bad and stupid whenever you make plans to go out, and then hang all over Zoro when Zoro doesn't even like you. They're my best friends. I don't like it when they're bothered because of what you do to them."

"They're'bothered'?" Nami snapped, rising. Fullbody followed, dusting himself off as he continued to frown at Luffy. "_I'm _bothered! And it's stupid Sanji's fault for being so idiotic and letting me do this to him! And as for Zoro, the big lug's a moron for not seeing that I like him."

"Hey—! What the hell?!" Fullbody complained, but Luffy and Nami ignored him.

"Zoro won't ever like you back, Nami. He's _asexual_. Ussop told me what asexual means, and if Zoro wants to be plant-like, then he can. You can't make him like you by being mean to Sanji." Luffy held up the container. "Next time Sanji gives you something, you either politely refuse, or tell him what you just told me. You keep deceiving him, and you're going to hurt somebody's feelings. I don't know why you're going out of your way to be an asshole, it's still not right."

"How can you call me an 'asshole'!?" Nami shrieked indignantly. "You don't talk to ladies that way!"

"Aw, you're just Nami. I can't think of you as a 'lady'. That's just too weird. Anyway, I'll take this back to Sanji. But the next time it happens, Nami, I won't be happy." Luffy frowned at her, then walked off, swinging the container at his side and feeling rather relieved that he'd said his part.

Nami gaped after him, Fullbody frowning at her.

"You're fucking around with Roronoa, Nami?" he asked gruffly. "What's so good about that green-headed kelp wannabe, anyway? Just another muscle with a sword."

"Argh! Just—shut up! I've had enough of you, today."

"Hey, you can't talk to me like that—!" Fullbody started to snarl when Nami spun around, grabbed his shirt lapels for balance, and drove a knee into his groin. He curled over with a spray of sound, dropping to the ground in a heavy flop while she stormed off.

"Stupid simple-minded fool! How dare he talk to me that way!" she cursed, but she wasn't sure whom she was cursing; Fullbody or Luffy.

-

Luffy tossed the container on the kitchen counter when he got home. Humming to himself, he proceeded to raid the fridge. He straightened, shoving lunch meat into his mouth at the sound of someone rustling around in the back room. Shutting the fridge door, Luffy chewed the handful of smoked ham as best as he could while he walked down the hall. Pausing within the doorway, he watched Sanji search the various shoe boxes underneath his bed for whatever it was that caused a big mess on his side of the room.

"What are you doing, old man?" Luffy then asked, brow furrowed.

"I'm not old!"

Ignoring the shoe box that bounced off his forehead, Luffy stuffed more meat into his mouth and chewed fiercely. Speaking around the wad of ham, he said, "I brought back your container."

"...what? Don't talk with your mouth full. You choke, I'm letting you die."

Luffy repeated himself, then struggled to swallow. Certain that it all hit his stomach, Luffy belched, thumping against his own chest with a fist. "Say, I wanna ask you something, Sanji. It's been bothering me the entire day. The guys were telling me to shut up about it, but I can't let this slide."

"Oh for the love of...what? What is it? NO! Never mind!" Sanji clutched the wad of beli in one hand, leaping upward with a dazzled expression. He stuffed it into his wallet, the chain swinging wildly as he glanced at the clock with worry. "Shit. I'm late. Listen, can you do me a favor?"

"Sure! No—wait! I don't want to—! I have something to say!"

"I promise to cook you a _huge _dinner—next week. _Huge_. Massive. Two birds, one leg—crap. Make sure Zoro goes to his stupid dojo thingy tonight! Hide the grog! Alcoholic bastard," Sanji muttered, rushing past Luffy and running out the door.

Luffy frowned. "Damn."

He looked at the mess Sanji had made, eyes widening slightly at the magazines that were stacked neatly nearby. He craned his neck to peer at the cover, eyes widening even larger as he gasped. As he stared at the woman's nearly nude body, he finished off the lunch meat. He reached out to pick up the magazine, but then looked at his fingers. Wiping them down on his shorts, he looked at the grease spots and realized that he'd be found out if he continued his investigation, and he really didn't want Sanji killing him before Luffy had the chance to talk to him.

Shrugging, he figured that it was probably not the right time to talk to Sanji anyway, and headed out of the room. Throwing away the empty container, Luffy wandered the area in a daze, uncertain of what to do next. His eyes widened with a thought, and he ran back into the elder males' room. He found Zoro's goggles atop of his cubby-shelves and slipped them on. Rushing to the bathroom, he admired himself for a few moments before pulling on his hat. He struck a pose, throwing Victory signs and flexing his thin arms until he heard the front door open and slam shut.

He ripped off both his hat and the goggles, hiding them behind his back while he listened intently for whomever it was that had entered the house. Hearing the familiar sounds of Ussop sighing as he tossed his heavy backpack from his shoulders, Luffy grinned. He slipped the goggles back on and straightened his hat.

"_Ahoy_!" he shouted, racing from the bathroom and making Ussop shriek in surprise. "Look at me! No wonder Zoro wears these things! I feel awesome!"

"OH my god, Zoro will kill you for wearing those—! Let me have a turn!" Ussop begged, reaching for them. Luffy let him have them, still grinning as Ussop tried them on. Then he stumbled into the kitchen, opening the fridge for a beer. Still watching, Luffy realized that Ussop had a great idea and bounced in place, wanting another turn. Gulping down some of the beer, Ussop belched. He adjusted the goggles, nodding. "I see what he means! These really do feel better when you drink."

"Me! Me! _Me_!"

Ussop let him have a try, standing back while Luffy finished off the opened beer. "It's a whole new world, Ussop! We need a pair of our own!" the teen declared, eyes growing scarily determined.

"We don't have the money for it, right now, unfortunately. We still got rent to make and groceries to get. It's our turn. Sanji threatened to do various horrible things to us, like shave our eyebrows and leave wax in our nostrils in our sleep. I wanna wake up with a complete face, Luffy."

"_Aw_. Still—! This is so cool! Zoro always looked so cool, and now that I have these on, I can be cool, too!"

"Me, too! But, uh—let's put them away. Before he comes home and catches us and seriously rips us a new one." Ussop snatched the goggles from Luffy's face, but the strap held tight around his head. Instead of pulling them off, he lost his grip, goggles snapping back against Luffy's nose and eyes and causing him to shriek. "I'M SORRY! I'M SO SORRY!"

"MY FACE! _OWIE_! ARGH! GOGGLES OF DOOM!"


	3. When I Grow Up

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece, but I do acknowledge using Eiichiro Oda's characters without his permission.

Warning: AU, OOC, profanity, slash, TWT (if it ever existed), modern-fantasy setting.

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews!

: **When I Grow Up **:

Sanji found only the shoes. But he was horribly broke at 2300 hours, staring morosely at the functioning world of Area 07. Area 07 was a popular retirement paradise for the island's elders, and had tamer entertainment areas. It definitely wasn't the sort of place for a young couple. Just exiting the train at the station told him this, and he knew Nami wouldn't be caught dead here if she could help it.

Most of the Area's stores and restaurants were closed down for the night, and there wasn't a soul moving around the streets. Visitors were mainly families and traveling doctors, and he felt self-conscious whenever someone peered at him curiously. The No Smoking signs around him were getting to him, but he managed to find a part of the rail station that allowed him to smoke outside the doorway. For the past five minutes he'd been chewing on the filter, staring at nothing while he held the bagged shoebox in his hands.

With no money to use the island's main rail line, Sanji was over two hours away from Roguetown and was wondering why he allowed himself to think Nami really liked him. He had to wonder why he made up explanations to excuse her behavior and he had to wonder why he threw away all common sense and thought when it came to a pretty cleavage—face. Was it because he was so desperate and eager to finally have that chance To Be A Man? To finally prove to the others that doubted him that he wasn't a hopeless dork and a creepy, molesting-by-eye perv?

He chewed on the filter of his long dead cigarette, then spat the soggy mess from his mouth. He slumped onto the bench, exhaling heavily and tasting the spice of his cigs. He pulled the bagged box of shoes onto his lap and wondered why Nami didn't show this time. Without change in expression, he looked at his palm, where the writing was as clear as he'd written it earlier that day. He'd been very careful with that single hand, careful not to smudge the ink, or dirty or clean it. Many people had looked at him strangely, but it had been worth it—at the time.

He'd waited hours for her. Spent all his rent, food and cigarette beli on her shoes only. Looking at his cuff watch, he sighed again. The last train would arrive in a few minutes, and he hadn't the beli to pay. He thought he could return the shoes, but there was also the lingering possibility Nami would finally appreciate This One Thing. Maybe she'd see him as he wanted her to—that underneath his (gallons of)cologne, jaunty (dorky) clothing and fashionably styled hair and stench of cigs that he was actually an okay guy.

Loyalty to friends? Unbreakable—no matter how idiotic they were, or how many times he had to break Zoro's face to prove a point. Trustworthy—he'd never stab anyone in the back, nor go out of his way to be shitty to anybody (that deserved it). He fed any and everybody, no matter what he was doing or what little food they had. He was kind—especially if they were female and would give his own shirt away if someone needed it (depending on the needy being female). He was always on time, always there for the younger males that needed his help on their homework or life situations, worked hard, had future goals...

So what made him so repellant? What was or wasn't he doing?

The sea was bringing in a storm to the island. He could see and smell it coming. He frowned and shifted to snatch his cigs and lighter, seeing he had only four left. He sighed heavily once more and let his head thump against the wall. He heard the last train come in, the standard five minute wait announced electronically. He glared at the shoes on his lap. He'd have to sell them off to get the beli to get home, but he'd lose his dignity while doing so. And any chance with Nami. It would be just his luck if Nami came up to him the next day, expecting them and finally ready to change her mind about him.

He rose slowly from the bench, searching for someplace to spend the night inside the station when he spotted Zoro glaring at him from the platform. Sanji was so surprised to see him that he gaped, unsure if he were seeing correctly. He rubbed at his eyes as Zoro stomped over, boots untied and heavy on the concrete floor. At least he'd changed out of Ussop's pink shirt, wearing a sweater type athletic brand over those damn camo shorts.

"The hell you way out here for?!" Zoro growled, gesturing at the area in general. "This is geezer land! Only _old _people live out here!"

"Shut up, asshole," Sanji said automatically, but he was surprisingly feeling better. He hadn't told anybody where he was going because he hadn't the time to do so. He didn't even trust Luffy with a message because he knew Luffy would have forgot. But to see a familiar face in his moment of peril made a heavy shot of relief warm his system. "How'd you know I was here? I didn't tell anybody where I was going."

"Uh...Luffy? Anyway, let's go. I'm not staying here." Zoro eyed the plastic bag in Sanji's hands, his lips twisting with a disgusted frown.

"...But...I didn't even tell Luffy what I was doing," Sanji said, not moving. It made him entirely curious how _Zoro _of all people had been able to find him. Something caught his eye, and he snatched his friend's arm, noting the directions written down the length of one forearm until Zoro yanked away from him with a scowl. Sanji knew that it wasn't Zoro's own handwriting there. It had been too...feminine.

"Does it _matter_?" Zoro then snapped, rolling his sleeve down.

"Well...I guess not." Sanji tapped his fingers over the box and studied his friend.

"I came all the way out here just to bring your stupid ass home, so—let's go."

"Well—!" Sanji's face screwed up, and he heard the two minute warning. "I'll pay you back! But...I don't...I said _nothing _about this to anybody."

"Who. _Cares_? Let's go. I can't believe you came all the way out here with your fucking rent to buy that bitch shoes. And to meet her out _here_? Fuck, you are stupid!" Zoro continued, giving him a disgusted look. "Nobody comes out here!"

"Shut the fuck up, asshole! I know it was stupid! But you don't get it! You'll never get it!"

"Damn straight I won't. You do this all the fucking time! Doing all this fucking shit for some bitch that only sees you as a joke! And you don't see that! You refuse to, because you think you're earning pussy points or something! Any sane woman is not going to let a joke like _you _touch them!"

"Shut the fuck up, Zoro. I don't need to hear this right now," Sanji muttered, hearing the one minute warning. Zoro glared at him, walking onto the train.

Sanji didn't move, scowling at the shoes and wondering if it were all worth it. There had been too many let-downs, to many times of waiting and excusing and making himself the butt of jokes. He'd heard it all from Zoro and the others, but tonight...tonight he was too disappointed, too discouraged, and too broke to continue thinking some emergency had held Nami back.

"HEY. _IDIOT_. Let's go!" Zoro snarled, the train preparing to take off.

Sanji didn't move. His feet felt like lead, and he felt no real motivation to return to Roguetown with another letdown on his soul and ridiculously expensive shoes meant for someone that would only take without true appreciation. He started to wonder if Nami truly did have something with Fullbody, and had to feel entirely insulted about it. Fullbody was a nothing, a poser; he didn't want to believe that Nami would associate herself with someone like him when someone like Sanji gifted her with everything that she could possibly need.

He looked up as Zoro growled, fighting with the closing doors before stumbling onto the platform. Together, they watched the train leave, various areas falling dark as the station closed down for the night. Zoro looked back at him in incredulous disbelief, veins popping as he flushed with anger. "That's the last train, shithead! _Now _what?! We're going to be stuck here all fucking night!"

"...You could've just left, y'know," Sanji said quietly.

"Then what would have been the point to coming out here?!" Zoro asked behind gritted teeth.

"A laugh?" Sanji shrugged, looking at the shoes he held.

"I've class tomorrow morning! What the fuck? I can't be missing my damn swords classes—it's a missed chance to show those fucks they'll never be better than me!"

Sanji rolled his eyes. Judging his friend, it was apparent that this loss was really troubling him. Snorting, he patted his pockets for his cigs, remembering then he had only four of them. Shoulders slumped, he walked back over to his bench. He could smell rain more strongly now, and heard thunder rumble in the distance.

"Fuck," he muttered as Zoro huffed, glaring at the tunnel, as if glaring at it would bring the train back. He sat heavily, dropping the box at his feet, Zoro looking over with another frown.

"_Now _you see? Now you see what I've been telling you?" Zoro asked, stomping over and sitting at the other end. Reaching into one of the various leg pockets, he took out a wad of beli and counted it. "Fuck. Fucking cost a fortune if we cabbed it back."

"Shut the fuck up. You only got yourself to blame for allowing this to happen to yourself. You could have just stayed on the train," Sanji muttered, furrowing his brow as he wondered where Zoro had gotten the beli.

"Shut the fuck up times infinity. I _should've_." Zoro glared at the darkness.

Sanji glared at the shoes. But he wasn't about to admit out loud he was glad Zoro was here with him. Having to concentrate on him rather than his own emotions made the situation easier to deal with.

The silence was heavy, thick. Noises rang off the high and empty walls of the tunnel. Rain fell outside, thunder booming. Sanji winced and Zoro crossed his arms stiffly.

"Wimp," he muttered.

"Color blind asshole," Sanji replied, sneering at his outfit.

"Smelly fuck."

"Idiot ape."

"Perverted fool. Oh, by the way, Luffy and Ussop were laying claim to your porn. You might not want it back," Zoro said with a grimace. "I refuse to believe neither have seen tits until then."

"That's okay. Was thinking of getting rid of it anyway," Sanji muttered, crossing ankle over knee.

Zoro smirked. "Giving up on women, finally?'

"No. Only you'd be so hopeful, homo."

"Heh. I see you haven't received the memo. According to Luffy, I'm a plant. Plants aren't sexual."

Sanji picked imaginary lint from his pants. "Heh. Idiot."

"...who?"

"Take your pick." He leaned his forehead into his palms, elbows on his leg. "Fuck. Why does this suck so much?"

Zoro looked at him, knowing that he wasn't talking about their being stranded. He shrugged, leaning back with his arms folded behind his head. Since he didn't know what to say, he said nothing and let the rain fill the silence.

-

The next day, after Sanji returned the shoes back to the store he'd bought them from and both made it home with minimal injuries due to clashing over their situation, Luffy was waiting for them. He'd skipped his high school classes just to make sure that the two men returned safely.

"_Woot_!" he cried, leaping over the gamer chair he'd been sitting in to curl around Sanji's leg. With heavy irritation, Sanji tried to kick him off, but the teen tightened his arms and legs and refused to let go until a proper hug was administered. Then, badly enough, Luffy's limbs stretched all around his body, making it impossible for Sanji to move anywhere. "You found him, Zoro!"

"How'd you know where I was?" Sanji asked immediately, not seeing Zoro behind him shaking his head fiercely, signaling to Luffy not to say anything. Luffy clamped his lips shut and gave Sanji a blank stare. But he let go of him to stand in place, dark eyes shooting everywhere as he tried to think of some appropriate lie.

Sanji frowned at him. "I didn't tell you where I was going yesterday. How'd you know where to send Zoro?"

Zoro moved to pantomime killing Luffy if he answered, so Luffy started to sweat, determined to keep his mouth shut. But this was making Sanji more suspicious, and as he looked at Zoro with an expression of doubt, Luffy used the opportunity to try and sneak off. Sanji caught him by the back of his neck and tore his hat away from him, holding it out of reach.

"_Well_?!"

"Augh! Nami! _Nami _told Zoro! Not me! Sorry, Zoro, but Sanji made it difficult for me," Luffy apologized, Sanji's face twisting with confusion. But he shoved the hat against Luffy's chest, Luffy capturing it with a panicked noise.

Zoro reached out and hit him, growling, "You weakling! I'll kick your ass—!"

Sanji faced him, shoving him away from Luffy. "_Nami _sent you? You talked to her?"

"Uh...well...sorta."

"What's that mean? _Sorta_?" Sanji froze, then felt his face start to color. With what, he wasn't sure. "Why is it such a secret?"

"It's just—! Hell, I dunno!"

"Nami likes Zoro," Luffy interrupted, looking at Sanji. Zoro's mouth fell open and his face turned bright red with indignation. "She told me yesterday. She talks to Zoro all the time. She called Zoro after school to ask where you were because you weren't home yet, and she was worried that you wouldn't have any beli to come home from wherever you were. So she came over here and wrote directions on him to show him where you were. She even threatened to kill him if he got lost."

Sanji stared at Zoro in silence. He felt betrayed. Zoro lifted an eyebrow, unsure of what Sanji was thinking at that moment, but feeling uncomfortable with the expression that Sanji was making.

Luffy felt better to finally have the weight off his chest and exhaled heavily. He reached over to lay a hand on Sanji's arm. "At least Nami wasn't a total creep, Sanji. She at least told Zoro where you were. She could have kept having fun with Fullbody, but she thought enough of you to have Zoro watch out for you. She even gave him beli because Zoro spent his on grog—"

Sanji jerked his arm away and stalked off without a word. Both Zoro and Luffy winced as the back room door slammed shut, house shaking. After a few moments, Luffy straightened. He reached up for his hat, making sure that it was all in one piece.

"Well, that went good! He didn't try to kill either of us like Ussop said!"

Sanji returned, making them both jump. But instead he asked, "_Ussop _knew too?! Does _everyone _know about this?!"

"Erm, well...kinda..."

"Shut up, Luffy—!" Zoro started to say when a snap of Sanji's leg sent him off his feet.

"Everyone knew Nami was after _Zoro_, and didn't tell _me_?! Wha—is this all a joke to you?!"

Luffy's face screwed up with guilt. "No. Just...Zoro said to keep quiet about it because he knew it would upset you. I'm sorry. If I knew that you'd think it was such a bad thing—"

"So—! Everyone _let _me make a fool out of myself all this time?!"

"Not really, jackass. Everyone kept telling you what Nami's really like, and you refused to listen," Zoro said, picking himself up. "Hell, I didn't know she felt that way about me—how was I supposed to know? I don't care about that sorta thing!"

Sanji's face was bright red, and veins popped in exposed areas, making Luffy draw back and Zoro to grip Wadou. "How long have you been talking...?"

Zoro frowned. "Uhm...the beginning of this new year, I guess."

Sanji pulled away, and stomped back to the room, slamming the door. Moments later it reopened, Sanji throwing out Zoro's clothing. Luffy jerked away as Zoro gasped, hurrying over. Over their shouts and screams and the beginnings of a scuffle, Luffy sighed heavily.

When Ussop returned home, he came upon Luffy and Zoro playing video games.

"Hey, guy—!" He paused when Luffy jumped upon him, finger over his own mouth.

"Keep it down. If Sanji hears you're here, he's gonna kill you!" Luffy hissed, grimacing.

"_Why_?! What'd_ I _do?!" Ussop shrieked. "Oh, god, the porn! I swear I didn't do it! The little people did! The little people—!"

Sanji burst out of the back room, and Ussop froze in place as Luffy dashed away. Upon seeing the other man's enraged expression, Ussop made to run until he pulled out a sealed envelope from his overalls and then crouched with an arm over his head. He waved the envelope wildly to catch Sanji's attention.

Sanji lowered his leg, snatching the envelope upon seeing his name. Before he could do anything, Ussop pulled another one out, saying, "This one's for you, Zoro. It smells really pretty."

Sanji gaped at the envelope before lifting his own and smelling nothing. Then he glared as Zoro glared at the envelope, still pressing random buttons on his controller, Luffy screaming in frustration as his character was pinned in place under Zoro's, life bar rapidly depleting.

"I don't want it," Zoro then muttered.

Sanji snatched the envelope from Ussop before the other could do anything, and opened it. Zoro threw his controller down and rose, reaching for it. "That's _mine_, asshole!"

"You said you didn't want it!"

"So?! Doesn't mean that it _isn't _mine! Don't read it!"

"Why?! If you don't care about it, why can't I read it?" Sanji was already reading the message, recognizing Nami's flowery handwriting.

The contents of the note was enough for Sanji to believe that Nami had true feelings for Zoro. The guilt she felt for him missing his classes, for being so 'annoying' to him the day before, and her expectations in seeing him tomorrow at lunch; all of it was more genuine than he'd ever heard from her. He dropped it, feeling utterly duped and stupid. Aware that all eyes were on him, he opened his own letter and found that Nami was more concerned with her dress and shoes rather than on him; she also cursed him for not having enough beli to get back home in time for her to 'enjoy' her purchases, and for getting their date meet ups mixed up again, for she'd waited 'hours' in Area 26 for him before sending Zoro to find his sorry ass.

Frankly, Sanji felt fed-up and discouraged. He didn't understand how and why Nami would even consider Zoro for proper dating material when Zoro made no effort to please Nami. Looking over at Zoro now, Sanji took in the scowl on his tanned, angled face, and then ran his eye over the clothes he hadn't even bothered changing out of, despite that he'd worn them for nearly two days in a row. In all the years of knowing Zoro, Sanji couldn't understand how women could want such a clueless ape when they could have someone like him. Someone who cared and gave a damn and was willing to do anything to make them happy. Someone who took care of himself and actually made an effort to be presentable. Someone who _didn't _wear the same articles of clothing day after day.

While being rejected hurt, being used and losing to someone like Zoro made the burn even fiercer. This wasn't the first time this situation had happened; where a girl he liked happened to like Zoro better. What made everything worse was that Zoro didn't even care for anything other than his classes, his swords and his grog. He tore his letter up, stuffing every bit back into the envelope and then crushing it within both hands.

"You win," he muttered. "I'll kick your ass if you don't make her happy."

"Wha—?! Like _I_ want her!" Zoro exclaimed. "Who said we were competing for some wench?!"

"Obviously YOU were—you didn't say anything about being friends with her, and you LET me make a fool out of myself! I bet the both of you laughed about me to each other behind my fucking back!"

"That's because I knew you'd take this shit wrong!" Zoro then snorted. "Whatever. Winning's winning, but..."

"Shaddup. Fuck. Next one who bothers me will regret it," Sanji then mumbled, turning and walking back to his room.

After the door slammed shut, Zoro scoffed. "Pussy. Crying over some stupid girl."

Ussop rose from his crouch. "When did you get back, Zoro? Your instructors were pissed that you didn't show. Some guys even started claiming you were wimping out—"

"I _knew _it!"

"But other than that...school was a little boring, today. Hey, Luffy...you guys eat yet? Wanna go out? Kaya's treating," Ussop added happily. Then he frowned, reaching up rub an eye. "Would Sanji want to go? He seems so moody right now..."

"How'd a long-nose like you score a rich chick like Kaya?" Zoro grumbled. "I'm starving. We'll bring stuff back for idiot, too."

"Did he get that stuff for Nami? She was asking about it, today. Though I don't know why, because Fullbody was showering her with ice," Ussop said, gesturing at his wrist. Luffy's expression was puzzled as he imagined the blond tossing ice cubes over Nami. "Really. I don't get it. Why are you and Sanji all over her? She's so manipulative and conniving..."

"I'm not after anybody!"

"Still...I dunno..." Ussop shrugged. "If Sanji would just act normally, like he does around us, he'd find a girl just like that. But he tries too hard. Scares them away."

"Sanji is a good guy," Luffy agreed with a serious nod.

"The fool's determined to be a virgin for the rest of his life," Zoro said with a smirk, adjusting his swords as he headed for the door.

-

That night, Sanji stared at his closet morosely, hearing the front door open and shut. Sanji wasn't in the mood to talk or interact with anybody; he wanted to sulk all by himself. Insecure, depressed and feeling incredibly undesirable made him exhausted. Every time he thought of Nami, and everything he'd done for her, he felt like an utter fool. He acknowledged that the other three had done their share of trying to warn him about her, so he wasn't about to pretend that they hadn't. He was angry at Zoro, but it was a pointless one. Zoro knew he'd react the way that he did, and Sanji believed him when Zoro said he had no interest in Nami. But he _wanted _to be angry at Zoro; it would be so easy.

He listened to whomever it was rustle in the kitchen and then use the bathroom. Pulling the pillow over his head, Sanji exhaled heavily and felt utterly miserable. He thought of what he was going to do/see/feel when he saw Nami. The door to the room opened and Sanji continued his thoughts on Nami rather than focusing on the entrance of his roommate. He wasn't in the mood for Zoro's comments, but he knew he'd respond to anything that Zoro had to say.

Instead he froze when a satisfied sigh and the weight of another man crashed around him in a forceful embrace.

"I found someone!"

"GET OFF!" Sanji shrieked, kicking and flopping wildly, unable to escape the too warm embrace. "Ace! Get off!"

"Aw. Loosen up, Sanji. Hugs between men is NOT a bad thing." Ace snuggled up to him. "Mmm...just as I remembered...skinny, stinky and so soft..."

"_GET OFF_!"

Ace laughed, flopping off the bed as Sanji twisted over to switch on a lamp. Luffy's older brother wasn't unfamiliar to them, but his visits were always sporadic and unexpected. He was shirtless as usual, wearing baggy jeans that hung obscenely low and held aloft by a studded belt. He removed his hat and sat it aside, crawling back into Sanji's bed. Sanji was used to Ace's lack of regard for personal space, for Luffy was the same way. It was useless to fight the D boys off, because fighting only encouraged their instincts to smother.

Sanji adjusted to give him some room, reaching back to adjust his pillow. "When did you come in?" he asked curiously, wondering what sort of adventures the older man had experienced recently. He looked over at the other, taking in the sight of his freckles, the heavy eyelids that made him look sleepy or stoned. While Luffy's face and features were rounder in a child-like manner, Ace's features were more angled and pointed. He resisted the urge to reach over and use his thumbs to pull up on those slowly closing eyelids.

"Last night. Dropped anchor on the other end of the island, where there aren't any tills to pay just to dock," Ace replied quietly. For a moment his head drooped, but he hurriedly lifted it with a snort. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "Where's the others?"

"Out. Eating. Something..."

"Why aren't you with them?" Ace asked, propping his head up, his shaggy dark hair spilling down the length of his forearm. It was uncomfortable having the man so close to him—peering at him so closely that Sanji felt as if every inch of his face was being mapped and examined. He kept his gaze straight ahead so that he didn't have to meet those dark eyes as they quested over his skin.

"Tired."

Ace plucked at the buttons of his pajama top. "You are the only man I know that wears pajamas with frying pans on them. Why do I find that sexy?"

Sanji swatted his hand away.

"Actually, I gotta talk to all of you," Ace then added with a frown.

"You in trouble?"

"...sorta..."

"What kinda trouble?"

"Well, let's just say...people aren't happy with me." Ace winced.

Sanji stared at him in silence. Ace's freckles were really distracting, and his lashes were long and thick. He smelled of the sea, body musk and smoke. It made such a warming combination that Sanji felt suddenly self-conscious of his own smells. He cleared his throat. "R-really? What'd you do?"

"I really...don't want to talk about it right now," Ace confessed. He began to play with the buttons again, nimbly unfastening each one with a flick of his thumb and index finger. "I didn't stick around to ask."

"What are you going to do?"

"Warn Luffy. Then...do...something. I dunno. But the thing is, you guys should know, just in case."

"They follow you here?'

"Probably." Ace shrugged a shoulder, and Sanji pushed him once he realized Ace had unbuttoned his top. While he buttoned it back up, Ace said, "They're no name nobodies, but my bro and friends should know. You guys can take care of yourselves. I'm _super _confident about that."

"Thank you. Will you stop undressing me?" Sanji then snapped as Ace pulled at his collar, revealing his shoulder.

"Last I heard, you needed love."

"Not from _you_."

Ace grinned, then settled comfortably against Sanji, tossing an arm around his waist and laying his head over his stomach. Sanji squirmed uncomfortably, but settled with the decision to allow Ace to stay where he was. From the way Ace was laying over him, he could see the arms of the _manji _tattoo, and the insignia of Whitebeard. Sanji had to wonder why the man could revere some other guy so much that he'd place something so permanent on his back for him.

"Wow...it's always weird being off the ship for a bit." Ace confessed with a gusty sigh. "Still feeling the sway. You should come with me, Sanji. I could use some company and food."

"I've got plans here, sir. None of which involve you or anybody else." Sanji yearned for a cigarette, drumming his yellow stained fingertips on his bottom lip.

"You're so prickly. But I respect that."

"I'm going to sleep."

Ace captured his hand, kissing Sanji's knuckles noisily. "Sweet dreams, funny face."

Sanji snorted, pulling his hand away, trying not to blush. He felt odd at receiving such attention when he was always the one bestowing it—to women. He turned off the lamp and told himself it was nothing.


	4. Trip My Wire

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece, but I do acknowledge using Eiichiro Oda's characters without his permission.

Warning: AU, OOC, profanity, slash, TWT (if it ever existed), modern-fantasy setting.

A/N: The descriptions here are based on pics I'd found on Dev-Art. It's located in my LJ (profile, homepage) under the entry titled "W00t!" (Yes, I'm insane), and if you can, leave comments for the artists! Because this is an AU fic, I wanted an AU style look. So...uh...yeah...this is one of those times where I wax on poetically on their appearances because that is...rather important to me. If I can't 'see' them, then I can't write them. Ah...the life of a picky author(ess)...

: **Trip My Wire **:

"I actually set fire to my buddy's weed garden. It's all gone—garden and house and all," Ace confessed, grimacing over his pile of pancakes the next morning. Luffy's mouth fell open, but he quickly recovered by shoving the chewed up pieces back in. Ussop tried not to look at the sight, fending off one sneaky hand that Luffy wasn't using to eat with and trying to eat as much as he could. The four of them were eating around the coffee table, their plates and cups placed around and on various text books and school materials that the four men shared.

Ace studied a test that Luffy had failed in math, then shrugged. Ussop was busying flipping through a science book and eating at the same time, while Zoro ate hastily, growling at Luffy as the teen tried sneaking pieces off of everyone's plates.

Looking up, Ace studied the faces that he only saw for maybe three times a year. His brother Luffy had grown out his hair, leaving the shaggy mess to hang around his jaw line and ears, but it looked to him as if he'd taken his own scissors to his hair. His eyes were wide, his mouth wide and thin, the scar from a childhood fight prominent, and the straw hat that had been given to him by Shanks still hanging around his neck by a tether rope. He and his brother barely looked alike. There were a few times where Ace had to wonder if they were more stepbrothers than blood, but there were D boy traits in Luffy that stood out so strongly that he just accepted things as they were. He was wearing his usual shorts and t-shirt combo, the t-shirt having a skull emblazoned on the front, but with a black set of gladiator sandals that were just too cool for Ace. He was wearing Ussop's arm warmers—he knew they were Ussop's because they had his name on the wrists. It also smelled as if Luffy had raided someone's cologne, because he was wearing a lot of it.

Ussop's curly hair was free, tucked behind his ears, but he was taller and skinnier than when Ace last saw him. His nose was just still as long as he remembered, though, full lips constantly moving because he seemed to be always talking about something. He was wearing a long sleeved shirt over baggy carpenter jeans that actually had a hammer hanging from the special loop on the side. A couple of plain hairties acted as bracelets around his left wrist, and his fingers were smudged with ink or bandages from some accident or mishap.

Zoro seemed bigger, but Ace thought it was because the man had doubled his workouts and weights. Ace had heard Zoro brag about the weights he'd used in the gym he'd visited earlier, compared to the bodybuilders that had tried to compete against him in some sort of pissing challenge. He still spouted the same haircut Ace had first seen him in—Zoro even called it the 'Strong Manly Spirit Cut', but the name sounded so silly that Ace thought Zoro was just messing around with him. His wardrobe choices were also ridiculous—today Zoro was wearing dark red long board shorts with black shoes with straps, a yellow t-shirt that clashed with his coloring and a multi-color print sleeveless shirt over that yellow one. It was enough to give Ace a headache.

Sanji seemed down. Not his usual energetic self; usually he'd be fighting with the kids or arguing with Zoro, but he kept to himself in the kitchen and kicked anybody out that tried to slip by him. Ace noticed that he was wearing a white collar shirt with a black vest and pin-striped trousers, wallet chain and studded belt still in place, but Sanji wasn't sporting his outfit with his usual finesse—the clothes were just there. As a matter of fact, it was a style Ace never thought Sanji would sport.

He wondered what he himself looked like to the others as he continued with his story. "It was an accident. But he was really pissed. Man, I fell asleep, but somehow...I don't know...set fire to the thing. The whole entire house. From the basement up. It's a good thing I'm impervious to it, otherwise peeps would be identifying me through dental records, or something."

"Yeah, _real _good thing," Zoro muttered, eating quickly and swatting at Luffy's outstretched toes.

"Uh...oh yeah. Anyway, so I thought I'd hide out for a few. But then again, I can't stay long. Kinda gotta meet up with the boss in a week. Out in the South Blue. Sucks." Ace stuffed half of his share into his mouth, chewed a few times and swallowed hard. "Ummm...hey, Sanji, this is great! Thanks so much for cooking us breakfast!"

"You're welcome," Sanji said cheerily from the stove, where he was making more pancakes and keeping an eye on the clock.

Zoro lifted an eyebrow, then glared over at him, finally noticing that Sanji hadn't said anything to anybody save for Ace. There was tension hovering over the other man, but because Zoro was so involved with the satisfaction of his morning training and for Luffy's antics, Zoro hadn't even bothered with seeing what Sanji's mood was after last night's fiasco.

But it _did _bother him that Ace kept making sappy comments and kept _touching _Sanji. He kept waiting for Sanji to kick Ace the same way he did to the other three. Every time Ace got away with a sly touch of his back or personal space invasion, Zoro grew a little steamed each time. It was almost unfair that Ace got away with so much.

"Yeah, Sanji, these are—!" Ussop started to praise, delighted at the fruit mixture that had been poured atop of his share. A snarl had him silencing, him and Luffy cringing while Zoro frowned. Ace finished off his plate and managed to snag a couple of his brother's before Luffy noticed and punched him with a curse. He laughed, giving them back and then ruffling Luffy's hair fondly.

"It's so cool to sit here and eat with you guys," he declared. He held Luffy back as he stabbed the last of his pancakes with his fork and stuffed it into his mouth. "Good food, company and there's this total sense of homey-ness all around me. I feel like a hippie, high on good family love."

"You _look _like a hippie," Zoro muttered, moving to stab Luffy's outstretched toes with his fork before the teen pulled them back with an outraged gasp. Finishing off his pancakes, Zoro chased down the food with a huge swallow of purple Kool-aid that he'd poured for himself earlier. Ussop and Luffy snickered, and he narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "_What_."

"You're drinking my blueberry and fish oil surprise. I made it the other day for some kids back at school; they're having troubles with some bullies, and they wanted—"

"Tastes okay." Zoro smacked his lips, then frowned. He wasn't aware of the faint purple stain on his upper lip and teeth, something that made Ace snicker.

"—so I made it to stain and to—you really lack taste buds, don't you?" Ussop finished, giving him a look of disgust.

"That wasn't MY fish oil, was it?" Sanji growled from the stove, looking through the cupboards and realizing that the bottle was nearly empty. "Ussop!"

"Eek! No, it was for a good cause! A really good cause! They came to me because they knew I can handle bullies with my awesome powers of bully-beating-bothering devices, and I totally wanted to aid in their cause because we've all been there, done that, right? They're just little kids. I couldn't deny their pleas!" Ussop said, struggling to fend Luffy away from his plate. "It was only a prototype, anyway. Apparently, the stain doesn't last very long."

"No, Zoro's not purple," Luffy agree, looking across the table at the green haired man. "Well...too much."

"Damn. Well...maybe something else besides blueberries...I need _total _stainage."

Ace left the table, picking up his plate and utensils. He stood at Sanji's side as the blond gave him seconds, earning outraged cries from the coffee table. Grinning, Ace leaned over and nuzzled the cook's neck, making him lurch away with a surprised gurgle. "I'm so lucky you're alive. I praise your mommy and daddy for making you. There isn't a day that goes by when I don't think of you and your skilled hands and your wonderful food. I wish you to remain single until I finally settle down and I could provide you with a house and everything you've ever dreamed of about a kitchen."

"Aw, cut the crap. There are children present," Sanji replied, grinning at him but feeling like an utter fool upon Ace's praise.

"ACE! HANDS OFF! HE BELONGS TO ME!" Luffy bellowed from the table, looking ready to charge.

Ace laughed, but his legs buckled, Sanji automatically reaching out to catch him before Ace managed to straighten. Sometimes, with certain emotions, Ace's narcoleptic body tended to react in such a way that he lost control of muscle function. Laughter tended to be one of his major triggers. "Let me help you with the dishes. I want a chance to cop feels on you."

"Uh, no. The others have duties around here they NEED TO DO after they're done eating." Sanji scowled at the two teens that cringed, sulkily removing their plates from the table and making their way to the sink.

Ace sat down at the table and began to cut through his pancakes before Sanji moved over and poured a mixed fruit and syrup concoction onto the cut pieces. Ace happily began to eat, Sanji snapping at Ussop and Luffy when the sound of a breaking plate cut through the din.

"You are so lucky, Zoro," Ace said, after swallowing a huge mouthful. "Food like this everyday? I envy you."

"Negh," Zoro grumbled, scowling at his plate and then looking over to see if there was a chance for seconds. Sanji was already putting things away, apparently giving Ace the last of the pancakes and syrup. Zoro scowled at Ace. He wondered why the man went without a shirt. It was..._ghastly_. Why should other men be subjected to some stoned-looking guy that walked around with his shorts half falling off, displaying mistakes in tattoos and an annoyingly muscled physique that looked completely unnatural?

Then he decided he couldn't really be mad at him because it was at that instant Ace's facial muscles sagged, his neck lost its rigidity, and he then hit pancakes with a half snore.

"Narcoleptic fool," he muttered, rising from the table. "Hey, blondie. You still pissed over last night?"

"I'm not talking to you," Sanji replied, turning away from him.

"Why not?! Don't be such an idiot! It's not my fault that your stupid woman—!"

"I'm mad at _you _for keeping certain information from me, and making me feel like a fucking fool!"

"You _are _a fool! Every _day _you're a fool! Fine, whatever. You want to be all mad about something like that, then go ahead," Zoro muttered, thrusting his plate into the soapy mess that Ussop was currently commandeering. "It's just so stupid for you to be mad about that sorta thing."

"Go to Hell. Smug bastard."

Ace lifted his head, pancakes and fruit syrup falling from his face. Luffy hurried over, taking advantage of his confusion by picking off the rest of his pancakes and stuffing them in his mouth before Ace could swat him away. Wiping his face with a damp cloth napkin (that Sanji had provided especially for him in case of an episode), Ace turned in his seat. "What happened?"

"Nothing," Sanji muttered, untying his apron. "I made you lunch and snacks you can take if you leave today. Asshole kids, yours is right in the fridge."

With that, he then left the kitchen.

With a scowl, Zoro snatched his swords and a text off the coffee table and headed for the door. He slammed it behind him, Ace looking puzzled as he looked at the other two for an explanation.

Luffy winced. "Woman troubles."

"Ah. We've all been there," Ace said, nodding. He rose from his seat, cleaning off his area. Touching the stickiness around his hairline and wincing at the feel of fruit and syrup up his nose, he headed off toward the bathroom. Sanji was in there, frowning at his hair with a can of gel in his hand, wondering if it was worth the effort when he felt so down. "Thank you for breakfast. Seriously. I enjoy eating whatever it is you make when I come here."

"Good."

"Look, I know you're a good guy," Ace started, reaching over to curl a finger through one of Sanji's belt loops, pulling him close. At the feel of his hips bumping against Ace, Sanji felt his face heat. He hoped he wasn't blushing or something equally as silly—he didn't dare turn his head, because as it was, Ace's hair was already tickling at his shoulder. "Those girls you chase after are stupid—you deserve better. In fact, why not completely ditch the broads and go after guys?"

"WHAT?! _NO!"_

"Guys are easier to woo," Ace added with a grin, leaning over to nuzzle his neck, making Sanji squirm out of his grasp and touch. "We're easily lured over by food. We'll be completely faithful and utterly devoted if a guy like you came along to woo us."

"I'm not attracted to guys."

"Liar. You could be. If you tried." Ace lifted up the hand with the gel spray, gently pulling the can from him and kissing each fingertip. Despite himself, Sanji didn't pull his hand away—just having the attention given to him in such a way made his stomach dance and his blood to heat. Ace's warm fingers over his, separating them with gentle movements so that his lips could touch each fingertip was utterly mesmerizing. When a final kiss was pressed against his palm, Sanji finally found the strength to pull away, his face heating with color and his movements flustered.

"Uh, yeah, thanks, but no. Nice seeing you, _gottagobye_!" He rushed out of the bathroom without bothering with grooming, just eager to get away from the other man and the feelings that he made Sanji feel.

Ace shrugged and then looked at his reflection, moaning over the stickiness of his hair. Luffy bounded into the bathroom shortly after the front door opened and slammed shut. He was wearing Zoro's goggles—the green haired man hadn't even noticed that they were missing, much to Luffy's luck.

"I mean it, Ace. Sanji stays here," Luffy said, reaching out to throw punches against his brother's sides and back.

"All right, all right! I'm just playing!" Ace caught one of his fists, and used his leg to kick at the other boy. Luffy dodged it easily, stretching his arm out so that he could stand in the hallway. Ace dropped his arm. "That's just _ick_. Hey, why aren't you in school yet?"

"It's only seven-thirty," Luffy pointed out. He shifted the goggles atop of his head. "We can get there in five minutes."

"You doing good, Luffy? I mean, with school and all? I feel bad for leaving you all alone," Ace said with a frown, hands on his exposed hips. "You _are _getting the money I send you, right?"

"Yah. Ussop puts it in the bank as soon as I do. Nah, it's all good. I like this freedom. I can't wait to graduate and hit the seas like you did!" Luffy then said with an excited expression. "Anything exciting happen to you?"

"Just the usual. It's really nothing that important, and I'll make you fall asleep with whatever it is I say," Ace said, grinning.

"Aw. Are you leaving already?"

"Yeah. I just dropped in because I was in the area. Just watch out if they come here. They're real particular about having their money-making plants totally decimated by a clumsy guy like me. Not that I'm worried about the lot of you," Ace added, turning the sink on and washing his face. "I'm pretty sure you guys can handle whatever it is that happens to come on by."

"It feels like I hardly ever see you," Luffy then complained. "You're always in and out. You don't stick around too much."

"That's just the life I lead, kiddo. You'll understand when you're out there. But I promise the next visit, I'll stay longer."

"Promise?"

"Yup. Hey, I'm going to take a shower. I got this stuff all over my hair...man."

"Okay, then. Well, I'll see you again when you come around! Quit sending blank notes, too! You always promise to write me to tell me what you're doing, and it's always a blank note."

Ace frowned at him. "Did you save any of them?"

"NO! Why would I?"

"Luffy, I always wrote. But there's a trick to it—next time you get a letter from me, warm it up a bit. Then you'll see that there's actual writing there."

Luffy's eyes widened, then he grew confused. Ace reached over and ruffled his hair, grinning. "Now get out. I'm going naked in a few seconds."

"I'll try it! See you later!"

-

Sanji had himself secluded from the others during lunch, going over various recipes for his Sauce and Gravy extra credit class. He had a cigarette dangling from his lips, the smoke giving him some sense of comfort as the familiar buzz had him slightly light-headed. He knew he was hiding out from Nami, but it was a ridiculous action to do so for _he _was the one always searching her out. He still hadn't been able to sort out his feelings, entirely confused by his own concerning Ace. It was ludicrous how the man had had an effect on him.

Thinking about it now made him shudder, dropping his cards on the table and curling his hands into fists. He turned his head to the side and let ashes drop to the grass below, using his tongue to tap the filter end against his teeth to do so. His skin tingled where it remembered Ace's kisses, making his blood warm once more. Confusion racked him as he wondered why he had such a reaction; all of it caused by a man. Shouldn't he feel this way with a woman?

He hadn't any clue; he hadn't had a woman's touch that had provoked such a reaction. When Nami touched him, he wanted more but that was it. It was more of a _want _and not a _reaction_; he certainly didn't feel his blood warm upon her touch, and he certainly didn't get butterflies in his stomach. He didn't feel as if his senses were piqued. Yet, it took only Ace's attention to make him feel all of this and more.

It was absurd. The man was always this way whenever he visited—always touching Sanji, always giving him those sappy comments about cooking and running away with him, but Sanji always took it as Ace sprouting nonsense out of being grateful. After all, Sanji did the very same thing with a woman when he was describing her beauty and some ample part of her anatomy.

He frowned at his fingertips, holding that hand within the other. It just felt so...nice and warm and utterly pleasing to be touched and fussed about in that manner. He felt starved for it. Now that he had a taste, really realizing just how pleasing it could be, he was just entirely confused.

Could he truly feel this way because of a man? Maybe it was just a one-time thing. Maybe if a woman came along to devote such attention to him in a truthful manner, maybe he'd feel the same way he did right now.

Firm about this, he lifted his head, removing the cigarette from his mouth and exhaling slowly. He tapped that against the side of the table and stared up at the blue skies, feeling the cool wind breeze through, alerting him of a possible storm. He placed the cigarette back between his lips and gathered up all his cards. He wouldn't ignore Nami, nor would he snub her—it was just...what was he going to do when he saw her?

"Why are you hiding way out here?"

Sanji flicked a glance up at Zoro as he dropped his swords onto the table. He scowled. Though it was a little funny, seeing the faint purple stain of Zoro's teeth and upper lip wasn't going to help his mood any. "I'm not _hiding_. The tables were full."

"Don't give me that crap. You're _hiding_." Zoro sat, frowning once he realized that there wasn't any sign of food anywhere. Usually Sanji made exquisite lunch boxes that he never finished, but Zoro felt that Sanji was just being a prick and taking it out on everybody by not doing such small things.

"I hide from _nobody_!"

"Did you talk to Nami, yet?"

Sanji grit his teeth, cards being crushed within one hand before he laid them out. "No. I haven't seen her, yet," he said slowly. "Haven't you?"

"No. Thank God," Zoro muttered, narrowing his eyes. He knew Sanji was sulking about everything. Having him avoid everybody and snarling at anything anybody said was a real pisser. But Zoro knew exactly what to do direct his mind onto other things. Pressing at Sanji's buttons always helped his mood pass faster. "There's only so much I can take of her clingliness and stupid chatter. Plus, she's always pressing her stupid boobs all over me, and that gets smothering."

Sanji's visible eye twitched.

"Hey, what's with Ace hanging all over you? It was sickening," Zoro complained. "I know you're totally losing out with women and all, but to start up with guys...? Luffy's older brother to be exact? Man, it's just wrong."

Sanji exploded, leaping from his seat and kicking the entire table up and over, sending Zoro flying. Zoro caught himself in a roll, withdrawing Wadou and Yubashiri, a wide grin lighting his features.

"Take that back, you alcoholic bastard!"

Kitetsu was drawn, and Zoro clamped his teeth over Wadou's white-wrapped hilt. The silvery blade seemed to glimmer happily out in the afternoon sun. Only Kitetsu seemed to flicker in Zoro's grasp, and for a second he hesitated in using it. But he kept his eyes on the reddening face of his friend. "Are you still that determined to hide out in the closet? Aw...poor widdle scared Sanji-wanji...can't even admit that he's a freakin' flamboyant chain-smoking idiot gay."

"You're going to die today, asshole!"

-

Nami waited in class, tapping her heel impatiently on the floor, chin propped in hand. The professor was droning on about something she couldn't quite catch, but the clock on the wall told her it was nearly five minutes until the end of class. She had to wonder if Sanij was avoiding her—maybe he'd failed in buying her the shoes and dress she'd spent the day before daydreaming about. She felt utterly annoyed; both at Sanji and with herself.

She knew that what she was doing was wrong; she knew playing with Sanji's mind and wallet wasn't the right thing to do, but she kept hoping that he'd just _learn_. Learn to make boundaries with himself and with others. Learn that giving and giving wasn't the right way to a woman's heart. But the man was absolutely pathetic. She'd seen the way he eyed the other women on campus, going on and on about someone's beauty (and size) and showering them with something he made in class. She'd seen the way he subtly drop his head to view up the skirt of a woman sitting down, and she'd seen the way his visible eye dropped into the low-vee of women's shirts. But then again, she'd seen instances where he'd help carry a woman's overloaded bag to her class or help one of the older teachers set up their classrooms, so it wasn't as if he were a total loser.

Nami felt bad. Something that she rarely felt when she was exposing a man to her every whim, but she couldn't exactly pinpoint the reasoning for it. Maybe it was because Sanji was Zoro's best friend. Maybe it was because she suspected that Sanji had real feelings for her. Maybe it was draining the man of his bank account. Or wearing something he'd bought once before reselling it and claiming that she'd wear it next time just for him.

She sighed and wondered why men couldn't be like Zoro. Zoro never gave her the attention that others did, save to curse her out for something she did or comment on her thieving. He treated her like he did with one of his own friends; Nami really enjoyed it. With him she didn't have to feel like a femme fatale. His act was both amusing and exasperating for her, because every time he rejected her, she had the sense to try even harder to get him to notice her.

She had to wonder if this was the same thing Sanji was feeling, and felt bad for it once again.

She looked at the clock, then at the open doorway. Sanji never missed a class. With her painted lips pursed into a stubborn frown, she gathered her purse and books to her and stomped out of class to go find him. No man, no matter what she did to them, had the right to hide from her.

-

"...and then, right after that, right after I'd defeated the Lecher in the grass for Kaya, and let me tell ya! It was a thing that you'd never have been able to EVER imagine if you hadn't already seen it yet, but right after I defeated it, you should have SEEN the way it tried to get back up to fight me again! Lurching, groaning, hands curled into claws—! The Lecher was back! It was back and it wanted more of my boot up its nose! But instead, I was ready! I was reloading my Ultimate Sniping Machine By Hand and prepared to take it out with Extreme Prejudice when—! Oh my god, you guys are dripping all over the carpet," Ussop interrupted himself to say when Sanji and Zoro finally stumbled in. Both of them were covered in dirt, bleeding from noses and mouths, and looking absolutely pissed as they avoided looking or bumping into each other.

Luffy leapt up from his chair while their visiting high school friend, Chopper, gaped and gasped over the bloodied and grass stained men that gave them bleary looks. The little reindeer was used to the older males' fights, but it was still startling to see when they were in such conditions.

"Were you guys fighting again?" Luffy complained, reaching out to swat at the flayed ends of Sanji's collared shirt and vest, the blond giving him a glare. Luffy glared at Zoro, whose face was covered with shoe tread imprints, his hair bloodied and muddied. He then shifted expression, hand on his own mouth when he pointed at Zoro's. "Hey, Ussop—he's still purple!"

"Wagh! It worked! But only a little!"

Luffy then dropped the hand and stopped grinning, saying sternly, "I hope you both got it out of your system, because if you start up in here, in OUR home, I'll kick you both out!"

"It's not a big deal, Luffy. I had to make it clear to fuck-face here that I didn't appreciate his snarky little comments," Sanji muttered, rubbing dirt from his eyes.

"Ch. This pussy here needed to be learned a lesson," Zoro said, glaring over at Sanji.

"Will you learn to speak properly?" Sanji snarled at him, reaching over and yanking hard on his earrings.

"HANDS OFF!" Kitetsu flashed in one hand, Zoro's face expressing surprise for a mere instant before Sanji kicked the blade to one side, earning him enough space to land a flat footed kick into Zoro's stomach. Kitetsu sliced through the air on the moment of impact, Sanji jerking backward with a start, feeling the silvery-blue blade slice completely through his belt and waistband of his jeans. He caught both with a annoyed snarl. It was utterly annoying how Zoro seemed to be trying to slice his clothes away from his body, and he moved to teach the creep a lesson when Luffy interfered.

Luffy caught one flying foot and a thrown fist, and shoved both men away from each other. Chopper clapped his little reindeer paws together while Ussop fretted over the tension that was mounting within the small house. "I said, knock it off! PEACE, damn you! You're getting mud and blood all over the carpet! And who has to clean this up?! _Ussop_!"

"U-uh, don't bring my name into this, Luffy," Ussop squeaked as Zoro frowned at his boots, tapping the heel onto the carpet and dropping clumps of mud there.

"Whoops."

"You guys weren't fighting over Nami, were you?" Luffy then asked, glaring at them both.

"NO!" they both shouted. But their red faces said otherwise.

"It's over and done with, Luffy. I'm not bothered anymore by that," Sanji said, brushing dirt from his hair.

"Oh really? So when Zoro brings her around for dinner, you're not going to have a fit?"

"I'll _break his face _if he does that!"

"I'M NOT BRINGING ANYBODY AROUND!" Zoro shouted, causing Chopper to duck behind Ussop.

"Don't lie to me, Zoro! It's bad enough both of you lie to yourself, but to lie to me...to ME! I don't appreciate being LIED to!" Luffy shouted back. "I'll kick both of your asses!"

"Chill out, Luffy. What are you so worked up for, anyway?" Sanji asked, walking past him, struggling to keep his pants and underwear up. His entire outfit was wasted, as Zoro's blades had completely sliced his sleeves away, and his pants were now exposing a great deal of his legs. Earlier, he kept blaming Kitetsu for slicing at his clothes, but Sanji didn't believe that swords had 'individual' personalities that made Zoro do things out of his character.

"Ace left right after you guys did," Luffy said with a sigh. "I'm kinda bummed."

Zoro smirked at Sanji as he crossed his arms over his chest. "You're not the only one feeling bummed about Ace leaving."

"Zoro, I didn't know you liked Ace," Ussop said cautiously, Chopper peering around his leg. "You're always making fun of him."

"NOT ME!"

"Anyway, are you two done fighting? I'm hungry and wanna eat," Luffy asked on a sigh. He looked down at the clumps of mud, grass and strips of clothing on the floor. "I hope you two don't make US clean up after you, because I won't be too happy about it."

"Zoro will clean up—he started this shit," Sanji muttered, heading down the hall.

"I'll do it. _Shit_." He waited until Sanji shut the door of the bathroom and finally relaxed. "Hey, Chopper. Haven't seen you around for awhile."

"Hi, Zoro! Are you hurt badly?"

"Nah. Flesh wounds. They don't hurt. _Real _men don't feel pain."

Luffy snorted, then laughed. "Shaddup, Zoro. I heard you whining over a cavity, once."

"...real men don't _get _cavities. Must've...must've been my twin. My...uh...wimpy one. Whatever. I'm taking a shower outside with the hose. That fool pisses me off just looking at him," he muttered, walking through the younger male's bedroom to access the outside through the balcony.

Chopper's eyes glittered. "Real men _don't _get cavities?!"

Ussop jumped up and raced after Zoro. "You can't! The neighbors complained when you did that! They have a preteen daughter over there—!ARGH _NAKED_! I saw Zoro naked!"

There was a knock at the door, and before Luffy could turn around to answer it, Nami walked in, grinning. "Somebody's naked?"

"Eek! _Girl_! There's a girl in our house!" Luffy shrieked, racing around in circles, Chopper joining in thoughtlessly. "Hide the porn! Hide the food! Somebody clean up the damn bathroom! Flush the toilet! Let down the seat!"

Nami rolled her eyes as she shut the door behind her. Luffy had done the same thing the other night when she'd come over to give Zoro directions. She had a fur coat draped over her shoulders and a slinky mini-dress hugging every curve. Her heels made her five inches taller than her normal height of five-six, making her tower over Luffy's five foot seven.

"Where's Sanji?" she asked, hands on her hips. "I need to talk to him."

"He's taking a shower, Nami. But—!" Luffy blinked as Nami strode toward the bathroom, 'ew-ing' at the mud in the carpet, at the state of the house around her. Luffy raced after her, stretching his hands out to grasp her shoulder. Chopper raced past them, calling for Ussop and Zoro. "You can't go in there! Sanji's _modest_!"

"Like I haven't seen a guy's body before, Luffy. It's no big deal. Besides, how else am I going to trap him into talking to me? He's been avoiding me all day," Nami said, brushing off his hand and continuing her way down the hall. Luffy stretched himself before her, stretching over the doorway with a determined expression. "Get out of the way, Luffy!"

"NO! I can't let you go in there! It's—it's _rude_! Besides, he could be taking a dump. You can't interrupt a man while he's dumping. It's unfair and it's really cruel. And, also, it's the _only _time a man can truly sit down and concentrate on reading!"

Nami rolled her eyes, reaching past him to rap on the door. At Sanji's cranky bellow about taking a shower, she gave Luffy a pointed gesture.

His face scrunched with determination. "NO. I can't let you in there."

Nami raised an eyebrow, but she looked away when Zoro, Ussop and Chopper emerged from the other bedroom. She grinned as Zoro gave her a horrified look, using his dirtied clothes to cover up and walked back into the other bedroom. She giggled when the door slammed shut, nearly catching Chopper's antlers. The little reindeer shrieked while Ussop gaped at her.

"I should come here more often. There seems to be an abundance of naked men about!"

"It's not something we're proud of," Ussop mumbled, index fingers tapping against each other. "Trust me. You've seen one naked ass, and—it's horrors and nightmares for life. This one time, Zoro had just—!"

"Don't talk about me!" Zoro shouted from behind the closed door. "What are you doing here, woman?! GET OUT!"

"I'm not here for you, dear," Nami said, smiling wide. "I'm actually here for Sanji."

"LUFFY! I NEED CLOTHES!"

Luffy removed his finger from his nose and gave the closed door a skeptical look. "Okay! But don't wear my underwear! I haven't been able to do laundry yet! I've been turning them inside out lately!"

Nami shuddered.

Ussop reddened and looked embarrassed while Chopped blinked wondrously, wondering what it all meant.

Nami turned to the door, rapping once move just above Luffy's head. He tried to bite her, making her shriek in surprise, slugging him hard over the head. Luffy hit the floor with a gurgle, Chopper screaming once more as Ussop gaped.

"SANJI! GET YOUR NAKED ASS OUT HERE AND TALK TO ME!" Nami then demanded against the door. She heard a huge thump against the wall, the sounds of various things dropping.

Zoro emerged from the bedroom, wearing a combination of Luffy's and Ussop's clothing. "This is disgusting," he said, glaring at the woman when she looked at him. "What do you want, _now_? Couldn't you wait until school or something? Honestly. Can't a man just sit down and relax without having some witch invading his personal space?"

"Zoro, dear, your dick's hanging out," Nami said sweetly, making him fluster, covering himself before realizing she was lying. She kicked at the door. "SANJI! GET OUT HERE _RIGHT NOW_!"

Luffy picked himself up from the floor, rubbing at his head. "Listen, Nami, I'm sure that whatever you have to say is important and all, but...it's rather late—"

"It's only 1700!"

"_Still_!" Whining, Luffy stomped the floor. "Sanji cooks at this time! I'm hungry! I'm waiting for him to cook, and now that you're here, he's not going to cook in time, and when he does he isn't going to feed us enough and I'm really _really _hungry and—!"

"Dinner? Well, I'll stay." Nami clutched her coat and walked through the hall, making the males clear out of her way. "Where do I sit? Please tell me it's safe to sit on the floor..."

"Throw her out!" Zoro demanded, looking at Luffy. "Get her out of here! I don't want her here!"

"But she's a guest." Luffy shrugged. "If I tried, Sanji might get mad at me. I don't want to forsake my dinner because of your sensibilities, Zoro."

"'_Sensibilities' _my ass! She's only here to cause trouble!"

"Oh, by the way, Zoro," Nami interrupted, looking over at him with a small smirk. "I'd really like to have something to eat here, tonight. I think _you _want me to, too. Because there was this little thing I _accidently _got a hold of whilst you were speaking with Johnny and Yosaku earlier today."

She fished out a tape recorder, Zoro looking at her cluelessly until she turned it on. Hearing Johnny's excited crow about a circle jerk made him redden, and he dashed over to snatch at the recorder, Nami swirling about to keep it out of reach.

She laughed as she turned it off, reaching up to jab a finger against his chest. "You naughty boy. You might want to be careful about that sort of thing, Zoro. The wrong people might find out you're harboring a secret manly love side to you that you aren't aware of having."

"THERE IS NO SECRET MANLY LOVE SIDE!"

"Whoops," Nami tittered, 'accidently' turning on the tape recorder, everyone hearing Zoro's muttered positive reply.

"YOU DOCTORED THAT! I DIDN'T SAY THAT!"

"Then why don't you want me playing it?" Nami smiled brightly at him before claiming the couch, setting her coat aside.

"What's a circle jerk?" Chopper asked Ussop, blinking up at him curiously while Luffy finished picking his nose, wiping his hands on the carpet.

"It's...uh...when guys, uh...reach over and jerk on each other's, like, ears or nose or...something. It's too manly a game for me to explain to children," Ussop muttered, shrugging. He really had no idea what it meant, but he wasn't about to give such a boring answer like, "I don't know."

"Ooh...sounds violent. I wouldn't want to do that!"

"Well, it's all in the strength of a jerk! You can use either hard or soft jerks—either or, it's something children definitely shouldn't be doing."


	5. Why Do You Love Me?

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece, but I do acknowledge using Eiichiro Oda's characters without his permission.

Warning: AU, OOC, profanity, slash, TWT (if it ever existed), modern-fantasy setting.

: **Why Do You Love Me?** :

Sanji was flustered as he kept close eye on the various foods before him. Behind him in the living room, Nami's laugh cut through all the shouts and screams and video games noises that the younger males were playing. It was much too soon for him to be facing Nami, but he figured it was inevitable. He couldn't avoid her forever. But at the same time, to have her here in his home, to know what she felt for Zoro and for Zoro not saying anything about what he had with her made him a confused and anxious mess. He wasn't thinking too clearly, wrestling with remembering his recipes and the steps it took to make a certain dish.

He felt self-conscious over himself—being unable to fix his hair or make sure he hadn't any blooming pimples or making sure his chin hairs weren't out of place wrecked havoc on his outward senses. Here Nami was dressed like she was hitting the clubs and he was slinking around in faded jeans and a tee that looked like Zoro's. His feet were bare, for Christ's sake—she could see that he hadn't been able to trim his toenails in a week.

She laughed again, Chopper joining her, Luffy shouting aloud in dismay. There was the sounds of a beating, Ussop screaming above Luffy's shouts. A huge thud rattled the walls of the house. He winced, wishing those guys could control themselves into behaving like controlled gentlemen, but that was useless. He glanced over his shoulder to seeing Ussop pinned to the wall by one of Luffy's outstretched limbs, the curly-haired teen kicking and struggling while he pressed buttons rapidly with only his thumb. The television was blaring with the sounds of a fighting tournament game, something that Luffy was obviously losing in.

As he hastily mashed his garlic, he was utterly startled and horrified to hear a ripping fart that made all the teens giggle and Nami shriek in outrage. He whirled around to seeing everybody covering their noses, pointing at each other with shouted blames. While he was mortified with their behavior, he saw that Nami was laughing and pointing and having fun; despite the fact that it currently stunk of some rotten corpse mixed with rotten meat. His own eyes watering, but desperate to impress Nami despite it all, he continued cooking.

Zoro had left when he realized that Nami was going to stay, and for a moment Sanji felt angry at him. But he had to get over it—at least Nami had _stayed_. At least she was HERE and not off chasing him. He still had a chance to redeem himself—he could still make an impression on her.

So he refocused on his cooking, determined to make the best meal he'd ever made in such stressful conditions. When Luffy lost his battle, he wandered over to the kitchen, whining over being hungry. Sanji kicked him in his usual manner, sending the boy flying back into the living room and concentrating hard on searing the meat of his filet mignon just right.

Luffy was back at his side, watching the process, salivating as he caught sight of what Sanji was doing. "Mmm...but there's only one! There's only—!"

Sanji whirled and kicked him harder, earning more distance and strength as Luffy hit the wall on the opposite side of the house. "Stay out! Dammit, it's almost done!"

"Aw, but Sanji—!" Luffy whined before grabbing the controller and demanding a rematch. He was unfazed by Sanji's actions, his whining and being kicked a nightly routine.

Before he knew it, Sanji smelled Nami's perfume as the orange-haired woman touched his forearm, leaning in to see what he was doing. "_Umm_...smells good!" she said cheerfully. He jerked at her touch, tongs clacking loudly against the frying pan and oil splashing upward as meat tumbled within the confines of the pan. "Whoops! Say, listen...I know you're avoiding me, Sanji. You didn't even come to Econs, today. I didn't think you were the type to avoid confrontation."

"W-what? NO! _No_, not at all, Nami! No, ah, Zoro—Zoro and I had some words this afternoon, and—! I couldn't let him say what he did—it was nothing about me—I wouldn't dare _avoid _you, Nami! Never! Just—we had to come home."

"I hope you two weren't fighting over little ole me," Nami said, touching her hand to her chest and watching Sanji automatically follow the action before forcefully jerking his head back to concentrate on what he was doing. She smirked, drumming her fingertips over one plump curve of her breast and noting that he was struggling not to look. She shifted onto the side where his hair didn't cover his eye and kept her hand where it was. "I'd feel really weird if I knew guys were fighting over me. Honestly. I'm not worth it."

"You are worth _everything_—! I mean, no, we weren't fighting—he was out of line. Uh...it didn't have anything to do with anything that had to do with anything—er, that didn't have to anything to do with any—gah," Sanji muttered, growing red in the face as he struggled _not _to see what Nami's hand was doing. He could see from his peripheral vision that her fingers were moving over her breast, and though he _really _wanted to see it, he couldn't bring himself to ignore what he was doing to his cooking.

He removed the frying pan from the heat, setting it aside before quickly checking on the boiling pot of linguine nearby, and then transferring the meat he'd finished searing into an oven dish. He dropped diced vegetables in, utterly aware of Nami and her presence next to him; her perfume tickled his nose and his elbow bumped into her chest when he reached for the tinfoil.

Nami grinned, aware of what she was doing to him and waiting for him to finish up with his preparations before leaning on the counter with both hands, posing so that her stomach was sucked in and her breasts pushed high, her mini-dress amplifying every curve with the forced movement the material was made to stretch in. Sure enough, the pot of boiling water clanked loudly against the stove as he removed it from the heat with a jerking heave and hot water splashed everywhere, including her dress. Water that hit the hot frying pan sent oil and steam upward, splashing on various surfaces—hitting Nami's exposed arm as she stood nearby.

"OUCH!" she shrieked, pulling away from the counter and pulling at her dress.

Sanji gave her a horrified look as he tossed the pot into the sink, upsetting more dishes and snatching up a towel nearby to press against her skin, invariably patting at the exposed water droplets on her chest and stomach. She shoved him away as he realized this was a blunder, tossing the towel at her in a panic and covering her face as she lurched away from him. She tripped over her own stumbling feet, hit against the counter with her arms flailing for balance when her hands sent his bowl of vegetable skins and peels up into the air. Sanji reached out to catch her and accidently grabbed her breasts, which made them both shout in surprise—forcing him back away from her and Nami flinging herself to the floor in panic. The bowl of scraps slammed into the side of her head with a loud clunk that seemed to reverberate through the entire house.

Sanji looked as if he were going to die, standing at the stove with an utterly devastated/horrified expression, almost blue in the face. The teens were gathered around the kitchen, gaping at the entire thing while Nami slowly crawled to her feet, face flushed with a fiery reddish-purple. Scraps fell around her as she steadied herself, her dress a mess of scraps and her arm red where oil had splashed.

Luffy snickered. "Are you okay, Nami? That looked AWESOME! You can take action like a pro!"

Her eyes burned with fury, veins popping as her mouth opened with a demonic scream. The three teens dashed for cover, screaming about monsters while Sanji retained his horrified expression, nearly frothing at the mouth as he replayed the scene over and over again.

Nami snatched the rolling pin he'd used to mash garlic into a paste, fingers curling around the wood as she snarled.

-

Zoro returned later that night, sniffing at the air with a morose expression. He had gone down to the tavern in Area 29, to get proper alcohol rather than the tamer stuff in the fridge. He had a bottle of grog in one hand, the triple X's apparent as he held it by the long neck. Ussop was doing his homework on the coffee table, looking up with a cheerful greeting once he realized it was Zoro. Looking around, Zoro searched for any clues that Nami was still there.

"She's gone," Ussop assured him, leaning back from the table. He snickered. "It was quite a sight to behold, Zoro. You would have liked it!"

"What?"

"I think Sanji's conscious, now. He might be able to tell you what happened. Though, from my line of vision, I could tell you everything that happened!"

Zoro narrowed his eyes, then noticed that the kitchen was in complete disarray. There were vegetable scraps on the floor. There was a broken rolling pin on the counter—pots, a frying pan and linguine was splattered everywhere. An oven dish of burnt vegetables sat within the open oven, grease splattered all over the door. Used plates lay unwashed in the sink, where a full pot of cloudy water sat, long salad forks sitting within the murky mess—as if people were eating the linguine straight from the pot.

"What happened here? Don't tell me the shitty bastard actually got lucky?" Zoro asked, very surprised as his eyebrows shot up to his hairline.

Ussop winced. "Uh...no. Not—not at all."

Zoro frowned, then walked toward the back room, seeing Luffy bending over Sanji with a bag full of ice and a marker. Once Luffy saw Zoro, he leapt up with a guilty expression, shoving the bag of ice behind his back before realizing this and hurriedly shoving the marker behind him. Zoro looked over the blond, seeing a huge bruise and imprint of what looked to be his rolling pin across his forehead. Luffy had written 'ouch!' and a sad face along the imprint. He looked over at Luffy, who had linguine on his shirt.

"What happened?"

"Aw, there was a little accident in the kitchen. Man, it was so funny! You should have been there, Zoro!" Luffy laughed in utter delight, punching the unconscious Sanji's shoulder a few times. "It was an accident, but—it was Nami's fault. She was all touching herself and Sanji was trying not to look and he was cooking and she got in the way and then _BAM_! She was on the floor practically DYING before she recovered full life potential and beaned Sanji with the cookie flattener. _Oh my god it was so awesome _Zoro you_should_havebeenthere!"

Zoro lifted an eyebrow, Luffy applying ice once more to Sanji's head. "So...he made himself to be a total idiot..."

"Oh yeah. I've seen him do dumb things, but this one tops it!" Luffy said, delighted as he set the marker aside. He lifted the ice again. "Chopper told me he'd need this, and some aspirin for a headache, but...I think he's going to hurt more _here _than here."

Zoro tried not to laugh when Luffy touched his heart first, then his head. Then he couldn't hold it in anymore and laughed, making Luffy frown. "I'm serious, Zoro!"

"Bwa ha ha ha ha! Whew...that was...er, that was very deep, Luffy. I'm surprised at you." Zorothen peered over at the blond. "Get up, crybaby! Be a man! A _real _man doesn't let something stupid like _unconsciousness _hold him down!"

His teeth clacked together with a loud snap as Sanji's foot snapped up, catching him on the underside of his jaw. With a clenched scream, he held his face as Sanji sat up, looking around blearily before holding his head with both hands. "Urgh...my head...what the hell...?"

"Sanji! You're alive! _Yay_! Thank you for dinner—! It was most scrumptious! Though the spaghetti was a little wet and overdone," Luffy added."But I guess it was cuz we didn't take it out of the water, yet. But everything else was awesome! It's too bad Nami left before she could eat, cuz she really missed out..."

"Nami—!" Sanji opened his eyes with a startled expression, then focused in on Zoro at the foot of his bed. "When did you get here?"

"Just NOW! You kicked me!"

"...You must have said something dumb. I reacted by reflex," Sanji muttered, before giving another start. "Where's Nami?! Is she okay?"

"She's gone. Sorry, Sanji, she was really pissed. But it was her fault anyway. She shouldn't have been in the kitchen, huh, Sanji? Huh? That's why you're always kicking me out so I won't get in your way, huh?"

Sanji waved him off, clutching his head as he slowly rose from the bed. Luffy darted out of his way, shouting at Ussop. Zoro lowered his hands from his face. "Well, it sounds like you've completely lost her favor. _Dude_."

"Could you not speak? The sound of your voice is just...deep inside my brain. Like an icepick," Sanji then said, sitting back down and wincing.

"WIMP. You can't even handle being hit by some girl!"

Sanji was up from his bed in an instant, shoving past Zoro to walk into the bathroom. Zoro heard him rummaging through the cabinet for their painkillers, cursing at Luffy. Zoro followed, standing in the doorway and watching him retrieve a couple of bottles while glaring at his reflection. While Sanji moved to wash off the marker's imprint, Zoro held out the bottle of grog he'd been nursing since he left.

Sanji looked at him, but took it and used it to wash down a couple of pills. Recoiling at the burn that seemed to steal his breath and had his stomach curling, he handed the bottle back.

Zoro waited for him to settle against the counter, then shrugged as he finished off the grog. He belched. "Listen, for what it matters, it's better off this way. Serves the witch right for being so damn evil."

Sanji hung his head, leaning on the counter. "You don't get it. You don't. _At all_."

"Well, shit! What _am_ I supposed to get?!" Zoro exclaimed. He scowled at the emptiness of his grog bottle. "By the way, your kitchen's a mess."

He walked off, grumbling.

Sanji glowered at his reflection, the remnants of the marker still apparent on his forehead, which still bore imprints of the rolling pin's manufacturer. Just recalling the entire incident had him wincing, slapping his forehead and regretting the action immediately.

-

Nami ignored Fullbody as he droned on about some upcoming match; she had been fuming all day, but only because she recognized that last night's disaster was her own fault. She felt she could blame Sanji and his clumsiness for the entire thing, but she couldn't. She really really wanted to. Her head was sore where the bowl had bounced off her head, and her arm was just a little red, but that was something she could ignore. Her damaged pride and embarrassment was something else entirely. She kept replying the incident in her mind and kept feeling tremendously horrified about it. She felt she looked like a sight; the cheers and shouts of those teens didn't help much, either. They probably blabbed to Zoro just how much of a fool she looked, and just thinking of that made her skin flush with mortification. It damaged her pride just thinking of what he thought about it.

So she wanted to blame Sanji for it. For being a fool, for being unable to look away from her when he had something else to concentrate on.

But she _couldn't_. Because she'd brought it all upon herself.

Drumming her fingers atop of her desk, she took notes and kept half an ear on Fullbody's words. Sometimes he actually said something useful, and she definitely would take note if he had some unexpected gift for her. It was sad, really—Fullbody was able to spend without a second thought and she could take without second thought or guilt; but when it came to Sanji, she couldn't help but feel guilt.

Feeling bad always made her feel angry, and she wanted to take it out on somebody. Fullbody was her choice because he was easily manipulative despite his pride. If she played the role of a damaged woman that needed a little bling to cheer her up, he'd rush to make her happy in no time. That way she could take her mind off of Sanji and last night and make herself feel better.

Until she saw Sanji again, of course. If she saw Sanji anytime soon, she wasn't sure what she was going to do. Or Zoro. If he so much as smirked at her, she was going to kill him dead before he had a chance to complete that smug expression.

After class, she kept pace beside Fullbody, who was still droning on and on about something or another. She'd stopped paying attention a while ago. Her eyes darted around them, searching through the throng of Roguetown University's students, everybody in a hurry to go somewhere. The campus during the day was always littered with moving bodies, all of them walking or running or taking advantage of the various benches and massive lawns to sit and talk to each other. It was always easy to identify a student of their aspiring profession—the buccaneers were always dressed in tough guy clothes and outrageous costumes,; the cooks ran around with their uniforms and aprons, some wearing singed features from some mishap; the bounty hunters were almost big, tough men and women dressed in armor-like clothing; the various other important professions that required a ship's crew were always identified by whatever it was they were required to carry.

She herself was pursuing a navigating career; but because of a few mishaps the year before, she found herself living on the edge of failure and that wasn't boding well with her. Still, she managed to get along.

She saw Zoro fighting some guys dressed entirely in black. The Ninja Faction, as the aspiring freshmen buccaneers called themselves (Nami made it a point to know everybody and everything they did, lest they come in handy one day), were getting their freshmen asses splattered. There were instructors for the Bounty Hunting classes commenting on Zoro's end and pointing out mistakes that were easily ignored; the Buccaneer instructors were shouting instructions at the Ninja Faction and yelling at the other instructors for encouraging on-campus fights.

It was quite a shame, really, that Zoro's focus was mainly on such things than anything else. She paused in place to watch him fight, three blades flashing and Ninjas screaming and falling and whatever else Ninjas did whenever they failed or lost a battle. Johnny and Yosaku were cheering Zoro from the tress, commenting idly while they posed.

Marines were swarming over in that direction to break up the fight, their impatient shouts and curses ringing through the air as instructors for the bounty hunters started to clash with the instructors for the buccaneers. It was normal for such things to occur on university grounds; it was what happened most whenever aspiring buccaneers and aspiring bounty hunters did when they clashed.

She could see Luffy racing up to the fight, Ussop trailing behind them, shouting woefully. Already knowing this was going to be another on-campus riot between classes, she continued walking. Keeping an eye out for a skinny cook with blond hair.

-

Sanji walked away from Roasting 309, a completed platter of roast beef and duck held within both hands. The day felt entirely blah and uneventful despite the buccaneer/bounty hunter riot that had been held earlier. There were people running around with disaster-style expressions and ruined clothing, but he was glad to have missed it (because he knew Zoro had been the start of it somehow and he didn't feel like joining in because he knew Nami would be there to watch Zoro). He hoped to run into Nami before Econs, where he could apologize properly and beg for forgiveness outside of class and not have the professor screaming at him to knock it off.

But he hadn't seen her all day. In all actuality, he felt the urge to avoid her; because last night had been so disastrous and he knew he'd made himself into an utter fool. He knew Nami was pissed at him and while he definitely wanted to fix things, to soothe it over, he knew she wasn't going to forgive him. Losing favor with a woman he'd had a crush—obsession—over was always so devastating. Watching them fawn all over Zoro afterwards was always painful.

He sighed, shoulders drooping. Walking up a small hill, Sanji thought over his apologies and wondered what he could do to accompany his prostrating when he felt twin forces clamping over his wrists. He looked down, spit out his cigarette with a strangled sound and tried to jerk the platter out of Luffy's mouth—but the rubber boy sucked in at the same time, allowing Sanji to pull platter only, while the meat filled the teen's mouth.

Sanji kicked him with a curse. It looked as if Luffy had joined in the riot earlier, his shorts and shirt muddy, with blood splatters on his exposed feet. "Shitty piece of shit kid! What'd I tell you about almost eating _me _and eating it all?!"

Luffy tried for a reply, but he chewed awkwardly, cheeks bulging horrendously. His eyes drooped with pleasure, spittle and meat juices dribbling over his chin. Sanji made a face and kicked him again so that others wouldn't be subjected to seeing such a mess. Lowering his platter to the side, he walked past Luffy and sat down next to Ussop, heaving a huge sigh.

Ussop adjusted his own pair of goggles, lashes fluttering against the lenses. There was grass in his hair, and what looked to be flour stains on his bared arms. His slingshot was tucked in one of his many pockets on his cargo shorts, pouch of ammo strapped to one thigh. "That bruise is pretty bad, Sanji," he said, examining it through the use of his goggles. "I can still see the name of it imprinted above your eyebrow."

Sanji scowled, yanking his hair completely over his forehead and effectively covering both eyes. "Shaddup. I've heard enough from the jokers in class. You wouldn't happen to have seen Nami around, have you?"

Ussop sighed, removing his goggles, setting them atop of his bandanna. "No, Sanji, I haven't. Sorry. After last night, I doubt she'll make herself easily accessible..."

He looked up once Sanji didn't answer, and frowned when he recognized the dreamy expression on Sanji's face. "Easily _accessible_..."

"NOT LIKE THAT! I meant, she's probably hiding out. Last night was probably mortifying for her."

Sanji hid his face behind his hands. "Don't remind me..."

"Besides, c'mon...why are you still trying to win her favor?" Ussop looked over at Luffy, hearing him choke. Waiting for the moment to pass, he resumed speaking when Luffy continued to chew. His cheeks were still bulging. "Women are mysterious, completely different creatures! Their brains are so complicated that even men of science can't even begin to decipher what it is that makes them do what they do! So, uh...who knows what she's thinking now, but one has to definitely know that her mind's all made up! I mean...why even bother? It'll drive a sane man crazy if he tries."

"I'm not trying to think of that—I just want to apologize and get back—and apologize for everything," Sanji said, not wanting to discuss everything with the younger teen, for he felt Ussop knew nothing of his problems. Despite the fact that Ussop had successfully managed a relationship with an older girl. His mind flat-out denied that someone like Ussop had been more successful than he when it came to women.

"Maybe, instead of chasing her like you're doing now, maybe you should just...back off. Or—!" Ussop said hurriedly, cringing at Sanji's dirty look, "treat her the same way you treat us! Last night while she was hanging with us, she was pretty happy. She didn't even mind when Luffy ripped a fugly one—!"

"That was YOU!" Luffy accused, walking over, still chewing. "YOU were the one farting!"

"No way! Not me! It was _you_! You were the one going on about SBDs and seeing who would notice first! I don't ever do that—in public! Girls would kill me!"

"It was_ Chopper_! Chopper ate something funky, then tried to sit between us. It was a conspiracy! He was trying to set one of us up! That dirty little reindeer."

"IT WAS YOU! LUFFY! YOU!"

"Ha! Ha! Like you, I don't fart in front of girls. They tend to weird out about that sort of thing. Plus, Nami's the type to beat me and hide my body somewhere where even _I_ won't be able to find myself. I say it was Chopper."

"All right, it was Chopper," Ussop conceded, Sanji rolling his eyes.

"That was good, Sanji! Thanks!" Luffy then said, finally swallowing the rest. He burped. "Mmm. What's for dinner tonight?"

"Your face," Sanji muttered, lighting up a cigarette and thinking about Ussop's words.

"Um...that wouldn't taste very good. Trust me. Whenever I lick my face after a meal to clean up a bit, I always taste funky." He demonstrated, tongue sweeping out of his mouth and licking his cheeks and nose. Both males reacted with disgust. "Like salt, boogers, dirt and there's this _weird _aftertaste—!"

"Luffy! You're making me sick!"

"Ussop, you and your delicate _sensibilities_," Luffy chuckled, stressing the word carefully, to make sure he said it right. When he did, he beamed.

Sanji rose and began walking off to his next class, puffing smoke with irritation. "Why I bother with you two is a mystery. You try and eat me again, Luffy, and you'll regret it."

"Thanks, Sanji! Thanks for the meat! Man...you should have had some, Ussop. It was great."

"You ATE it all before I could even SEE it!"

-

After school, Sanji waited around the main university gates for a glimpse of Nami. The woman hadn't showed up for Econs, and he had a suspicion that he was the one being avoided. Feeling rather terrible about it, he kept telling himself that it would be entirely okay to apologize for everything because the situation demanded it—it was okay to stalk her until she heard his end. It would soothe his agony of the situation a lot if he was given the chance to apologize for everything, rather than avoid and drop it.

He smelled Zoro first, turning to see the grinning green-haired man coming up to him. He wore that expression of a satisfying work-out and undeniable smugness. Distracted from his search for Nami, he turned and faced Zoro with a frown, never seeing Nami use that situation to dart out from behind a group of freshmen to head out the gates.

Zoro noticed, but lost interest to look back at Sanji with a smirk. "Where were you this morning, Rolling Pin?"

He blocked the heel that swung at his head with Wadou, Johnny and Yosaku automatically ducking, cigarette flying out of Yosaku's mouth. They'd heard the story of last night's disaster from Luffy during the riot earlier, and both had chosen to be respectful of Sanji's apparent 'shame' in the incident. That and because they feared his kicks.

"Brother Sanji, it would have been a magnificent sight to see for these freshmen bastards to learn of your Red Leg-style before they grow overconfident with thinking they have any sort of respect within our university hierarchy structure," Johnny said, straightening but keeping a hefty distance between them.

Cigarette appearing out of no where and relit, Yosaku nodded gravely. "Best to nip these pups' egos in the bud before they fully bloom. Brother Zoro was sure to punctuate his point with his brave and relentless lesson plan in pain. Fool pups."

Zoro gave a half grin. "Lesson plan in pain, Rolling Pin. I'm thinking _you're _in need of a session."

Sanji exhaled smoke into his face, smirking when he gagged and coughed. When Zoro ducked, he swept up with his left leg and sent his heel into the man's back. Zoro started to hit the pavement when another sweep of his leg sent him rolling in the other direction. Catching himself before he fell, Zoro had all three swords out, growling behind Wadou's hilt.

"Don't call me that again," Sanji warned, flicking ashes away. His head suddenly whipped around, ignoring Zoro's reply as he waved and shouted at a group of female classmates. They tittered and called back, Sanji almost following before Johnny added, "It's not often the freshmen challenge the upperclassmen, brother Sanji. These tiny pups should be taught a _sound _lesson in what they're getting into when they challenge _us _bounty hunters! After all, it is _us _that'll be on their asses after our degrees are handed out."

"I'm not picking on little kids. I have three of them to chose from at home."

"There is another child living with you?" Yosaku added, flicking ashes to the side as he contemplated this. "They'll have to be initiated into manhood."

"Initiation. Hmm. Alcohol? Or insane dangerous mission of doom?" Johnny asked, also in contemplation pose.

Sanji sighed, then looked over at Zoro as he relaxed. "You seen Nami around?"

Zoro gave an exasperated expression. "As I've said before—I don't pay attention to that witch!"

"She left minutes earlier, Brother Sanji," Johnny piped up, gesturing at the gates. "Looked like she was avoiding somebody."

"Probably the advances of some freshmen scum," Yosaku added with a grave nod.

"They need to be stopped. How dare they try and steal our women? Those overconfident bastards!"

Sanji gave a frown, then turned and walked off. Zoro rolled his eyes, said goodbye to the pair that were still thinking of initiation rituals into manhood, and hurried after him.

-

Zoro crossed his arms and leaned against the wall as Sanji knocked on the door. The small house, with tangerine trees all over the property was something out of a _Home and Garden _magazine. Potted plants and flowers made the grounds pretty—ivy crawled the walls, aided by chicken wire. Plants and wind chimes hung from various areas off the roof edge. The walkway was filled with flat stone, the edge lined with elegantly cut hedges. It made Zoro uncomfortable, not wanting to touch anything as he studied the area. But as he did so, he imagined fighting in such a property—imagined taking out some powerful opponent. Imagining how awesome he'd look with tangerines flying all around him, with flowers being ruined and petals scattering through the air like some old samurai movie classic.

He leaned to the side and blew a snot rocket, Sanji immediately reaching over and swatting him upside the head, momentarily leaving his position at the door to cover up the bloody substance with some dirt from a nearby potted plant.

"Idiot! Don't act like an uncultured swine! You don't do that around a woman's house! I should take you out back and stuff those fucking swords up your—!" Sanji snarled demonically, much to Zoro's disinterest. The door opened, and Nojiko peered out cautiously before giving an exasperated expression at the sight of Sanji. Sanji whipped around to face her, eyes momentarily going to her abundant chest before forcing them upward to meet her eyes.

"She's not home," she said patiently, crossing her thin arms over her chest. She looked over them both while Sanji gave a disappointed look. She studied Zoro for a moment. "You...have a little...right _there_..."

She gestured at Zoro, then underneath her own nose. Zoro wiped his face, examined the bloody mucus he came into contact with and wiped it on his pants with a shrug. Sanji could have killed him right then and there if he wasn't so shocked with the sight in the first place.

Nojiko looked at Sanji once again. She studied the bruise across his forehead, tilting her head slightly to read the imprint of the name above his curled eyebrow. "She's out in town, doing whatever it is that she does. You can wait outside, but I can't guarantee for how long. And don't try to call—our den-den mushi seems to be suffering with some...virus...or infectious alien disease that prevents it from picking up on calls."

"Nojiko, you are looking lovely today! Your very short shorts complement the length and creaminess of your really toned and utterly lovely thighs!" Sanji then face palmed when Nojiko threw him a dirty look, stepping back inside of the house and slamming the door shut.

Zoro snorted, folding his arms behind his head. Sanji turned to bang his head against the frame of the house, muttering to himself as he pulled out his cigarette and lighter, managing to light one between bangs.

"Yup. You have a lot of _win _in the woman department, Rolling Pin. Maybe you can teach the freshmen your _truly awesome _talent," Zoro drawled.

Sanji was sulking as he began walking up the path, smoking morosely. "You're buying me a drink, asshole. It's all your fault I'm this way."

"Why's it _my _fault?" Zoro protested, walking after him. He yawned and stretched. "I need a nap. I took two today during class, but being so impressed by your wooing tactics has taken a lot out of me."

"Shaddup, asshole! Why are you here anyway? I didn't ask you to tag along! Get your own life!"

"I'd rather be amused by watching you fucking _fail_. Gives me satisfaction and comfort to know that I can't suck as bad as you."

Sanji continued to sulk, dragging his feet as he walked.


	6. You Look So Fine

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece, but I do acknowledge using Eiichiro Oda's characters without his permission.

Warning: AU, OOC, profanity, slash, TWT (if it ever existed), modern-fantasy setting.

A/N: Thanks for all your reviews and comments and convos! It's so awesome hearing feedback! And I soooo apologize for the wait. I've been...um...rather intensely emo for the past...while. As a result, I couldn't write.

**Ano-Miss**: Thanks for your review:3 And I'll think about the more Ace and Sanji thing, b/c that turned out well, didn't it? Heh. I'm glad that you liked the convos and how I wrote their personalities; I'm hoping to keep them recognizable. XD Thanks so much for your comment! W00t!

**MasterChiefette**: Here ya go! More! Thanks for reviewing :3

: **You Look So Fine **:

"Miss Nami!"

Nami turned around with a grimace. Flashes of the other night hit her upon hearing Sanji's voice, but Nami was determined to keep herself from looking vulnerable or flustered. Sanji hurried over to her, carrying yet another plate of some recent concoction he'd made in class. His apron was splotched with various recent messes, but fashionably matching his orange shirt and pressed slacks. Nami had to admit that the man knew how to dress; she just wished his personality was something more agreeable for her nature.

The bruise was gone—Nami swore everyone around her wasn't human with their quick healing abilities—but every nuance of his face told her he felt nothing but that overwhelming and annoying adoration for her. Which comforted her in a sense, making her a little more confident than before.

Her shoulders lifted. Sanji looked absolutely delighted that he had her attention. His eagerness to reach her quickly had him mowing down a couple of freshmen buccaneers. "Miss Nami! Hello!"

She cleared her throat loudly once she saw his visible eye angle at her chest, of which she had showcased within a small, mid-riff baring shirt. She resisted the strong urge to cross her arms over herself, and instead settled for propping her hands on her hips. The familiar stench of his cigarette smoke wafted over her, and she grimaced slightly, thinking of Bellemere's own habit.

He looked her in the eyes with noticeable difficulty, but smiled wide as he held a plate up. Nami had to wonder how he managed to get his hair _just so_: the flap of hair that hung over the right side of his face never seemed to move or swish, but it always looked so magazine perfect that she envied him for it. "Your extravagant beauty has me, as always, boundless with joy! Thank you, Miss Nami, for allowing me back within your amazing presence! My failure the other night—!"

"Sanji! Enough!" Nami snapped, glancing around to see several students looking over at them, snickering over Sanji's fawning. She accepted the plate, Sanji lifting the plastic lid to reveal a batch of fried pineapple pies, sprinkled with cinnamon and powdered sugar. "Mmm...looks and smells delicious, Sanji. For me?"

"Of course! Only for you!" Sanji was more than appreciative when Nami graced him with a smile, fluttering her lashes. Clasping his hands together, bouncing with excitement and glee, he exclaimed, "Every dish I make is always with the ever-burning love and adoration I have for you, Nami! Every sprinkle that I add to make your precious tastebuds tingle and cry out for joy always has me eager to make you happy!"

Nami shook her head slightly, but moved to pluck a pie from the plate. As she did so, she saw a flash of green in the distance—lifting her head, Nami saw Zoro listening attentively to something Luffy was saying as they crossed the quad, heading in their direction. The younger looked serious for once, gesturing sharply with his words while Zoro looked thoughtful. It was rare to see the pair of them in this manner; Luffy was usually wearing some goofy expression, while Zoro looked bored all the time. Nami's movement faltered, feeling a pang of longing at that moment: she wanted to know what made them so serious, what words were being exchanged. She wanted to _be _there, to be involved.

Sanji saw her attention shift, so he glanced over to see Luffy and Zoro engaged in conversation. He felt immediately dismissed. Seeing Nami's expression completely change upon seeing those two made him feel awkward, but he . He grit his teeth, chomping hard on his cig filter and shifting subtly in front of her so that he re-captured her attention.

"Nami, I'll walk you to your next class. I hear the freshmen around here are completely fiendish when hitting on their older female classmates..."

Nami looked at him, feeling utterly annoyed at being cut off from spying upon Zoro in a rare moment. With a flash of anger, she shoved the plate back into Sanji's chest, Sanji catching it with a fumble, cig tumbling from his lips.

"Sanji, this has gone far enough. Your behavior is absolutely ridiculous! You're a complete _joke _to your peers, no woman in her right mind will ever find your attention flattering, and any _sane _woman who feels it necessary to use you as their personal bank will do so because you're so damn desperate!" she shouted, Sanji staring at her in silence. She jabbed a painted fingernail at his chest, students around them pausing to watch. "I _tried _to show you everything a woman could do to take advantage of you, _tried _to make it clear how idiotic you truly are, and you're so stupid that you allowed me to treat you like shit! No girl likes that! I'm sick of you acting like an idiot around me!"

At that moment, Sanji couldn't help it. The way Nami was carrying on, her small shirt barely contained her heaving breasts. For a moment, he was mesmerized by their frantic bouncing.

"_Stop looking at my chest_!" she then shrieked, reaching over to drive a fist down atop of his head. "Stop being a perverted creep!"

Utterly surprised, Sanji stared at her in silence. He then looked up, seeing everyone staring at them, hearing the faint nods of agreement, the murmurs of disgusted and mocking comments. Hearing Nami speak so angrily, presenting a different side of herself that he'd never seen before, Sanji was at a loss for words.

As he stood there in dumb silence, looking almost like a kicked puppy, her face reddened, clashing with her orange hair. She cast an embarrassed glance around herself. Everyone was staring so intently, straining their ears and looking at Sanji with some expressions of distaste that Nami felt terrible. But she didn't want to take back her spoken frustrations and anger. She _needed _Sanji to see how his actions affected her.

Everyone's eyes were on them, and Sanji was completely aware of their comments. He could care less about their attention, but he was affected by how Nami felt. He swallowed hard, holding his plate tightly. He said quietly, "I'm sorry, Nami."

With that, he turned and walked away, Nami staring after him with a troubled expression. Her stomach churned, her attention then going back to those around her. Quickly, her expression changed into that of satisfaction. A few of the girls gave her thumbs up and nods, while the guys gave mocking comments to Sanji's back. Their response made her feel good, but at the same time, to speak to Sanji in that manner and publicly humiliate him, made her feel worse. But she didn't want to look as if it affected her—she had to be strong.

She froze when she realized Zoro and Luffy were there, both of them having heard every word that had been said. Both of their faces revealed nothing. Nami wanted to take the entire thing back at that moment. With her show of strength, she knew she came off as a bitch. She gave them a nod and walked off with her head held high.

-

Zoro belched loudly, goggles in place as he set his grog down. He looked over at Sanji, who was smoking cigarette after cigarette, blowing rings into the air. Both of them were sitting in the backyard, Luffy and Ussop's shouts carrying out through the neighborhood. The tattered and worn beach chairs they were using were propped in comfortable positions. Sanji's hairy legs were propped up on an empty cooler, of which held a couple of empty bottles of beer and a full ashtray.

They had been sitting in the backyard almost all evening, with Ussop ordering in pizza because Sanji was in no mood to cook. The two teens were busy with another video game that they'd convinced the pizza boy to join.

"Nami shot you down _hard_," Zoro said, breaking the silence between them.

Sanji scowled at him, flicking ashes to the side. "I needed that reminder, thanks."

Zoro raised his bottle with a grim nod. "I'm there for you, man."

"Why didn't she tell me..." Sanji cut himself off, sighing as he threaded his fingers through his hair. He shifted his cigarette to the side of his mouth, the ember burning brightly, smoke wafting in the air.

"She did. Ditching you, taking up with Fullbody...you're so damn retarded, you ignored the obvious."

Sanji was silent for a few moments before he looked over at Zoro. "Did I _ask _you to come out here with me? Did I ask for your advice?"

Zoro shrugged, slugging down a few swallows before saying, "You said—"

"I know what I said! But I didn't say, 'Zoro, this and that!'"

"No, _you said_, 'Why didn't she tell me,' in the form of a question that prodded me to answer. How can I deny such a broken man?"

"...it was a _self _moment! In no way did I invite your stupid opinion!"

"Au contraire, mon ami, you did too. While angsting at that moment, hunched over and vulnerable, you cast out a lifeline to the only soul in your proximity to help you sort out the emotional turmoil—"

Sanji kicked out, Zoro blocking it with one arm while taking another swig with the other. "You're drunk! Idiotic fool!"

Zoro gave him a stunned look, blinking owlishly behind his goggles. "The accusations you say!" he spit angrily, touching his swords. Kitetsu was touched, the sword itself almost vibrating with the need to be drawn.

Sanji snatched the grog from him. "Give me that!"

"Aw man...don't put your cooties on it..._gross_," Zoro complained as Sanji tossed back several swallows of his own. Grimacing, he rode out the burn, Zoro shifting his goggles atop of his head. "Damn...I'm almost sober again..."

"I'm going to drink until I remember nothing," Sanji vowed, swishing the grog within the bottle.

"What the hell did I do to deserve that? I didn't ask for this. Give it back, fucker."

Sanji kept the bottle out of reach, Zoro rising to grab at it. With a childish scowl, Sanji spit into the bottle, making Zoro exclaim in disgust but abandoning the effort. With a heavy sigh, Zoro sat back down. "The world is cruel to me."

"To '_you_'?! Hah! You didn't just ruin your lady love's life with your perverted creepiness and utterly detestable adoration!" Sanji ended with a sigh of his own, staring at the bottle before taking a few more swigs. The immediate buzz had his head light, and his stomach churning with discomfort. But he welcomed the effect.

Zoro touched the hilt of Wadou. "You brought that onto yourself."

Sanji thought about it, squinting up at the sky. He thought of Nami's reddened face and words, the stares of those that had watched the entire confrontation. He nodded faintly before polishing off the bottle. Covering his mouth, he burped quietly.

"Yeah," he muttered, setting the empty bottle aside. "I did."

Zoro nodded with some satisfaction. He had been waiting for Sanji to have that moment, and now he felt he could properly extend some friendly comfort. He shifted, withdrawing two more bottles of grog from his shorts pockets. Sanji gave him a sharp look, but took the bottle offered to him. Zoro replaced the goggles over his eyes, upending his own bottle over his open mouth.

Sanji took a more refined drink.

"Well, the wench is worth nothing, and it's about time you saw that. Took you long enough, though," Zoro decided, wiping his mouth. He examined his bottle with approval.

"What I don't get is—! How they choose _you_!" Sanji exclaimed, looking over at him accusingly. Zoro looked at him with a frown. Reaching over, Sanji snapped the goggles, Zoro jerking his head back too late. "_You_! You—you belch in public, you care more for your swords than you would with—! And you're such an uncultured swine! You fucking don't even pay attention to yourself to look presentable!"

"I'm not going to impress anybody with my damn clothes."

"I'm only saying you don't put any effort in yourself, in people, and yet the women find you so—! And it drives me crazy!" Sanji protested, lighting another cig before taking another pull of his grog. After swallowing, he took another drag of his cig and exhaled heavily, gesturing with the bottle. He could feel himself growing affected by the strong alcohol.

Zoro shrugged. "I can't help being the ultimate man. It's something entirely natural for me."

"Oh...shut up." Sanji nursed the bottle with a morose expression, thinking of Nami's face at that moment. How wistful she looked, how much longing she felt when she saw Zoro in the distance. A woman had never looked at him in that way. It hurt his pride and confidence to think he'd never have that opportunity to be such a lucky recipient.

Silence hung heavily while Zoro's snores cut through Sanji's thoughts. Sanji looked over at him once more, then gave a disgusted frown. He spent the next hour nursing his grog, thinking over his situation and the many situations before. It was depressing how many times he'd failed with women. Setting the empty bottle aside, Sanji stabbed out his last cig and leaned back in his seat to stare up at the sky.

Ace was suddenly in his thoughts. His alcohol hazed mind drew up images of the narcoleptic man—of his hooded eyes, freckles and lazy grin. Hearing Ace tell him to become a 'man's man' made him uncomfortable. There was no way he could ever turn to another man for love. Women were too plentiful, too beautiful to give up on. Just because he hadn't succeeded in getting a girl didn't mean he was...

Sanji looked over at Zoro. How Nami could ever chose to see him as something attractive was beyond Sanji. He thought of Ace, wondering if the man had experience with men. Face flushing, Sanji played with the empty bottle, remembering Ace's touches. His cheeky compliments. How good it felt to be complimented and fawned over. Sanji shook his head to clear his alcohol hazed thoughts, and looked over at Zoro again. The hilts of his three swords were covered by one tanned hand, strong fingers curled slightly.

Sanji examined his own hands, noting how his fingers were more thinner, longer. His nails were neatly kept. The tips of his index and middle fingers were tinged yellow. Tapping them together, he exhaled heavily and slouched in his seat.

Zoro suddenly snorted and sat up straight, going immediately for a bottle of grog that sat beside him. He drank it down, winced, and then tossed the bottle aside. He looked over at Sanji with a frown, folding his arms behind his head.

"Moping about things isn't going to solve it," he muttered, getting comfortable.

"I'm not 'moping'," Sanji spat, quickly reaching down to steady himself. Speaking made him dizzy.

Zoro snorted, then resumed sleeping, snoring loudly once more. Sanji grabbed his own empty bottle of grog and tossed it at him, the bottle bouncing off the side of the man's head. Zoro didn't move nor wake up, earning a glare from the blond as he re-straightened.

The door opened behind them, Sanji struggling not to move too much to turn and see who it was. Luffy walked out, stumbling over the bottle Zoro had discarded earlier and catching himself before he could fall. Sanji resettled in his seat as the younger male walked over and took the beach chair next to him.

"What are you guys talking about?" Luffy then asked, Zoro snorting himself awake once more at the sound of his voice. "You've been out here for _hours_!"

"Sanji was crying over Nami again," Zoro supplied, sleepily rummaging around the darkness under his chair for something.

"Aw, Sanji, it's okay. Maybe she was on her period, or something."

Sanji reached out and swatted him. "What do you know about that?! Don't talk about that!"

"Geez, I'm just saying...anyway, do you feel better, Sanji? Because I'm hungry. And Toby was fired, so he won't go back to work to get us more pizza," Luffy complained, but he leaned back in his chair, setting his precious hat over his chest.

"...who's Toby?"

"The delivery guy! He's cool."

Sanji yearned for another cigarette, but he was too dizzy to rise from the chair. Frowning, he tapped his fingers against his lips, staring up at the sky thoughtfully. Luffy shifted to fart, making him wince while Zoro started to laugh, goggles slapped over his eyes once more. He mimicked the sounds of a fighter plane, arms held straight out and 'steering' maniacally. Luffy laughed at him, waving the smell over at the both of them.

"Ah...made some room. Sanji, I'm hungry. How about—?"

"_Jesus Christ_! What the—?! Oh, God, my _eyeballs _are going to be sick..."

"That's the smell of a day's hard work, Sanji. I bet you're one of those people that represses nature, and as a person that fully embraces nature and all the human body's inner workings, I can't say why you would do something like that," Luffy said, but his face wrinkled. "Oh. Oh, _wow_. That...that's _really _strong. Good thing I came outside, huh?"

"Luffy, I hereby command that you release your 'nature' somewhere down the street from now on!" Zoro commanded, holding his nose shut.

Sanji's insides heaved as Ussop came wandering outside. "Hi, guys. Toby went home. Why are you drinking so much—? Is this a prerequisite for college, or something? I swear, Zoro, your blood is pure alcohol—_oh_ _my god_ what is that smell?"

"I think that's yesterday's and today's lunch and breakfast. Or maybe those bran muffins I was forced to eat earlier, today," Luffy explained, sniffing cautiously. "No...no, there's definitely that bagel and pretzel and pickles and pocky and maybe a hint of bacon—"

"STOP!"

Luffy giggled, folding his arms behind his head. Zoro shoved his goggles out of his eyes once more, lifting an eyebrow as he looked from Luffy to Sanji, then back again. Clearing his throat, he said, "It's late, kids."

"It's _Friday_," Ussop pointed out with a droll tone. "We usually stay up for hours, Zoro—_oh_. Yup. It's time for bed! All right, bed time! Hey, Luffy, I'll bet you didn't know about the boogeyman that feeds on your wakefulness before bedtime. Have I ever told you about the man that used to live under my bed?"

"For real? A man? A _real _man?"

"His name was Bob. Bob was an ordinary man until he lost his job at the Triple X store downtown, and suddenly found himself facing down the Boogeyman That Feeds Off Wakefulness...drove him insane, he did, that BTFOW..."

"Wow! What kinda monster is the BFGHT?"

"No...BTFOW..."

Ussop continued telling his story as they walked inside, Luffy exclaiming excitedly as beds were examined and a mission drawn out. Zoro looked over at Sanji again, noting that the blond was trying to keep his head up straight. He snorted, leaning back in his seat to resume his earlier position.

"You're a lightweight. I don't know why a manly man like me keeps hanging out with a sissy like you," he commented.

Sanji lifted his head, blinking blearily. "Hey, Zoro...question. You think I'll ever...you know...get somebody?"

Zoro blinked, then lifted his head. Seeing that Sanji was serious in a drunken way, Zoro pursed his lips. He gave a tight shrug. "Dunno. You pretty much failed all your life...I honestly can't see you with anybody."

Sanji sighed. "Yeah...yeah, me too."

"Are you...giving up? _Buddy_?"

Sanji thought about it, his lips pursing for a moment. Then he nodded, heavy and reluctantly.

Zoro sneered. "Wimp."

"...So? Takes an even bigger man to admit defeat—to his best friend, and himself."

Zoro thought about it, then grumbled. Grinning drunkenly, Sanji settled in his chair. But then he returned his attention to the sky and thought of Ace once more.

-

Zoro wore a dazed expression as Sanji rambled on, hugging a bottle of grog to his chest. In all the years he'd spent getting drunk with the blonde, he'd known Sanji to be the type of drunk that spoke from the heart after enough given alcohol. In this state, Sanji was capable of speaking truths he'd never say sober. Zoro had heard plenty over those years—including the fact that Sanji shaved 'down there' to look bigger; that he'd 'entered the back door' as part of his masturbation routine; that he'd had a mad crush on medical professor Kureha's bellybutton—in other words, too much information. All of which Zoro was ashamed to have heard.

This was one of those moments—right now, Sanji was admitting that he was considering Ace's words. That, because of his failures with women, he was thinking of turning to men for a 'better chance'. Zoro was stunned with that—since when had Ace told Sanji such things? _Why_? Zoro knew that Ace was the type to mess with people's heads, and his actions and words were something of an annoyance to himself personally; but for Ace to suggest to Sanji to chase after men? Where had that come from? He was truly bewildered, and he sipped at his last bottle of grog with a thoughtful expression, half listening to Sanji's drunken ramblings.

"Only, cush, y'know, I happennnn ta be udderly detest-eble. W'—wit womens." Sanji lurched forward, Zoro pulling all hands and feet into himself to avoid any potential projectiles. Instead, Sanji dropped his nearly finished bottle of grog onto the grass and then flopped back so hard in his chair that hair and limbs shot upward for a moment.

With his lip curling slightly, Zoro asked, "So you're just going to give up on women? And go after men?"

Sanji was quiet for a few moments, then he wailed, "I'm sush a failer! They alwaysh like YOU!"

"Yeah, but—! C'mon, _stupid_. How can you look at a guy the same way you look at a girl? You're so dumb."

"Well..." Sanji entwined his fingers, head swaying slightly. "I mean...it—it should be easier."

Zoro shook his head. He finished off his grog and tossed the bottle towards the others he'd finished. He glanced at his wristwatch, seeing that it was nearly two a.m. The entire neighborhood had gone to sleep hours ago, and they had work in the morning.

"The shit I hear from you," he then said with a heavy sigh, shaking his head.

He then winced at the harsh snore that came from Sanji.

-

The next morning, Zoro had just put the finishing touches on his outfit when Sanji stumbled down the hall from the bathroom, obviously feeling the effects of his hangover. He sneered over at him, remembering the blond's drunken rambling.

"Hey there, playa. You going to make it today?"

"Shut it, shithead. You did this to me."

"Quit blaming your failures on me!"

Sanji lifted his hands to cover his eyes. "Oh, God, my eyes—!"

Zoro looked down at the camo shirt over bright red board shorts, neon blue ankle socks peeking over dark brown skater shoes. He shrugged and brushed off some dried unidentified substances on his chest.

Sanji turned away from him, dramatically recoiling away from Zoro's sight and stumbling down the hall, holding his head. "HEY! SHIT KIDS! Get the hell up and clean this crap up! How many times do I have to tell you to keep this shit house clean?! What if we have visitors?!"

Zoro zoned out while Sanji continued to yell, ranting and raving over the mess in the living room. Scratching his left arm, he listened to the sleepy responses of Ussop and Luffy. Then, as Sanji stormed into the teens' room, kicking and cursing, Zoro scoffed at himself. He didn't know why it bugged him so that Sanji would turn to men as the result of his failure with women, so he decided that his worry was only the result of drinking bad alcohol.

There was no way Sanji would succeed with men—he had absolutely no shred of gayness in his bony body.


	7. Temptation Waits

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece, but I do acknowledge using Eiichiro Oda's characters without his permission.

Warning: AU, OOC, profanity, slash, modern-fantasy setting. Um...do not take this seriously. LOL

A/N: anno miss—of course I would reply to reviews! I might...uh...be late or whichever, but I truly do appreciate comments! Salt—Thank you! To all my reviewers and Alerters…thanks so much. I'm happy that peeps are reading this story and get a kick out of it---it's so much different from my doom and gloom stories…

A/N2: …With this chapter, I am sorry to offend. All views expressed in this chapt are not to be taken seriously. LOL

:**Temptation Waits**:

Sanji studied himself in the mirror.

For years he'd dressed for impressing the ladies, to also make himself feel confident and secure. He dressed to stand out amongst the plain and the headache of those around him. But today...today Sanji was going to see what it took to attract a _man_.

Heart racing with nervousness, he took in his appearance. He looked rather stylish; the pin-striped pants, the buttoned shirt, the tie, the matching pin-striped vest...it all made him slim and tall, and it presented quite a nice picture, if he could say so of himself. His wallet chain hung comfortably from his belt loop and wallet...while he was studying that, he turned to the side and examined the bulge of the object. His forehead furrowed as he wondered how long he'd been walking around with the item. It made his ass seem lopsided.

He yanked out the wallet and unhooked the chain, setting both onto the counter. Then he cautiously turned to the side, examining his ass once more. With a grimace, he reached back with both hands to rub down both cheeks, as if groping himself would give himself some answers. He pursed his lips with thought, brow furrowing as he tested the solidarity of his ass. Why hadn't he given more thought to it, before? Isn't that what men looked for, first...in a man?

Kneading his ass cheeks for a few moments, he thought of how it might appeal to the eyes of others, then found himself flustered for even going there.

"Yup. It's your ass," Zoro said gravely, Sanji startling with a choked inhale on his cig.

"GET OUT!"

"You're hogging the bathroom. I have to drop the kids off at the pool, and I come in here to see what's taking so long, only to catch you molesting yourself. _Man_."

Sanji rolled his eyes, and re-fastened his wallet chain. "I wasn't 'molesting' myself, asshole. I was just...making sure these pants still...fit. Whatever."

Zoro snorted. "You were _touching _yourself. Sick bastard. What if one of the kids saw? They'd think it was okay to molest themselves."

"I was NOT—!"

"Were too!" Zoro crossed his arms, settling against the doorframe. "Are you really going to go gay? I mean, seriously—think about it. You are absolutely not gay."

"_Yes _I am—! Wait." Sanji struggled to get a hold of himself. "I'm not talking about this to an imbecile who doesn't know his way out of a paper bag—"

"Duh, you go UP."

"—so I'm not even gonna bother. And for the record, I was NOT touching myself." Sanji flipped his hair to the side, making sure that his reflection reviewed just the right amount of fluffiness that he'd wanted. Zoro rolled his eyes. "I was just making sure my clothes still fit. I haven't worn these in a while."

"You wore them Tuesday!"

"Oh, _you _would know?! You keep track of what I wear?!"

"NO!" With a huff, Zoro slipped around him with his pants and underwear halfway down his thighs and posed over the toilet. Sanji threw himself backward in another dramatic recoil. "Where's the matches?"

"I used them."

"Aw hell. Well, I can't wait. The turtle's saying hi to me already. Hello there, Mr. Turtle."

"You filthy ape!" Sanji growled before slamming the door shut and striding toward the front.

Seeing that Ussop, Chopper and Luffy were sitting before the tv, studiously avoiding his look, Sanji narrowed his eyes. The teens' skin (and in one case, fur) grew suspiciously moist in that second; Sanji wondered just how much they'd overheard and what they wanted to say. But he whirled around, deciding that it really wasn't any of their business. Explaining himself to anybody in this household would only turn him nuts.

He grabbed a casual blazer from the coat tree and strode outside. As he walked up the sidewalk toward the university, his mind was racing. How was he supposed to attract a man? Did looking as he did work? Or was he going to have to change a few things?

Sweat beaded upon his brow as he realized that he was giving weighty thought to the matter. He was seriously thinking about how to attract guys. _Men_. Males. In all his life (so far) he'd pursued women. He'd never given thought to men—what started him down this crazy road was a woman (many, actually) that had rejected him. Did he truly want to go this far all because of one (hundreds) of rejection? And what would attract him to a man, anyway?

With this in mind, Sanji snorted, flicking away the warm filter. He lit up another, and decided to spy on fellow schoolmates. Upon reaching the campus, he took to a table within the quad, where he was able to see everyone. Buccaneers, cooks, wood workers, the works. He couldn't help but curl his lip with distaste as he zoomed in on anything that looked to have a dick. Men were either very burly and unkempt, or lanky and absolutely spineless. But all of them had expressions of fierceness, as if their next class was going to be their very last. Which sometimes happened, considering the courses.

Sanji had to wonder what sort of man would fit him—evoking a full body blush that burned from the top of his scalp to the bottom of his feet. He shifted in his seat uncomfortably, flicking ashes to the side. Hands shaking, he steepled them in front of him, feeling absolutely naked and uncertain. He could hear Zoro, then—insisting that he wasn't gay.

That only steeled Sanji's resolve. How dare that bastard tell him what he wasn't and was? It wasn't Zoro's place to be the authority on things that Sanji thought and felt. He had to prove the bastard wrong.

Conflicted with things, Sanji scowled out at the campus, still looking for a man.

Later on that day, Zoro awoke from his nap with a start. His hands went to his swords in an instant, but his eyes narrowed to slits as they focused directly upon Nami. When she realized that he was awake, she sat down beside him with a weary sigh. Zoro laid back against the tree, snorting as he gave the campus a momentary sweep of interest. "Whattaya want, witch?"

"I...I was just wondering how...how every one is doing," Nami said slowly. Her lip gloss sparkled momentarily. "I heard you guys were going through some financial troubles, and—"

"You're sticking your nose into shit just to know what Sanji's doing. Sanji's over you, woman. Moved onto, uh, bigger...uh...things." Zoro snorted again, squeezing his eyes tight as he tried not to give too much thought to his own words.

Nami frowned. "... 'Bigger' things? Like...who?"

"Like _not you _sorta things. Leave me alone."

For a few moments, Nami thought over some things before reaching up to fiddle with a tendril of hair. Her breasts threatened to spill out over the low-cut design of her shirt as she hunched over, resting elbows onto knees. She looked over at Zoro, wincing slightly at the loud snores that he emitted. Reaching over, she pinched his nostrils shut, and grew annoyed when he shifted to breathe though his mouth instead.

"I feel bad," she confessed. "He had such a...sad...look on his face. I shouldn't have to feel this way, Zoro, but I do. I did all that I could do to make him stop chasing me, but he just wouldn't—and I thought this way would do so much better, and every time I think of it, I realize just how shitty I was. I could have just let him down gently, like a normal woman would, but I just—I just had to prove a point."

She looked over to see if Zoro was listening, but judging from the visible snot bubble, she guessed that her words floated over his sleeping head. She sighed, absently plucking at the grass around her.

"I like you a lot, Zoro. I wish you would just acknowledge that. But I guess...I guess I can understand a little of Sanji's stupid thinking. Chasing after someone that I can't have, and doing everything I can just to...just to get them to notice me. I identify with him, I guess, so...I guess that's why I feel a little worse about things. I just...I just wish things were different."

Zoro snorted in his sleep. Nami shifted with a frown, looking over at him. Figuring that he heard nothing of what she said, she reached down and tugged on his earrings before rising to a stand. Brushing off her mini-skirt, she walked off, sure that her secret was safe.

Meanwhile, the swords that Zoro kept close seem to snicker.

-

"Well? Did you succeed?" Zoro asked Sanji later, while the cook worked over the stove. With a wide grin, Zoro leaned on the counter with his usual bottle of grog. He had his swords over his lap, a bottle of polish nearby and a dirty rag lying on the floor. "Find the man of your dreams?"

"First off, asshole, no. I didn't. I—I honestly wouldn't know where to start," Sanji confessed, flipping the contents within the wok with a pair of chopsticks. "And second...STOP SPEAKING OF MY SECRET MISSION OUT LOUD!"

Zoro ducked the high-flying kick, and resettled once Sanji resumed cooking. Eying his swords thoughtfully, wondering if he'd missed any areas. "C'mon. Honestly. 'Secret mission'? 'ch. We don't have secrets in this house."

"It is a mission of personal discovery. Ace may behave as an idiot, may look like an idiot—but he is honest and happens to see things where others can't." Sanji nodded, dumping sauce into the mixture and giving it another toss. The spicy smell of seafood and spices filled the air, earning an appreciative sniff from Zoro before the green-haired bounty hunter remembered what he was doing.

"You're taking advice from _Ace_?" Zoro asked, aghast as he thought of the shirtless man. "That narcoleptic fool doesn't even know what he's doing half the time!"

"Ace...is a very nice man. Unlike you."

Zoro studied his drink, sloshing it around within the bottle before settling it down onto the counter. With a heavy sigh, he rested chin onto palm, staring thoughtfully at the ceiling. "So...Ace was the one that suggested you go gay. What's up with that? What made him want to even go there in the first place?"

Sanji didn't answer for a few moments, tossing the contents of the wok. He then shifted to check on the rice and the sauce that bubbled nearby. "It's none of your business," he finally said, sniffing haughtily.

Zoro thought of the black haired man, pants hanging obscenely low on bony hips. He gave Kitetsu a shake, feeling the sudden urge to draw and slice at random. "Did he take pity on you? Poor Sanji, can't get a chick...so Ace _suggested_, and I say that loosely, to chase after guys. HAH! Wait, what's in it for Ace?"

"Zoro, you bastard, stop talking about it."

"The guy I've known for years suddenly rounds about and wants a _guy_?! Man, I'm all befuddled and confused and, quite frankly, it's driving me to drink more than usual. I hate having a reason to drink."

Sanji shot him an irritated expression, and then rolled at his eyes over the finished bottles of grog that lay nearby. "You don't need a reason to drink, meat-head. Quit blaming me for being your weakness."

"Don't give me that---! That sounds gay!"

"I'm practicing!"

"Not on me, asshole!"

Sanji snickered before kicking out, missing Zoro's head by inches before neatly pivoting to adjust the stove's controls to lower the flames. "Don't flatter yourself, jerk-off."

"So—!" Zoro gripped the neck of his bottle, giving it a shake before narrowing his eyes. "I just don't get it, Sanji. Enlighten me."

"Zoro, I can't count how many times I have _tried _enlightening you. That is completely beyond anybody's help."

"Whatever, flop-head. But, hey, does that mean that Ace is...too?"

Sanji turned and looked at Zoro with a raised eyebrow. "I...don't know. _No_, don't ask—!"

"Luffy, your bro gay and stuff?" Zoro then asked, lifting away from the counter.

"Gay? Uh...well...I dunno! You'll have to ask him, Zoro! Why? Are you interested?" Luffy asked, never looking away from the tv screen, Chopper's character pummeling his. Ussop looked up from his homework, blinking long lashes while he tried to absorb what had been said.

"No _I'm _not interested!" Zoro barked. But then his lips spread into a leer as he looked over his shoulder at Sanji. "But I know someone who is..."

"_Who_?!" Luffy cried, glancing over, Zoro turning to face him, gesturing with a thumb behind him.

Sanji allowed the sole of his foot to meet the back of Zoro's head, bottle of grog flying while the swordsman stumbled forward. Ussop caught the flying grog in mid-air, Chopper looking at the spectacular catch with huge eyes. Even while looking away from the screen, he continued to press random buttons, throwing Luffy's character into submission while Luffy screamed in frustration.

"Zoro's questioning his sexuality, so he's looking for comparison of some sort," Sanji said quickly.

"Zoro if you're gay, it's totally okay," Luffy placated, using a foot to push Chopper away from him, trying to distract the little reindeer from beating him. "I'll still love you. Love is love and knows no boundaries...I'm sure Sanji will share with you his clothes."

"Hey—!" Sanji sputtered, but wasn't sure what else to say.

"I'm not gay!" Zoro shouted, stomping over to swipe the grog from Ussop.

"Zoro, we'll totally still, uh, like you," Ussop attempted. "I mean, it won't change you, or anything...right? Unless the reason why you're friends with Nami is just because...well...keeping appearances isn't always the best way to go about denying yourself what you truly are."

"_Real _men accept themselves," Luffy added gravely, nodding.

Chopper's eyes glittered. "A _real _man...!"

"I'm not _denying_—! I'm not _friends_—! SANJI! TELL THEM WHY THIS CAME UP!" Zoro then roared, causing both Chopper and Ussop to cower.

"You're a _man_, Zoro! You're a _real_ man! Accept yourself for being who you are!" Luffy hollered, face turning red with effort. "That's what _real men_ do!"

"A _real_ man—!" Chopper exclaimed.

"_A real man_!" Ussop shouted, just to join in.

"I _am_ a man! I am _all _man!" Zoro shouted at them, veins popping up to view.

"_All man_?!" Chopper screamed in excitement.

"A man to like other men!" Luffy added, finger wandering its way to his nose. "Gee, Zoro, that'll be a little overkill. Dicks everywhere."

Ussop choked while Chopper tilted his head, blinking as an image of penises performing chorus line dancing popped into his head.

"Luffy, don't make me kill you."

Sanji cleared his throat and continued his watch over the stove.

Seething at Sanji's play of innocence, Zoro growled as he finished off his grog. "Fine. FINE. Play it that way. Yes, Luffy, I'm as gay as they come. I'm so unbelieveably gay. Watch out for Roronoa Zoro, the most feared bounty hunter in training BY GOD _YES I'M GAY_! But I'm still a MAN!"

Sanji laughed, but stopped once he realized that Zoro was itching to draw Kitetsu. He glanced down at his clothes with some calculating debate before deciding that he didn't want to lose the pair of pants he was wearing today. Kitetsu itself seemed to vibrate itself into Zoro's palm, but Zoro started to calm himself once he saw that Sanji wasn't going to instigate further.

"Er...that's nice, Zoro," Ussop muttered, unable to decide whether to look terrified or shocked, settling for something of a grimace instead.

"Good for you, Zoro! Maybe if you find a boyfriend, you won't feel so angry all the time. Maybe he can be an influence on your drinking habits, make you slow down a bit," Chopper chimed in, giving him a cheery expression.

"Oi, Zoro, does this mean you want me to ask if Ace wants to be your boyfriend? Is that it?" Luffy asked, turning away from his game to face him with a serious expression. "I guess I can, Zoro. You're my number one. Doesn't mean anything if you're gay. It's totally cool. I'm sure Ace will be fine with it. Maybe you guys can be happy _together_! And he can move in, and Sanji can move in with us, because he wouldn't want to be in the same room with you two sleeping there, which, I don't think you two will be sleeping there, and I can't even imagine what you two will be doing because you're both guys, but it'll be OKAY!"

Muttering under his breath, Zoro turned his back to them, glaring at Sanji's. Without much of a change in position, he hurled the empty grog bottle at the chef. Sanji stumbled over the stove with an awkward yelp, but managed to catch himself before disturbing any of the cooking food. With a growl, he turned to administer some payback but held himself still once he realized that Zoro wasn't going to give him any shit for what had just occurred. Rubbing his head, Sanji studied the green-haired man's murderous expression. He then gave him a small smile of gratitude and turned back to the stove.

-

"It's way more believeable if people think you're gay, first," Sanji said later that night, while he was reviewing a few of his cookbooks in bed. Zoro was muttering in his daybed, glaring up at the ceiling with his arms crossed tightly over his chest. "I mean, it's almost expected of you. You're an aggressive meathead. Not that I'm saying all gay men are aggressive meatheads, I'm just sayin' that the more repressed ones are the ones that act upon denial."

"It's not even _that _that's bothering me," Zoro grumbled. "Fuck if I care if people think that about me. Hell...if it even gives me more grief, that's more challenges for me, more fights to win. But, I swear to God, if these pansies start crawling out of the woodworks to chase after me...I'll just—!_ I'll just_—! Oh, I'll make you regret it, Sanji."

Sanji snickered, closing one book and then opening another. "_O_oh. I'm _sc_ared. But what if Ace _is _gay, man? I mean...would that change your view of him?"

"Egh. Ace is Ace."

"Think about it, though. What if he is? I mean, apply what you think of Ace being gay to...to, like, me. Would it change your view of me?"

"My view of you is absolutely skewed at the moment. Can't decide whether you're a fucking bastard, or a _motherfucking _bastard. Which would be irrelevant because you're fucking _gay_, so you can't be a _mother_fucking bastard, but then I can't decide which epithet I want to use in place of something like motherfucking."

"Such profound thoughts!" Sanji cried. "You slay me, moss-head. Absolutely."

"...Like to follow through with that. Y'know. That 'slaying' part."

"HAH!" Sanji looked up from his book, unable to quell the smirk on his face. Zoro was still glaring at the ceiling. Studying his dark profile for a few moments, he then set his books aside, adjusting the sleeves of his pj's. "Anyway, like I said earlier—I wouldn't even know where to start. I possess every bit of arsenal in the books to acquire a woman, but what would it take to get a man…? Hmm…"

"This...is...so weird. Y'know, I don't even want to talk about it. But you know what? I'll be here, Sanji, watching you fail yet again. This is so not going to work. I don't know why you're even considering it!" Zoro then exclaimed, before reaching out to turn off the light. "Whatever. I'm hurting my head with all this nonsense."

Sanji stared up at the darkness of the room, letting a biting comment die before it even made its way to his tongue. He thought of the compliments Ace had given him—the way he'd felt to be on the receiving end of gushing adoration. He thought of warm lips against his palm, and shivered at the way remembered feelings made his skin tingle.

-

"I've performed a little research on your situation, Sanji," Chopper said, carefully depositing a few books onto the campus table. Sanji stopped chewing on a piece of rolled egg, pushing his bento box aside to look over the books that Chopper had lugged all around campus in his search for the blond.

Being that it was lunch time, Sanji had decided to avoid the usuals and eat in the secluded area behind the campus as to avoid any unwanted attention from his roommate(s). He was surprised enough to see that Chopper was on campus, and before he could question the high-schooler's presence, he found his eye drawn to the books that were being spread before him.

"I couldn't help but notice that it wasn't Zoro that is gay…it is actually you. I decided that I can't play naïve forever…there might be some real bloodshed in the future between you and Zoro, and I simply cannot allow it to continue while you debate on what to do in your pursuit of men."

Sanji choked and spewed, Chopper taking up a spot across from him, serious face on while he spread the books between them.

"I've taken the liberty in buying and dissecting the methods of attraction between gay men with these. They are called…_doujinshi_."

"Oh my GAWD—!" Sanji cried aloud in horror as he took in a cover on one of the books: an overmuscled, speedo wearing man with a feminine faced boy that looked suspiciously like him.

"Now, there is no such thing as shame between us, Sanji," Chopper scolded, flipping through a brightly colored book. "We've known each other long enough. Here—this is what they call an 'attacker'. Say-may."

"_Chopper_—!There is absolutely no need for this! Asshole! I'll kick y our ass! I am not—this is—! How _dare_ you assume that I—! Just because I can't find a girl—!" Sanji exclaimed, rising to somehow cover all the books with one hand, and fumbling with the action. Turning bright red with mortification and shock that someone else knew of his 'secret', he ended up opening one of the books and finding a graphic scene depicting 'likeable' rape. He shrieked.

Chopper snatched the open book away from him, scolding, "Now, these aren't exactly truthful depictions, Sanji. I am simply using them to convey the easiest terms of homosexuality, in a light hearted and friendly manner."

"That was not 'friendly'!"

"I can't help you if you don't cooperate, asshole!" Chopper snapped, hitting the table with a hoof, and then gesturing hard at the bench. "Sit down and listen to me for a moment! I can help you! You've obviously no where to start, and by refusing my help, you're only going to find yourself going in the same direction as you had with the pursuit of women! Do you want to go that same route again?"

Sanji gaped at him. But he slowly sat, widened eyes staring down at the many depictions of homosexuality in front of him.

With a firm nod, Chopper returned to his lecture. "As such, I've learned that there are three basics in homosexuality. There are the Say-mays. And the Oo-keys. And then there's the basic structure of a love-hate relationship that inevitably turns to romantic love. Are we clear on the basics…?"

Sanji covered his face with both hands, sure that he could cook a few stir-fry dishes upon his forehead alone.

"With every discovered scene of becoming a homosexual, a man generally falls for either the overly muscled brawny type…or the stylish, utterly feminine individual that generally behaves in a manner of a young girl in love. Since I have deduced that you have not yet found your positioning as either, I cannot rightly for sure determine which role you'd take." Chopper gave him a considering look. "You're so stylish and thin like an oo-key that I'd think you the victim role. But then again, you have your moments of macho."

Sanji had lit a cigarette, hand shaking and smoke sputtering from mouth and nose. As he lent over to hack and cough over a badly inhaled action, Chopper resumed his speaking.

"Frankly, from reviewing your history of pursuing women, you tended to go for the more beautiful ones, the ones that were higher maintenance. From this, I deduce that you're the 'brawny' type. Perhaps you'd go well with another man that's more feminine, someone who prefers the victim role and can handle your moments of macho better than you would if you were in the reverse position."

Sanji choked again, nearly inhaling his cigarette to protest and to deny at the same moment.

"Another basic function of a gay man depicted here in these books is this." Chopper opened another book and turned it so that Sanji could clearly see the oo-key character consumed in mortal angst over some slight the say-may had committed. "An abundant amount of emotional turmoil. This is required of a homosexual, for it constitutes the grave choices they make when selecting a mate they've either bumped into quite accident on the subway, or were drawn into a gang-banging threat caused by others. Since neither situation applies to you—!"

"This is enough! This is BULLSHIT! I don't have to—! Chopper! No good! No!"

"I am trying to help you, Sanji!" Chopper protested, watching Sanji race away, clearly in distress. Hoof clapping together in delight, he chased after him for a few feet, shouting, "Good luck, Sanji! Your emotional distress will attract your true homosexual love if you keep running erratically like that!"

He sighed in defeat and gathered up all his study materials, thinking of other ways to show Sanji that it was okay to be who he was.


	8. The Trick Is To Keep Breathing

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece, but I do acknowledge using Eiichiro Oda's characters without his permission.

Warning: AU, OOC, profanity, slash, modern-fantasy setting. Um...do not take this seriously. LOL

A/N: To those I couldn't reply to on t.e.h. System, thank you so much for reviewing! It's so awesome to know what peeps are ready this, and enjoying it as much as I do. XD

A/N: I updated two chapters. Prepare yourself! OH, and…don't take this seriously. Ha ha!

:**The Trick Is To Keep Breathing:**

"So, wait…" Zoro had to take a few moments of reflection, cradling his three swords close to him while Chopper and Ussop continued to gaze upon him with expressions of determination. Luffy was busy rifling through the many copies of _doujinshi_ that Chopper had acquired, 'oohing' and 'ahing' over everything he found.

While Sanji was away at school, finishing up some extra credit school project involving birthday cakes and ham, the three teens had somehow managed to waken Zoro while the older man was in the midst of his after-school nap. Upon the revelation that they knew who the 'real gay man' was, Zoro had been startled to hear it. Even more so when it came down to their mission. But he gave Chopper credit, rubbing his furry head affectionately.

Goggles in place, Zoro then looked at the three younger teenagers with an expression made of steel. "You…_all_…are going to help that loser find a _man_?"

"It'll be something to give back," Ussop supplied, folding his arms across his chest. "Sanji does so much for us, Zoro, that we've come to conclusion that helping him out in an aspect that's entirely new for him will be…grand. The ultimate in payback."

"If this is what it takes to pay Sanji back for being awesome…" Luffy said in a highly skeptical tone, clearly in wide-eyed shock as he surveyed one of the depictions of 'homosexual sex' in a brightly colored book. "Well, I'll do anything. Except _that_. Or that. _Or_…that. Or _that_. _Or that_. Or—"

"This is hilarious to the highest factor," Zoro said dead-pan, examining his after-school after-nap bottle of grog. "I can't even laugh it's so funny."

"Sanji lacks common sense in the world of homosexuality," Chopper stated, black eyes narrowed with determination as his hooves set themselves firmly on his furry hips. "He needs guidance. We want happiness for him, and I know for sure that he will not achieve it on his own. As bad as he is with the women, he'll be even worse with men. With this research, I've come across some tips and tricks to help him attain homosexual happiness."

"'Homosexual happiness'," Zoro repeated in a stern tone.

Ussop snickered but quickly straightened up. "Luffy and I buy into this plan as well. As such, we've decided that _we'd_ pick out Sanji's interests. Er, well, this was only decided because Luffy wasn't sure himself how to behave when it came to finding, uh, well, man, uh, _manly_ interests."

"I don't want Sanji picking out someone dumb," Luffy stated firmly, looking at them with a set expression. "I want Sanji to be with someone who can hang out with us. Who can play video games with us, and help Ussop with his homework. Shave Chopper in the summer. Give Zoro clothes whenever he forgets to do his own laundry and starts wearing _our_ clothes."

"'ch."

"I want Sanji to be with someone who can take his abuse!" Luffy added, fist in the air. "Who will allow Sanji to stand his ground! Who can forget the fact that Sanji's a bad drunk! Who can also sneak us in snack food when Sanji's back is turned! I need to find Sanji a man that'll not only like him, but like _us_ as well! Except…except not so much. Y'know what I mean. Hey, Zoro? How did men make love?"

Zoro choked on his next drink.

"Oh, man, that looked like it hurt…ew it's coming from your nose!" Ussop exclaimed, jumping away.

Chopper looked at Luffy. "It's like this. Because both men have—"

Zoro tossed him a _doujinshi_. "Read this, for fuck's sake."

"But I don't know what these cones of light are! And why do some of them have bars over these veiny alien heads, like they're some underage criminal? Heh, lookit this one, Chopper. He's pushing his dick into this guy's ass."

Zoro choked again, sputtering his grog all over his neon-yellow tank top and lime-green board shorts.

"Hmm…I wonder what that feels like?" Luffy then wondered, studying the picture with a frown. Ussop nearly fainted while Zoro recovered enough to jerk the book away from him. "Like…reverse shitting? Hah!"

"Enough. I'm dying here."

"What are you dying of, Zoro? Should we take you to the hospital?"

"If you jokesters want to set Sanji up with, ah, a _man_…then go at it. But I'm warning you three, guys don't take well to being set up with a guy if they aren't…y'know." Zoro lifted his eyebrows in warning. He removed his goggles from his face, pushing them atop of his head, where they clashed with his green hair.

"Aren't what?" Luffy asked, picking at his nose.

"Should we put an ad in the paper?" Ussop asked. "In those personals?"

"Maybe on the school boards at their school," Luffy suggested.

"Television ad?" Chopper suggested with an uncertain expression.

"We need a picture of him," Luffy then said. "Who has the best picture of Sanji at his best? None of those ones we took of him passed out, either. Not a good first impression."

"Don't advertise in the paper," Zoro interrupted with disgust. "If you want that bonehead with a guy, you need to find one in person. How else are you going to find what you want?"

"We could list all the qua—"

"No. It _needs_ to be in person. You'll find weirdos if you advertise in the paper. Or, even worse, your brother."

"Ooh-wah! Sanji can be with Ace!" Luffy cried happily. "Ace loves Sanji!"

"No, Luffy, that won't work."

"Why not, Zoro? It works perfectly out in my mind."

"Luffy, am I your number one?"

"Of course! You don't even have to ask!"

"Trust me on this one. It. Won't. Work."

Luffy frowned, but he took the word of his Number One seriously. He gave a firm nod in agreement without further protest.

"We also need to know Sanji's role," Chopper interrupted, gathering all his _doujinshi_ together. "In these books, the Attackers and the Defenders, Say-mays and Oo-keys—"

"Why…are they called 'Attackers'?" Zoro asked, face scrunching up with thought.

"It's…it's like…like soccer. They're like soccer, Zoro. You've got one guy, the aggressive attacker guy that wants to dominate the other guy's field. The Defenders kinda just…defend it. But they always lose in the end," Luffy said with a saddened expression. "The attacker totally just dominates them."

"Yeah…it sounds like Sanji."

"Sanji would be a Defender?" Ussop asked curiously, tilting his head. "But he's so aggressive when it comes to pursuing."

"But has Sanji ever conquered that line of scrimmage?" Zoro asked, enjoying the moment.

"…No."

"Well then!"

"This sounds hard, Ussop," Luffy said on a sigh. "I'm already bushed."

"So…have we decided that Sanji is a Defender?" Ussop asked, looking at the others.

"An Oo-key," Chopper affirmed with a nod. "We will need to find him an Attacker. A Say-may. Someone aggressive enough to dominate his protests and feeble weaknesses without hesitation."

Zoro laughed.

"Well, for another thing, guys," Chopper spoke up above Zoro's laughter, raising a hoof. "We need to think about looks. Sanji is well into his looks, so it goes without saying that he needs a man that has looks as well."

"Sanji's a well dressed guy," Luffy said, nodding. "He needs someone to compliment him all the time, on all the efforts he makes on himself."

"Yeah, someone positive. Someone to tell him, other than how good his food is, how, uh, good, uh, he looks. Stuff like that," Ussop agreed, blushing.

"Sanji needs a guy that only has eyes for him. So, yeah, someone good looking, too, because Sanji can be good looking sometimes. When he isn't being all cranky."

Zoro sniggered.

"What kind of qualities would Sanji find appealing in a man?" Chopper asked.

Ussop and Luffy fell quiet, staring at various things within their living room while they thought. Chopper rubbed between his antlers, frowning. Zoro blinked hard, and also had to think about it. But the effort made him sleepy, and he fought the urge to lay back and take another after-school nap.

As he was doing so, though, he thought the one that started it all.

"He likes black hair," he said. "And they have to be skinny. Not as skinny as him, though. He needs a guy with substance."

"Really? But Nami had orange hair," Luffy interjected.

"But Nami's a _chick_, Luffy," Ussop reminded him.

"Oh yeah…okay, so a black haired skinny guy! Good enough for me." Luffy whirled and headed for the door.

"Well wait! What about height? And eyes! And personality?" Chopper cried, hurrying after him.

"They have to be manly," Zoro said with a snicker.

"A manly black haired skinny guy! Great! Let's go!"

"And be able to kick his ass, because he needs a guy like that."

"A manly, kick-his-ass black haired skinny guy! Yup! Sounds good!"

"That also likes kids."

"That also likes—! Let's not get into that right now, Zoro. We're just trying to find him some happiness, not a family," Luffy said with a sigh. "He won't be ready for marriage and babies quite yet. Frankly, he's too young to be thinking that way."

Zoro snickered into his bottle of grog, listening to their excited shouts as they left the house in search of Sanji's perfect man. Then he straightened and hurried after them, deciding that he would be helpful in this endeavor as well.

-

Exhausted after a hard days' learning and kicking ass into insisting his recipe was perfect, Sanji slunk into their shared house, slumping low into the messy couch with a hard sigh. It took a few moments, but once he realized that the house was suspiciously quiet, he opened his eyes and looked around himself. The teens' backpacks were laying in a clutter near the television set, letting him know that they'd been home—and Zoro's bloodied texts and magazines were sitting at the edge of the coffee table. But where were they…?

With another sigh, he rose from the couch and ventured into the kitchen to make dinner. In the midst if it, he thought hard about his decisions into 'homosexuality'. Frankly, Chopper's _doujinshi_ frightened him. The limited images he'd seen combined with the fact that the teenage half-man half-deer was lecturing him on how to be homo had frightened a few years off. He was apprehensive about his decision, but every time he tried to convince himself that he really wasn't looking for man, he'd think of Ace.

He also had to think about whether or not this all really meant he had feelings for Ace. But whenever he thought of the older D brother, he got the chills. Ace was simply Ace and that was it. Sanji really couldn't imagine himself chasing after the guy the same way he did with girls.

On that note, he was befuddled in what chasing after another man meant. As he whipped out the ribs, tossing them into the oven and then preparing a second mixture of marinade, he thought about something he'd never thought before—how would he preferred to be pursued?

Frankly, it stumped him. Enough to stare at the ceiling, wondering what it would feel like to be object of someone's eyes.

"Negh," he muttered, tossing some green salad together. "Forget about it."

A couple of hours passed, and Sanji was bewildered. Usually someone showed up right around now to see if dinner was ready. Sitting at the counter, chin in palm and fingers drumming on his cheeks, Sanji looked at the clock and then at the food he'd completed a short while ago.

"What the hell?" he muttered, shifting in the stool. He reached out to tip over an empty bottle of grog, the loud clatter of it hitting the countertop making him jump. Then he started to seethe, getting up to put the food away before it was ruined.

He'd just put the last of the food away when the front door slammed open, the three teens running in with their customary greetings and shouts. Luffy was there within instants, checking out the food Sanji was putting into the fridge, tearing opening containers and tinfoil as he raced about with Chopper and Ussop.

From what Sanji could gather, the three of them had been up to no good. He had to wonder why the teens were so scruffed and dirty, as if they'd all been involved in some campus brawl.

"What are you doing Friday night, Sanji?" Ussop asked, eyes opened extra wide and his mouth trembling into a half grin, half grimace. His baggy, distressed jeans had taken on a whole new meaning to 'distressed'. His man-beater tank-top was blackened from the neckline down. His Hawaiian-print shirt was hanging by a single short sleeve.

"Uh, well…nothin' really," Sanji answered slowly, feeling the back of his neck tingle.

"SANJI! We need you to come MEET us!" Luffy cried, cheeks bulging. Being the usual troublemaker, his skin and clothes were stained the most. The camo-print cargo shorts, the black 'Star Wars' logo tee and usual gladiator sandals were all blemished with heavy activity. Even his strawhat, hanging by a string around his neck, had a few bumps and dirt spots on it. "At this…at this place! In Area 39."

"Area 39?" Sanji repeated, aghast. "But that's—why would I want to be in the shipyards?"

"Uh…school…school field trip?"

"Luffy, our class doesn't do school field trips. That's only our very final exam in our senior year, when we set sail."

"Sanji, you absolutely need to be there!" Luffy whined. "And you need to dress nice, too! Do your hair, girlfriend."

Sanji kicked him. "I don't need to be anywhere! And why do I have to dress nice just to go to the shipyards? That's ridiculous! All that's there are incoming and outgoing pirates—!"

He looked horrified for a moment, and then his expression turned murderous. "Where's Zoro?"

"Zoro made some friends! He said he wouldn't be home until later tonight," Ussop reported. "I dunno, tho. Real pirates are different from school pirates. I think he was just testing some of them just to see if they could withstand your—_oh_!"

He clapped his hands over his mouth, and Sanji looked at him in confusion. Luffy reached out and swatted Ussop, Chopper joining in just to join in.

Reddened, Ussop snatched a plateful of ribs, much to Luffy's protest. "Gotta go! Kaya! Gotta meet Kaya!"

"Get back here—! What were you going to say?!" Sanji shouted after him, but the teen was long gone. He then looked at Luffy and Chopper, but the pair had already gathered many of the dinner items into their arms and were following after Ussop.

Utterly bewildered and scared at the same time, Sanji wondered what they were up to.

-

Despite himself, and the fact that the teens had been acting suspiciously all this time, Sanji found himself in Area 39 that Friday. Ussop had been the one to meet him at home, the younger male making an effort to dress nicely. While Sanji did make the effort to go all out with a nice Kenneth Cole ensemble—white shirt, neat gray tie, sweatershirt and white jeans, with a casual blazer over it all—he wasn't sure what the occasion was and left the appearance as that. Ussop had tried his best to dress up—some no-name shirt over distressed jeans and leather shoes—but Sanji fixed his hair into a neat ponytail and added accessories to soothe the look.

Ussop made up his usual tales over schoolwork and everyday life while they took the train to Area 39—where Zoro and the others would meet them.

Curious as to why they were all meeting up at some swanky bar in the shipyards, Sanji figured it was just something the boys were trying to do to cheer him up. Which left him with a warm, happy feeling, because it was nice to be treated. He had to take it in stride, allowing himself just to relax and appreciate because it wasn't often the guys did things like this. Feeling as if he had absolutely nothing to worry about, Sanji sat back and played with his cigarette case, feeling at ease with himself.

Area 39 was a splatter of activity—the inland coast was covered with various docking areas, ships of all uses, and barfights that rang out just as loudly as random gunshots. The pirates and workers of the area were rough and fearsome, bringing with them stories of the sea and of each other. The area was alit with both flame and electricity, and the train master had to keep the train rolling as passengers fought to climb off or on, fearful of being hijacked by some random pirate.

Ussop led the way, still chattering on with a mixture of excitement and anxiety, Sanji following on at a leisurely pace. He smoked and watched various pirates commit their crimes of passion in a shop nearby—police swarmed the area and dogs barked. Area 39 was truly a place of excitement, of activity that never seemed to end. He wondered why the boys wanted to come way out here, when they were drawn to people more their age.

Ussop led the way to the bar, and was ushered in through the back, Sanji following with hardly a look around. As they were led to a table where Luffy and the others were, Sanji was a little startled by how somber the bar was. Usually an area of such setting was more…active. Loud. Bustling.

He sank into the table, taking the booth side. Luffy growled and finally managed to wake a predictably asleep Zoro by breaking a bottle of grog at the end of the table. It wasn't the sound of the bottle breaking, but smelling the highly potent fumes of the drink snapping Zoro awake.

The green haired man punched Luffy, the younger teen taking it with a grunt before beaming Sanji a happy grin.

Finding the ashtray, Sanji lit a cig and gave the others questioning looks. "Why in the world did you all want to meet up…_What_?"

"Why aren't you dressed more refined?" Chopper hissed over the table. He held an indignant expression on his face. "We said you would be a distinguished gentlemen type."

"…What?"

"That sweater doesn't scream 'cultured' Sanji. How come you didn't wear that one thingy that you wear when you want to look nice?" Luffy asked, crossing his arms tightly over his chest and tilting his head.

"…'Thingy'?"

"Sanji, don't embarrass us," Ussop whispered urgently. "Not in front of all of them!"

"Embarrass…? _What_?!"

"You didn't even fix your hair, girlfriend," Zoro said, but it was only to be snotty. His wide, shit-eating grin made Sanji want to run off right then and there, because Sanji knew something was going to happen. Something that involved Zoro.

He reached out and snatched him by his pink polka dot polo, jerking him over the table. "Asshole! What did you do?!"

"I didn't do anything! Leggo! You're stretching out Ussop's shirt."

"…_Was_ my shirt."

Before Sanji could say anything more, Luffy forcefully separated them, and then cleared his throat. Chopper and Ussop left the table and set up shop in a booth nearby, both of them wearing serious expressions. It was then that Sanji noticed a large stack of papers nearby, and Chopper called out a name, gesturing at the crowd of men that were quietly waiting at the bar.

Sanji was entirely confused, lost as Luffy said, "Sanji, this was all for you. We made arrangements last night to pick up all the black haired skinny guys that could quite possibly kick your ass when Zoro can't. Just so that you can find the right man of your dreams…and someone that we could all get along with. This is a group effort."

Sanji's face turned an extreme purple-red color, Zoro sitting back in his chair with a bark of laughter as he coaxed a barmaid over with a wave of his hand. "This is all for you, Rolling Pin. The kids think it best if it involves them. Hah, told you we can't keep secrets."

"Y—! WH--?! I—! _ROLLING PIN_—?! THE FUCK?! _GROUP_ EFFORT?!" Sanji screeched, choking and strangled over his own severe embarrassment and shock that he was found out.

A tall, gangly man with black hair came to the table, with a nametag. Sanji looked at him in horror, all limbs trembling with mixed emotions as he realized this pirate was checking him out.

"Yah. He'll do. What do I do to qualify," the pirate said to Zoro who grinned wide.

"Tell me about your mother," Zoro asked, opening a bottle of grog with his teeth.

Sanji couldn't manage more than a strangled croak, faintly hearing how the pirate slaughtered his own mother when she 'messed up his birthday cake'. Zoro nodded in understanding, then shooed him away. When the next applicant popped up, another gangly black-haired man with acne scars and a goatee, Sanji nearly felt faint as the man gave him the same perusal as the man before.

"If you had your choice in _Golden Girls_, which would be your MILF and why?" Zoro asked him, forehead furrowing as he leaned in to catch the answer. Sanji's face shifted into murderous mode, complete with popping veins.

Ussop rose quickly, legs shaking. "Oh God. Here it comes! I told you it was the wrong idea! I told you he'd be pissed!"

"Aieee! Hit the deck!" Chopper screamed, running off behind Ussop.

"But Sanji—!" Luffy whined, holding out the nametags he'd been filling out. "I thought you'd be happy with what we're doing! We can find you a man, you just have to let us in. Let us into your heart, Sanji. Let us—uh-oh."

"Duck and cover," Zoro said with a snicker, hiding underneath the table with his grog when Sanji finally found the voice to scream.

-

Nearly forty-five minutes later, Sanji stalked away from the bar, his entire appearance in disarray. He was breathing hard, glowering murderously at anything and everything he came to, and he swore to God, if any of those idiots tried to talk to him again, he'd—! Oh, he'd do something completely painful to them.

But he stalked away from it all and took a wooden pathway to one of the major docking areas to cool down. His blond hair was matted with various alcohol and blood matter, and his clothes had definitely seen better fights. Even if he were pissed enough to level the entire bar, the pirates within weren't laying down willingly to have their asses kicked for daring to allow themselves to be interviewed by those four jackasses. He had to fight them _just_ to kick their ass—and the four had disappeared, but he knew he'd catch up with them later.

Right now, he just needed to cool down. Relax. Ready himself for the next battle, because out of all four of them, Zoro and Luffy were going to give him the most trouble. He growled, lighting another cig and then coming to a stop next to a bench. Scowling out at the largest ships, Sanji couldn't even decide what made him so frustrated. That everyone was treating his mission as a joke, or for the very fact that they knew he was actually looking for a man.

They couldn't understand, though. They didn't know how much he wanted contact with someone who actually wanted contact from him. He was ready to be with somebody, and it was all because of Ace. If Ace hadn't come to him and shown him what it was like to have attention bestowed onto him, then he wouldn't be here tonight.

He frowned, exhaling heavily as he thought about the small touches, the kisses to his fingers. Dammit, it wasn't _because_ of _Ace_—it was just the very _contact_…! He yearned to have that. But how could he when his four roommates made his yearning into a joke?

He stabbed out the cig and reached out for the railing with a low expletive, unsure if he even wanted to show his face around them again. How humiliating it was, to have all those men there, waiting to be interviewed and—!

He straightened with another frown, brushing his hair from his face and noting that the sleeves of his blazer and sweater was torn from various sharp objects. He tore both sets away from him and tossed it over the edge of the pathway, where the strong breeze that whipped through carried both down to the sea below.

Why were all the men skinny and black-haired? Honestly, what was the reasoning behind that?

"_Zoro_," he growled, thinking of his friend's wide grin. He knew it had to do with Zoro. Zoro and his constant snickering and complaining over…over _Ace_. So why did these guys have to have some similarities to _Ace_? He clenched his fists and wondered how he was going to get to the green haired monster, and figured that the easiest way to do so was doctoring his food. But as he tried to wrap his determination to do so, he heard a scuff of foot steps coming his way and looked up to move aside.

Instead, he found himself locking eyes with a man wearing a backwards baseball cap, stained with sweat. Clad in worn track pants and a ring tee, the guy was obviously a pirate that had just entered port. His shabby canvas shoes were torn at the soles and above the toes, well worn and used, but they revealed flashes of bony, tanned feet.

The scruffy faced pirate made a lazy show of wiping at his face and gave Sanji a perusal that made the blond a little uppity until he said, "Good fight, eh?"

Relaxing, Sanji resumed his position at the railing. "Yeah. Needed it. Still looking for more."

"Hah. In that get-up?"

"You wanna see for yourself—?"

"I'm just sayin'. Calm down. 'Sides, I ain't lookin' for trouble. I was actually supposed to be somewhere earlier, but I found different stuff to do."

"There's a lot to do around here," Sanji muttered.

"We just got into port…bout a day ago. But then I found myself doing…other things…and missed my chance at another appointment. Hell. Probably a bum set-up anyway," the other continued with a wistful sigh, looking out at the ships. "There's our ship, right there."

Sanji examined it. "Looks wrecked."

"Typhoon. Need repairs and supplies. Guys, too. Lost a lot of them over there on the Grand Line. Fuggin' sucks. New bastards to re-train and acquaint to. Hate starting all over."

Interested, Sanji studied the ship a little longer, then over at the pirate. "Grand Line, huh? Think that's part of our senior thesis in a few years."

The other gave him a smirk. "Yer a college boy, huh? Hah. Guy like you won't make it on the seas. Not like that. College kids get picked off right away. Don't understand why they have that goin' on—nothin' like the real experience."

"Yeah, well, it beats sitting down at a desk and taking notes from some drone. Easy classes. Easy way to get by."

A tilt of the chin, and that easy smirk continued to linger on scruffy features. "What you goin' for?"

"Cook position. Real good at it, too. But I don't like to brag."

"I'll bet. They the first to go when the crew decides they don't like what they've been served. Don't make sense, but, hey—when all you're whipping is pansy ass gourmets that don't sit well, it's _just_ like wasting food."

"_I_ can cook." Sanji insisted, narrowing his eyes. "Is this a challenge?"

"…Maybe. _Okay_. The thing is, I'm challenging you to a good homecooked meal because I'm sorta broke at the moment," the pirate added, grinning.

"Hah. What's the bounty?"

"You show me that you can cook, I'll give you bragging rights. But if I don't approve…I'll let you know. I'm kind of a fighter myself. A mean one, too."

" 'ch. You're on. I'm Sanji, by the way."

"Ah, yes. I'm Gin. Nice to meet you."


	9. Why Don't You Come Over

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece, but I do acknowledge using Eiichiro Oda's characters without his permission.

Warning: AU, OOC, profanity, slash, modern-fantasy setting. Um...do not take this seriously. LOL

A/N: For all those wondering, yes, I used the 'old swords' instead of Zoro's current swords. My reasoning…? I have none. Hah.

**: Why Don't You Come Over :**

Zoro took a skeptical look at the gaunt faced man, wondering if he'd been part of the interviewing process. He couldn't rightly remember—there'd been so many black haired skinny guys that he and the teens had 'interviewed' that he just lost track of them all. But this one fit the bill—black hair matted down by some baseball cap, skinny, and he seemed agitated. Especially since he was some pirate or something, working for Don with some last name. He was tall, a couple of inches taller than both Sanji and Zoro, with mixed race features. He had both ears pierced, with what looked like miniature black pearls, two in each lobe. Scruff lined his upper lip and chin.

The teens were spending the night out at Chopper's, too afraid of Sanji's wrath to come home. Luffy was only with them to supervise any fun that they might have without him, as he was fully prepared to come home with Zoro to face Sanji sooner rather than later. Zoro didn't have to wait long for Sanji, but he was surprised when Sanji revealed the other man upon arrival.

"You actually brought a man home?" Zoro whispered, mock aghast. He received a kick to the head, but that was okay. He was determined to put this moocher through his own interview process.

"Gin, this is Zoro. Yes, he has green hair. And no, he's useless," Sanji said, getting right to work with building a meal by tying his apron on first.

Zoro grunted, giving the guy another perusal while flexing every single visible muscle that he possessed, as a warning to the other that he didn't take crap from anybody. That he was strong enough to knock heads without actually lifting a finger. That his ability to kick ass was as easy as whispering a word. Then he noted that Gin didn't at all look intimidated by his actions. He still didn't relax a muscle, and even scored a few popping veins here and there.

"Good to meet you," Gin said, with a respectful bow of his head. Zoro decided right off that he was an ugly man. Certainly not someone that they would have picked out for Sanji. "I'm Gin."

Zoro grunted again, relaxed, and busied himself with opening another bottle of grog. But he opened it by propping the cap underneath the cleft on his strong, manly chin and twisted up as he flexed his jaw. Gin winced, just slightly, as the bottle released the breath of grog and the cap fell to the counter with a clatter of sound. Satisfied with the mini-display of manliness, Zoro drank deep.

"So where is it you've come from recently, Gin?" Sanji asked, merrily chopping away at various vegetables, strips of meat already placed into a ready-made marinade. Oil popped and bubbled within a cast iron skillet, and a tortilla warmer sat nearby, waiting to be used. "Tell us about the Grand Line."

"It is just as the stories say. Unfortunately, we ran into the typhoon and had to return for repairs and supplies, as I said. The weather changes at its own whim…but it is vast and beautiful, with a challenge rearing its ugly head almost every moment. There are bountiful creatures in those seas, some as small as a speck and some as large as the clouds above," Gin said, growing animated as he spoke about it.

Zoro scowled, wondering how Sanji could believe this crap.

Gin went on and on about all that he'd seen and experienced, with Sanji asking questions here and there. Zoro sulked as he nursed his grog, watching the interaction between them. Then wondering why he'd feel so suspicious when all Sanji was doing was providing a meal for some lonely pirate. Not like the guy was fixing to make a move on the cook. It seemed only to be one of those moments where one guy was helping the other out.

Finally, Sanji served Gin up a plate full of sizzling steak and chicken fajitas. Side dishes were arranged artfully around him, with homemade guacamole, salsa and other such extras set nearby. Zoro waited for his and was snubbed, Sanji turning his nose up at him and serving himself a single serving. Zoro frowned at him, giving him the evil eye. Sanji shot him a similar one before Zoro looked away with a huff. To show Sanji that he didn't care, he opened up another bottle of grog, this time using only a fingernail to do so.

Gin dug into his, heartily enjoying what he had. He praised Sanji for the meal, the cook eating up the compliments.

Zoro rested his chin upon his palm and continued to frown. When it was apparent that eating was all that was going to happen, he left the counter to go into the back bedroom. To change into something comfortable and to polish his swords. But he'd keep the door wide open to listen for anything to change. He was ready for a good fight.

"Friend's rather rough," Gin said after awhile. "He treat all your visitors that way?"

"He's nobody," Sanji said, waving a hand. "He's on my bad side. That's why he's skulking around."

Gin chewed for a moment. His look was skeptical as he asked, "Just a friend?"

Sanji nodded, giving the question an odd look. "Yes. Believe it or not, we've been friends for over a decade."

"Hmm," Gin said in reply, finishing off his meal.

"…Why that tone?"

"I figured as much. Being that he's your friend and all. He and a few kids were looking out for your happiness last night. Advertising a get-together for a, uh, romantical meet-and-greet. Heh, who'd have known that it was _you_ they were advertising..."

Sanji looked mortified, dropping his fork and knife. "Assholes!"

"They weren't flashing no picture or anything. Just a…bad drawing." Gin snickered. "Advertising a 'refined gentleman type' that was looking for a man. I thought it was all a joke until I heard some guys preparing for it tonight."

Sanji covered his face with both hands, utterly mortified. Every visible inch of skin displayed this, growing bright red as he felt dizzy in the head. How was he ever going to show his face in that Area again? And it had to have been Ussop that did this horrendous drawing—he was the one with the artistic skills. And to think Sanji had done his hair and helped him dress up for tonight—!

"Are you ashamed?" Gin asked, lowering his fork and giving him a questioning look.

"NO!" But Sanji hesitated.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of. Having your friends set you up with somebody. At least they're lookin' out for you, right?"

"It's not that at all!" Sanji snapped, slapping the counter. "It's the fact that they're making a joke out of this—! This was not how I imagined things to be in the first place!"

"What? Being set up? Or being gay?"

"I'm not _gay_—! Wait. I—look, long story short…why am I saying this to you?"

"Because you won't see me again." Gin smirked. "I understand. Allow yourself to vent."

Sanji weighed that option for a few moments, and then decided to acquiesce to the proposal. It was true—it wasn't as if he'd see this pirate again, and he found himself feeling relaxed around the guy. And he wasn't going to find the chance to vent to any of his so-called friends—not when they were advertising his person to random pirates.

"I am ready for a change…" he started, then proceeded to tell him a very limited version of what he'd been through with the female species.

Gin listened quietly, saying nothing until Sanji finished talking. The fact that this random stranger would do so was surprising, but it was even more so surprising in how better he felt afterward.

"It makes sense," Gin said afterward. "You were trying too hard with women. I think that if ya be yourself around men, they'll respond. You don't have to woo them with gifts. But you can definitely do it with food. I'm stuffed, here."

"It's all just trying to find out where to start," Sanji muttered as he cleared his plate and began cleaning up. "I don't know what my type is. I don't know where to look. I don't know what to say, or what to do."

Gin played with his napkin. "Well, if it helps any, don't find it in the shipyards. You're asking for the wrong thing in the shipyards. There are other places you can visit. First of all, don't ask your friends for any favors, and don't expect them to come up with the right things."

"I didn't—"

"Second of all, uh, well, if it'll help, I, uh, would like to help you out. See, I, uh, well, I'm _that_ kind of person. And, uh, _we're_ getting along well, aren't we?" Gin added nervously, clearing his throat and looking sheepish.

Sanji looked back at him, startled. He would have never pegged Gin as being 'that sort of person'. But then again, he wasn't sure what to expect upon meeting 'that sort of person'. But he did feel comfortable with him. And Gin did praise his cooking, and he seemed nice enough, and they could talk—and Sanji thought it made sense to start out his gay beginnings with someone who was nice and friendly.

"Um…yeah? Uh…sure. I…" He fumbled, nearly dropping his dishes.

Gin looked relieved. "Good. Hey, listen, Sanji—tomorrow's Saturday, and we're going to be in the Area for a few days…why don't I come pick you up sometime in the afternoon and we could go do stuff? Think of it as a field trip."

Utterly caught off guard, but definitely hopeful despite the fact that Sanji couldn't see himself _with_ this person, the cook nodded. "Sure. Sure, I have to work tomorrow, but I'll definitely be here by 1500. If that's okay…"

"Great. Thanks for the food, Sanji. It was delicious. And…wear something a little more casual, all right? Not that you don't look…y'know, good in that, just—something casual."

Sanji merely nodded, slightly offended to be told to 'dress down'.

After Gin left, Sanji stood in the kitchen alone, his face beet red but his heart pounding with anxiety and bewilderment. Did he truly just score a pick-up?

Zoro startled him with his sudden appearance, the green haired bounty-hunter in training walking into the kitchen with a puzzled look on his face. He happened to be wearing a pair of Ussop's soccer shorts and a tightly stretched Luffy sized _Taking Back Sunday_ shirt. With mismatched tube socks.

Sanji's mouth merely fell open, and he stared in mute revulsion at the monstrosity Zoro was presenting in clothing wear. How could the man _not_ feel any shame in wearing such…horrors?

"Did you just score yourself a field trip in gayness tomorrow?" he asked, sounding as bewildered as Sanji felt.

"Before you talk to me, change out of those clothes, you flaming homo."

"I have nothing else to wear."

"That's no excuse for looking like that!"

"Do not hate on my manliness."

"'Manliness' my—! …I did. After work."

Zoro's mouth dropped. "Who would've known that guy was—_that_?!" he exclaimed. Then he gave Sanji a look. "You _do_ know what you're doing, you faker."

"I didn't—!" Sanji exclaimed, then had to stop, looking away from Zoro's ensemble with a mortified shake of his head. He wiped his suddenly sweaty hands on his apron. "It worked. I…I have a…oh fuck, I have a _date_ tomorrow! With a—with a _guy_!"

"I wouldn't have picked him," Zoro said with a scoff, picking at his underwear, as Ussop's shorts were sure tight around his ass.

Sanji rolled his eyes. "_Why_ wouldn't you have picked him? Stop picking at your ass, you flaming APE!"

"Well, first of all, you 'tard," Zoro continued, ignoring him as he counted his fingers as he spoke. "Some random pirate comes up to you for a free meal, infiltrates your house and then decides he wants to take you out because he's a 'nice guy'? What the hell?"

"We both know that if trouble were to come to our house, we can handle it," Sanji said haughtily. But then he looked uncertain, patting his clothes and then removed his apron. "What do I wear tomorrow? CHANGE OUT OF THOSE CLOTHES, you BLOODY _BRUNO_."

"Curlicue, quit hating on my manly bulge. Stop looking at it if it intimidates you."

"I'M NOT—! TO THINK THAT YOU'D THINK I'D—!" Sanji threw himself back to keep himself from yelling himself hoarse and stomped away.

As he trailed off to the back bedroom, Zoro surveyed the mess that Sanji hadn't cleaned. Then he fumed because he definitely wouldn't have picked that guy out to be Sanji's gay start. It would have been someone more…meatier. Cleaner. And not black-haired and skinny.

Before he knew it, he had a close up of the bottom of Sanji's dress shoe, and he was sent flying across the room, walls rattling.

"And another thing, fucker! I _know_ you had to be involved with this shit! Why were they all black haired and—and thin?" Sanji demanded, stalking toward him.

Zoro whipped out Kitetsu, frowning at the automatic choice. "Well," he started, sword flashing out just inches from Sanji's hair. If the blond hadn't ducked and threw himself into that cartwheeling kick…

Zoro himself used the wall to push off, narrowly avoiding Sanji's foot as the blond propelled himself forward. Like movie-style ninjas, the two battled for a few minutes, sword to foot, until Zoro was out in the middle of the broken and messy living room and Sanji on the counter, ready to pounce.

"I figured…hey…Ace was…the one who…got you all gay…why not hook…up with…ones that look…like him?" Zoro said between pants.

"Bastard. This…has nothing to do…with him," Sanji growled, jumping at him. The two battled it out for a few more minutes, the living and kitchen areas rapidly turning into disaster zones. Amid all the cursing and scuffling, the den-den mushi sounded, but they ignored it.

"Then…what else…catches your eye? Hah. Like you…would know…I had your…back. You scored, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but…I wouldn't've gone for…someone that looks like…Ace…don't even find him…anywhere near…y'know…"

"…No…enlighten me."

"I told you, algae head—! That's…impossible!" Sanji found his foot blocked by one of Zoro's upraised arms, heel hooked above wrist. With a fling of his body, he whirled away, with Zoro shifting back with both Kitetsu and Yubishiri taking point. Catching his breath, Sanji straightened. "But so what? I…I have a date. With…with a man. So there."

"_So there_ times infinity, bastard. You're not going to like it. You're _not_ gay, you dumb ass."

"Have you done it before, you closet homo?"

"NO! But I'm just saying…"

"You don't know what the hell I want, think or need! So it's not up to you!"

"That's FUCKING right!" Zoro shouted. "It's not! It's none of my business!"

Sanji opened his mouth to roar back when Zoro picked at his underwear once more. He lowered his head with exhaustion. "…Zoro, I cannot take you seriously when you're dressed that way. Bloody piece of…give me your fuckin' laundry, you helpless primate. When you're properly dressed, I'll continue this bullshit."

"…Sweet. It's all under my bed."

Muttering, Sanji stomped off, Zoro looking pleased that he'd once again squirmed out of doing his own laundry. But then he frowned hard, feeling suspicious of the guy with black hair. What was his name again? Tonic? Vodka? Waldo? Whatever it was, he was going to see this through. Sanji was going to fail again, Zoro just knew it. He just had to convince his friend of this without seeming…gay.

-

Meanwhile, in the midst of this drama, Gin was clinging to a streetlamp, unable to believe he'd scored a free meal and a date with a guy he never thought he'd ever be able to pick up. His anxiety had him doubled over, his hairline dripping with sweat. He frantically wondered how in the world he'd gotten through the encounter as he had—he usually stumbled his way through a date with a mediocre man and ended up killing people in the end; yet with this blond god on mortal legs he'd scored on was something he'd only ever dreamed of.

As he stumbled home, he had to think hard on how things were going to go tomorrow—he had to be just as cool as he was earlier. He had to keep this up. He had to make sure he didn't kill anybody for the hell of it. Because he had a daring hope that Sanji would actually grow to like him—to actually look for a second date. Walking on rubbery legs, Gin gave a crazed laugh, causing people passing by to look at him strangely.

-

The next morning, after Sanji left for work, Zoro waited for the teens to return from Chopper's and prepared them for the day's events. He'd called into work earlier, citing swine flu from Sanji's porkchops the night before. He had to hang up quickly when his boss informed him sternly that one couldn't get the swine flu by eating pork.

Despite the fact that the teens were half asleep from staying up all night, all it took was a recount of the night before to fully wake them up.

"He did?!" Chopper exclaimed, clapping his hooves together. "That asshole! It's totally not awesome that he scored a date without us!"

"I wish I was here," Luffy whined glumly, stretching his head to rest on the coffee table. "_I_ wanted to pick him out…I bet I would have done better."

"What matters is that Sanji is happy," Ussop declared. "No more repeats of Nami! This man will show up, right? I mean, when Sanji goes out to meet him, he's going to be there, right?"

"Actually, the heroin-addict will pick him up here," Zoro said, frowning tightly as he kept his arms folded across his chest.

"What's heroin?" Luffy asked.

"This won't be a Nami-repeat, Ussop," Chopper interrupted. "Because this one's a man. A _man_ doesn't take back his word!"

"Well…uh…"

"A _real man_ will follow through with his word, right, Zoro?" Chopper asked, looking up at the older man with a hopeful expression.

Zoro had no choice but to nod. "Well…yes. A Real Man will follow through with what he says."

"He's coming here?" Ussop cried, aghast. "But our place is a disaster—! Oh, wait, we don't have to worry about that if it's a…if it's a _guy_…"

Luffy perked up. "That's right! We don't have to hide our porn, or clean up, or lower the toilet seats, or wear clothes, or even hold back our farts! We can just be _men_ around him! Yay! That's totally awesome. I'm already excited."

"Ah! That's right!" Chopper yelled, clapping his hooves yet again. "We can say all the gross and dirty things we want! Like 'panties', and 'I need some space', and 'barbeque' and 'she's just a friend'—"

"…Why can't we say 'panties' around girls?" Luffy asked.

"Because girls don't like the word. Makes them think of old men, for some reason." Ussop shrugged.

"…Can't we buy those in vending machines?"

"Well, yes, a dollar fifty a pop—!"

"FIRST OFF," Zoro interrupted, lowering chin to chest. "We need to stay out of the way. Let the idiot realize what a big mistake he's making."

"Aw, but Zoro—!" Luffy started to protest before he fell quiet at a raise of Zoro's hand.

"…But I didn't say _they_ wouldn't know we were watching over them."

"YAY!"

"Zoro, why do you want to spy on Sanji and his first man date?" Ussop asked, expression confused. 

"Think about it, Ussop. Man Virgin picked this guy out from the _shipyards_. The guy works for some heavy-hitter pirate that sailed the Grand Line. What makes you think he ain't just targeting the first nancy boy that comes along? Don't you think Sanji would want some back up, just in case Anorexic Dork brings some friends?"

Luffy's eyes widened. "Ooh…way to go, Zoro. You're _way_ Sanji's wingman. You've got the angles all covered up."

"That is…actually quite smart," Ussop agreed. "That's true. We need to tag along just to make sure Sanji's safe."

"He really shouldn't have picked a man from the shipyards," Chopper agreed, nodding his round head. "They could be quite foul and nasty-tempered."

Zoro nodded. "Exactly. We're doing this as…y'know…buddies. Besides, he wouldn't even know we're around. No harm done."

"RIGHT!" Luffy sprung to his feet. "Are we going to sneak around, Zoro? Hide from them?"

"Well—"

"I want my Ninja suit! Woo-hoo! I knew stealing that guy's clothes would come in handy someday!"

"Me too!" Ussop cried, racing after Luffy as the teen tore for his room. Chopper followed only to follow.

Meanwhile, Zoro gave an uncertain frown. Maybe he was going too far—maybe he was just too used to Sanji's failures with women. What if Sanji _was_ a candidate for gayness, and actually succeeded in being with a guy?

But he'd been there so many times; _so many times_ where he had to find the dope, who had been stood up once again, by a beautiful woman. Zoro had been there for the first time, and had been there the very last. He knew he shouldn't involve himself in Sanji's business, but when it had become so frequent that it was only automatic to just…_be there_…then how could he simply stop it?

-

Later that day, Sanji rushed home and was at an immediate loss. He wasn't sure what 'casual' meant. Surveying his closet, Sanji smoked and wondered what he possessed would count as 'casual'. All that hung before him were perfectly pressed shirts, sweaters, blazers, suits, name-brand jeans and rows upon rows of shoes. He had t-shirts here and there, but he couldn't rightly place himself in them without seeming overdone. Gin had been scruffy last night—what if Sanji's neatness and well-dress-ness wasn't as casual to him as it was to Sanji?

Hell, he was actually going to _dress for a man_. The very thought made his stomach crawl with anxiety.

All day long he'd been nervous as hell—unable to block out images of past 'dates'. All those hours of waiting in places he'd agreed to meet, all that money he'd spent on gifts, all that humiliation and let-down he'd felt when nobody showed. While on one side he felt certain as hell he'd be revisiting those nights (only to end in a large man to man fight if this turned out to be some attack by some rowdy pirate looking to set-up guys like him who were just looking for love—affection—attention), he could also feel another part of him yearning for a change. Yearning for something different, something true.

And he would be on pins and needles to whole night, even if Gin were the genuine thing. Because things wouldn't change _just like that_, just because he decided on another orientation to find himself some love. And because he'd never been on a date with a…man.

…_he was going out with a man_.

Sanji felt that now familiar pang of horror/shock he'd felt since that night Ace had touched him.

But along with it came the feeling of definite _hope_.

"OI!" he hollered, stabbing the cig out in an ashtray Luffy made for him in shop class. "Meathead! C'mere, quick! I think Luffy used Wadou as a toilet plunger!"

He heard the startled slam of weights dropping outside, multiple screams of teenage pain and terror, and Zoro was in the room within seconds, cursing a blue streak. Sanji didn't look away from his closet, frowning deeply with thought. He didn't want to see what Zoro was wearing (or not) today. Last night's ensemble had been too much for him.

"Tell me, moss-head. What would _you_ pick to wear?" he asked, gesturing at his neatly hung clothes.

Once assured that his swords were still in good shape, Zoro scowled and joined him. He shrugged a sweaty shoulder. To him, all of Sanji's clothes looked the same.

"I'm not a stylist. Asshole."

"You got that right. Huh. Well…hmm. You're not any help."

"…I feel so…homosexual, right now. Helping my buddy pick out clothes for a date with a dude. _Yow_. This is _totally_ how I want to spend my Saturday night. _Leik_, _o.m.g_."

Sanji sighed and decided he was right. After he sent Zoro flying out the bedroom with a well-placed roundhouse, he reached in and grabbed random hangars. After mixing and matching several outfits, he finally decided on one, and locked himself into the bathroom to do his business. An hour later he emerged in his bathrobe, bellowing for Luffy. Once the teen arrived, breathless and strangely excited over where Sanji was going, the blond cook waved a handful of bills about and asked Luffy where the best pizza in town was.

Working the teen up into a fervor over which place he liked best, Sanji managed to score Ussop and Chopper's attention, both drawn by Luffy's excited shouts over food. It took only a few words to have all three racing out of the house, arguing over how many pizzas they were going to buy with the money that Sanji had given them.

Grinning at his clever plan in removing the teens from any potential embarrassment, Sanji quickly dried and styled his hair, trimmed his chin scruff, and quickly slapped on the usual array of body necessities before dressing into the clothes he'd picked out earlier. Studying himself in the mirror, he fretted over what he should look like—styling and restyling his hair until he found it ridiculous, for he kept styling it into the same style he always had.

Surveying his outfit with worry, wondering if his Perry Ellis ensemble was too much, Sanji looked up when Zoro popped in the doorway. Instead of announcing that his date was there, Zoro tossed him a shirt.

Sanji didn't even both to look at it, merely holding it aloft with one hand and giving him a look. "What…am I to do with this?"

"It's casual, you bastard."

"…Wasn't this being used to pad the couch cushions?"

"Dude, seriously—you asked for my help. I _helped_. And you're fuckin' crying about it, now. Fucking ungrateful bastard."

Sanji scowled as Zoro disappeared, grumbling over never helping him again. But he looked at the shirt, frowned even harder when he realized that it was a dark red Converse logo cotton tee, and then looked at his watch. With a curse, he zipped to his room, removed the Perry Ellis suit, and pulled on a pair of perfectly pressed jeans with perfect condition high-top sneakers, and the shirt. He then pulled on a vest over that. Satisfied with what he found as 'casual', Sanji studied himself in the mirror and gave a firm nod.

But he winced and sniffed at the shoulder of the shirt—realizing he could smell Zoro all over it. As if it hadn't even been _washed_—but before he could do anything, the doorbell rang.

With a low sigh, he sprayed on another dose of body spray, applied his usual wallet and wallet chain, and left the bathroom. Inside, he was a bumbling mess of nerves and insecurity—but when he opened to door to face a perfectly calm and cool Gin, all he presented was a picture of steel and firm confidence.

Little did he know that Gin was screaming inside, unable to believe he'd hit the big time with this blond rocker/casual god of awesome and manly style.


	10. Dumb

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece, but I do acknowledge using Eiichiro Oda's characters without his permission.

Warning: AU, OOC, profanity, slash, modern-fantasy setting. Um...do not take this seriously. LOL

A/N: It's coming along! Slowly but surely. Sorry it took me awhile to update this. RL got on my nerves and I needed to take a sabbatical. Meaning, um…I went airhead just to escape. Yah. Always works.

A/N: THANKS TO EVERYBODY THAT REVIEWED! Sorry I couldn't reply to all of them, but I do appreciate ya'll reading and reviewing and Alerting and Favoriting!

: **Dumb** :

Nami was bewildered once she arrived upon the house. Shifting her fox fur stole around her shoulders, she strained her ears to hear any of their voices. Confident that she heard nothing, she strolled up the front walk and let herself in, wincing at the smells that assaulted her. This definitely wasn't a woman's house, she decided as she shut the door behind her.

There was no one inside—the messy state told her nothing of their whereabouts. Finger to her painted lips, Nami made a slow turn around the living room. After a glance reassured her that no one was hiding in plain sight, she allowed herself to search through the entire house. The boys' room was hideously messy, and she made a face as she delicately stepped through the dangers presented to her, ensuring herself to a full look of the area. She then searched through the room belonging to the older boys', and grimaced once more at what she saw. At least she was able to differentiate whose side was whose.

Heading back to the living room, she exhaled heavily and tried to rack her mind as to any clue in the past few days that had been quietly divulged to her. She couldn't think of a single thing. She then spotted the _doujinshi_ on the coffee table and ventured a look, wondering who in the group looked at "funny books".

But once she opened the top book and saw the contents, Nami stilled. Then she flipped through the whole thing, her eyes widening and her breath pausing in her chest. Her red nails were stark against the black and white pictures before her.

She wasn't sure what to think. Why would there be a 'funny book' depicting homosexuality in a house full of men? She really couldn't imagine Ussop being the one owning the books, nor Luffy or Chopper. The three, if they were homosexual, wouldn't be so blatant with checking out the possibilities. They definitely wouldn't bring such materials around the older boys…well, who knew with Luffy?

Sanji was a hardcore ladies' man. There was no doubt there.

She gasped, stumbling back, as she thought of Zoro. The man had always turned her down. Ignored her advances, call her names, never looking down the front of her smallest shirts. He was always glaring at her for intruding onto their manly group of friends. Her eyes widened once more, fingers finding themselves pressed against her lips with thought.

With a shake of her head, she thought, _No…it couldn't be_. Because while it didn't fit right, it somehow _did_. The more she thought of it, the more it made sense. Zoro's clinginess to Sanji…his constant display of manliness in battle, his "…Moved onto, uh, bigger...uh...things," comment.

She gasped again. Zoro was _in love_ with Sanji. It made sense. _Perfect_ sense. Was Sanji aware? Nami thought over things, sitting carefully on the couch, _doujinshi's_ in her line of view. A cover down revealed a svelte blond curled gracefully around a masculine hunk of man-meat, and she could, without strain, picture it being Sanji and Zoro. Her cheeks flamed at the thought, and she quickly pulled the top book over that cover, not wanting to see such things vividly.

She wasn't sure whether to feel insulted, sad or intrigued. She was now, for certain, sure she'd never have Zoro's affection. To know that Sanji was the one to have it all along was…conflicting.

Sanji loved women—Zoro would never have him. But as Sanji's best friend, he'd always be at his side. It made sense. But what a waste. _What a waste_.

Frustrated, Nami wondered if this was Karma at work. For all the tricks she'd pulled on Sanji, for all the using she'd done over other men in the past. With a frown, she swiped the _doujinshi_ from the table and strode out from the house, head spinning with thoughts.

Maybe she'd just have to ask them, or see it all for herself.

-

It was just like hanging out with Zoro. Only a little more so because every time Sanji found himself relaxing, he would see the way Gin looked at him and it came crashing down on him every time.

That he was on a _date with a man_.

Sanji was starting to see that Gin was a stoic guy, with a quiet sense of humor. There was also something off about him, something that gave Sanji pause when he started to consider it, but he couldn't quite place what it was about Gin that bothered him. Perhaps it was just the fact that _he was on a date_. _With a man_.

Gin had taken him to a bowling alley off Area 12. It was crawling with same-sex couples. Sanji was amazed to know that this place existed. He couldn't help but gape, feeling extremely nervous about what he was getting himself into. As men hung all over each other, making out in various corners, _communicating_ with each other, Sanji couldn't help but imagine being in the place of each and every one of them. Would he really have the ability to _make out with a guy_? He performed a double take at one such couple, who had no reservations in holding back the frenzied groping they were currently doing on a sidewalk bench. He swallowed hard and lit up without pause, feeling his anxiety build.

Would he really have the ability to _touch another man_? He inhaled heavily, smoke gathering in his lungs and his hairline beading with sweat.

Could he really just relax and be himself with another man, but place certain _affections_ onto him at the same time?

Eyes widened with anxiety, Sanji shoved his hands into his pants pocket and deftly avoided a female couple that walked hand in hand through the streets, arguing loudly over their next destination.

He looked up, unsure of what to say or do and caught Gin tilting his head back to look at him. In place was his calm, cool expression—he couldn't show the pirate how nervous and anxious he was at this moment.

Gin gave him a nod and indicated a walkway up to an amusement center. Taking the lead, feeling uncomfortable doing so, Sanji realized that Gin was comfortable. Just walking along, in a yellow t-shirt that contrasted nicely with his skin color, with dark blue denim jeans and scruffy shoes. He also wore a matching head warmer, black hair all askew, as if he didn't bother with it. Little did he know that it took Gin all day to come up with this presentation.

Sanji was impressed. It had been such a long time since he'd actually spent time with another male that wasn't prone to childish fits, or manly sulking, or a bottle of grog in one hand. He was almost at a loss as to what to do.

He swallowed tightly. He would not show his nervousness. No. He was just going to go along with it and just—be…Sanji. He would just be _Sanji_. Except…not so much the _entire_ Sanji, who would have gaped and been 'in heaven' over the same sex dolls that openly flaunted each other on the streets. And not so much raging, cursing Sanji, who kicked idiots out of his path and found every excuse to cut down something that didn't meet his visual approval.

No, he would continue to be cool and collected Sanji, who would evaluate every situation and word that came to him with a careful calm that would make Gin feel as if he'd found…a…uh, friend. Of sorts. A…well, a gay friend. That was trying very hard to get into the swing of things because he was currently in knots over his next move and word.

He stabbed the cig out onto a pile of dirt located atop of a trash barrel for such purposes and faced Gin. Gin paused at the top step, hardened features shifting into that of a question. Sanji wondered if he ever lost that tenseness, that terse cool. He wondered how old Gin was. He wondered why Gin even bothered with picking him up in the first place. What _attracted_ Gin to Sanji?

…Maybe it was his jeans. Wasn't ass the first things men checked out? Dammit, he forgot to see what it looked like in the mirror before he left the house. He hoped his wallet didn't make it look too lopsided.

"Yes?" Gin asked, and Sanji realized he was glaring at the man.

"I'll pay," Sanji said, without thinking about things. But the moment those words left his mouth, he realized he had to get things straight. "I always pay. Nobody takes care of me but myself."

Amused, Gin nodded without saying anything. Little did Sanji know, the man had just given an inward sigh of relief. Because he had only a single bill in his tattered billfold, and was angsting over that fact, because Sanji deserved more than that.

"What happens now?" Sanji then asked, crossing his arms tightly over his chest.

"Well…we pay admission. We get our shoes. Not fair memorizing shoe sizes, either," he said, letting himself in and wanting to slap his forehead in disgust for saying that.

Sanji wondered, as he followed, what he meant by that. He glared at his feet, then at Gin's. Was this some sort of manly competition? Dammit, the guy just dropped a notch on his Like Factor. It only seemed like a Zoro thing to do—compete over shoe sizes.

Later, seated at their station, Gin looked over at Sanji as the blond tied his shoes. He was burning with joy. With anticipation. With complete and utter disbelief that this handsome, attractive man, whose long legs _had_ to have been insured with their fantastic-ness, was really with him. He'd noticed that he was given looks of envy, of contemplation. Was the man even utterly aware of how he was being checked out right now? How, as they walked through Area 12, men were practically breaking necks just to look after him?

Sanji's blonde hair fell over his eyes as he tapped his heeled feet onto the floor to ensure the shoe's fit. Thigh muscle flexed and shifted with the movement, just barely visible beneath his jeans' material fit. Gin practically hyperventilated. Caught in a maelstrom of masculine pride, attraction and pure luck, he fumbled with his shoes. Trying not to think anymore about those legs. Damn, he was a leg man. His stomach tightened in knots as he wondered how hairy they were, how veiny his ankles were, how muscular they might look—

"I'll take this ball," Sanji said, holding up a dark green ball, already satisfied with the fitting.

Gin nearly choked, but he recovered by giving a grave nod. _He said 'ball'_! he thought giddily.

In the end, Sanji won—but only because Gin was too distracted to throw. Gin had caught The Scent.

He knew what it was—picturing the green-haired muscleman that had studiously ignored him the night before, Gin had an inkling that there was more to the picture than Sanji was letting on. A little more primal than cultivated, Gin recognized The Scent to be an animalistic warning that told him to Back Off.

Gin couldn't say anything about it—Sanji was finally starting to relax. Gin was working hard on not messing things up. He was keeping his murderous ways in check.

But The Scent…Gin couldn't place exactly where it was, because whenever Sanji shifted, Gin would smell cigarette smoke and his cologne, but underneath it was The Scent. Mocking him. _Where was it coming from_?

Sanji faced him after Gin gnashed his teeth and hid his balling hands into his pants pocket. Struggling to keep his anger in check. _The shirt_, he realized, as he really took in Sanji's appearance. The vest kept his figure, but the shirt's shoulders were sagging on his thin build, and the hem was longer than necessary on the cook's torso. Baggier. Trashed.

…Why would Sanji wear that thug's shirt? There was something going on between them, Gin just knew it. The green haired dope had caught onto their connection last night and was doing his best to sabotage it. Keep Sanji to himself.

Well, Gin wasn't going to stand for it. He had to step in and make his claim. He only needed to know how to do so without being obvious…then he got an idea as he glanced over at the concession stand. A contemplative smirk a lit his gaunt face, and he nodded over at the counter while Sanji replaced his shoes.

He returned a couple of minutes later, playing out his ploy in his head. Sanji had already returned his shoes and was waiting for Gin to return. The gaunt-faced pirate held out an ice cold draft beer when he somehow lost his footing. Sanji cursed as beer splashed over him, Gin cursing at the same moment once he regained his footing. Sanji looked down at himself, flinging amber liquid from his hands and realizing that he was thoroughly soaked. As he looked up, he could have sworn Gin had a pleased look upon his face before he quickly reversed it into something contrite.

"I'm so sorry. I apologize," Gin said, carefully setting down the other beverage. "Must've been a sniper somewhere."

Sanji found that he couldn't kick the guy around for the mishap. One look at Gin's sorrowful expression and he wilted. With a shrug, he said, "I guess it's all right. But I need to change."

"Let's call it a night. Sanji, I don't want to push you, or make you uncomfortable," Gin said, inwardly bemoaning his Good Guy routine. But it would be worth it. It would all be worth it in the end. Things had to be taken slowly with Sanji, Gin had realized. Because the moment Sanji started to feel uncomfortable, the blond was likely to run. "I'll take ya home. We had a good time, eh?"

Sanji nodded, recognizing a sensation of disappointment from somewhere within him. That was good, then. He'd enjoyed himself up to this point. With both hands, he gathered as much material between both hands and wrung out both vest and shirt, a little miffed that he'd have to leave his man-date smelling like beer.

-

"_I_ wanna go on a date with Gin," Luffy said with a pout, crossing his arms over his chest tightly. "They did _fun_ things! He took him _bowling_, Zoro! Why is that so horrible to you?"

"I think you're missing the point of it, Luffy," Ussop said tiredly, yanking at the black hood he wore, which caught onto his nose. "It was a DATE."

"There wasn't any kissing, Ussop. Doesn't _dating_ involve _kissing_? Like the movies!"

"There _wasn't_!" Chopper repeated, horrified. "There wasn't _any_ kissing! There wasn't any touching, no hugging, no sloppy walks in the park—! Maybe it wasn't a date?"

Zoro heaved a gigantic breath of exasperation. The spying had gone as planned, and all four were on the train home. Everyone looked at them oddly, unable to understand why all were wearing ninja outfits; save for the green haired man, standing out in eye-scorching orange cargo pants and hot pink collar tee. "Well, don't I feel stupid?"

"I hope you do, Zoro," Luffy said with a frown. "What a waste of time. We could have been bowling with them."

"I don't think Gin's dangerous," Ussop said. "In fact, you could say he's extremely fond of…of…extremely nice…extremely…my gosh, my friend was on a _date with a man_."

An older woman gasped and held her gloved hand to her mouth, causing the three youngsters to look over at her.

"Sanji was _seeing_ a _man_!" Luffy crowed, waiting for her to make another outraged noise. She indeed went white and shifted uncomfortably.

"Our best friend Sanji was on a date with a man!" Chopper hollered, following suit with Luffy.

Ussop slapped hands over both their mouths, watching nervously as people around them shifted, darting looks of unnamed expressions their way. "Guys, _hush_."

"Well, hell, I made a bigger deal out of it than I should have," Zoro grumbled, folding his hands behind his head and preparing for a nap. "I thought he'd be more…interesting."

"You just wanted to fight somebody, Zoro," Ussop admonished, then frowned at the snores that erupted.

"I liked Gin," Luffy said again. "I hope that when he picks Sanji up again, he asks us to go with him, too. I wanna do fun things. Did you see those guys making out? Do you think Sanji wants to do that with Gin?"

The woman gave another gasp, half muffled by her hand.

"But if we go, won't we be hindering things? I mean, the point of dating is to getting to know each other," Ussop said, elbowing Luffy's side. "And, uh, I dunno about the…uh…kissing thing."

"Sanji likes Gin," Chopper said, fiddling with his ninja outfit. It couldn't quite hide the fact that he had horns. "He didn't curse or kick him or abuse him or throw things at him—not like how he does with Zoro. Or with us."

"Because he wants Gin to know that he is an okay guy, Chopper. You can't do that to somebody right off the bat when you want them to like you, _duh_," Luffy said, mimicking Zoro's posture and slumping low in the seat.

"That's right!"

"When we get home, remember, we cannot speak of what we did all afternoon," Ussop reminded them. "Sanji will get embarrassed. And if Sanji's modesty is threatened, you know what he'd do."

"Aw, that Sanji. He's so shy," Luffy said with a careless wave.

"'Shy' isn't the word…"

After they arrived home, the three hurriedly changed out of their outfits and busied themselves playing their video games. Zoro searched through the fridge for grog and something to eat. Twenty minutes later, Sanji arrived, reeking of beer and grumbling over the very fact.

"SANJI!" Luffy cried, stretching out to hug him tightly. "Mmm, you remind me of a bar, Sanji."

"Get off."

"How was your date?" Zoro asked, a touch snidely.

"It…uh…it…it wasn't a date. It—"

"Sanji, _shut up_."

"Fine. It was…it was _fine_. Wait a minute, how'd _you_ _three_ know I was on a date?" Sanji asked, growing outraged.

"Sanji, next time Gin comes over to get you, can we come too?" Luffy asked. "You guys looked to have tons of fun bowling today, and—"

Sanji's furious eye snapped toward Zoro, who calmly walked out the front door. Ussop grabbed Luffy and yanked him back with a nervous chuckle. "Never mind him, Sanji. Um, you should go change! Quickly. Before the stuff permeates your skin and leaves you smelling like, mm, Pabst all week."

"You're too young to know what that smells like," Sanji grumbled, sniffing himself then striding off to his room.

Ussop exhaled slowly, releasing Luffy. "You idiot. I told you not to bring that up! We could be seriously killed—!"

Luffy opened his mouth to reply when Sanji flew out from the hall, the underside of his foot catching both teens by their heads. As they hit the carpet, he climbed over them, to shove a heel under the right side of Luffy's neck and the left side of Ussop's jaw, effectively pinning them in place by using their body weight and his leg strength.

"Now…tell me seriously. What do you know?" he asked, lighting up.

"T-t-there's no-nothing to—to be ashamed of!" Ussop choked.

Luffy stretched his neck out, giving Sanji a frown. "C'mon, Sanji. Why keep such a secret from your bestest friends? Besides, Zoro was only looking out for you. He wanted to make sure Gin wasn't some bastard from the shipyards that wanted to hurt you."

"_Zoro_…set you…up to this?"

"Yeah! He's your wingman! He knows what he's supposed to do! He was only watching out for you, and how come you didn't even try to hold Gin's hand that one time?" Luffy asked.

Sanji's face turned red, and he cleared his throat loudly. He released them, Ussop choking and coughing while Luffy rolled onto his back, arms behind his head.

"Never mind, Luffy," he muttered, walking back to the bedroom. Ussop made sure that he did enter the room with the intention to change, and quickly hurried over to the living room. He found Chopper hiding behind the couch, having hidden once his friends had been taken down. They resumed playing their games.

"Sanji is such a shy guy," Luffy said with a sigh. "At the rate he's going, he's not going to find the right sort of person that should be with him. He's only going to attract the sort that'll take advantage of him. Poor Sanji. We should help him!"

"Sanji isn't a shy guy, Luffy, and I think staying out of his way when it comes to his, uh, mission, will be helping him enough. Because he was really upset when he heard we were, um, _watching_ over him today," Ussop said, adjusting his ponytail.

"It's true," Chopper chimed in. "Sanji isn't shy, but he definitely lacks the knowledge. We should make sure Gin is the right person for him!"

"You're right, Chopper! Does he have all the Say-may stuff that Sanji needs?" Luffy asked, zipping over and stealing Ussop's controller.

"He's aggressive, all right. And he's, um, a little manly. Skinny, but Sanji's okay with it. He can feed him enough substance to have him fill out a bit," Chopper said, tapping his chin with a hoof. "But his personality wasn't clear enough. Did you two see the way he sniffed Sanji today? Right after he did, he grew offended. Maybe he didn't like Sanji's cologne…?"

"But that's the expensive stuff."

"Well, he was also wearing Zoro's shirt, the one that hung out under the couch cushions since February of last year," Chopper said with a nervous clearing of his throat.

"Aw, shit, the one I was wiping my boogers on?" Luffy asked in disgust, searching the couch and finding that it was so. He made a face. "Oh, _ugh_. I hope he washed it, first."

"He probably didn't have the time to do so. SO! Gin probably smelled its unwashed state and was turned off. Probably. So…I think that the very next time they go out, Sanji needs to smell better."

"This is just like being around girls," Ussop grumbled.

"But scent is a defining factor in finding a mate! You need to find somebody you find smells awesome in order to keep them! Gin may like Sanji, but he didn't like the smell of him. I say we need to do a little research on Gin. Find out what he likes so that we can, subtly, apply it to Sanji the next time they date!"

"Chopper, that is a fabulous idea! Let's go, Ussop!" Luffy cried, grabbing at his shirt.

"Where are we going?!"

"To find Gin!"

"We are going to spy on Gin," Chopper said with determination. "Should we redress in our ninja suits?"

"Another fabulous idea, Chopper! Let's go, Ussop!" Luffy cried, pulling Ussop towards their room.

After the front door opened and shut minutes later, Sanji ventured out of his room, wondering what they were up to, now. He then shrugged and decided to take a shower, to think about what the day meant to him.

-

"It's you," Zoro growled, whipping out two of his swords, readying himself for defensive measures.

"What is this, Zoro?" Nami asked, using one red nail to push away Kitetsu. She waved the _doujinshi_ about, pages fluttering.

Zoro relaxed and sat back down on his bench. Having gotten himself lost on the streets of Area 29, he had decided that he needed some alone time to think. He wasn't sure what to make of Gin courting Sanji; it was definitely a manlier version of courtship, though. While uncomfortable with the fact that his long time friend was planning on being with a man, that didn't mean Zoro was okay with it.

In the midst of his thinking, Nami had ambushed him. The redhead was strutting around in her fox fur stole, her tiniest dress and highest heels, and Zoro had to wonder how she did it. Didn't her feet get tired in those things?

"Chopper's," he said. "What you doing snooping through our house, anyway? Don't you have better things to do, like rob an old couple or kick a toddler's shins?"

"Why would _Chopper_ have this in your house? This depicts gay _men_ doing all sorts of naughty things to each other, and I don't think you've noticed by now, but Chopper isn't a man," Nami said, opening the book to a highly detailed page and laying it in Zoro's lap.

Zoro cleared his throat and jiggled his leg to dump it to the sidewalk. "He brought it over the other night, witch. What am I supposed to say? Ask _him_."

"I just find it entirely hilarious, that amidst all your, er, _manliness_ and masculine pride, I find it odd that this would be somewhere near your vicinity. Doesn't it offend you?" she asked, picking it up and sitting next to him, annoyed that he scooted away from her. She flipped through the pages with languid effort.

"Why would it?" Zoro asked.

"Because it's against all manliness. I mean, a man loving another man," Nami said, pausing on another highly detailed page. "Allowing himself to love another man, in a way a man is to love another woman. Having sex with him, kissing him, touching him…reading or even seeing another man dominating another like he's a woman, isn't that wrong?"

"Huh. 'Dominating'," Zoro repeated, scrunching his brown as he searched the light polluted skies for answers. "If you put it that way, it would make sense that a man would love another man. It's completely Alpha/Beta. Y'know? Hey, you wouldn't get anybody pregnant."

Nami gave him a disgusted look. "No, Zoro, that's not how it works. A woman was put here for a man. That's the natural order."

"Who says?"

"It's a given!"

Zoro thought of all the gay couples in Area 12. "Some people missed that memo."

"So you're okay with it?"

"I don't care. Nami, why don't you go for a woman? Tell me about it sometime, huh?"

"I don't want a woman! I want a man!" Huffing, Nami tossed the _doujinshi_ into the trash. "You're a tolerant man, Zoro. Who is it that's into these books? Ussop? Luffy? Sanji? Hah!"

Zoro gave a chuckle. "You'd be surprised, witch."

"It's not that I don't like homosexuals, it's just…" Nami trailed off, scratching at her breast. She frowned when she realized Zoro didn't even try to look. Seeing that he was busy staring off at the sky, she grabbed her dress and pulled it down, flashing him for five full seconds. Those passing by looked, stunned and appreciative. Annoyed that Zoro didn't even investigate as to why various men had crashed into each other, causing a clumsy scene before them, she shifted her dress back into place. She sighed, bending to rest her chin into her palm, elbow upon her knee.

"What if someone liked you, Zoro?" she then asked. "How would you treat them?"

"Why would they do something like that?" Zoro asked, picking at his nose and examining the contents he'd found.

Nami made a face, trying not to retch. "I'm serious! What if…what if one of your male friends liked you?"

"HAH!" Zoro crowed. Then he fell serious. "Like who? I mean, those guys back there's already spreading the rumors that I am. Hell, earned me a few more fights, and I find it too tiring to deny."

"You're just going to let people talk shit about you like that?" Nami screeched. "You are so lazy!"

"Hell."

"What if _Sanji_ liked you," she then said hurriedly, looking at him closely. "What if it were Sanji that liked you?"

"That'd be weird, considering he's seeing this—" Zoro quickly cut himself off.

"He's _seeing_ somebody?! _Who_?" Nami cried, grabbing a hold of his shirt. "Who's he seeing?!"

"Never mind. Can't talk about it."

"Is she pretty? What woman in her right mind would see him?"

"Hah! A _woman_," Zoro chuckled, then realized he was obvious, giving Nami a startled look.

But Nami didn't catch it, frowning hard. "Is she from our school? Zoro, is this why you're out here moping?"

"No. _Geebus_."

"Zoro, are you homo?" she then asked directly.

Zoro sighed. "Let it be what it may. Get off."

"YOU _ARE_?"

"That book wasn't mine. It's Chopper's," Zoro then said, rising from the bench and decided to risk looking for the familiar route back to home. Sanji should have something cooked by now.

"ZORO!" Nami hollered after him, rising from the bench as well. "YOU'RE GAY?!"

"He has finally come to his senses," said a voice behind her, causing her to whirl. Johnny and Yosaku stood there in the shadows, their contemplation poses strained, as if they'd been standing there the entire time.

"He finally realizes it, and what a man he is," Yosaku said with a grave nod.

"_Is_ he?" Nami asked them.

"Is he what?"

"Is he _gay_?"

"Is he—? Girl, what sorta questions you ask!" Johnny scolded.

"You've been standing here this entire time! Didn't you hear a word we said?!"

"Actually, I was thinking about how the street cleaner hadn't cleaned off our butts in a long while," Johnny admitted, looking around himself.

"I was thinking on whether or not I'd consumed too much salt the day before. The pickle really did me in," Yosaku said with a nod.

"Aye, you look a little bloated," Johnny said.

"I _feel_ it. It's all in my eye area. Not so much here, but over here."

"It's definitely noticeable."

"IDIOTS!"

"Are you on a witch hunt for homos?" Yosaku asked. "There's this guy on campus, Bon something or other. He's an instructor. Why don't you approach him and ask him your girly questions?"

"You were just saying Zoro had finally come to his senses! What did that mean?"

"It's dinner time," Yosaku replied, giving her frown.

"It's about time he went home for dinner. Where have you been, girl? Don't you pay attention to things?" Johnny asked.

Nami growled, stomped her foot, and strode off. She'd find her answers sooner or later.


	11. Queer

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece, but I do acknowledge using Eiichiro Oda's characters without his permission. I also admit to borrowing titles from Garbage songs, because I heart them.

Warning: AU, OOC, profanity, slash, modern-fantasy setting. Um...do not take this seriously. LOL

A/N: Sorry for such a late update…I've been working on my original fics, and RL is so annoying. Because of the volume of responses to this story, the last chapter, I can only do this : _**Thanks to all those that reviewed, story alerted and author alerted! You are very much appreciated, and I write this story all for you! :D**_

**:: Queer ::**

Gin sipped at his beer, absolutely lost in the activity of the bar. Some of his mates were fighting amongst each other in the center of the room; some were harassing the barmaids, some were brooding at the various tables. But around him was a general emptiness—tables untouched, no one wanting to bother with the seriously brooding character that sipped beer mug after mug. Feeling grumpy as he was over Zoro's 'message', Gin considered the pros and cons of active pursuing of one blonde cook.

It wasn't as if he had very long in port—after the repairs were finished, their ship would set sail, to search for destinations high and away from Rogue's Island. He contemplated his next course of action until he realized that he was indeed seeing a small, humanoid reindeer hiding backwards against one of the bar counter's supports. He blinked several times as the thing stared at him with determined eyes. Gin reached up and rubbed his lanky forearm over his face a couple of times, then looked down at his beer. When he looked up, the small thing was being hauled to the dirty floor by a teen with a rather absurdly phallic nose. Both of them trembled as cursing pirates stepped perilously close to their ninja-garbed bodies.

Gin looked at his beer again and sniffed, wondering if it had somehow gone bad. He then rubbed at his face again and looked over, finding the two missing. They were instead trying to flatten themselves against the bar counter with a tarp held high, incorporating some ninja-tastic camouflage tactic.

He decided he was seeing things and set his mug aside, closing his eyes and contemplating Sanji's relationship with Zoro. As he thought hard over the matter, the two teens shuffled away from the bar with the tarp held high over their heads, prompting other pirates to look over with some confused expressions. Mugs were examined and upended, and this caused a few shouting matches between them, allowing the pair to escape unseen into the fray.

Sanji didn't show much tender affection towards Zoro, so Gin decided that this was some unrequited thing. Some secret thing that only Zoro knew about, thus Sanji's blind stumble into the world of homosexuality. Because if Sanji was confident in his orientation, Gin suspected that his coolness with handling men would be dealt with the same confidence that Sanji used to cook. He nodded at this, quite sure that if Sanji were confident with being gay, Gin wouldn't be taking this long road of courtship.

He opened his eyes, wearily signaling for a drink and realizing that a kid was staring hard at him from across the table, his ninja-garb standing out against the setting, his straw hat plopped atop of his hooded head. Gin stared back at him blankly, unsure of why he was being accosted by such a determined stare. Then he glanced around, wondering if one of his mates had lost the kid during their course of drinking.

He looked back at him and found himself growing nervous by the unblinking stare. He blinked, feeling his own eyes itch as the kid continued to eye him, as if mentally dissecting Gin's inner workings. Gin frowned, his eyelids twitching as peripheral vision told him that the previous two kids were also staring hard at him from their position at his right, absurdly pressed against the walls in various poses.

The barmaid deposited another mug in front of him with a cheery word, then left to negotiate her way through the lecherous throng of boisterous men that grabbed and catcalled her. Gin sipped at his mug and wondered where he'd seen that phallic nose before. He was sure he'd seen it somewhere.

Finally the kid across from him exhaled heavily, as if he'd been holding his breath. Mug paused inches from his lips, Gin stared at him.

"I can't do it anymore, 'sop!" Luffy said on a heavy pant. "He saw me."

"Impossible! We're practically _invisible_!"

"Shh!" the little reindeer hissed. "He hasn't seen us yet!"

Gin rolled his eyes and drank heartily.

"Close your eyes, Luffy! They're giving you away!" came the helpful advice from the wall.

"I can see you plain as day," Gin muttered.

"Aw, damn it, these suits aren't as awesome as I thought they'd be," Luffy complained. "He says he can see us."

"But he didn't see _us_ yet. Distract him! We'll set up spying positions over there!"

Gin watched the other two pull their tarp up and over their heads, the moving mass bumping into various tables, bar stools and irate pirates on their way to the back of the room. He lifted an eyebrow as he turned to Luffy. "I know you?"

"Noooooo…but I know you. We've been—I mean, _I've_ been watching you," Luffy said, narrowing his eyes. "Every step you take. You're Gin, the pirate guy. I've got questions for you, mister."

"You do, now?"

"You don't know it, but we've—_I've_ been watching you all day. And I've got questions. You're going to sit there and answer them, or else."

Amused, Gin leaned back in his chair. "Else?"

"_I'm_ asking the questions here!" Luffy said, pounding the top of the table. "First off, I noticed you didn't hold Sanji's hand, today. Why? Did he dab too much in the bathroom?"

Gin spit what beer he'd been drinking, and choked at the inhale he'd made right after. Luffy frowned as he wiped at his face.

"Wha—?! _What_—!"

"Dab. Y'know? You're mad that he did. So you didn't hold his hand," Luffy said, narrowing one eye. "But Sanji always washes his hands. So it isn't like he reeked of piss, or anything. I'd trust those hands, more so than my own."

Gin sputtered again. "Who the fuck _are_ you guys?!"

"We're _ninja_! Duh. Thus the black suit and awesome hiding _skillz_," Luffy said with a smirk. Then he frowned. "You're a little slow. Sanji doesn't deserve a slow man."

"Ugh!"

"That's one point negative for you!" Luffy shouted, then crossed his arms. "Next question. Since you're avoiding the first…you leaned over to smell him, today. Why was that? Sanji's the cleanest man I know—I know for a fact he does not smell like ass. But yet your nose got all wrinkly. Like this."

As Luffy demonstrated, Gin realized who he was. He remembered the group of teenagers that made various men fill out questionnaires the night he was to meet Sanji. He felt himself freeze on the inside, wondering if Sanji had sent them to find out what Gin was really feeling over the date. And while the situation was wacky, he did want a good impression on the man.

He swallowed hard, then composed himself. Coolness back once he realized the teen's intention, he wiped his own spit from his beer mug and sat back in his chair.

"I had to sneeze."

Luffy gave him a suspicious look. "That wasn't a sneeze suppression face. That was an I-Smell-Unwashed-Ass face. Trust me. I _know_ that expression."

"You are…educated on an unwashed ass?"

"Hell, not to brag about it, but Sanji tells me that all the time." Luffy then gave a jerk, throwing Gin an accusing expression. "I'm the questioner here, not you! Enough!"

"So you were spying on us."

"I _said_—!"

"That wasn't a question, kid. It was a statement."

"Oh. Oh, okay! Yeah, we were spying on you. Making sure things ran smoothly," Luffy drew out the last word with a sort of suave tone that only served to make him look goofier.

"Look," Gin said, leaning in to lower his voice, but he didn't have to. Nobody paid attention to them, a deliberate effort on his mates' parts. Nobody wanted to be caught looking into his business, lest they incite his temper. "Sanji, he's a good man. I'd do right by him. But you, you're interfering with things that aren't your business. How would he feel about that?"

"Don't use your reverse psychology on me! I took Business 101 last year, and I know you're trying to pull that analogous tactic on me just to make me seem like some idiot."

Gin chuckled. "You're right. Go on."

"Also, in defense over Sanji's apparent funky stench, I just want to say that Zoro helped him dress this morning, and that shirt he pulled out from the couch was something that had been underneath the couch cushions, and was holding onto my booger collection for an undetermined amount of time."

Gin stared at Luffy, and decided not to absorb the words. Instead, as Luffy shrugged his shoulders and twitched, he just let the words flow over him. But he couldn't ignore that part about Zoro dressing Sanji.

"Zoro…the roommate…dresses him?" he repeated dully.

"Oh, Sanji can dress himself, but this time, he needed help. So that's probably why he stank. Y'know? Cuz Zoro…that Zoro, he's a _special_ kid. He doesn't get things like laundry and clean clothes. Matching clothes together, too, he doesn't get that."

"Uh…s-sure, kid." Gin signaled for another beer, and realized that the reindeer was at his feet. When he looked over the lip of the table, he posed to hide against the main support backwards. Gin sat up straight in his chair and nervously drummed his fingertips atop of the scarred wood. He was trying hard to keep himself composed, to not lash out in some instinctive defense against these crowding kids. He kept telling himself that Sanji would be pissed if his roommates were slaughtered at his hands.

Luffy cocked his head. "A lot of these guys respect you, don't they? Looking around, they're giving you this wide berth. Are you some sort of captain?"

Gin lifted a brow. "Maybe I just want to be left alone."

"It's not that they're giving you space cuz you wanna drink by yourself, I think it's cuz they're afraid of you. They avoid looking over here, and they try not to talk about you. I heard one of them over there saying that they wanted to go someplace else, but his friend next to him said that they couldn't because you weren't done yet. And then the guy was like, Well, I wanna go, and his friend said, You can't because Gin's not done, and the guy was like, When will he be done, and his friend said---"

"Oh yeah? Who would say that about me?" Gin asked, receiving his newest drink and feeling his eyes lower into a scowl.

Luffy pointed out the two men he was talking about and Gin looked. Once the men realized he was looking in their direction, they froze; Gin frowned at them, and they lowered their heads, nervously clutching their mugs. Luffy looked at him, observed this interaction and cocked his head again.

He then nodded. "Yup. That settles it. You're Sanji's Attacker."

"…What."

"Isn't that code? That Defenders have to be with Attackers?"

Gin stared at him, unable to figure out what it was Luffy was saying. Impatiently, Luffy said, "Well, I guess that issue's some sorta secret between you. Whatever. I only want to make sure that you pass the test, because Sanji's needs are…delicate."

Sanji didn't seem like a 'delicate' sort to Gin, and Gin glanced around himself to see that several of his crewmates were watching them interact. When they realized how stumped he looked, they shifted uncomfortably.

Gin exhaled heavily. "Kid, you don't make a lick of sense."

"That's what Sanji said to me one time. I think it was after he caught me looking at pictures with dogs humping each other and I couldn't figure out why they were stuck together and I told him that, and---"

"I get that you're just…looking out for your friend. Okay, fine, fair 'nough."

"Do you like to smell?" Luffy then asked, stretching his head forward with an interested expression. "Maybe you didn't like Sanji's cologne."

"It's fine."

"Does that matter? That a guy smells good? What constitutes a man smelling good? Maybe I'd pick smelling like food, because, you can't go wrong with that. Or maybe you're into flowers. You look like you're into flowers…"

A clearing of the throat caught their attention, and they looked over at one of the pirates nervously shuffling his feet. "S-sorry, Gin, sir. Uh…c'mon over here, kids! We've got ice cream!"

"YAY!" Luffy cried, abandoning his seat, Ussop somehow falling from the ceiling to hit their table with a dull noise. As he rolled off and away, chasing after Luffy, the reindeer followed with a protest.

Gin leaned back in his chair and gave a huge exhale, trying to relax his hands, feeling entirely too anxious to relax after hearing such information over Sanji and Zoro. He would just have to question the man himself.

Later, Sanji examined his appearance in the mirror, and ran a hand through his hair. Frowning at himself, he stood back and surveyed the destroyed jeans, the collar shirt. His shoes were made of the finest leather, with hardly any scuffs on them. Yet he still looked like a man that knew what he was doing when he pulled on a pair of clothes, and this style was sure to discourage Gin. Gin seemed casual and laid-back, comfortable in worn clothes, and Sanji, standing next to him, seemed more of a snob. Sanji didn't want to seem that way, but at the same time he wanted to look put together.

He gnashed his teeth together, finding it frustrating that it seemed harder to please a man with his physical presentation than it did with a woman. Women liked finely dressed men—apparently not _his_ finest, he'd learned—but what did men want to see in other men? After he'd gaped at all the couples that displayed their affections onto each other, he'd taken note of their outfits. It didn't seem to matter what they wore, but he did notice a little feminine dressing here and there. Men wearing girls' shirts, pants; he wrinkled his nose, trying to picture himself wearing something extremely low cut, cut short. He had to wave that image away, hairy legs given an examining sweep of his hand, his chest a comforting pat.

What made a man look at another man twice? Gin had looked at him, numerous times, and he seemed to appreciate Sanji's physical presentation—but what could Sanji do to keep that attention?

Then he wasn't sure if he was comfortable with having it. He surveyed his closet, lost in thought, and realized that the attention Gin gave him was valuable.

"ZORO!" he hollered, looking for his cigarettes.

"Don't call me like I'm a servant!" Zoro's cranky bellow returned from the living room. "I could be doing something important."

Sanji, feeling hassled, pulled at his shirt and walked out from their room, heading over to the front room. Zoro was busy playing Halo, and didn't even look up as Sanji gestured at his clothes.

"So, I was thinking," Sanji began, walking in front of the television set to indicate his clothes. Zoro tried looking around him, so Sanji moved in that direction, blocking all viewing access so that Zoro would have to look at him. Being thin and tall, he really wasn't that much blockage, but knowing he was going to hear more ridiculous laments only made Zoro react.

"For fuck's sake," Zoro muttered. "Get out of the way, I can't see what John 117's doing! You're making me lose!"

"Zoro, there is no cure for the case of loser you've got," Sanji said impatiently. "So it doesn't matter if you apply it elsewhere."

"Sanji, don't speak to me of your personal problems. I've got problems of my own. Like trying to snipe this Brute—! BOOM! Headshot! _Roar_, bitches!"

Sanji kicked the controller out of Zoro's hand. Zoro gave him a disgusted look, then looked at his outfit. "That's _my_ shirt. You're not manly enough to wear my shirt."

"If you, say, for example, were a gay man…" Sanji trailed off, finding Zoro's goggles distracting. He then straightened and examined Zoro's outfit. Neon orange, camo and what looked to be jodhpurs with stripes. "For fuck's sake, what the hell are you wearing?"

"I swear, Sanji, girlfriend, if you'd just ignore the tangents that spill from your mouth," Zoro said sarcastically, rising from the couch.

"If you were a gay man, and I'm not saying that you are, since you're apparently lacking in interest for either sex, but pretend that you are. Don't sprain a brain cell trying to get into the role," Sanji then added, noting Zoro's expression of annoyance, "because I need you intact."

"'I need you intact'," Zoro mimicked in irritation. "I'm not pretending to be _gay_ for you!"

"I'm not saying you literally have to be gay! I just want…you…to _think_ it."

"Why are you bothering me with this? Why do I have to answer your idiot questions?"

"Because, Zoro, dear, you give a shit. Now—!"

"I have to take one," Zoro admitted, scratching his head. "Actually."

"Where are the kids?" Sanji then asked, looking around with a bewildered noise. "Ape face, did you see 'em last?"

Zoro blinked, then shrugged. "Eh. Maybe they're at Chopper's. Anyway, whatever, I need to take the Browns to the Superbowl."

"God, you can be utterly disgusting," Sanji complained, whirling away from him dramatically. Then whirled again, kicking out to pin Zoro against the wall. Zoro flopped against it, before grabbing Sanji's ankle with both hands and twisting. He entirely hated that Sanji used the movement to twirl, kick out with his other foot and knock Zoro to the floor, forcing him to release his ankle.

"I forgot to ask, does this outfit make me look a little, I dunno, genteel? Or casual?" Sanji then asked, gesturing at his clothes. "Because it feels a little forced."

"Your _face_ is forced," Zoro grumbled, rising from the floor. He then did a double take at Sanji's shoes. "Jesus Christ, you're like an old man in a casino with those things. You make fun of me for my attire? Look at this crap!"

"You know what, I also need to ask you something. I promise I won't get offended too much," Sanji said, using his heel to drop Zoro back down onto the floor.

"Why the fuck are you kicking me, and bothering me with your fucking bullshit!?" Zoro protested, swatting at him.

"You were spying on me, today," Sanji snapped.

"Oh, ho, ho, I don't spy on anybody," Zoro denied, rising quickly and pointing at him accusingly. "How dare you. You'd better back that little accusation up, poppn' and lockin'."

Sanji gave him his most disgusted expression. "_What_?"

Distracted by his arm muscles, Zoro examined his flexed bicep. Sanji was secretly annoyed that he lacked the beef that Zoro had, and as he examined his friend, he noted that while Zoro was built solidly, Zoro's overall presentation with his clothing choices ruined any chance Zoro might have at earning an appreciative look. He reached out, hands twitching in his sudden want to rip Zoro's bad choices from him and re-dress him into something a little more coordinating. Zoro swatted at his hands.

"Never mind. The point is, I have all this valuable time, and I'd rather spend it doing something productive. Unfortunately, you don't factor into that slot."

"I want to believe you, I really do. But _unfortunately_, I can't. You tag along with those kids like some chaperone—"

"I can't believe you went there! Calling me a chaperone!"

"—and getting involved with their b.s. because you can't _resist_ being part of that b.s.!" Sanji finished, patting his pockets for his cigs. He kicked out at Zoro in frustration, the man moving fast to avoid his heel. "You stole my cigs! Bastard!"

"Sanji, go fix your hair. Or whatever it is you gay men do to occupy yourself. And your shit's on your bed, where you threw them."

"I'm not a gay man. I'm _not_!" Sanji protested at the eye roll, Zoro pushing past him to walk to the bathroom. "I mean, it was women, all the time, it was all them and pussy and tits and stomach and Victoria's Secret! Then I was made to realize that, perhaps, maybe, some—weird, universally interesting and unexpected—beginnings—!"

"Shut up before your hurt yourself!" Zoro complained, slamming the bathroom door shut when Sanji tried to follow, still talking.

"It wasn't that I woke up and decided that I could actually get—like, same sex attention!" Sanji made a face, because this was actually true, but he didn't want to correct himself to Zoro. "I mean, like, I had to think about it."

"Man, I can't concentrate with you yapping over there."

Against the door, Sanji hollered, "You're just jealous I'm actually getting attention for once! You want me for yourself!"

"_HAH_! Oh, hey, there we go…"

Sanji barked out some form of a chuckle, appalled by his own words, and strolled back into their room, looking at his outfit again. He then gave a wounded sound, feeling annoyed that he hadn't gotten what he'd asked Zoro for. Or maybe he did and that Sanji just didn't hear, because talking or arguing with Zoro was this odd, consuming process that happened to run chaotically. Sanji started to realize that they talked in circles, and he had to wonder if it were he that started the circle, and Zoro just completed it.

"Romantical," he commented, pulling off the shirt and reaching for another one.

"So…what'd you, like, what was your impression of things?" Sanji asked him later, sitting on the couch and watching him play. The super Spartan on screen, labeled _Mantastic1101_ was busy trying to throw down on a couple of Hunters. Sanji finished off his beer, inhaled sharply on his cig and examined the action on the television set. He'd changed into a button-up shirt and an expensive pair of designer jeans that were artfully destructed. "Like…did I, like _look_ gay out there?"

Zoro laughed, and Sanji huffed. Because it was such a ridiculous question, Zoro used an elbow to shove him. "What kinda question is that? How do you expect to be taken seriously when you ask me shit like that?"

"You just—! Answer it."

"Seriously, Sanji—honestly, peg-body, _look_. _Listen_ to me. _Listen_ to my words—Fucking ass bitch! Get back over here and—! Realize this, that, even before this entire psycho-carnival started? You were pretty gay from the beginning."

"I was _not_!"

"I mean, who, what sort of man spends, like, HOURS on their clothes and says things, like, 'Damn, my hair's flat, but I like the smell of this gel? Zoro, smell my hair'."

"I've never said that—!"

"I remember that day vividly. You wanna know why? Because that was the day I realized I was fucked. That was the day I realized and said to myself, Zoro, dude, this guy's queer."

"You…are just pissed…because this is new for you too," Sanji said calmly, flicking his hair from his face. "You can throw the queer label around because you are threatened."

"Usually when I'm threatened by something? I cut it," Zoro said, propping his feet up on the coffee table. "Haven't you noticed my efforts by now?"

"Fuck off…of course you'd be threatened by me, because it makes sense. I'm…a lot more man than you."

"_Dwah_ that is such—sanji, you're stupid. Ace made you even stupider. This GAY thing made you suddenly stupid," Zoro then threw up his arms, saying quickly, "not that I'm saying the, like, entire homo population is stupid, because---it's just that you're more stupid since you decided that I give a fuck!"

"I can admit to myself that my needs are far beyond the basics. I can admit that I will work a little harder, that I can—!"

"I'm LOSING because of you!" Zoro snarled. He played for a few minutes and Sanji let him, combing through his chin scruff.

Then he said, "Do you think that…I'd make it…gay? I mean, considering what I'm doing…I think that if I work at it---"

"I had an ephipany tonight," Zoro interrupted him impatiently. _Mantastic1101_ gave a startled scream as he fell to the ground. "You know what it was? That maybe all my grog ruined me. Because I don't know why I'm still sitting here, listening to this b.s. like I give a damn!"

"And you do, algae head, because if you didn't sit here and take it, I'd…probably go back to school Monday and spread rumors about you."

"That is so lame. That just…Sanji, you passed the test. You are officially gay."

Sanji kicked him, then kicked the controller out of his hands once more. "I was joking."

"Could never tell with you."

"Y'know what? Fine. FINE. Zoro…as of today, I will no longer ask you for help. There. That better?"

"Totally. Now, get in that kitchen and make me something. I'm starving."

"I will succeed without you!" Sanji huffed, rising from the couch. "Then, after I finally fulfill the matter, totally succeed with what I'm looking for, I'm working on you."

"HAH!" Zoro barked, then snorted as he sat back on the couch. "Curlique, you are one wacked blond. I seriously think you've gone off the deep end. Don't be blaming me for your failures. I'll be right here, watching it all happen, and y'know what?"

"What?" Sanji snapped, reaching into the fridge for some leftovers.

Zoro looked up at the ceiling and exhaled shortly. He then shrugged. "I forgot. Make me stuff."

Muttering under his breath, determined to show Zoro a thing or two about his success, Sanji resolved then and there that this secret mission would be completed without Zoro's help. It was a little disappointing, he'd admit to himself, that Zoro refused to be helpful, and he had to wonder why it did.


	12. Dog New Tricks

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece, but I do acknowledge using Eiichiro Oda's characters without his permission.

Warning: AU, OOC, profanity, **slash**, TWT (if it ever existed), modern-fantasy setting.

A/N: By golly gee, I finally freaking updated. Go me**! A HUGE Bigfoot hug to ERRbody that read, commented and etc., with this story**. Sorry it took me a long time (a year? Really?) to update, but had a lot of shit to deal with in real life, and wasn't feeling 'funny'. D: So….yah. It takes effort to make this robot to write 'funny'. Also, WTF? Looking over my story, my breaks are gone – EVERYWHERE! Argh, will correct it someday. Hopefully the ones I've got in this chapter will freaking show up. Let me know if things look confusing in that aspect.

**:: Dog New Tricks ::**

The next day, Sanji sampled some of the beef stew he made for lunch, Luffy standing abreast of him and watching impatiently while he waited his turn. Zoro was brooding over another round of Halo, while Chopper and Ussop spoke excitedly over mail order ninja gear.

"Well? It's good, right?" Luffy asked, on a near whine as Sanji refilled the sampling ladle and handed it for him to try. Luffy tossed it back, making Sanji wince at the enthusiasm. "Mmm, yup. It's got the right texture, the right feel of a good meal. Yup, I can smell it on my tongue."

"As I've known it," Sanji said, perking at the compliment, continuing to stew it. "The alcohol's gone by now – "

"Alcohol?" Zoro asked curiously, forehead furrowing.

" – so it's not like you guys will be affected. It adds a certain pizzazz, the sort that makes your chest hairs grow!" Sanji finished, ignoring the green-haired man.

Luffy made a concerned expression, absently rubbing his chest as he thought about the comment. "What if we don't want hair there?"

"Chest hair determines your manhood!" Sanji said jokingly.

"Well…guess _you_ were denied," he heard Zoro mutter.

Before Sanji could throw something at him, Luffy tilted his head and asked, "Does anybody have chest hair?"

"I do!" Chopper cried, waving a paw in the air.

"Oh, wow, you do!" Luffy cried, Sanji returning to the boiling pot. It seemed as if the conversation was heading straight down Idiot River, and he knew when to leave that raft. "But, Chopper – you're not a man."

"I'm not a man," Chopper repeated mournfully. "I've never been one in my life."

"So, what was that about beef stew growing chest hair?" Luffy asked Sanji, who wrinkled his brow and regretted saying what he had.

"Yeah, what was that, curlique? Speak up – the big boys can't hear you when you talk softly," Zoro said, Sanji looking over with annoyance.

"I can hear him just fine," Ussop muttered.

"Never mind," Sanji said in response. He turned away to pat out some dough, Luffy following along.

Luffy suddenly took a couple of steps away and sneezed into his hands – the sound of an escaping fart made itself known.

"Now _that's_ a man!" Zoro cheered.

Sanji's forehead wrinkled with disgust as Ussop and Chopper burst into laughter, Luffy wiping his nose with the back of his hand. "Did you hear that, Sanji?"

"Uh…_no_," Sanji replied, closing his eyes as a headache made itself known at his temples. "No I did not."

Luffy leaned in close to whisper, "That was the sound of the shutters opening. Ace said that to me, once."

Sanji stopped kneading the dough, and looked at him. Deciding it was way too much trouble to think over, he returned to his preparation while Luffy walked away – high-fiving Zoro as the man held his palm out.

"Way to be a man, Luffy," he congratulated, never taking his eyes off his game.

"I wish I could be a man," Chopper said, turning away from his books and looking over wistfully. "You think I could do that, sometime?"

"Just let the shutter flap, Chopper, and you'll be one with the house!" Luffy cried, sitting next to Zoro on the couch.

"'Shutter'?" Ussop questioned, looking up from his book. "Wait…wait…I missed something, didn't I?"

Sanji rolled his eyes, patting out several lumps of dough for biscuits. The ridiculous analogy made him think – staring up at the ceiling, Sanji had the thought of 'shutter' doors in the way Luffy had just described. He turned bright red, and rustled noisily for the cookie sheet near the stoves, Ussop noticing his activity and looking at the one Sanji had set out.

"Ha ha!" Zoro suddenly laughed. "Dude, I totally just realized what that meant. Luffy, you really do have your moments of awesome."

"Really?"

"No."

Luffy sighed as Zoro resumed his indifferent expression, concentrating hard on his game. "Honestly, Zoro, answer me this? What truly makes a man?"

"Luffy. You got eyes that work?"

"I definitely do, buddy! Check 'em," Luffy demanded, leaning in close and blinking lashes against the older man's cheek. Zoro leaned away upon contact. "Visuals are a-okay."

"Okay. Step one – "

"Wait! Wait!" Chopper cried, leaving the counter and picking up his pad and pen, ready to write.

"Zoro, we had a talk about this," Sanji warned, finally spotting the cookie sheet he'd set out earlier and slamming that noisily onto the counter nearest his biscuits. "Your idiocy happens to be illegally contagious."

"Says your 'chest hair'."

Pausing his game, Zoro looked at the two boys that stared at him expectantly, Ussop's brow furrowed as he, too, waited for Zoro's words of wisdom. Biscuits shoved into the oven, Sanji leaned on the island and gave Zoro a droll expression, knowing that whatever the man said was going to be something utterly idiotic.

"Step one. What makes is man is – "

"Oh, wait, I know this one," Luffy interrupted, looking proud. "You _gotta_ have a dick."

"Check," Zoro said with an approving nod and a rub of black hair.

"Check!" Ussop chimed in.

Chopper blinked, blushed, then held up a hoof.

"You're in, buddy," Zoro said. He looked over at Sanji. "Can't say much for you."

"After all those hours of comparing, you still forget that mine's -?"

"STEP TWO!"

Ussop gave Zoro and Sanji a look. "'Comparing'? Honestly?"

"Sure!" Sanji said, as Zoro gave them a dirty look. "You know how competitive he gets."

"That's not the point," Zoro cut in impatiently. "Don't listen to him. This is the same guy that went out on a man-date the day before. Whatever he contributes to this conversation is ixnay."

"Stop?" Ussop questioned, looking confused.

"Mostly because he's a woman now."

"I AM NOT - !"

"Clearly he's not -!" Ussop tried to say before Zoro rose from the couch and bellowed accusingly, "Who did the asking of the date? Anorexic earring boy, that's who!"

To the boys, over Sanji's sputtering reply, he said, "It's always the _man_ that does the asking."

Luffy's eyes widened. "Really?"

Chopper wrote furiously.

"SO! Step two! The man doesn't ASK – he _makes_ it so."

"Wait, wait, wait – that's a contradiction. You just said – "

One lift of Zoro's brow, and Ussop swallowed tightly. He mumbled as he resumed writing in one of his notebooks, Sanji rolling his eyes.

"So, like…I dunno, for example, Zoro," Luffy then said, fingers twiddling. "He just does what he wants?"

"Makes it so," Zoro confirmed. Before he could say anything else, Luffy looked at Sanji in concern. The blond caught the expression, lifting his visible eyebrow with a question.

"Sanji, is this true?" Luffy asked.

"To an extent," Sanji said slowly, unsure of where the younger man was taking this.

"Step three – being a man means being able to LOOK as a man does," Zoro continued. Elbow resting atop of a knee, he leaned down and pierced Chopper with a stare. The reindeer trembled, then sniffled under the gradual silence. Looking away, Zoro gestured at his eyes while Luffy leaned down to hug Chopper with a pat on his back, whispering compliments of bravery.

"_These_ are eyes that speak without words," Zoro said, pointing at his own eyes. "With expressions like this, you don't have to open your mouth. People just know what you're thinking, saying, meaning, when you look only with your eyes."

"Oh, for the love of…." Sanji trailed off, rolling his eyes skyward and resting onto the island with an elbow. "Don't listen to this shit, kids, it's all something he must've thought of the last time he sat down on the crapper ta pass the time."

"Well…"Frowning, Luffy rubbed at the back of his head. "In that case, Sanji, the next time you visit with Gin, I believe you are in need of a chaperone."

"_What_."

"That way, if this is true, Zoro, and I _totally_ believe you one hundred percent, I believe that Sanji's chastity is in danger," Luffy said gravely, earning outraged sputters from the man in the kitchen, a choke from Ussop and wide-eyed horror from Chopper.

Zoro sat down hard on the couch and picked up the controller. "Sanji's _chastity_ was never," he snickered, "in any danger."

"Luffy, you - ! I don't ever want to hear of this nonsense, this is pure nonsense, and furthermore, shithead marimo-fake-fisting sonnva - !"

"I know you ain't speaking of my green awesomeness," Zoro muttered, resuming play while Chopper studied his notes.

Standing, hands on his hips, Luffy tilted his head and spoke with heavy concern to Sanji, who was red-faced and shaking at the kitchen island. "Gin's eyes speak more than his mouth, Sanji, and I'm concerned. The way he looks at you is the very same way I catch myself eyeing one of your delicious meals."

Zoro burst out laughing, Ussop shuddering and Chopper looking up with surprise.

"I didn't see Gin drool once!" he exclaimed. "Are you sure, Luffy? Sure, Gin looked at Sanji with approval, but never did I see him exude any signs of – "

"I know what I saw, Chopper, I was watching with _these_ eyes," Luffy said, frowning. "I'm serious, Sanji, we don't know Gin very well. My number one doesn't lie very often, and his teachings are very accurate."

"Ha ha, _teachings_," Zoro repeated, slapping his knee. "Listen to this man, Rolling Pin, you might learn something from him."

"I'll not listen to any of this!" Sanji finally shouted, slapping his hands atop of the kitchen island. "Luffy, you allow this meatball to run your life - !"

Luffy looked aghast that Sanji called Zoro such a name, looking at him with his arms spread wide. "But it's _Zoro_, Sanji, Zoro helps me see things that - !"

" – and all of it's bullshit!" Sanji finished, angrily jerking out his finished biscuits and slapping the cookie sheet atop of the stove. He removed his apron and oven mitts, turned off the burners and oven, then stalked out of the house.

Luffy frowned as Ussop blinked questioningly in his direction. "That Sanji. He's so shy. Timid. Like – like one of them schoolgirls on t.v. Heavy emotional things like this terrify him. This is why I've got to watch out for him, he doesn't know how to take care of himself when this kinda thing happens."

"Ha!" Ussop laughed suddenly.

"I'm worried about him, now. What if Gin is more man than he can handle, Zoro?"

Zoro laughed.

Frowning at this, Luffy crossed his arms over his chest and sighed.

"You scare me sometimes," Ussop confessed, staring at Luffy with a skeptical expression. "What are you thinking, Luffy? Maybe this situation is beyond us. Sanji was pretty pissed when he left."

"Sanji was always one to hide his feelings for us, for our comforts, Ussop," Luffy reminded him. "We already went through this."

"I know that, but – "

"Because of Zoro's enlightenment, I am able to see what Gin's true intentions are. Maybe he's not the right guy for Sanji's homosexual relations. Looking at him like he is a piece of deliciously smoked meat isn't something I want to take lightly," Luffy said with a shrug. "I still say we find out!"

"_Again_? Remember what happened the last time? Gin saw right through us."

"Well…this time…we're not going to hide! This time, Ussop, I'll be there personally to take charge of the situation. Gin might be more man than Sanji can handle, but he's no more man than me," Luffy said with confidence, then looked confused as he repeated what he'd said back to himself.

**: :**

An hour later, Sanji pushed through the doors of the pub in the shipyards, the roar of pirates' voices washing over him. It was crowded, the air was thick with various stink stenches that were a combination of badly cooked food and the odor of unwashed men. There was currently a fight of some kind happening nearby. As stools broke, men screamed and tables flung, Sanji spotted Gin sitting in the back, drinking from a full mug. He walked over, kicking aside the occasional bloodied pirate that happened to fall in his path. Once Gin spied him, the pirate sputtered and spit, causing Sanji some uneasiness because he did not want to be splattered again.

He was wearing his favorite pair of Tom Ford slacks and t-shirt with a loose pullover, his Oxfords extremely white and clean – if beer touched any parts of this material, Sanji was going to be pissed.

Gin rose from his chair with a start, wiping his mouth with a forearm, and indicated a nearby chair. Several of his mates nearby noticed the behavior and froze in various parts of mid-action – Sanji didn't notice this, taking the chair with a nod and waiting for Gin to sit, feeling self-conscious at the polite response.

"I hope you don't mind me being here," he said as Gin found the frozen stares of his mates and glared at them. Once they resumed their actions with enthusiasm, he looked back at Sanji with a bright expression. "I – I figured you'd be here. Your ship was still being repaired down there."

"Oh, yes, uh – certain, uh, " Gin cleared his throat, signaled for a barmaid, "yes, we're waitin' for some supplies to come in. With the ship. With…with fixin' it. Certain sealing's needed – you didn't have to come all the way down here."

"I don't know how else to get a hold of you," Sanji said, smiling brightly at the bar maid, her ample chest nearly falling out of its supportive material as she leaned down to set a couple of mugs down. Then he remembered he was supposed to be gay and cleared his throat noisily. "Um, so, I thought I'd – come here. It's pretty lively in here."

"Aye, it is." Gin didn't miss the appreciative perusal Sanji had given the maid, who tittered cheekily upon Sanji's examination and walked away to fill in other orders. With a slight scowl and visible winces from those around them that had noticed Gin's expression, Gin finished off the contents of his first mug. "So…what brings ya here, Sanji?"

"Uh, well…" Sanji rubbed the back of his neck and said tightly, "I figured you're leaving in a couple of days. Why not spend – more time with – getting to know you before you do?"

"You had – fun- yesterday, right, Sanji?" Gin asked, looking worried.

"Oh, sure, yeah, it was – _different_," Sanji said carefully, plucking at the pockets of his slacks with a nervous gesture and realized that the maid that had been tending to them earlier was now being forced to wear a gunny sack of sorts. The sight bewildered him before he remembered what he'd originally set out to do. He looked at Gin once more. "I just…had a few questions. Things I couldn't ask yesterday."

"Oh yeah? Well, sure, go ahead an' ask," Gin invited, then gestured at Sanji's beer mug. "Have some. This is great house draft."

"Oh, uh…" Sanji gave it a disinterested look, intending to continue to speak when a pair of sour-smelling men hurried over and set down several glasses. All of which were then sloppily filled by other pirates holding different containers and bowls of fruit. He looked at Gin, who only gave an embarrassed hunch of his shoulders and a gesture of his hand to make them leave. In the midst of their pouring, the men hurried off with quick apologies and excuses, leaving behind a table splattered with heavy alcohol and mixed pieces of fruit.

Unsure of how to take this, Sanji froze in his chair. Gin looked at him again, and Sanji softened because the usually hard-faced man looked genuinely embarrassed. Shifting in his chair, ignoring the mixture of drinks that were sloppily set before him, he said, "I've, uh, realized that this was a…new…direction for me. I mean, I knew this. While…I'm certain where I'm going, it's just that…y'know, in the midst of it all, I've really – I don't – I mean to say – "

"You have trouble relating," Gin finished with a raise of his eyebrows. "Ah. No one ta talk to."

"Yeah," Sanji said, looking relieved that Gin knew without Sanji having to try again. "I'm sure you've noticed by now, this is somethin' I'm doing on my own, y'know?"

"Not all on your own," Gin reminded him.

Sanji gave an embarrassed cough. With how Gin looked at him, Sanji felt as if he were on the receiving end of one of his looks given to the prettiest of ladies – it made Sanji feel odd to be seen as that 'pretty lady'. At the same time, to be looked at that way made his venture worth it – there was something about being appreciated that made everything worth it. "Yes. Not – well, you know what I mean. I've had all the experience in the world with the ladies – "

_Not_, Gin thought, skeptical as Sanji gave another cough.

" – but I absolutely don't know where to go with, with…y'know…males." Sanji lowered his voice upon the last word, but he noticed that those sitting closest to him all looked to be eavesdropping. Once Gin noticed, he cleared his throat. Sanji was amazed at the speed they took in leaving the tables around them to crowd tables furthest from them. Giving them ample space to speak at normal volume without being heard.

At the same time, Sanji was only slightly impressed with the power Gin obviously had over all of them. From the moment he walked in, it was obvious the guy had some authority – men scrambled at just a movement, a sound to please him.

"It's okay, Sanji," Gin said, holding tightly onto his beer mug. Sanji looked at him, and decided that he liked the way Gin said his name. There was something in the way Gin said it that made it _different_ from the way others said it. "Y'know, I'm open to answerin' anything of yours that comes to mind. Believe me, I've seen and heard it all. I was in your spot, once."

Sanji licked his lips nervously, not seeing the way Gin's beer mug froze on the way to his mouth, eyes locked on the movement. Sanji then patted his pockets for his cigarettes and froze as several men appeared out of seemingly nowhere with different brands of cigs and lighters. One of them accidently set the table on fire, which prompted panicked shouts and action.

Gin rolled his eyes and rose, Sanji hurriedly scooting away from the flaming table to avoid having that mishap. "Let's go for a walk, Sanji. Place just got too crowded."

"Yeah, sure," Sanji said, as smoke filled the air and one man caught fire.

Gin gestured at a door nearby. "I'm going to pay for my tab. I'll meet you out there."

"Okay."

Once Sanji walked out, the door shutting tightly behind him, Gin looked back at the others. The men stared at him, frozen stiff with fear – even the man rolling on the floor to extinguish the flames paused in mid-action to look at him. Narrowing his eyes, Gin looked at each individual, causing more than one pair of pants to explode with liquid warmth due to an emptying bladder.

His point made loud and clear, Gin walked out of the bar.

**::**

Once outside, Sanji admired the ships lolling on the calm waters of the docks, the sight of various flags proclaiming ownership and loyalty flapping on seagull heavy wind. The docks were full of activity, and the area looming over it was bustling. Various pubs were spilling with men's shouts and actions, and the market places were speckled with business. The smell of the sea and various wastes were thick, but Sanji enjoyed the environment. Looking over it all, at the grand ships that floated atop of the bright green-colored water, Sanji realized that he couldn't wait to be on a ship of his own.

Around him, the varying levels that made up the area, created by the wall of the mountain that made up the grounds, were men coming and going. Most of them sea-faring people in various states of dress, with different accents and loyalties. The wooden steps and decks were made of worn wood, and seagulls plucked at trash that escaped from either the hands of men, or from nearby trash barrels.

The railing he paused at overlooked several ships in the harbor, and there was a bench seat nearby that was covered in seagull waste. The breeze that swept through ruffled his hair slightly, and he checked the state of his style, making sure that nothing was out of place. He did look out of place, he had to admit – men took in the style of his clothing and curled their lip. He didn't feel embarrassed or slighted – he liked what he wore and knew he looked good wearing it.

Gin came out of the pub, spotted him, and meandered over. Sanji welcomed the chance to take the other man in – he did like the way Gin presented himself, the quiet confidence of him. Though he was wearing a pair of extremely faded skinny jeans and a black t-shirt that looked just as worn, he wore them both with a comforted grace. They accentuated his lithe form – made him seem approachable and non-threatening. His thick black hair was covered with a knit cap, though, which totally ruined any attempt at looking like a bad-ass; something people probably made the mistake of assuming when they tried something with him. Sanji had the definite feeling people made a lot of mistakes around him and paid for it later.

It made him amused, smiling slightly. As he looked away to study anybody that could be looking at them, Gin stumbled in mid-step and totally lost his confident stride. Because as Sanji stood there against the railing, the backdrop of the harbor behind him, he was godlike – his blond hair caught the gentle breeze, his facial expression was carefree, and he was so damn goodlooking that Gin couldn't handle it. He had to grip the various railings around him to steady himself, quite aware that he looked the stumbling fool approaching Sanji.

But once Sanji looked back at him, Gin resumed his indifferent stride and confident posture – inwardly dying inside from his own extreme luck of landing such an eye-magnet. Never in his gay years had he ever imagined having such luck with a man like Sanji. Usually, he scared people away from him.

Either Sanji was indifferent to his exuding of power, or blind – either way, Gin was counting his blessings.

"Hi," he said when he reached him, unable to utter anything else.

"Hey," Sanji returned, a little confused. He brushed a few strands of hair behind his ears and realized Gin's intense expression at that moment. It was both terrifying and amazing to fully see someone look at him like that, in the same manner he'd looked at women before. Before he could make himself say or do something dumb because of the expression, he found his cigarettes and lit one.

"I'm goin' to be honest with ya, Sanji," Gin said, crossing his arms self-consciously, rubbing thin deltoids, then forcing himself to relax. Because his hands shook, needing the comfort of _something_, he shoved them into his back pockets. "It's hard bein' cool around you."

Sanji looked up with a start, felt his cheeks warm slightly. Puffing out fragrant smoke, he pulled out the cancer stick with his index finger and thumb, rolling it like he would with a pen.

"You serious?" he asked skeptically, not wanting to feel excited that someone regarded him like that. "Is this somethin' that – "

"Naw, I mean – you – you don't know what you do to people," Gin said, a slight shake in his voice as he rubbed his hands together nervously. "I mean, me, personally, I – usually I get guys like me, y'know? But you, you just waltz in and - ! I just don't get how you ain't taken by now."

With an embarrassed rub at the back of his neck, Sanji didn't know what to say. But he recognized that the lines coming from Gin's mouth were similar things he'd said to women in the past – were they genuine words, or casual lines? Suddenly Sanji was unsure of things, bringing his cigarette back to his mouth and regaining some confident posture.

"Well, like I said, my only thing was for women, remember? Having failed at that, I figured that – "

"Let me ask ya this, Sanji," Gin said, drawing close as gunshots rang out and men screamed. Neither of them paid the situation any mind, police swarming the area with their batons and dogs. "Think back on it. You said ya loved women, but, really, what _about_ them did you like? To me, I think ya admired them – not because of, like, sexual things. But maybe you weren't just lookin' at them in a sexual manner, but in a way you _admired_. You're masculine, but you take care of yerself in a way that's – more _them_ than us."

Sanji stared at him for a few moments, taking in what Gin was saying, but feeling confused. Overwhelmed with the realization that maybe Gin was right.

"Maybe ya were this from the start, Sanji, an' it took some affection from someone to really wake that inside of you," Gin suggested gently, unable to look away from the other man at that moment. The widening of Sanji's visible eye as he absorbed Gin's words really built Gin's confidence back up – it made sense what Gin was saying, but to know it affected the other man really made him feel awesome. Made him feel more secure in Sanji's eyes.

At the same time, Gin had the realization that the more he awakened Sanji's inner gay, he was opening the way for Zoro at the same time. He had the frightening thought that if Sanji fully embraced his homo-ness, it would make him realize the situation with Zoro. He didn't want that to happen, and it made him think semi-desperately. Because if it were full-on desperation, his normal instincts would have had Sanji thrown over one shoulder and dragged onto the ship, chained and overpowered and guarded by most of the crew so he wouldn't escape. But Gin had to take it slow, rein in his pirate instincts to divide and conquer.

"Wow…I'd never…" Sanji trailed off, dumbstruck. Thinking about what made women so incredible to him, he looked away from Gin and looked over the harbor. His cigarette forgotten, he reached out to the railing for support.

He looked back at Gin as he realized the man moved, and froze as the sudden proximity. Before he knew it, Gin's lips was on his, and Sanji felt as if all common sense and thought exploded. He'd always imagined kissing women as a sensation of fullness, softness, sweetness and wet – but Gin's lips were firm, slightly soft, thin and his masculine smell filled his lungs moreso than any cigarette smoke. The very contact sent sparks through Sanji that Sanji had never imagined, could never really begin to imagine. It rendered his brain dead and his body slack. His toes even curled inside of his shoes, drawing back to him with an unrelenting pull that he didn't even notice.

The mingle of cool flesh against his, the scrape of stubble against him sent prickles of sensation through him, and he dropped his cigarette as his fingers fell limp. The caress of Gin's hair touched his, ruffled it in such a way that Sanji closed his eyes and was fully enveloped in the action of his first kiss. With the world blacked out, all Sanji felt was the gentle peck of Gin's lips and the movement of Gin's body close to his. His hands groped for something to hold onto, finding the railing, and he nearly fell against it for support. Gin followed him, murmuring something as his rough fingers found Sanji's chin, lifting it for another kiss, a pressing one that made Sanji's stomach lift with excitement.

This man kiss was better than any he'd dreamed of with women. Because as Gin tasted his individual lips, as his fingers curled over Sanji's jaw line and brushed against his ear, causing Sanji's neck hairs to rise with the prickle of stimulation, Sanji even remember his name until Gin whispered it against his lips.

He even forgot how to breathe until Gin pulled away from him with an expression of alarm, jerking back and making Sanji suck in raggedly, coughing from the force. As he leaned back against the railing and remembered how to breathe, Sanji was awestruck at the sensations and excitement that had exploded within him due to Gin's kiss. With his first kiss, Sanji realized just how different things now were. What the world now meant – looking at Gin with an awestruck expression, Sanji was definitely sure where he was heading.

"Um…sorry," Gin apologized weakly. "I just…I just went in for it without warning."

Sanji swallowed tightly, shaking his head with a jerky motion. He touched his lips – they tingled where they'd touched Gin, and he was certain that he enjoyed it. wanted more of it. Definitely, _definitely_ certain that a man's kiss was better than a woman's – couldn't imagine ever wanting a woman's lips on him after having a taste of Gin's. it was incredibly exciting to know that the world was a different place after this awakening.

"No, don't – I – wow, I – " Sanji couldn't even talk coherently, brain still jumbled. He swallowed tightly, remembered his cigarette, and brought up his fingers to inhale when he dumbly realized that the cancer stick was gone. He looked at Gin, too dumbstruck to be embarrassed by his own action.

Gin gave a relieved laugh. "Good, you're not about to kill me in any way. Sanji, you okay?"

"Yeah – y-yeah," Sanji stammered, wiping sweaty palms on his slacks. Once he realized that they weren't in a world of their own, realized people were giving them looks as they passed by –giving Gin a wide berth, he noticed vaguely – he cleared his throat and attempted to fix his hair. He wanted to regain his manliness and felt only slightly annoyed that he was so out-of-sorts right now.

If Zoro or the kids saw him now – and it terrified him at the thought. Of Zoro and the kids catching him like this. Could picture Zoro's vivid expression of horror and felt immediately terrified of having the green-haired man catch him at this moment. Sanji couldn't even imagine what Zoro would say, or how he'd react if he'd happened upon Gin and Sanji in the midst of liplock.

"Wow," he repeatedly shakily. "Never thought…it could be like that."

Relieved that Sanji wasn't the slightest bit turned off, Gin stepped in close, and felt Sanji freeze at his proximity. Looking up at him, his visible eye was still showing signs of timidity and amazement, Sanji clearly didn't know what to do or how to act – and it floored Gin that he had this different sort of power over another individual. Clearly Sanji was awestruck at his superhuman strength of homosexuality, overwhelmed by the very contact. It gave Gin a slightly bigger thrill over fear and terror he usually inspired in others.

"Me either," Gin confessed, leaning in to kiss him again.

: :

When Sanji finally made it back to the house, he was still flying so high on his first kiss experience that he really didn't notice anything else. Ussop lifted his goggles, pausing in his soldering and waiting to be screamed at or kicked; Chopper and Luffy stopped wrestling over the game controller, waiting to be bawled out for knocking over their soda cups and eating bags of candy; Zoro paused with his grog to his lips and lifted an eyebrow because of the goofy expression on Sanji's face.

But Sanji ignored them all, practically floating past everybody and heading for the bathroom. The kids looked at each other with expressions of confusion, and Zoro set the grog down cautiously, eyeing the door and expecting an enemy or something of the sort to follow after Sanji. He touched his swords for reassurance, Kitetsu nearly vibrating against his fingers.

Luffy untangled himself from Chopper, staring down the hall with a wide-eyed expression. Then looked at Zoro worriedly, thumb to lip as his teeth found his nail.

"Sanji made himself sick, Zoro," he whispered. "What should we do? He's going to _die_!"

Zoro narrowed his eyes, fingers curling around the scabbard, and cautiously made his way out of the kitchen. "I'll check it out. Take care of Chopper."

"Should I get my bag?" Chopper whispered as Ussop took cover behind him.

"Sanji looked really sick – whatever he gots, he better not give it to me," he said low. "I'm easily susceptible to 99 percent of diseases in the world, I'll die!"

"Oh my gosh," Luffy continued, hands atop of his head, straw hat rustling with the movement. "I should have NEVER allowed him to go alone! He was all alone, and now – he's just trying to be brave - !"

"I'm scared!" Chopper confessed, holding onto Ussop.

As Zoro peered cautiously around the doorframe into the bathroom, he realized Sanji was just looking at himself in the mirror. Having washed his hands, Sanji was now smearing his treasured hand cream into his fingers, rubbing with a slight hum with goofily smiling lips. The man was looking at himself in the mirror, and if Zoro didn't know any better, he could tell that the person that had somehow switched souls with his roommate was preening over his new form.

Kitetsu was drawn and out, the tip of the blade catching Sanji's invaded neck and Adam's Apple, forcing him to stop humming. "Enemy of fools, you dare break into my house and threaten my friends? And how can you _live_ with yourself, sucking the cesspit-breath smelling soul of my pretend ghey roommate just to live in his body? Do you know what he does in that skin?"

Sanji looked at him with an annoyed look, pushing the blade away. "_Idiot_."

"What are _you_ doing?" Zoro returned. "You can't come up in this house, with that strange face, and not expect me to think that shit went down without me!"

Sanji rolled his eyes, finished lotioning his hands. Zoro then tilted his head, realizing that, along parts of his jaw and cheek, there were splashes of red there. Vague, faint red that looked more like skin irritation than anything.

Before he could say anything, though, both Luffy and Chopper rushed at Sanji, tackling him into the shower with shouts of relief and cheer once they realized that he was okay. Ussop peered out from behind Zoro cautiously, Zoro frowning down at his nose as it slid across his biceps.

"Stupid shit kids, get off!" Sanji roared, kicking them and straightening his clothes as he managed to climb out from the tub. "What's the matter with you assholes?"

"We thought you were sick!" Luffy exclaimed, wiping his face.

"Yeah, Sanji, we thought it was something deathly serious," Chopper added, reaching out and feeling his forehead.

"I'm fine, for fuck's sakes," Sanji muttered.

All four of them watched Sanji cautiously as he made his way into the bedroom he shared with Zoro, sighing tiredly.

As Zoro stood in the doorway, the other three peered at Sanji curiously from the safety of his form.

Zoro sniffed the air. "You smell like the shipyards."

Sanji tugged off his pullover, shook it. He shrugged. "I…made it that way, yes."

"Without us?" Luffy cried accusingly.

"I, uh…visited Gin," Sanji confessed cautiously, sniffing the pullover. Butterflies exploded in his stomach. His lips seemed extra sensitive today, but they didn't look any different – maybe slightly more pink than normal.

Three faces clouded with confusion and horror while Zoro looked slightly bothered by the sudden blush that caused Sanji's normally pale skin to glow with color.

Sanji caught himself, lowering the pullover and clearing his throat noisily. "WITHOUT the lot of you," he added, turning his back to them and hanging the pullover without any other action.

Luffy and Ussop gave a low gasp, looking at each other while Chopper looked at them questioningly.

Zoro crossed his arms over his chest, leaning against the doorframe with a snort. "And why's this important? What's the point in bragging about meeting with heroin-chic boy?"

"I didn't brag – I just _said_, that's what I did," Sanji said shortly. He removed his shoes, toe upon heel, and gently placed them back into their appropriate shoeboxes. He then put that away neatly, then stepped back and surveyed his clean, organized closet. Gin's words came back to him – hit him with vivid force. It was incredibly exhilarating, at this moment, to realize himself.

He turned and looked at the others, his expression befuddled and twitching with a smile that looked almost deranged. "I came to a conclusion. Gin helped. In a way, I gotta thank you guys for it."

"You're welcome!" Luffy said brightly, then tilted his head. "What for?"

Sanji didn't know how else to say it, how else to beat around the bush, but now that he was realized, he definitely wasn't going to hide it. It was incredible what had happened between him and Gin, and he didn't feel that he had to hold back. Arms spread wide, giving a barking laugh, he announced. "I'm gay!"

Four expressions stared back at him without emotion – then Luffy sighed. "Sanji, you _told_ us that. That's why we helped you find Gin."

"Tell us something more shocking," Zoro encouraged mockingly.

"I accept that I am, now," Sanji said, undeterred by their attitudes. He felt wonderful at that moment, high on life – he had plans to meet with Gin again, later that night, and he felt he had to be up front with his roommates about it. He couldn't hold himself back anymore. "In fact…I'm pretty confident that this is where I want to be."

"Yey."

"Uh, okay, Sanji, _awesome_ with that," Ussop said with uncertainty, giving a limp clap while Chopper looked concerned. "But, like, we knew this already."

"All right, Sanji, well, if this is what you want," Chopper said with slow acceptance. "I will prepare myself with the right materials needed in order for you to venture into this brand new world. I'm sure we can both teach each other things in order for you to have a satisfactory love life."

"I don't want your involvement with my love life," Sanji told him. "That just sounds perverted and wrong."

"You _asshole_! I love you and I want to help you, so you have no choice in the matter!" Chopper hollered at him, then ran off to do some research.

Zoro gave an impatient sigh. "Well, all right, then. So I can tell Nami about this."

Sanji winced, then looked at him. Zoro gave him an expectant look. Sanji took a few moments to think about this, about how Nami would react – but his decision was made. The woman had never wanted him, anyway, and he humiliated himself enough with her. There was nothing she could do to him, now, now that he had moved on and had a whole new world to explore.

He nodded. "Mm. Yes. You can."

Zoro stared at him for a few moments, then shifted away with a mutter. "This is fucking awkward. How do you think _I _feel, now? I room with you."

"Like you should feel any different, I've lived with you for ages!"

"But how do I know you're not all – _attracted_ to me, an' stuff?" Zoro protested.

Sanji snorted, rolling his eyes. "Zoro, the day I'd be attracted to you, I'd –"

"Let's not get too hasty!" Luffy cried. "Let's not get into that, now. Sanji, if you fully embrace this gayness of yours, well, _congratulations_! But upon our earlier conversation, I'm still not confident with this guy being alone with you!"

"Why is that, Luffy?" Sanji asked with a huge sigh, while Zoro looked cross, once more leaning against the doorframe while Luffy managed to slip past him.

"Because! Gin's - ! Well, he's a tough guy an' all, that part's obvious. He's a manly man, a man among men, a suitable Attacker! He gets guys all scared of him with just a lift of his eyebrow," Luffy stated, somehow managing to mimic Gin's said expression to Sanji. "He's obviously a high ranking officer with his crew, and he's a pirate! You? Well, you're strong an' all, one of the very strongest guys I've ever known and allowed to hang with me – "

"'Allowed'," Sanij repeated.

" –but Gin…Gin's pretty tough. For a guy that looks to weigh about 90 pounds soaking wet, Gin's got power to him." Luffy licked his lips. "You need a chaperone to make sure he doesn't steal off with you. You need a surefire defend_er_ to defend YOU and your Defender status."

"I'm not some fucking object! Or a weakling! Nobody's chaperoning who I see and what I do!"

"This is what I have decided, Sanji!" Luffy boomed over Sanji's enraged shout. "From now on, every time you meet with Gin, either I or Zoro here will accompany you! No ifs, ands, or buts! I don't want that pirate stealing off with you the first chance he gets!"

"Fucking RIDICULOUS - !"

"Good idea, Luffy," Zoro finally spoke up. He gave Sanji a pointed look, the blond looking entirely aghast at this decision. "We're gonna have to watch this asshole close. He obviously can't take care of himself in those…shoes…"

"There's no way either of you are going to accompany me on my dates with Gin - ! I mean, when I'm meeting – oh, fuck it, my _dates_ with Gin argh I can't say it without freaking OUT because - !" Sanji whirled away from them, angrily rummaging through his clothes for something a little dressier than what he was wearing.

Luffy exhaled happily, seeing that Sanji was no longer going to argue with him, and because Zoro agreed with him. Appeased that no pirate was going to steal off with his cook, Luffy then asked, "So what's for supper?"


	13. Right Between The Eyes

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece, but I do acknowledge using Eiichiro Oda's characters without his permission.

Warning: AU, OOC, profanity, slash, TWT (if it ever existed), modern-fantasy setting.

**Lin**: THANKS!

**SantoryuuFelidae**: Thank you, and yes – this will be an eventual ZoSan.

A/N: Might be the last update for awhile. RL just got gritty, again, so this chapter might reflect that – not as humory as the last few. Grr. Thanks for all the attention regarding this fic!

**:: Right Between The Eyes ::**

Zoro had his arms crossed tightly over his pink polo shirt, and his face was heavy with a scowl. Luffy had given up looking as hard-core as he did and was looking for some food cart to appease his growling stomach. When Sanji met with Gin nearly ten minutes ago, it was like a fist to the face to see what he had.

Watching Gin react when Sanji met him was something inevitable for Zoro. When the pair of them arrived just in time to watch Sanji approach Gin, it was seeing Gin's appraisal (comparable to that of a hungry wolf looking upon a tasty meal) and Sanji's sudden _shyness_ (he'd never seen Sanji walk with his hands behind his back, taking tentative steps with a tilt to his head that made Zoro think of –it didn't matter) that ripped a hole in Zoro's gut.

Sanji looking _happy_ and behaving in a manner completely beyond Zoro's knowledge of him was something like a slimy weight in Zoro's being. It was as if he were watching some horrific torture committed on…puppies and kitties and…it made him furious. Despite these current emotions over Sanji's happiness, Zoro was also having trouble accepting that Luffy was right with his observations.

His brow grew heavy as his scowl darkened.

"Fucking idiot," he then said aloud, arms tightening as he started walking, seeing that Gin was pointing something beyond their vision and leading Sanji towards it. While both of them weren't exactly holding hands and singing love songs, their body language read such things. Sanji had now resumed his usual confident self and walking along with a purpose and a cigarette, while Gin sauntered next to him in ridiculously _trashy_ clothing, who only had to look at somebody to have them scampering away quickly. It was as if there was some sort of invisible shield around them that had people giving them a wide, cautious berth.

Gin was a dangerous man. Zoro could see that, now, and he didn't like that.

"Ugh, Zoro, you want some of this? I think I bought too much," Luffy complained as he walked back over, Zoro looking over and seeing that Luffy had bought armloads of mochi in various colors.

"Aw, man, Luffy, what's wrong with you?" Zoro asked with a sigh, taking a few pieces and then looked back up to see what the couple was doing now. Dropped it all once he realized they were nowhere in sight. "Dammit! They're gone!"

"Don't worry, buddy, Gin was taking him towards the fight rings down by the shore," Luffy reassured him. He bit calmly into one of his foodstuffs and followed Zoro as Zoro marched in that direction. A few minutes later, sure enough, Zoro spotted the couple as men hollered and cheered at the beach below, where a couple of fighters beat each other to bloodied pulps. Luffy watched his friend, mouth full of mochi. Observing what Zoro was seeing, where Gin laughed at something Sanji said, Luffy then swallowed tightly.

"It'll be okay, Zoro," he reassured the other man. "Sanji's just twitterpated right now. His journey into gayness was something he needed. He's a lot happier, now, huh?"

"'_Happy'_," Zoro muttered crossly. "I don't think 'happy' is the word."

Luffy finished off a few more mochi, watching Zoro closely. Looking over at Sanji, observing his happy expression and the way Gin chased off people around them with that _look_ of his, Luffy realized how hard Zoro was taking the situation. But his brow furrowed, and he pushed his straw hat back, the tie catching his thin neck as the brim settled against his back.

"Zoro, why are you mad?" he asked curiously.

"I'm not," Zoro mumbled.

"You have veins popping at your temples, again. You're pissed."

"I'm _not_ pissed."

"You _are_, you're getting that freaky look on your face, like something's stuck high up in your ass and you can't shit it out," Luffy insisted, brushing his shirt with both hands. He peered up at the older male, gladiator sandals scraping against the pavement with the movement. "You _are_, Zoro. What makes you so mad about the situation? Sanji's finally happy because someone's paying attention to him, in the way that he needs. Something that he always wanted. And you're _mad_ about it."

"I'm not mad!"

"You are!" Luffy exclaimed, hands out wide. "Sanji obviously likes him, an' once he realizes what sort of person Gin is, Sanji will drop him like he does when he finds fruits with spiders. _Minus_ the panicked girly shrieking and climbing of tall objects."

Zoro grunted in response, arms crossing tightly once more. Gin looked at Sanji at that moment, and Zoro felt uncomfortable with the sight; despite the looks he gave other people, the one he gave Sanji was that of adoration and admiration. Zoro admitted to himself that the only time Sanji received those looks were from the kids and those that sampled Sanji's cooking – and while Luffy was right _again_, in that Sanji had found this needed attention, he just didn't think it was Gin that should be giving it to him.

"I'm not mad," he muttered again.

Luffy lifted an eyebrow, entirely skeptical as he watched Zoro's jaw tense and teeth grind. "Okay, then."

"We could've found somebody better."

Luffy ruffled his black hair, rocking back and forth on his heels. "You think so?"

"How can we show Sanji that this guy's bad news?" Zoro then asked, rubbing at his chin.

"Oh, hey, look! A grog cart!" Luffy exclaimed, pointing beyond them as the rickety thing, pushed by a tired looking woman with a bat over her shoulder, came into view. "You want some, Zoro?"

"He probably won't listen to us," Zoro concluded.

"Grog?"

"Listen, Luffy, I've had enough of this. I'm headed home," Zoro then said, turning and stalking away.

Luffy stared after him in struck silence, unsure of what to say. He whipped around to make sure Gin and Sanji hadn't disappeared. Making a face, Luffy stuffed his hands into his back pockets.

"Huh," was all he said, watching as Sanji gestured excitedly with a cigarette, Gin saying something with a laugh.

As one of the fighters hit the blood-covered deck of the ring, the crowd erupted into a deafening roar. Beli and hands shot upward as the haggard referee deemed a winner. But this wasn't as interesting as the move Gin made next – leaning forward and kissing Sanji, Sanji accepting the kiss without much acknowledgment to the crowd. Nobody paid much attention to them, so Luffy assumed that people were 'cool' with the display.

He frowned, feeling conflicted in wanting to break up the two that started to _touch_ each other and cheering happily because everyone knew Sanji wanted this sort of happiness. Luffy couldn't count the many times he'd caught Sanji practicing on the back of his hand or pillow, so he knew Sanji was prepared for this. But Luffy couldn't give the situation his full blessing.

Not with Zoro so obviously upset.

He wasn't aware that Zoro had doubled back after going in the wrong direction, catching sight of the scene himself.

**::**

The next day, cheek propped up in one hand, Luffy sat at the kitchen island and silently watched Sanji cook. Sanji was humming to himself again – obviously unaware he couldn't carry a tune – but there was _something different_ in his cooking that was caused by his cheery mood. Luffy could definitely smell that _something_ _different_ in the air, and he knew it was a magical sort of flavoring that would benefit them all.

As Sanji turned to him, already armed with a decorated plate of great smelling breakfast food, Luffy straightened and studied his friend. Sanji was pretty happy, and Luffy couldn't help but be happy for him.

"This looks so yummy, Sanji!" he exclaimed, staring down at the contents for a moment, to figure out where to start first. He just uploaded the entire plate into his mouth, Sanji pausing in mid-turn to stare at this with a disgusted look. Removing the plate from his enlarged mouth, Luffy chewed messily with a dreamy expression on his face.

Sanji set Ussop's plate aside and then tossed a dishtowel at the teen. "Despite the compliment, get some manners. That's disgusting. I don't see how you can taste anything, eating like that."

Luffy tried to answer, but ended up choking instead. Confident the teen was capable of Heimliching himself, Sanji covered Ussop's plate with a piece of tinfoil, ignoring the coughs and chokes and splatter of food upon countertop behind him.

The front door opened, and both of them turned to see Zoro walking in – still wearing the same clothes as last night, and with an expression of stone on his face. Luffy did manage to save himself, eyes watery and face reddened, turning in his stool to face the other man.

"What happened to you?" Sanji asked Zoro. "Where'd you go?"

Zoro shut the door behind him, and shot him a look. Without saying anything, he marched off to the bedroom.

Luffy and Sanji looked at each other curiously, then Sanji cringed at the sight of half-chewed food splattered on the countertop.

"Eat that up, don't waste it," he snapped at Luffy, removing his apron and then striding down the hall towards the bedroom.

Luffy exhaled as he heard Sanji's demand for Zoro's whereabouts. He then hurriedly scraped up the food he'd spit out, and stuffed it back into his mouth, chewing more thoroughly as he slipped off the stool.

Zoro turned to face Sanji once they both stepped into the bedroom, and it was seeing Sanji's concerned/annoyed expression that made him snap.

"Wow, it's weird. I'd forgot what an ugly face you had, because it looked like it was being licked off by that guy!"

Sanji felt his cheeks redden slightly, but he immediately bristled at Zoro's tone and expression. Unable to look at him, he crossed his arms stubbornly. "So? You wanted to follow me, that's – that's what you get!"

"So - ! This is what you want. You're completely for real about this," Zoro stated, hands out.

"I don't know how many times I have ta say it, asshole! YES! _Yes_, this is entirely what I want!" Sanji exclaimed. "What's so fucked up about it?"

"What's _fucked up_ about it? Is that you're carrying on with – with bad news," Zoro said lamely, hands on his hips. "Did you even ask about his background? Find out who he works for? You don't think he has other intentions on his mind?"

"All this stuff is none of your concern," Sanji snapped. "That's none of your fuckin' business. I asked you for your help, and you didn't want to give it!"

"Yeah, but -!"

"You DIDN'T want to give it, ape-face, an' now suddenly it's all a fucking problem?"

Luffy winced as their voices grew, as faces reddened and tension made the atmosphere terribly thick. He knew Ussop was locking himself in the bathroom at that moment, hearing their shouts, and figured it was best, just in case the two males started fighting again.

But he crossed his arms and watched as Zoro shouted himself hoarse, face red and Sanji matched that volume, arms flying with effort.

"What's going on?"

Luffy started at the sound of Nami's curious voice, whirling to see the redhead standing behind him, eyes wide as she took in the scene.

"NAMI! HI!" he screamed aloud, catching the attention of the two men that stopped in mid-word to look over quickly. Luffy hugged the woman, who shoved him off with a grunt.

She pushed him away as she marched in, looking from Sanji to Zoro with curiosity. Her daisy-duke style, high-waisted shorts seemed to hold up her girls, her shirt barely even that with its sparkly blackness and rows of pearls that dangled from her neck. She was wearing her fur stole, leopard print adjusted briskly.

"Why are you guys fighting?" she asked. She was familiar with Sanji's quick scan of the jiggling girls, but Zoro ignored them, giving a scowl as he crossed his arms tightly.

"Nami! Good morning, would you like something to eat?" Sanji asked, gesturing out towards the kitchen. "You look – er…well, I'm sure you're hungry."

Nami was only slightly bewildered that he didn't finish his compliment; she studied him suspiciously, then gave a tilt of her head. "You're looking refreshed, Sanji! Zoro told me you're seeing someone, now."

Zoro snorted at that moment, Sanji inwardly fretting. He fumbled for a cigarette while stumbling over morning greetings.

"C'mon," Nami prompted, batting his hands away from his own pockets. "Don't be shy…everyone knows you've wanted this to happen for, like, _ever_. Besides, you – "

"He's seeing this guy, this loser pirate from the shipyards who came into port for some dumb ass, " Zoro snapped, barging past them.

Nami laughed, adjusting her stole over her shoulders and let him pass. She looked up at Sanji to continue pestering him for the girl's name when she saw the expression of exasperation on Sanji's face. Something told her that what Zoro said had been half right – she froze.

Sanji looked at her uncomfortably. Luffy watched him, waiting for him to say something. When it looked like Sanji had trouble speaking, Luffy said helpfully, "His name's Gin, Nami. He took Sanji bowling the other day. Sanji really likes him, but I think Zoro and I need to be involved, because he's a pirate from the shipyards. What Zoro said was actually pretty true, but Gin _wasn't_ looking at Sanji's ass the entire time."

"You're seeing a _guy_?" Nami asked, voice lifting slightly with the strangled question. She stared unblinkingly up at the man in front of her. "Sanji, is this somethin' Luffy and Zoro - !"

"Yes, Nami, it's true," Sanji said quietly, dropping his sight down to his own shoes. "Half of it, actually. Zoro and I were just…just discussing it before – "

"You're not homo," Nami said slowly, finally managing to blink. "Sanji, you're not homo. You like _women_."

Reaching up to rub at the back of his neck uncomfortably, Sanji said, "Well, I thought – I thought I did, Nami, really…but I think that – though I do, I think that I do for…for entirely different reasons."

Nami stepped back from him, earning a screech from Luffy as she managed to step atop of one bare foot with her high heel. She ignored the screech as she focused heavily on Sanji, as if by doing so would give her a different view of Sanji. She struggled to look for the joke on his face, for some giveaway of a lie, and saw only a reluctant admittance.

Thoughts of the night she'd confronted Zoro with the _doujinshi_ captured her at that moment, and she touched her lips with vague repulsion.

"So it _was_ you…" she said quietly, unable to fully process the horror of it. "Those books belonged to you – "

"Books…? Oh! Oh, _no_, Chopper – Chopper brought those home," Sanji stammered, face growing red. "He thought that…that they'd be helpful – "

"Just because _I r_ejected you, bawled you out for making a fool out of yourself doesn't mean you've got to turn to men, Sanji!" Nami snapped at him. "I only wanted you to stop making such an idiot out of yourself in front of women! That was why you hadn't any luck with them!"

"I – I saw that," Sanji protested. "I – I did make a fool out of myself, but - !"

"You're not gay, Sanji," Nami said slowly, reaching out to adjust the fit of his apron then catching herself as she took in his outfit. It was his usual presentation, black pants and a fitted sweater-shirt, his shoes shined and polish, but looking at it now only made her realize that she hadn't actually looked at him before. His personality and overbearing pushiness to capture her attention had been such a turn-off, so she hadn't tried to give him any more attention than what she did. But now that she looked at him, she realized just how well-dressed he was. How groomed and polished he was. Horror made her features pale.

"You're not gay!" she snapped loudly, stepping back from him. "I didn't turn you away just to turn you onto men!"

"Um, well, I –"

"_I_ didn't turn you gay!" she insisted. "That wasn't my intentions, I didn't turn you gay!"

"Sanji turned himself gay, Nami, not you," Luffy said from behind her. "Sanji was always gay, according to Gin."

"This is ridiculous!" Nami exclaimed, voice rising. "Who's this guy that supposedly made this claim? Some loser from the shipyards? Sanji, if you're fucking with me, I'm going to be really pissed - !"

"We met him, Nami," Luffy insisted. "Gin, the pirate guy. He's got mad power, he does. He's Sanji's Attacker – "

"LUFFY!"

"'Attacker'?" Nami questioned over Sanji's outraged voice. "What's that?"

"Y'know, the one on top."

"AGH!" Nami screamed in horror.

"NO! No, no, no, it's not like that!" Sanji exclaimed over her shout of horror.

"This doesn't make any sense, Sanji! You can't be gay, not after all this! You're only doing this to get back at me!" Nami shouted at him, jabbing at his chest with one red nail. "Knock it off!"

"Nami, please, just listen to me," Sanji said, hands out in a placating gesture. "I've come to learn a lot about myself this weekend. While I still do – _love_ - women, it's just not in the way that I thought. Y'see, when this happened – "

"I don't want to hear any excuses, Sanji, this is still wrong! I think it's wrong on all accounts, especially because of my involvement!" Nami interrupted him, face red with mortification. "People are going to think that it was _my_ fault! And besides, you can't make a huge decision like that when – "

"Nami, I already know that I am. Sorry to speak in such a…vulgar manner, but I've –I'm attached to this man. I'm quite sure that I am," Sanji said quietly. He then winced as Nami's expression turned murderous. "I'd thought that Zoro would tell you about this. Considering how much you two talk."

"ZORO!" Nami shouted at the top of her lungs. "Zoro, come here! Come here, _now_! Tell this fucking idiot he isn't gay!"

"Can't take back what's already been done!" came Zoro's cranky reply from the living room. "Accept it, witch. You should've slept with him in the first place if you didn't want this happening."

"_Zoro_!" both Nami and Sanji shouted in outraged reaction.

"It's true! The guy's gayer than a pile of sticks and a cigarette!"

Luffy looked confused while Nami and Sanji sputtered with similar reactions, leaving the bedroom to march down the hall to confront the other man.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked aloud, the bathroom door opening a smidge as Ussop's nose poked out. He heard Ussop's rushed, whispered explanation, and gave a startled gasp. He followed after the pair as they stood over Zoro, who was sitting on the couch. Ussop, sensing rising tension, locked himself back into the bathroom with a lame excuse in fixing his hair.

"That's not a nice word, Zoro," he admonished. "You wouldn't want people calling Sanji that, would you?"

"Why, it's true," Zoro said in disgust, pushing both Nami and Sanji away from him to clear himself some space to the kitchen. "Besides, Nami, Rolling Pin here was sucking face with the guy all night. I'm surprised he still has his face intact."

"Zoro - ! You - ! _Voyeur_!" Sanji exclaimed with red-faced horror while Nami just looked disturbed.

"_You were sucking face_ with this man?" she cried, voice thick with emotion. "So you're not even going to hide it? You're just going to live like this, live out this _lie_? You don't like men!"

"Nami, I - !"

"Ask the guy he was with, witch," Zoro said, finding a bottle of grog. He looked at the clock in the kitchen as he popped the top. "Seems to like him just fine. Time for school."

"You're not gay! I didn't do this to you! You're NOT gay!" Nami exclaimed, hands ruffling through her own hair with agitation.

"Accept responsibility," Zoro said firmly. "If it wasn't for you, he would've never turned homo. You had some point to prove, well…look at the results."

"I only did it to prove how much of an idiot you were with women, to help you!" she roared, Zoro gesturing away from him to indicate Sanji. She turned and repeated herself in the same volume at the blond, who cringed.

"And you did help me, Nami," Sanji insisted. "I have to thank you for that, because you helped me see what it was I really needed."

Zoro found his grog, opening the top while Namie gaped at Sanji incredulously. With a low chuckle, Zoro muttered, "Ha. _Cock_."

Sanji unleashed a mighty roundhouse that sent the man flying through the living room and into the collection of movies and games that had accumulated over the years. If it weren't for the width of his shoulders and the fact that he managed to stop himself in time, Zoro's head would have emerged onto the other side of the wall. Plaster, wood and sheetrock crumbled as he struggled to pull himself out of the nasty damage he'd made. Amidst the splash of sound, Luffy clapped with admiration while Nami held handfuls of her own hair once more.

Huffing with an embarrassed air, Sanji swept his hair back from his face. Because he logically couldn't deny Zoro's words it was with red-faced acknowledgement that he muttered, "To stave off any argument…_yes_…"

Nami stared at him in silence. Her eyes were round and wide, and her breaths small and shaky. Luffy checked to make sure Zoro was all right, seeing that the man was trying to pull his head out of broken sheetrock, and resumed watching the drama unfold in front of him.

"But Sanji…you don't even know how to…with someone else's…"

"Oh, Nami, every guy _knows_ what to do with a penis," Luffy said with a chuckle. "We play with ours _all_ the time, how hard can it be?"

"LUFFY -!" Sanji sputtered, moving to kick him for speaking so vulgarly in front of Nami, but the woman beat him to it with a harsh back hand that sent Luffy sprawling.

"I _know_ that!" she exclaimed. "I know what I was trying to say, I don't need your help with it!"

She returned looking at Sanji, hands on her hips and her jaw tight. She then said, "Sanji, this is just a mistake. There's a woman out there for you…you just haven't found her, yet. I think it's just – a case of temporary insanity, an irresistible impulse! Because you haven't…haven't come across anything…what I'm trying to say is, you're not gay. And I'm asking you to stop this, because you're – you're just…embarrassing yourself."

Sanji clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. This conversation had begun awkwardly, and was now crawling with awkward positions on both sides. Clearly, Nami didn't understand why Sanji had 'turned' the way he did, and Sanji felt sorry for the woman for her refusal to understand him.

"I don't _think_ I am, Nami," he said gently. "I'm pretty sure of myself. With…with Gin, I know that what I am experiencing with him is…right for me. Right now, I can't imagine…experiencing what I have with…with a woman."

Nami's silence was heavy, and as she absorbed Sanji's words, her skin started to redden. Zoro had finally managed to pull himself out of the wall, blood dribbling down into the collar of his shirt. Luffy wiped his nose, glanced at Zoro, then looked back over at Nami and Sanji.

"'tch," Zoro muttered, stumbling over to pick up his grog, nose wrinkling as he discovered most of it puddling onto the linoleum. Uncaring of his bloodied appearance, he finished off his grog. "Take responsibility, witch. Your plans backfired. 'sides, what's it matter to you, anyway? Not like you were in love with him, or anything. You love me."

Sanji sputtered once more, looking at Zoro with wide-eyed revulsion, while Nami snapped out of her trance and glared at him as well.

"Nami would never - !" Sanji started to exclaim, when Nami gave him a tired wave of her hand.

"It's true, I do – did. But he won't have me," she said with a heavy sigh. "He's too fucking dense for me."

"I'm way too good for you, thief. You can't handle my awesome muscles and bodacious attitude. You'd try to tie me down and have my babies," Zoro muttered.

Sanji reached out and slapped him, utterly repulsed by Zoro's words. Then he winced, shaking his hand cradling it to his chest.

"Don't hurt your cooking hand, Sanji!" Luffy cried. "Zoro's not worth it!"

"Hey!" Zoro complained, shooting him a look.

"Sorry 'ro, if it came down to you and Sanji's cooking, I'd have to choose him."

"Some loyalty - !"

Without saying anything, Nami wrapped her arms around Sanji's neck and kissed him, everyone going silent and staring with wide eyes. Sanji went still, visible eye widening with disbelief, then he pulled away, his lips and mouth stained with red lipstick. Nami looked at him with a bewildered expression, Luffy and Zoro staring at the sight with wide, disbelieving eyes. They then looked at Sanji for some form of reaction.

Uncomfortably, Sanji wiped his face with the back of his hand, and Nami touched hers with shaking fingers. With red smeared around his mouth, Sanji only looked embarrassed. Seeing that he wasn't reacting to her as she was used to, Nami's eyes widened and watered. She believed that she'd 'turned' Sanji gay, and felt mortified with the feat.

"_Stupid_!" she spat angrily. "Stupid, stupid, stupid - ! Don't you dare come up to the school with your boyfriend, either, and if I hear that you told people that I made you gay, I will fucking murder you!"

"Nami - !"

Nami whirled to face the two men behind her, and lifted her hand, slapping them both soundly. "And for _you two_ to just - ! To just _let_ this happen? _Fools_! Idiots! Some friends you are! You _let_ him do this to himself? Assholes!"

"Why are we getting the blame?" Zoro exclaimed, Luffy looking wounded. "He's the one that let Ace tell him this in the first place!"

" 'Ace'? ACE MADE HIM GAY?"

"Practically!"

"It's not his fault, either," Sanji said with a sigh, but cringed as Nami whirled on him with her hand raised. But she didn't let it fall, Sanji realizing that he wasn't about to be struck once he opened his eyes.

Nami trembled in place, then lowered her arm. With a venomous glare at the three of them, she whirled and stomped out of the house, slamming the door hard behind her.

Zoro burped loudly. "That went well. Good one, Rolling Pin."

"Shut up, fucker! You said you were going to talk to her!"

"I totally did. Right in front of you."

With a growl, Sanji moved to kick him, Zoro reacting with a lurch away. But instead, Sanji stomped past him and bellowed for Ussop to get out of the bathroom.

Luffy played with his jaw for a few moments, testing its rigidity. He then looked at Zoro. "Do you think Nami will be mad for a long time?"

"Eh. I dunno. Don't care."

"Ah, she'll get over it. Oh my gosh, Zoro! She's a lady! She's a great judge of men and character! Maybe she can help us with Sanji and Gin!" Luffy exclaimed, clapping his hands together. "Because if it doesn't work out with Gin, Sanji will have to find somebody else!"

Zoro gave him a disgusted look, shaking his head as Ussop screamed in pain and agony from the bathroom, Sanji shouting at him as various products hit the floor.


	14. Bad Boyfriend

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece, but I do acknowledge using Eiichiro Oda's characters without his permission.

Warning: AU, OOC, profanity, slash, TWT (if it ever existed), modern-fantasy setting.

A/N: HI ALL! So sorry for this chapter's delayed posting - ! I swear it was finished a long time ago, but I kept messing up and brainlessly writing and deleting things - ! I was stuck. **SO SORRY IF THINGS SEEMED MESSED UP, AND PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE NOTIFY ME IF YOU SPOT MISTAKES AND SO ON AND SO ON SO I COULD FIX 'EM**. So, hopefully, things still run smoothly from here out. THANKS TO ALL THAT REVIEWED, DEMANDED, WANTED, BEGGED ME TO CONTINUE! Without ya'll, I'd be hopeless. HUGE Halloween scares for you all!

**:: Bad Boyfriend ::**

The confrontation with Nami stayed with Sanji that day – through his classes, he drifted through them in a sort of fog, mentally reviewing and repeating her stunned words with a sort of exhaustion that was foreign to him. The woman avoided him, skipping classes they shared; though it was obvious that nobody else could have figured out his gayness from the weekend, nobody treating him differently, he felt that it was obvious.

It didn't help as Zoro met him as usual throughout the day with his snarky comments and looks that only made Sanji kick and curse at him. It could have also been the neon green mesh shirt over black tank top and jean shorts with combat boots and tube socks that made Sanji so violent. The goggles were back, hanging around his thick neck, his green hair popping up like grass from the rim of a visor worn upside down.

"How Nami could make herself love you is absolutely beyond me!" he spit between classes.

"How you can make yourself _want_ to suck cock blows me," Zoro replied. Sanji was so startled at the newly accepted awareness towards it that he froze in the midst of a kick. Zoro paused in mid-step, took in this state, and gave him a frown. Pirates, ninjas and other aspiring seamen had to move around them with grumbles and protests.

Then Zoro stilled. "Did I just…make a winning comment? Hell, I'm oozing it today. I gotta rein it in."

Sanji straightened, flustered as he patted at his outfit and then fixed his hair. He straightened his vest over button-down shirt with rolled sleeves, slacks given a reassuring swipe. "Fuck you, ape-face. You're definitely oozing _something_, today."

"Please don't hit on me. I'm _tired_, curlique."

"I'M NOT!"

"I dunno, Rolling Pin, it's getting weird between us," Zoro said, indicating the space between them with a finger. When a pirate started to complain of their unmoving forms in the hallway, he sent a glare in that direction. As the pirate moved to challenge him, Sanji kicked him away, knocking over various students in his flight path.

"_What's_ getting weird?" Sanji snapped, ignoring new protests from those that had fallen.

"_You_. Ever since you decided to be all…what's the word…yuh-oi on us, your entire attitude and drive just went…down that way," Zoro indicated 'that way' with a flick of a limp wrist. "It makes me uncomfortable when you try and practice your whims on me."

"I'm not practicing anything on you!" Sanji sputtered, outraged with the idea. "For some reason, you flatter yourself, you losing idiot! You want so badly my happiness that you accuse me of such things!"

Zoro looked outraged. "When I accuse, I speak the truth! None of what I say should be taken lightly!"

"Besides, why is it when we're having these disagreements, _you're_ the one making the innuendoes?" Sanji then asked, stalking off through the path of destruction he'd caused amongst his schoolmates.

Zoro narrowed his eyes. With a disgusted look, he had to admit that Sanji was right.

After lunch, Sanji stalked across campus towards his Roasting class when he caught sight of students throwing the parking lot nervous looks. It was uncommon for such sights to be seen, and his curiosity was roused as he looked in that direction. Seeing that Gin was strolling casually nearby made his interest perk, and Sanji headed over – but then a sense of rising hesitation and uncertainty welled up in him, and he slowed his step; finally stepping behind some hedges as he realized what he was doing. The campus was busy with Monday classes, and as he scanned it, saw that most of those that were outside had already seen Gin. From their expressions, some of the students knew who he was – others reacted upon this by looking hesitant on their own.

It was the thought of exposing himself so quickly and so early to others that made Sanji have second thoughts of approaching the man. As delighted as he was to see him, he wasn't ready to 'out' himself to others. He felt his stomach knot up at the thought of it. He then hurried off before Gin could catch sight of him, taking a maze-like row of hedges away from the parking lot. In doing so, he completely missed catching sight of Zoro, who didn't approve of the man's proximity to his school.

Seeing that the students around him were reacting to Gin with trepidation, Zoro crossed his arms tightly over his chest and decided to have a few words with the man.

"It's bad enough you like the taste of a cesspit - now you gotta show your creepy face out here to scare the kids?" Zoro asked him, as way of catching his attention.

Gin looked at him, not that surprised to see that it was Zoro facing him. Behind him, students taking note of the confrontation gathered with curious murmurs. Seeing that Sanji was nowhere in sight, Gin turned to fully face him, almost wincing at Zoro's ensemble. He wasn't flashy with his striped beach pants, white tee and wooden sandals, but at least he wore his visor the _right_ away. Seeing Zoro's rather confrontational stance made him take immediate notice of the man-signal of encroaching his territory.

He put his hands into his pants pockets to keep them from making rash decisions and gave a carefree smile in Zoro's direction.

"Ah," he said, lifting his voice slightly to be heard. As it was, the space between them was a thirty-foot stretch. "The roommate."

Zoro narrowed his eyes. "I've got a name."

"I'm sure you do," Gin said, eyebrows lowering. "I just didn't catch it."

Everyone watching understood that this scene was of something immense weight – the way their classmate faced off with a 'known' pirate only drew in more attention and whispers; of what caused the confrontation, of who would attack first. Bets were being placed silently, beli passing with quiet movements.

"I doubt you're here to enroll in time for next semester," Zoro said slowly, lifting an eyebrow.

"As you can clearly see, I've no need for school," Gin said. "_Experience_ is on my side."

"And I doubt you're here to see any…_friends_…here on campus, because if you are, I'll let you know right no, there aren't any _friends_ here," Zoro stressed.

Gin chuckled lightly. He gave a gesture at some of the students that were holding onto their food boxes. "Well then…I apologize for interrupting your lunch recess. I'll be on my way…unless you can give Sanji a message for me."

At this, everyone erupted with more whispers and comments, and Zoro scowled as his friend's name was brought to attention. Seeing that people were more curious than ever to see what this situation would lead to, he lowered his arms to his sides and wanted to slash Gin's smug expression off his thin face.

Seeing that he had Zoro, Gin drew his hands out with a casual expression. "Just tell him I dropped by – "

"I'm _no one's_ answering machine," Zoro said defiantly.

Gin paused, then let his hands fall with controlled action to his sides. Though his fingers twitched the longer Zoro continued to regard him with such insolence, Gin managed to control himself. To keep from drawing on the green haired man and his three swords, and making a huge mistake that would cost Sanji's attention.

"Oh?" he questioned, though his voice shook with just that utterance. "That's…_unfriendly_ of you."

"Like I give a shit. I think you know why."

Gin's eyes narrowed as people grew silent, subtly moving forward to hear more of their words. Those that were closest to the situation tried to draw back, quietly unnerved by the suddenly overwhelming expansion of energy that started to radiate from the both of them –signaling colliding strength.

"Seems to me that you've gotten defensive even before you even questioned yourself _why_," he stated.

"I don't have to ask myself 'why'. I know what I know without having to doubt myself," Zoro replied.

At this, Gin smirked. "I know. That's why you find me such a threat…'roomie'."

Zoro snorted; crossed his arms once more. "You're no more a threat to me than a fly, pirate. Yeah, you got something on ya to make people afraid of you, but know this – I'm afraid of _nobody_."

"It's not smart – this…_fearlessness_ of yours. You need to learn your boundaries in order to be successful," Gin preached. "Out there on those waters, to know your boundaries means to save your life."

"Boundaries are meant to be broken," Zoro returned with a grin.

Gin returned it with one of his own, hands noticeably twitching to his sides. "I was hoping you'd say that."

"GIN!" came a bellow that startled everyone watching, and made the two men scowl.

Fullbody pushed through the crowds, fists lifted with might. Nami was right behind him, looking confused once she realized Zoro was facing him. Fullbody approached the parking lot, giving Zoro a dismissive wave of his hand while Gin looked at him with some confusion.

"Hey, you mind?" Zoro asked him with irritation. "We're having a conversation here!"

"Which can wait," Fullbody snapped, attention fully focused on Gin. He reached into the inside pocket of his blazer, withdrawing a Wanted poster that made some of the students gasp as it displayed an older picture of Gin, along with a price that made Gin scoff. "Turning you into the proper authorities will ensure my Master's in law enforcement."

"Sure, kid. It's nice to have dreams," Gin said, sullenly sliding his hands into his pockets again. He looked past Fullbody, who looked pissed at being dismissed so casually, the Wanted poster tossed onto the street. "Roommate. I'll see you later."

"'tch, I don't think so," Zoro returned, Nami looking at him and then at Gin with a questioning expression. She left Fullbody's side, the blond looking after her with irritation as he removed his blazer, revealing his armed knuckles.

"What's going on, Zoro?" she asked curiously. "Who's this guy?"

"I'll do it, I'll turn ya in for this bounty," Fullbody declared, rolling up his sleeves, Gin regarding him with some boredom. "Education doesn't come cheap, nowadays!"

"Nobody," Zoro told Nami, giving her a onceover, as if he hadn't seen her outfit that morning. "What the hell are you wearing?"

"Like _you_ should be asking me that!" she nearly screeched, giving him a onceover of her own. She snagged his mesh shirt as Fullbody gave another boasting declaration over his own prowess in handing over wanted criminals. "This stays in the fucking fag district!"

"We don't use that word anymore," Zoro reminded her, a finger wagging in her face as he turned to leave. She clasped onto his shoulders with both hands, face wrinkling.

"I still don't – " she started to say when Zoro reacted quickly, sweeping her down and to the side with such speed that she had no idea what had happened until she saw Fullbody's flying form bypassing them by mere inches. They watched as he crashed into several parked vehicles nearby, denting metal and crumbling glass with spectacular sound. She caught herself with a startled gasp as Zoro dropped her, and returned looking back at Gin.

Once Nami realized what had happened to Fullbody, she followed Zoro's gaze, her mouth dropping open.

Looking quite smug, Gin gave them a tip of his visor and strolled off casually. All around them were faces of astonished expressions and trembling bodies, Zoro scowling as his chance to engage with this obviously strong person missed. Nami looked incredulously struck, unsure of what to say or do as she glanced from Gin's thin back to the destruction he'd caused with Fullbody's defeated form, lying crumbled within the pile of metal.

She reached out and caught Zoro's shirt again as he sought to leave. "Who the hell was that?" she demanded, voice high pitched and reedy. She then scanned the pavement, looking for the wanted poster Fullbody had before he'd dropped it. Seeing that it was a lost cause, possibly destroyed by the destruction, she waited impatiently for Zoro to give her her answer.

With a roll of his eyes, Zoro said with irritation, "Sanji's '_attacker'_."

Nami stared at him, clearly confused. Then she gave a startled gasp, hand to her mouth as her expression turned understanding. "_That_ guy?"

Zoro then paused, turning to look at everyone that was lingering around the scene. Lifting his swords and pointing in their general direction, he bellowed for all to hear, "If anybody, if _any_ word of this situation gets to Sanji…I'll know who spilled."

Everyone stared at him with bewildered silence. Satisfied that no one was going to tell Sanji what had just happened, Zoro resumed walking away, wondering when his next confrontation with Gin was going to happen.

Nami quickly followed, latching onto his arms and making him heave an exasperated sigh. "Zoro, _that's_ - ! _That's_ the pirate Luffy was talking about? _ZORO_?"

"Hey Zeus, really? You really have to touch me all the time? Like your filthy claws – " Zoro complained, trying to yank his arm back from her without hurting her in some way.

"Zoro, this is _wrong_!" she nearly whined, giving his arm a shake. "This is wrong, _wrong_, WRONG! _Why_ are you allowing this to happen? You can't let Sanji - !"

"Oi now, you're breaking your ugly nails on my manly forearms, and really just – ruining my casual stroll of contemplation, here. I've got _things_ to think about, and you're screeching in my ear. Men can't think when their brain hurts."

"You can't let Sanji _be_ gay!" she punctuated with a hiss, drawing up into him, to make him look at her. He rolled his eyes skyward, shifting to pull his goggles up and over his face in an attempt to block her out.

"Got my magic glasses on, Nami. Magic Anti-Woman Goggles engaged."

Nami pulled on the goggles and let them snap back, making him cry out. "You can be so friggin' - ! _Argh_! You're like a child, I don't understand why -! ARGH!"

Zoro adjusted his goggles, watched her stomp off towards the school. He couldn't help but smirk, rubbing his fingers over the worn straps with an appreciative draw. "Magic Anti-Woman Goggles, mission accomplished. "

**::**

"It's real easy to understand, Nami!" Luffy said cheerfully. Nami had trapped the younger male in the lunch area, where he sat with Ussop at one of the bench tables overlooking the sea. Garbage and pieces of food lay in disarray around them, Ussop still plucking certain veggies from his lunch while on guard from Luffy's sneaking hands. "Chopper explained it to us, using pictures one day. I don't know, Nami, I don't think you should see what we did. You might like it. I know how you women are with dicks."

Nami stared at him as he giggled to himself, Ussop looking at him with his chopsticks paused in mid-air.

"Anyway, see, an attacker is the guy that _gets it_," Luffy stressed, face set with a serious expression. "He just goes in and _gets it_. The defender is the guy that tries to, like, defend himself? But he really doesn't want to. It's all for show!"

Nami looked away from him, and looked at Ussop for confirmation. Ussop shrugged.

"We decided that Sanji's a Defender, because he displays all the classic symptoms!" Luffy continued on, finger in the air. "Number one, he is only slightly girly, because he takes effort in his appearance. And only girls do that. Hell, it only takes me twenty minutes max, because sometimes I like to beat it in the shower after I'm done cleaning, and that only takes me - !"

Nami whapped him alongside the head with an exasperated growl. "_Luffy_!"

"Dude, we had a talk about that sorta thing," Ussop said, as Luffy rubbed his head. "We don't talk guy things like that in front of girls. Remembers? Panties and moist?"

Nami whapped him as well, face reddening. "USSOP!"

"They're two separate THINGS!" Ussop wailed, arms over his head.

"Oh my gosh, Ussop, combining those words together, 'moist panties', just ups the disgusting factor!" Luffy exclaimed, watching Nami's reaction as the woman's red-face intensified. "Ha, ha, awesome!"

"LUFFY! USSOP! I swear, if you don't stop acting like a pair of - ! "

"Okay, okay, whatever, calm down, Nami. So we decided Sanji's a Defender. And Gin is his Attacker. Gin's only slightly more manlier than Sanji, just cuz it looks like he throws stuff on that was lying on the floor. Casual, yet manly." LUffy rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Plus, there's a certain man factor to him that just screams 'top'. Ussop's been looking, but it's unconfirmed whether or not he has a big dick. Tops are supposed to have big dicks, that's what those books said. It was mandatory."

"LUFFY!" Ussop screamed in horror, shaking his head wildly. "I wasn't looking! Why would I look? That's not even a factor! Nami, how could you just stand there and believe him like this?"

"Because you lie a lot, Ussop," Nami said impatiently. She looked at Luffy. "So…as much as I despise this sudden change to his…personality –"

Luffy stared at her, wide-eyed. "You're _born_ that way, baby. You can't just _change_ who you are."

"LUFFY!"

"Ha ha, sorry! C'mon, Nami…you can't just hate Sanji because he doesn't like girls. Girls treated him like shit, anyway!" Luffy said impatiently, giving her a pointed look. Nami had the grace to look shamed, clearing her throat and rubbing at one arm idly while looking around them. "And he's _happy_, Nami, so why's it so wrong?"

"Like watching a lil' school girl in love!" Ussop chimed in, voice high and lispy, making Luffy snicker.

"It's just something that I don't…really…agree with," Nami muttered slowly. She adjusted the fit of her skirt. "Look, anyway, Luffy – this guy…I guess he's seeing? I just don't like the look of him. He looks…addled."

"'Addled'?"

"Like…" she lowered her voice, covering her mouth slightly with her hand. "He's on something."

"Zoro calls him heroin chic, but I think he's just a real rugged pirate," Ussop spoke up from behind them, eyebrow lifted. "There are probably more important things in life for him than eating."

Nami stared at them both in silence, then crossed her arms tightly under her breasts. Both boys stared at the resulting formation, forcing her to drop her arms with impatience.

"I don't like it," she stated firmly, lips tight.

"You don't have to, Nami. Really, it's none of your business. If you can't be happy for Sanji, then it's obvious you aren't happy with yourself. And that's really sad," Luffy said, giving her a pitying look. "He's no threat to you. And Gin doesn't even know you, so he can't like you – you've changed, girlfriend. You used to be cool."

Nami frowned at him, then looked at Ussop for his opinion, but the long-nosed student was studiously focused on chewing. She heaved a sigh, rolled her eyes, then stalked off. Luffy crossed his arms tightly and watched her go.

He shook his head, adjusting his straw hat around his neck. "It's such a shame, Ussop. I do like watching her leave, almost as much as I like watching her approaching us."

Ussop gave him a lifted eyebrow. "_Really_?"

"Yeah, I mean, she wears such tiny clothes - ! Ha ha, just kidding, but…while I like Nami a lot, I don't like how she thinks like that. Just because Sanji likes guys, he's not the same Sanji he was before? I mean, really…" He rolled his eyes skyward, hands on his hips. "Girls. They're so…_complicated_. They like making issues bigger than what they are."

"One big mystery of the universe solved!"

**::**

"So, Sanji…this guy…your…_friend_…" Zoro gave an eyeroll at this, Sanji frowning at him as both of them lounged in their lawn chairs and shared a pack of beer. "So, like…I've never noticed before but he's…like a man."

"Wow, _really_?"

"Yeah, hey, I was surprised when I realized this, too," Zoro said, eyes widened slightly.

Sanji gave him an exasperated glare, then took a delicate sip of his beer.

"No, seriously. Once again, I back up my situation, and I ask you – do you really know this guy? I don't think so. Yeah, he works for Don Kreig, right, and we all know this guy. This guy we learned about in History semesters back, yeah?" Zoro's brow furrowed, and he noticed Sanji shrugging lanky shoulders, tapping ash off to his right before returning the cancer stick to his lips.

"I don't know this guy, but he's got people that, like – so I ask you, how well you know him –"

"And I ask you, after that dramatic little outburst from the other night, why does it fuckin' matter to you?" Sanji returned with heavy exasperation. "I didn't come out here to discuss matters like that, I came out here to relax. Y'know?"

"Not like I give a fuck about things like this, y'know, but – when the kids start talking about inviting the guy over, and chaperoning – "

"Nobody's chaperoning me! What am I, 12?" Sanji nearly screeched in outrage.

"When Luffy said that we have to start chaperoning you, which, B-T-W, I did NOT enjoy because of the sights that burned my corneas –"

"You don't even know what corneas are! "

"- I told myself, Damn it, this is fucking stupid. Me, watching over cesspit breath," Zoro continued over Sanji's indignant scoff, "but then something happened to make me rethink this. Sanji. I had my first run-in with the guy. Y'know, you need to talk to your boyfriend meeting you at school. Teacher sees you sneaking off campus – "

"I'm not - !" Sanji tapped ashes once more, looking at Zoro with some bewilderment. "Wait, what? He….he showed - ?"

"-And I'm looking forward to it. y'know? To actually – like, seeing what this guy is like. Not to, like, whatever, y'know? But to test him out. Hey, he looks like a worthy opponent and all that. So why not?"

Sanji stopped himself from bellowing more outrage, and processed these words. Taking in Zoro's expression of content and fascination, he stared at his long time best friend and realized he didn't fully understand what had just been said.

"Wait, what?"

Zoro nodded grimly, crossing his arms over his chest with deliberation. "Yeah. I mean, I have to admit this. Part of being a man is to admit things – "

"REALLY?" Both of them jerked at the sound of Chopper's elated shout, which was followed by a few shushing noises from the house.

Both of them resettled in their chairs, Sanji giving Zoro a skeptical expression. " 'Worthy opponent'? You were saying?"

"Yeah, well…not like Fullbody's a man, or anything, but he got beat hard. Y'know how curiosity kills me, man! I didn't even see it, but – definitely someone worthy of my limited attention."

"'Limited attention is right, ape-face."

"A man admits to things that could be considered weaknesses, Rolling Pin!"

"A man admits - !" Chopper was once again silenced, Sanji furrowing his brow as he fought to ignore the obvious eavesdropping.

Sanji felt odd that Zoro was viewing Gin as more than…a threat? A rival? An opponent? He looked at his beer and wondered if something had been slipped into place, to make him think weirdly of things.

Zoro cleared his throat loudly, realizing how awkward it now seemed between them. Both of them looked up at the night sky and finished their drinks in silence, lost in their own thoughts over the sudden discomfort that had no concrete meaning.


	15. I Think I'm Paranoid

**A/N:** Okay, first off - ! It's been a really long time since I updated. I apologize, but for all those that reviewed between then and now, **THANK YOU SO MUCH** for leaving a comment! I really appreciate all the readers and likers of this fic, since it is a product of my bad imagination and doomed humor, and I just want ya'll to know this. I'm sorry I couldn't respond to them individually but know this - YOU ARE APPRECIATED! "Now, let's get it on, c'mon!"

**:: I Think I'm Paranoid ::**

Things were different, now. Things were horribly different. Zoro wasn't sure how, or what, but something had happened where he woke up from his third afternoon nap with a sense of foreboding. Zoro usually was pretty astute when it came to problems with the boys or when he felt Nami's intentions for some flirty confrontation, but this practically beaned him from out of no-where – like Sanji's kicks.

"Oh, fuck, this is pretty bad," he muttered, getting up from the grass and pushing away from the tree he'd been napping under. His fierce expression startled those that had been walking nearby, causing an alarmed certainty in some inpending fight. Word spread like wildfire as he raced for home, swords in clenched fingers. "This is insane! Why is this happening _nnnooowww_? I'll get that bastard for causing such distress within me!"

The teenagers had been playing video games and eating the kitchen clean when he swept in, the door hitting the wall with a loud bang. Ussop began choking on his sandwich while Luffy looked back at the greenhaired bounty hunter with a grim set of his mouth. He ignored Zoro's muscle-print leggings, arm warmers, muscle tee and wrestling shoes that clearly belonged to somebody else. Ussop's face reflected dismay as he took in Zoro's presentation, lip curling upward as he struggled to withhold from asking the meaning behind it.

The printed muscle definition clearly showed off Zoro's physical attributes, and there was an impossibility in not noticing every one of them. Ussop's Straight struggles went unnoticed as Luffy took on an intense expression.

"Is it time, buddy?" Luffy asked, brushing off his shorts as he set the controller down on the coffeetable. "It's time, isn't it? I knew you'd be ready soon."

Zoro gave him a blank look, panting lightly. "What? Ready for _what_?"

"Remember? You said that one night you'd come home with your body ready," Luffy said, adjusting his hat. "Well, _we're_ ready for you, too."

"This _sounds_ bad," Ussop managed to say.

"Luffy, I'm going to pretend this never happened. But the only thing my body is ready for is a right. Rollig Pin said something last night that suddenly made me think," Zoro said, giving the teen a disgusted look. "I intend on making him pay for making me think while I'm trying to take my nap! He knows I need to maintain my only beauty in this manner!"

"'Beauty'?" Ussop questioned with much skepticism, giving Zoro's outfit another look.

"Are you okay? I know it hurts you, sometimes," Luffy said with concern. "We don't have to do this if you're suddenly feeling shy."

"I – Luffy, what the hell are you talking about? ENOUGH! Where's Sanji?"

"Oh, he said he's going to see Gin off. Gin's leaving, soon," Luffy said, a sad frown on his face. "I was really hoping this would work, Zoro. Sanji has never been so happy. Can't you see the radiation from his body?"

"I try not to notice the things that you do, Luffy, " Zoro said grimly.

"Why are you so sweaty, Zoro?" Chopper asked curiously, unable to resist reaching out to run a hoof down the printed definition of Zoro's rather impressive quads. "Is this a horrible side effect to men thinking? Luckily, I'm a deer."

"_Enough_ with the thinking comments! Look, something hit me today – "

"Nami's bra again?" Luffy asked with concern. "I told her no more studs after that last time."

"No."

"Oh, no, Fullbody was released early?" Chopper cried. "With the added weight of his body cast, he is sure to have caused some damage!"

"_NO_!"

"I'll bet it was B lunch, wasn't it? A little bit of baking soda and water will sort it out."

"I don't eat that crap, Luffy!"

"Oh, no, Zoro, did you finally realize your feelings for Sanji?" Ussop asked, eyes wide.

Everyone stared at him in heavy silence. Ussop's face reddened, and his skin broke out into a sweat. Luffy looked from him to Zoro, Chopper's mouth falling to the floor.

"It all makes sense - !" Chopper said slowly, eyes widening. "_All_ of it - !"

Ussop waved the air frantically, as if trying to take back the words he'd released. "Er…well, I take that back. I totally didn't mean it in the way it was implied – I just meant - !"

"Cut the crap, Ussop! We can't go soft on Zoro, anymore!" Luffy interrupted, cutting through the air with one skinny arm. In battle pose, he pointed at Zoro with one Cheetos' stained finger. "Buddy, it's about time you were able to pull your manly head out of your rounded glutes in time for you to see this. But because it's obvious Sanji loves Gin – "

"YOU _FOOLS_!" Zoro finally mustered, throwing his arms up in exasperation. "First off, stop talking about my glutes! They are none of your business! It bothers me that you pay too much attention to me, and it bothers me that you've discussed this sort of shit behind my back! Second, _NO_! NO GAY FEELINGS FOR SANJI!"

"Admit it, FOOL! You love Sanji!" Luffy screamed at him. "It drove you crazy when Ace hit on him, and turned him to the rainbow side! It drove you crazy to watch him kiss Gin! It pushed you over the edge when Gin declared his love at school! Stop with the hat over your eyes! You realized it today, of all days, because we heard it last night! Now, you think it's too late because, obviously, Sanji's all crazy over Gin! Save your selfishness for later, Zoro, damnit! If you truly cared about Sanji, you'll let him get over Gin, first!"

Zoro stared him for several moments. Luffy crossed his arms tightly over his chest and gave him an expectant expression, the other two inching towards each other as an inevitable response began to build around the green-haired man.

He cleared his throat noisily, then gave an annoyed tilted of his head. "It's not that I do, it's just that I don't think there's anyone good enough for that stinky bastard. I just want an excuse to challenge Gin. He might make a good opponent."

"If that's how you want to word your feelings, Zoro, at least you are man enough to be honest," Luffy said with relief. "A true man will acknowledge his heart before his dick."

"But, technically, a human male's response to love begins with lust – " Chopper began, hoof in the air before Zoro interrupted quickly, "But I'm still going to beat your asses today for making me feel uncomfortable."

"We wouldn't want it any other way!" Luff said cheerfully, Ussop scrambling for the back of the house as Chopper screamed, fleeing in a random circle before the television set.

:

Gin watched all of Krieg's men hurry around their repaired ship. It floated gently atop of dirtied water, foam and trash collecting at the docks and up the shore's sand. Seagulls cried as they fluttered about, and, beside him, Krieg chewed his cigar and gave the activity a judgmental eye.

"It has taken too long," he muttered. "Too long in these filthy waters, and it still looks as it did when we came in. Unacceptable."

"It will get us through the main pass, and from there, there are other ports to visit," Gin assured him, crossing his arms tightly. His foul mood was apparent as he thought of Sanji, knowing that this was probably the last time he'd see him. His frustration, regret and bitterness made him more dangerous, today – though he knew he was going to leave, soon, he had the faintest hope that he'd have more time with the cook.

"Oh, aye, still…I'd rather set sail on those waters with a stronger ship than this. But it'll do – continue overseeing these men, Gin. I've some last minute business to attend to," Krieg said tightly, turning away.

Gin watched him go, the smell of his cigar drifting after him.

"Run out of luck, didja?" Pearl asked him, grinning widely as he approached. His hair was slick with hair gel, and his teeth brilliantly white as he gave Gin a smirk. "Heard ya fell in love, Gin. I'm surprised you haven't loaded your cabin with your newest gem."

"We're not all shameless, desperate pirates, Pearl. Off with you. I'm in a foul mood right now."

"Should've just taken advantage of the brothels, friend. Like I did. They've got all types, here! Why, just last night, I had me a – "

"I happen to like my men unused and still packaged, not borrowed for a few pennies," Gin muttered, reaching up to adjust his visor.

"Ever the romantic, you dumb fool. We're _pirates_! We're scourge of the seas! We take what we like, we explore what has yet to be touched, and we risk death, limb and honor to places no man has ever dared, before. And yet, you couldn't even touch upon a _virgin_," Pearl muttered with a little chuckle before turning to waddle away.

Gin scowled at him, his pride stinging with Pearl's words. He frowned out at the crates being loaded upon the ship's decks, heavy pallets being maneuvered aboard by sweaty, eager men ready to set sail again. He growled, clutching his biceps tightly as he realized Pearl was right – he was a pirate. He'd been raised at sea – so what was he doing, sailing away without the one thing that had made him happy? He should just go out to the academy and take what was his – make Sanji go with him. Not only would it benefit Gin, it would also benefit the entire crew. Krieg would be pleased with the choice of cook, for Sanji's cooking was –

"OI! YOU! ANOREXIC LOSER!"

He was startled at the sound of Zoro's voice ringing out above the noise, obviously calling for his attention. He and several others looked up at the incline to see Sanji's roommate(s) standing up there, wearing grim expressions and obviously ready for a throw-down. Pearl was instantly at his side while Gin gave Zoro a confused look.

"I need to have words with you," Zoro said gravely, adjusting his arm warmers, ignoring passerby' comments on his leggings. His goggles dangled around his neck, catching the glint of the afternoon sun.

"Who's that?" Pearl asked Gin, while several of the guys loading the ship stopped what they were doing, looking to Gin for guidance. "And…what is he _wearing_?"

"What do you want, roommate?" Gin called out, ignoring Pearl's question. "As you can see, we are busy, here."

"You know exactly what this is about," Zoro said firmly.

"I can't take him seriously with those clothes, Gin. You'll have to do the work, this time," Pearl decided with a wince.

"This isn't your business, anyway, Pearl. Step aside – don't even get involved. If you do, I'll kill you myself," Gin promised, stepping forward. "Roommate! Come down here, and talk to me as you would with an adult."

"I've got your back, buddy," Luffy assured Zoro, holding onto Ussop as Ussop tried to sneak away. "That Greaser guy's got no chance against the rest of us. It looks like he'll fight dirty."

"If Sanji finds out you two are fighting over him, he's going to be pissed, Zoro," Ussop reminded him.

"We're not fighting over Sanji! I just want to fight these guy for the hell of it!" Zoro hissed at him impatiently. "I don't want to miss out on the chance!"

"If that's what it is," Ussop muttered, shaking his head.

"Ussop, _hush_, Zoro needs to make himself look dominant to another Seme," Chopper hissed.

Luffy looked worried. "Hey, Zoro? If you lose, does that mean - ?"

"THIS ISN'T ABOUT SANJI!" Zoro roared over them.

Gin and Pearl gave each other puzzled looks.

"Why else would another man confront another?" Pearl said.

"This man is a fool," Gin said, resetting his visor backwards and taking a couple of steps away from Pearl. "From the start, he hasn't realized what he has, and now that somebody else wants it, he's going to put on a lil show."

"Make it quick, before Krieg returns," Pearl said.

Gin nodded solemnly. Then he stepped away from Pearl, hands sliding into his pockets. He was wearing his striped linen pants today, the material light and sturdy, barely ruffling in the breeze. His feet were incased within worn sneakers, and his black hair was kept from his face with his visor. Without hesitation, he removed his visor, only to replace it backwards, the brim providing the back of his neck with minute relief from the sun. "Roommate! Come down here!"

"This is it, Zoro," Luffy said with some determination. "You got this, buddy! Just tell him what you feel! You guys will probably never see each other again, so you don't want to miss out on this chance!"

"I'm totally ready for this, Luffy," Zoro said with a grin, unsheathing his swords.

Without anymore hesitation, he leapt from the railing, landing neatly in front of Gin while Gin's worried shipmates looked on. Pearl attempted to cross his arms, but the move was awkward with his gear on, so he settled instead to hands on hips. Zoro ignored him, placing Wadou between his teeth while Gin struggled not to break into a maniac smile of satisfaction.

"I understand that my roommate has this thing for men, now," Zoro said grandly, ignoring Gin's look of consternation as he examined his outfit. 'While I don't care for whatever reason he wants dick all of a sudden, what I _do_ care is that he's carrying on with some sorta loser pirate from the Grand Line. I wanna know his real intentions."

"Concerned friends are allowed that curiosity," Gin admitted, feeling his mouth quirk in an eager smirk. He crouched only to pull up his pant legs, revealing spiffy holsters that drew Zoro's eyes downward for a brief second. Once Gin straightened, Zoro couldn't even imagine how he was able to hide cannon-ball tipped _tonfas_ without anybody noticing he was armed. The awkward weapons were handled easily within each hand as Gin twirled them before resetting himself.

"I'll give you this, roommate. I'm surprised you'd held yourself back for so long."

"I've got a name."

"I'm sorry…I must've forgotten."

"No matter. After this, you'll never want to show face here, again!'

"We shall see, eh? After all, once I convince Sanji to come with me, there will be no reason to return!"

Zoro's eyes widened, and he growled. "I don't think so, buddy!"

"Then try and convince me otherwise," Gin encouraged with an eager growl of his own, leaping at him.

Above the thunderous crashes of weapon against weapon, Luffy, standing with the other nearby, rubbed his ear anxiously. The three of them were blasted with a shockwave that nearly sent Ussop flying, people around them taking to the wind with startled screams.

"I don't think Sanji will feel comfortable with this," he said, Ussop holding onto his shirt with a bewildered scream. "He shouldn't have to feel like an object."

"Gin is known for holding onto things he likes," Pearl called, lifting his voice to be heard. Presently, Zoro and Gin were at a standstill, their weapons pressed together and their faces reflecting grim determination as each struggled for an advantage. "We might have to make accommodations."

"Over my dead body!" Luffy declared, indignant. "Even if Sanji suddenly likes dick, there's no way I'd give him up! If he wants, then I'm sure he can find all the dick he'd ever want with us!"

"Um, Luffy…?" Ussop stammered.

"Luffy, usually I agree with you, but this sounds like a boundary I can't even attempt to –" Chopper began nervously.

"You guys! Stay with me! We can't let Sanji go with Gin!" Luffy exclaimed.

"Surely, there are other ways of enticing Sanji to stay – "

"I don't know why you have me confused with 'Shirley', Ussop," Luffy frowned. "I need you to focus, here. There's an important battle happening, and you're slacking off."

"No, that's not what I meant - !"

"For one, you're clearly not man enough - !" Zoro grunted, straining with all his strength to bump Gin away from him, but the man was stronger than he looked. Despite his size, he kept Zoro at a dangerous distance,their weapons crossed over the other's, WAdou's blade inches from Gin's visor strap. "Sanji's a girly man – he needs something of substance - !"

"Like you?" Gin growled, shoving at the same time Zoro did, and both of them skittered away from each other, only to repeat their earlier slash – duck – guard maneuvers that had them caught the first time. As they met once more, Gin's tonfas over Zoro's swords, they grunted and pushed, waiting for the give in the other.

"I happen to love myself way to much to even bother with another," Zoro snapped. "I'm all the man I'd ever need - !"

"Must get – lonely – trapped inside that ego - !"

"I don't need much – I can get through life just fine without something as weak as this coupling - !"

"You can't survive without him! That's why you felt threatened!"

"There was no threatening - !" Zoro snarled, allowing Gin to shove forward. He rolled up and over the man, whirling to swipe while Gin straightened, and thrust one tonfa upward with an awkward movement. In that movement, he followed with the other as Zoro brought down his Kitetsu, catching Gin's visor. Once it fell away Gin continued to whirl, kicking upward and catching Zoro in the jaw. Zoro recovered, ducking low and pushing up in a flowing roll that had him back into Gin's face once more. They slammed through a wooden walkway, pirates falling to the ground with startled screams.

"I don't give a shit if Rolling Pin wants a man, but I do give one if this man intends on making a mockery of him! Which will, in turn, make a mockery of me because I _live_ with the guy!"

"So dashing - !" Gin mocked, leaping at him once more.

"I've got this rep to protect!" Zoro replied, both of them kicking out and catching each other in the chest, pushing away to fight again.

"Denial must be nice where he is!" Pearl laughed.

"Hey! You keep your greasy mouth shut about Zoro!" Luffy shouted, pointing at him. "Zoro's just looking out for our friend!"

'Shut it, kid! You'll want none of this – I'd pulverize the lot of you without even trying," Pearl taunted.

"I'm actually interested in trying – how does he move in that ridiculous getup?" Luffy asked himself, pulling his hat atop of his head, a battle ready pose that the other two teens recognized with horror. "I bet he can't move that fast."

"Luffy, they're seasoned pirates from the Grand Line! I don't think they're anything like the kids we fight at school!" Ussop whined. "Look at Gin!"

At that moment, Gin had managed to connect one of his tonfas to Zoro's head, and Zoro careened through some pirates that had gathered to watch. Most of the men flew back like bowling pins – some flattened another part of the wooden walkway nearby, debris flying through the air. Zoro climbed back to his feet, leapt several feet into the air, and met Gin halfway – Gin intended to connect one of his swinging tonfas with the green-haired man, but instead encounted a whoosh of cutting air that shaved most of his facial scruff from the left side of his face.

"Any normal man would have lost his head by now."

"Sanji chose a strong attacker because his feminine wiles willed it so, Ussop. It was nature's design!"

"Don't even mention 'feminity' to Sanji – I have a strong gut feeling he'd be offended."

"Oi! Don't ignore me!" Pearl complained.

"It's only natural Sanji chose a man, because he is a man," Chopper cut in. "Of course he doesn't want a weaker spirited partner – he needs someone to hold him firmly when the world is too harsh with him. Gin fits the bill."

"I don't think Sanji wants anybody holding him – "

"We've all agreed that Sanji's a shy guy that can't outwardly express his wants and desires! As trusted roommates and fans, only _we_ know what's best for Sanji!" Luffy declared.

"_Well_ – "

"Anyway, enough about Sanji! Zoro knows what's best! He's clearly looking out for – "

Luffy trailed off as Zoro flew past them, a trail of blood splattering over Ussop and Chopper. Ussop screamed he'd been shot and collapsed dramatically while Chopper froze, unsure of how to react. Gin followed quickly, using the swinging force of his tonfas to propel him forward. Luffy frowned.

"Zoro knows what he's doing," he mumbled. "Love will prevail above all."

"Who said anything about 'love'?" Zoro screamed in irritation, blocking Gin's next strike, kicking upward. "I just wanted to see what the pansy was made of!"

"Your weakness betrays your foul denial!" Gin declared, stepping in to unleash a barrage of combination strikes and kicks that Zoro desperately blocked and lunged about to avoid.

"So I kneed myself in the face!" he growled, using the flat of his blade to force Gin's tonfas a passover. "Wanted to help you out a bit. You're winded – I'm not!"

"Your excuses are entertaining!"

As he fought, swinging his swords about, parrying Gin's strikes easily, Zoro shouted, "I can recite the school's fight song right now! 'O, the seas be vast and grave! A whole new world ripe for exploring, a whole lotta whoring, who be the scourge to explore these seas? Me! You! Aye! We be setting sail, with a lotta ale, we be setting sail on these seas! Ho!'"

"Zoro is so talented!" Luffy cried in delight, Chopper clapping with an adoring expression on his furry face. "Yay! You rock, bro!"

Gin growled, pressing against Zoro's upright swords with his crossed tonfas. "Ridiculous! You're not even in the right key!"

"Don't be jealous of my many talents – makes for a small dick," Zoro grunted, allowing Gin to push away.

"We shall see who has a small dick!" Gin declared, kicking outward once more, Zoro parrying his foot aside and slashing at his vulnerable front.

"I hope they don't try to compare them in front of us," Ussop muttered.


	16. Boys Wanna Fight

A/N: Thanks for the reviews, guys! I forgot how crazy this story was, and how popular it is - OMG, I can't handle this sort of pressure...Anyway, I've uploaded a few chapters, and prepare for it...! There's some 'feels' coming up that was surprising difficult to write.

**::Boys Wanna Fight::**

Sanji exhaled heavily as he closed the lunchbox, all the lovingly prepared items inside cradled gently within compartments of blooming color and shine. He'd spent some time putting together a lunchbox for Gin to take on his voyage, trying hard to come up with the strength to say 'goodbye'. He felt that Gin was very special for drawing him out of the shell he'd held himself in, and though he felt significantly happy knowing who he was now, he felt downcast over Gin's leave.

He knew it was going to happen, yet it didn't hurt any less. The Grand Line guaranteed nothing but danger and uncertainty. He wondered if Gin felt the same way he did – it was hard to read that scruffy face. He looked down at his outfit as he undid his apron and hung it from a nearby hook. All around him, other students eager for a cooking class education were finishing up dishes for their grades, and though he'd already turned in an elegant Mexican dish for a high 100, he'd spent the rest of the time preparing a lunch for Gin's farewell.

He patted the lunchbox with clean hands, and looked at the clock. It was time. He had to meet Gin down at the shipyards. Nervousness made his stomach clench, and he left the class with a somber air. Once outside, he noticed how beautiful it was, today. The sun was shining, the seagulls weren't flittering about people's heads, and there seemed to be no fights happening nearby.

He thought about dinner, the kids' penchant for bugging him for food as soon as he walked through the front door. He figured on throwing a hasty dinner into the oven while he moped over a beer – or maybe even grog. He hoped Zoro would share with him despite his selfishness.

He thought about last night. Something weird had happened, and while Sanji wasn't exactly sure what it was, he knew it was something heavy. Zoro had made a declaration of sorts, and it confounded Sanji.

Did Zoro just express jealousy?

Sanji almost fainted because the very thought of it was mystifying, beyond all human comprehension. There was just no way that his roommate slash best friend was…was…

Sanji couldn't even finish that thought.

He looked down at the lunchbox he carried within both hands. It was an expensive set created by a talented craftsman on campus, and had cost more than a dress he'd bought for Nami. It was full of everything Sanji felt for Gin, so he knew Gin would know exactly –

_Did Zoro just express his feelings for Sanji_?

Sanji caught himself from fainting, feeling his knees buckle. Students hurrying around him looked at him cautiously, unsure of why he was behaving so abnormally.

But Zoro _couldn't_ be doing something like that, not when it was –

But Sanji remembered how petty Zoro had been since he'd brought Gin home. He thought about Zoro 'chaporoning' the kids while they spied. He thought about Zoro's involvement with Sanji's exploration of the rainbow side. How pissed he grew over Ace's affection.

"It couldn't be - !" he stuttered, looking for a place to set the lunchbox down. Once he found an empty bench, his hands shook as he searched for his cigarettes. He lit one quickly, nervously tapping his foot. He was wearing jeans, today, exploring the world of gay-dom with showing off his best features. He did notice some guys looking his way, and it alarmed him how oblivious he was to this newfound appreciation.

His shoes were oxfords, made out of the finest leather, and he wore a trendy ensemble of a sweater vest with another 'casual' t-shirt he'd borrowed from Ussop (Luffy's things were too fitting). While he knew he looked a million, he could also pass off as a lost Walmart Shopper.

Drumming his fingers on his chin, Sanji pondered Zoro's sudden change in attitude. He blushed because it was so intense! The possibility of Zoro having feelings for him was just as jarring a kick to the back of the head as - !

He grabbed the lunchbox, figuring he'd confront Zoro about it, later. Right now, he had to see a man off to the Grand Line.

::

Once he reached the shipyards, it was obvious someone was engaged in battle. Pirates from every ship docked in the waters were racing towards a recently repaired ship that Sanji remembered as Gin's. Police swarmed the area, but they were only keeping civilians out of the fray, attending to those needing medical aid, and busting anybody that looked suspicious. It was chaos. Sanji held onto the lunchbox tightly, inching his way towards the ship because he was sure none of it involved the people he knew.

Chaos in the shipyards was a normal event, and nothing to lift an eyebrow over.

As he made his way to the walkway, the Marines pounding their batons and fists on some unfortunate pirates that struggled, Sanji caught sight of Johnny and Yosaku nearby. They were smoking pensively and muttering between each other near the walkway, and Sanji was familiar with them to know that if they were around, then Zoro was nearby, because these three stooges were –

His heart dropped.

He raced over to the rail, and looked down the incline. What he saw caused him a near heart attack.

Gin and Zoro were fighting each other, and creating such a spectacular scene that every dock within a mile was ruined, crushed beyond repair. Men were spilled out, unfortunate victims of a mighty battle, and the kids were cheering Zoro on from one of the ships, while some guy in some sort of cymbal-costume shouted at them from the water. Marines couldn't get near them – the police were battling spectators and busting people trying to place wagers on the winner.

It was horrifying. It was humiliating.

He knew exactly what they were fighting about.

"DAMN YOU!" he heard himself bellow, feeling red in the face and neck. "DAMN YOU, ZORO!"

As his voice rang out, both fighters stopped. The kids stopped cheering and looked up at him with startled fright. Those nearest him looked at him curiously, bewildered as to how his single voice could stop such an intensely fought battle.

"_What the fuck are you doing_?" he demanded.

Zoro wiped his face with flair, while Gin lowered his _tonfas_ and looked a little miffed at being interrupted. Both of them glared at each other – they were coated in blood, visible injuries, and clothes irreparably stained. But they didn't look sorry for the damage they'd created.

"Fighting for your love!" Luffy answered, hands around his mouth, so everyone watching heard. Sanji's upper body exploded with a humiliated blush that illuminated him as people began to whisper and point.

"It's a manly show of competition for your hand, Sanji! Where were you? You should've been here earlier!"

"You know exactly what this is about!" Zoro bellowed, shooting Luffy a warning look.

"It's entirely what you think, Sanji!" Gin called.

Sanji set the lunchbox aside and clutched the railing, growling. "Are you fucking _serious_? What the fuck made you both think this was okay?!"

"Stay out of it, Sanji! This is between men!" Zoro bellowed. "Go home and cook me stuff!"

Sanji snarled, breaking the railing within clenching hands, people shuffling away from him.

"Don't hurt your hands, Sanji! Those hands are magic!" Luffy cried. "I would know this for myself! I have felt their love more than once, deep inside me!"

Those whispering suddenly gave Sanji startled looks as the sexual implication caused a rippling effect.

"LUFFY!1," he shrieked, rather unmanly.

"Proves my point," Zoro muttered, scratching his head with Kitetsu.

"Eh, well, I believe it can be a desirable trait," Gin said. "In the kitchen."

"I don't know why he bothers leaving it, really."

"I HEARD THAT!" Sanji leapt over the railing.

"Uh oh," Ussop muttered.

"Oh, guys, this looks bad…he looks real mad," Chopper commented with a worried expression.

"Oh, shit, Sanji's going to ruin everything with his overanalyzation of the situation and come to really ridiculous conclusions that'll have everyone believing in him," Luffy said with a sigh. "Then he'll walk away alone, and everyone will feel sorry for him. Then I'll feel terrible that I let you guys talk me into doing this, with you."

Ussop stared at him.

Sanji was livid. He was furious at Zoro for starting this nonsense and labeling him a 'woman' in front of everybody present. His reputation – whatever it was – was in shambles . He was pissed because Zoro confused him. He felt betrayed by Gin, as well, for encouraging these tactics. It appeared that once he accepted his newfound homo-liftstyle, he'd become a mockery to those that were closest to him.

He wasn't going to stand for that, anymore. He'd just accepted this part of himself, and he'd found confidence to attempt to find love, again.

He growled as he removed his wallet and its chain, Zoro and Gin frowning as they lowered their weapons from each other and watched him.

"Uh oh," Luffy said, hunching slightly. "Sanji's really mad."

"We're totally going to get it, later," Ussop cried. "I told you this was a bad idea!"

"I'm so confused! Why would Sanji feel so angry at the two men that love him most?" Chopper asked tearfully.

"Probably because they told him to go back to the kitchen," Ussop answered. He winced as Sanji threw his wallet at him, and he fumbled to catch it.

"But Sanji belongs there, best," Luffy said. "It should be taken as a compliment!"

"Oh, Luffy, you're so brainless, sometimes…it's an insult to women everywhere – "

"I'm not a woman!" Sanji screamed at them. He paused in front of Zoro and Gin, looking from one to the other. He was red-faced and shaking with humiliation and anger, and he intended on taking it out on both of them. "Both of you have made it loud and clear what you think of me. For this – "

"It's not even what you think it is, stupid," Zoro said with disgust.

"I don't understand why you are taking offense," Gin said slowly.

"I'M TALKING!" Sanji bellowed.

"I can't believe you'd willingly kiss that," Zoro said to Gin. "My eyebrows nearly died away just now."

"It's an acquired taste," Gin admitted.

Both of them ducked the leg that swept over them, but neither had time enough to escape the following back kick that snapped out so fast, those standing nearby had no idea what had happened. Without giving them time to recover, Sanji leapt at them, splitting his legs to catch each men in the face. Those watching winced.

As Zoro staggered in one direction, Gin staggered in the other – giving Sanji enough time to land on his hands, then push into a twirling motion, hooking each man's neck with a foot. With a grunt, he managed to jerk them off their feet and send flying. In a fluid motion he was up, following their trajectory paths. As soon as they made to catch themselves – Zoro with a fluid flip and Gin into a somersault – Sanji was there with another hard split-kick to the face. As soon as they landed into the water, Sanji screamed, "If you have nothing intelligent to say, don't even bother!"

"Gin!" Pearl shouted,hanging over their ship with many of their mates following suit. "Gin! How could you be felled by that one? Save face, man! Claim your territory!"

"Sanji's uncharted territories belong to us, fella!" Luffy screamed at him, stretching out to catch hold of their mast, careening over with a mighty yell. Ussop cried for him to come back while Chopper hurried followed after Luffy by ground. "You wanna fight? You got one with me! Quick, Ussop, Ninja Flash Move Two!"

Ussop hurriedly released a barrage of smoke pellets from his slingshot, Chopper clambering over the ship's side with a roar. In instants, he was a changed deer, towering over most of the men that intended on fighting him. Above their startled screams and yells as the deer-man charged and attacked, smoke fell around Pearl, causing him to cough. Once he recovered, staggering over the deck for some fresh air, Luffy was coming towards him with a yell and a fist.

The ship's deck exploded behind Sanji, but he was too busy facing off with Zoro and Gin to see what was happening.

"I didn't expect this to happen, especially since I was only in the midst of defending myself against your roommate," Gin said, removing his visor as he walked out from the water. "But if this is something you want, then I won't hold back."

"You should – Sanji's a fragile lil miss," Zoro said snarkily, walking onto shore. "Especially vulnerable right behind the knees. He emits a shriek that causes the neighborhood dogs to bark."

"You have no right to give away my vulnerable spots!" Sanji snarled, kicking at him. "Who are you to release this information?!"

"You may think the internet is a safe place to store your fantasies and impulsive thoughts, but once it's out there, it's out there!" Zoro yelled, blocking the kick, parrying him to swing. Sanji cartwheeled backward, caught his footing, then lunged with a hard knee under Zoro's chin.

"My vulnerable spots are nobody's business!"

"You're right," Zoro admitted tightly, rubbing his jaw. "I should keep them to myself!"

Gin looked confused for a few moments, then blocked the shin that nearly connected with the side of his head. Impact caused him to slide a few feet, allowing Sanji to kick backwards and connect with his chin, in an angle that lifted him a few feet from the sand. The moment he did, Sanji whirled, and flung down an axe-kick that landed directly on Gin's shoulder, prompting him to release his grip on his weapon. His shipmates that weren't being attacked by Luffy and the others gasped.

Before Sanji could throw another kick, Zoro was there, shoving him away and slashing upward. Sanji pushed away from the katana, somersaulting a safe distance away while Zoro shouted in frustration.

"Damn your Gumbo limbs!"

Sanji kicked dirt at both of them, and used the second-distraction to attack. He caught both of them with one single sweep. As they flew away, he snarled, "I am _no_ woman!"

"Coulda fooled me with this tantrum you're throwing!"

"This is no tantrum!"

"Better brush your hair before you return to that kitchen!"

'I'm going to make you regret wearing those ugly pants!"

"I caught you staring at my manly bulge again!"

"Why do you lie to yourself all the time?!"

Gin walked away while the two fought with each other. Luffy gave him a confused look, Pearl lying behind him in a daze, hair mussed.

"What's happening, Gin? Did you give up?"

Gin snorted, looking down at his weapons while the battle raged on behind him. "I don't think I ever had a chance, kid."

Luffy grinned at him, adjusting his hat.

::

Later, at the police station, Sanji glumly regarded the wall outside the bars, where he'd been leaning against for the past fifteen minutes. The jail cell had fifteen other guys in it – most of them drunk and disorderly, trying to start fights with each other and them. Zoro was sitting on the single bench, back to him.

After they'd been tossed into jail by the Marines, Sanji felt terrible. His conflict was heavy. While his earlier arguments about Zoro and Gin remained, he did feel down about his and Gin's 'relationship' ending as it did. He was sure Gin had left by now – he recalled seeing Krieg himself pushing through the Marine fueled fray, demanding his first mate's explanation for the mess. When Krieg wasn't getting his answers, another battle erupted between his pirates and the Marines. The shipyards had to be in shambles, by now.

He gave a heavy sigh, bowing his head against the bars.

"I only wanted to see if he were worthy," he heard Zoro mutter.

"It's _my_ choice," Sanji insisted. "It doesn't matter whether or not _you_ find them worthy."

"It _does_ matter because _we_ friggin' live with _you_!"

"I don't care, it's none of your business who – "

"It _is_ our business! You see how involved we are in each other's lives?" Zoro snapped back. "I would rather a worthy opponent than someone stupid who can't stand up to me!"

"It's not like _you'll_ be the one - !" Sanji snarled, whirling to look at him, then remembering they were in a full jail cell. Those closest to them looked at them suspiciously while Zoro pouted. Ignoring those accusing expressions, Sanji said, "I'll move, then. I'll move out and take my…er, life…my new life with me."

"You're so fucking dramatic!"

"That's what this is about, isn't it? You can't accept that I'm - !" Sanji trailed off again, then whirled around to grip the bars with both hands, giving a growl in frustration.

"I accept it, but it doesn't mean I'll accept every dandy that comes strolling in the house, trying to make beef with me!" Zoro snapped, looking at him.

'You're the one with all the beef to give, Algae head!"

"I admit, my beef is only interested in a challenge – !"

"Are you guys fairies?" someone asked suspiciously. "Because if you are, we''re gonna request a cell change – "

Sanji kicked him to the back of the cell, causing the others to huddle together with startled looks. "It's not that I'm bringing home men, is it, Zoro?"

"Oh, it's _only_ been that,' Zoro said, getting up from the bench to face him. "What a fancy you've twisted it all into! First, you fuckin' fail with the ladies, then you decide you're a freaking homo, then you bring home weirdoes from the shipyards, influencing the kids with your whims - !"

"I'll just remind you right here that it was YOU and those KIDS that pushed everything onto me! You went out and conducted an interview!"

"That doesn't mean anything. Someone's gotta watch those morons."

"So I found somebody that made me feel absolutely sure of myself! And _you_ grew _threatened_," Sanji pointed out, finger in Zoro's face.

Zoro frowned, then tried to bite him, so Sanji withdrew. "First off, I wasn't _threatened_ by that guy. I was interested. That's all. _Interested_."

"'Interested' as in you were _interested_ in a man? Or…?"

"You know how I like to fight things! You know I like challenges!"

"Because what I'm hearing here, marimo, is that you – _you_ - were – are - !' Sanji sputtered, but he couldn't quite get the words out. He struggled with himself while Zoro scratched at the dried blood collected along his hairline, waiting for Sanji to continue.

"Somebody just _kiss_ somebody, already," someone muttered, causing snickers.

"This is so stupid," Sanji muttered, returning to the bars and leaning against them again.

"Someone's going to take that as an invitation," Zoro said with a mutter.

Sanji straightened quickly, then frowned at him. "You felt threatened because you felt Gin was going to take me away, right?"

Zoro examined his nails. "Not really – it's up to you what you want to do with your life. You just keep involving me into it, though, so I had some concerns I wanted to express beforehand."

'You are so stubborn!"

"And you're so fucking stupid when it comes to the obvious!" Zoro snapped, then frowned. Sanji gave him a confused look. "That guy was going to force you along with him. That's all."

"You just _said_ - !" Sanji rolled his eyes in frustration, wanting to gnash his teeth. Zoro was talking in circles, and it continued to confuse him. "All this time, I was treated very politely. He was an absolute gentleman."

Zoro mimicked his haughty declaration with a limp wrist and hip toss. Then snapped, "He's a pirate from the Grand Line!"

"_We're_ aspiring to be! So what's the difference?"

"You're so eager to be coupled up with anything that gives you any interest that you don't even see what's happening right in front of you!"

"Nothing you say makes any sense, Ape Face. If you have a point, make it."

"I just said it," Zoro said between gritted teeth. "Read between the lines!"

Sanji took a few moments to think about Zoro's last sentence. Then said slowly, picking words from the air, "I am so desperate that I failed to see that this pirate friend of mine was threatened by my roommate – "

"NO!"

"THEN TELL ME IT TO ME STRAIGHT!"

"How can I when you're obviously curving out of the ordinary?"

Sanji snarled in frustration, gripping his hair with both hands and doing a dance to accompany it. Zoro realized that their confrontation had garnered a raptured audience, and picked his nose casually, giving himself time to think. He flicked away the treasure he found, and said, "Your mood swings are hard to keep up with, by the way. I don't think that guy could handle it the way I've learned to."

"I don't have mood swings!"

"Just the other day, you – "

"You are so aggravating! Don't you get what you're doing? I'll probably never see that guy again! And you ruined it because you're jealous! Because you - ! YOU - !"

"Oh, ho, ho, 'jealous'? You flatter yourself! You _want_ me to be jealous because I am the only man that has ever accepted your womanish tendencies and excused them based on your kitchen efforts!"

"I have NEVER - !"

"Listen to yourself! You talk and express yourself like a woman!"

"Because you aggravate me like a stubborn husband that refuses to let go of my apron!" Sanji screamed.

Zoro started to snicker as Sanji's words rang out and echoed within the jail area. Then he froze because Sanji froze, and both of them were staring hard at each other.

"_Finally_," someone muttered. "Just get it over with."

"Zoro, do…do you…?" Sanji tried to say, but failing to complete his question as it became too much to express.

"I don't know what you're asking of me, but...i guess so," Zoro admitted slowly. "I guess so."

Sanji froze once more, Zoro mimicking the action. They stared at each other in silence once more as these words washed over them.

"Why did it come to this?" Sanji whispered.

"I actually haven't processed what's being said, here. I mean, I could be agreeing to paying for your sex change, or something," Zoro said with a bewildered expression.

"I need space to think about this, shithead,' Sanji muttered, wandering away from him, picking out the furthest corner of the cell away from Zoro.

Zoro watched him go, feeling sweat gather at his hairline. While confused about what happened, he was aware that he felt relieved. He had to think about that a little more to figure out why.

"What the hell are you wearing, boy?" someone asked in heavy disgust.

"It was obvious from the start that I hadn't a chance," Gin replied with heavy irritation. Luffy hung above him, swinging lightly from the mast while the ship drifted a short distance away from the shoreline. Tethered to the side was Ussop and Chopper, nervously waiting for luffy's return in their rickety fishing boat. "From the beginning, it was obvious he was already claimed."

"But if you liked somebody, wouldn't you try harder to get them to like you back?"

"You don't force what wasn't meant to be. You'll just end up destroying what it originally was, kid."

"Hmm, I remember seeing that happen to someone's ass in one of Chopper's _doujinshi_, but…I guess it's pretty cool that you can admit that," LUffy said, while Gin looked confused. "There's just not enough lube for the situation."

"Eh?"

"But I don't think Sanji used you, Gin. He truly didn't know what he was until he met you. I think he's a lot happier, now."

"Why….are you bothering me, kid? Can't you see we're getting ready to sail?" Gin asked tiredly, giving Roguetown a wistful look. "Why don't you bail your buddies out from jail, sleep it off?"

"I just feel bad for you! I want to make sure you know that there aren't any bad feelings from this end."

"I don't need your pity."

'If it makes you feel any better, you did a pretty huge thing by walking away. You've shown me what it's like to be a man," Luffy declared. " A man admits what he can't do, what he can't change – and he does it majestically!"

"Your ideas of manhood are twisted, embellished."

"So, does that mean Zoro is stronger than you, too?"

"Absolutely not." Gin frowned, and shrugged. "Sanji is just as attached to Zoro as Zoro is to Sanji. If I came between them, Sanji would not be the man I met."

Chopper's eyes widened, then flooded with tears. "That is so _beautiful_!"

"Co-dependency at its worst," Ussop commented with a sigh.

Luffy sighed heavily. "Well, I'm glad you chose to let him go. I wish you well, Gin! I wish you and Sanji had a better goodbye, though."

"If I saw him again, I'd most likely steal him from the lot of you. I can't be trusted. Goodbye, kid."

Luffy swung from the mast and landed into the boat. As Ussop rowed the boat back to shore, Luffy waved at the ship. Most of the pirates that saw this flipped him off and grumbled about Gin's loss.

Chopper sniffled, looking at his hooves. "What does it all mean, Luffy? Does this mean…things will change?"

"Probably not. But I'm thinking we're gonna need a bigger house," Luffy said, picking his nose. "I've studied those comic books extensively in my efforts to accept this gay lifestyle. I think once those guys start screwing, it's going to be brutal, ugly, and there's going to be mess everywhere."

"Ugh," Ussop groaned.

"Seriously. Think about it."

"I'm trying not to!"

"This is it, men! We've done it! We've found Sanji's happiness! Think about how great his cooking will be from now on!"

"First off, Luffy, let's not forget the denial issues between both of them. I doubt Zoro even knows what's wrong with him, and Sanji will have a _lot_ of trouble accepting what's between them."

Luffy snorted, waving it away. "Nothing bad can happen from now on! Let's just revel in the greatness of the house!"

Chopper wiped his eyes once more, sniffling. "I'm afraid, Luffy, that things won't be the same."

"What's going to happen?" Luffy asked with an indifferent expression. "You guys will feel silly when we get home."

"Don't you realize that with Zoro in denial and Sanji realizing his feelings that both are going to combust?"

'Nah, you worry too much! It'll be fine, Chopper!"

::

Sanji sat on the closed toilet seat, staring ahead of him at the shower. His ears were ringing with the words he'd exchanged with Zoro, and, for the life of him, he couldn't focus. The entire situation was like handling the tissue used to kill the spider – it had to be disposed of, but it was so scary because what if the spider wasn't dead? What if it _crunched_ between his fingers? What if he _touched_ it -? These sorts of feelings were spinning within him, and every time he thought of Zoro, weird things happened.

Was it truly possible that Zoro had these…_feelings_ for him? When did that happen? _How_ did that happen?

It wasn't fair! It wasn't fair because Zoro had these feelings, and Sanji had just accepted his own homosexuality. So did that mean Zoro knew about himself all along? Was he laughing at Sanji from the inside?

How could Zoro have feelings for him, anyway? Every one of his insults rang out onto Sanji, and Sanji heard the repeat. He felt frazzled. There was no possible way his childhood best friend/roommate/sparring partner/classmate _liked_ him! In that gay way he'd resolved to explore!

He felt like his eyes were spinning. He wasn't sure how to act, how to speak, how to address Zoro without looking into his eyes and knowing that they saw far more than Sanji ever thought - !

Zoro _knew_ him _naked_! They'd compared _sizes_!

Sanji wanted to scream in anguish, but he bit his nails, instead.

At the faint knock at the door, he jumped, startled witless at the intrusion.

"Um, Sanji? I really have to use the bathroom. Can I come in?" Ussop asked.

"NO! Go outside! I'm…I'm busy!"

"I can't go outside! I have to - ! I have all my magazines in there, I can't just squat outside the house - !"

"Go to the gas station, then! I can't leave just yet!"

"Sanji! That's the meanest thing you can do to a man! I really have to go!"

"Ussop, I'll make you wet your pants if you keep it up!"

"SANJI! I really really _really_ need to go! I had tacos for lunch!"

With a heavy sigh, Sanji rose from the toilet. He reached for the door and opened it slightly – Ussop pushed his way in, so Sanji hurried to his room, glancing about for Zoro. Last he heard, Zoro was going to take a nap, so he could be anywhere – he usually didn't nap in his bed.

Sanji sat down with a heavy exhale, clasping his hands together. He looked around the room he shared with Zoro and realized with horror how close they really were. Two men rooming together, exploring homosexuality though side routes that included brutal beatdowns, classic character zingers and bathroom humor? How could he have missed everything? It was obvious they were homo from the start! (not really)

"Sanji! When's dinner?" Luffy complained, crawling into the room on his hands and knees, Chopper on his back. "We're starving!"

"Uh, oh…well, I was…in the middle of thinking, shit kids. Can't I have some peace and quiet?"

"I gave you 15 minutes!"

"That's not enough! I just went through some serious, deep - !" Sanji cut himself off. He didn't want the teenagers to know exactly what he was going through. Things were awkward, now, and Sanji wasn't sure how to go about things.

Luffy and Chopper stared at him, waiting for him to finish.

"I'll make dinner, now," Sanji then said, walking towards the kitchen. "Anything on your minds?"

"Are you and Zoro an item, now?" Luffy asked, following after him.

Sanji nearly fell, reaching out for something to catch himself with and instead tripping over Ussop's backpack. Once he hit the floor, Luffy and Chopper winced.

Chopper poked Luffy repeatedly, whispering, "See? _See_?"

"Stop it, Chopper, that's silly talk," Luffy demanded, waving him away. "Can't things go back to normal? Gin's gone, Sanji, it's time for you to move on. You're young. You can't be vowing yourself to celibacy and solitude just because – "

"For the life of me, I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Well, c'mon, Sanji, we're not exactly blind, here," Luffy said with a snort. "Gin said it best – "

"Gin said _what_."

Imitating Gin's expression, Luffy lowered his voice to say, "'Sanji is just as attached to Zoro as Zoro is to Sanji.'"

Sanji stared at him incredulously for a few seconds, visible eye twitching. "He said…he said that?"

"Yeah. We went to check up on him, because we know how hard breakups are."

Sanji was perplexed. Then ashamed, mortified. His skin turned bright red within moments.

"After Gin said that, we were kinda like, _Oh yeah_!" Luffy continued. "It makes a lot of sense, Sanji. Zoro did have the huge case of the feels for you. He just doesn't know it, yet. But everyone else sees it!"

"That's impossible! Mainly because he - !" Sanji started to snarl when Ussop's voice interrupted from the bathroom.

"I don't know why you keep denying it, Sanji! It's only obvious!"

"ALL OF YOU ARE -!"

"Dinner ready, yet?" Zoro asked crankily, walking into the hallway and rubbing out the crick in his neck.

Sanji froze at the sight of him, and Zoro mimicked the action because Sanji looked incredibly struck. An awkward silence descended, Luffy blinking and Chopper watching closely.

"What's going on?" Ussop's voice continued to carry out from the bathroom. "Hey, why's it so quiet out there?"

Sanji muttered something, turning and walking back into the bedroom. Zoro turned and staggered out towards the living room, Luffy and Chopper looking perplexed at this strange, quiet reaction.

"What's going on? Guys?"

"Chopper, you might be onto something," Luffy whispered, eyes wide as he looked from the bedroom to the living room.

"Damn them and their childish insecurities! Now they're going to make it awkward on all of us!" Chopper exclaimed.

"What _happened_?" Ussop yelled.

"I think we just got taught a huge lesson in life, guys," Luffy said, crossing his arms stoically. "The good guys don't always win."


	17. Battle In Me

**:: Battle In Me ::**

The next day after school, Zoro was pressing weights with renewed vigor. He was seriously confused by what was happening around him, and nothing he did alleviated the feeling of panicked fear he felt. Something significant had happened, and he wasn't exactly sure – did he just admit his feelings? Did he even _have_ feelings? What did he admit to? Was Sanji asking him a favor? Did he _win_ his fight with Gin? What did the kids mean by 'having his body ready'? How the hell did he wind up wearing weird printed leggings, anyway?

So many questions, and Zoro wasn't sure how to answer any of them on his own. He couldn't quite ask them aloud – who knew what type of response he'd get. His arms were shaking with the last of his shoulder presses, and he exhaled heavily, dripping with sweat. Resting, Zoro stared at the house. Things were awkward between him and Sanji, now. Sanji couldn't look at him without that stupid surprised look he had, where his brain simply stopped functioning – usually, this happened when a drunken woman pawed him on accident, mistaking him for someone else, and Sanji would get all butt-hurt about it, and –

Zoro tossed the heavy weights away from him with a startled noise.

It's just that he knew so much of the guy because they hung out since they were kids – they knew each other very well. So of course he was witness to everything Sanji ever failed at, and –

So why would Sanji _look_ at him like that?

It was almost insulting! Like Zoro was the last person on the planet that could even be _remotely_ capable of - !

Why was he getting so angry about it, in the first place? Not like he wanted Sanji's affections, as creepy as they were.

He winced. The train of thought that almost allowed him to see that side of his roommate crashed mightily before the station.

This was insane! He'd never even given a thought to romance and all that crap – never saw himself with anybody, besides Sanji –

"Argh! It happened _again_!" he roared, hands to his forehead. To the sky, he yelled, "It doesn't mean anything!"

He picked up some handweights and began to curl them relentlessly, glaring at the house. Things were so confusing, now. When did it all go wrong? He didn't even have the slightest idea as to how things began turning creepy. Most likely, it started happening when Sanji declared himself gay – that was when things turned abnormal. Zoro had been caught up with the kids' eagerness to ensure Sanji's happiness, and they needed a chaperone – no, Zoro went along because it was funny and unbelievable at first, but then Sanji was kissing Gin that one night and –

"ARGH MY BRAIN!" he shouted, dropping his weights to palm his forehead as the image created unwanted trauma. "How could he _kiss_ that guy?"

Things were turning so weird lately, Zoro didn't know where to turn to. But then, had he ever expressed his feelings to anybody else?

When was the last time he told somebody how he was feeling - ?

He thought of Sanji screaming at him over aprons and helpless husbands.

Well, it was a guarantee that Sanji was going to fail this route, too! Zoro _had_ to be there! He had to see if Gin was worthy, and it turned out that he wasn't, because the rogue pirate just left without telling Sanji 'goodbye' -!

"NOT THAT IT MATTERS!" he screamed at the sky.

Zoro reached for his weights once more, and began curling. He had to go back to his mannish ways, push all this girly thinking and angsting aside. This was something Sanji did – he dropped his weights with a gasp. _He was thinking like Sanji_! Sanji's homo-germs were spreading, and Zoro was infected!

He staggered away from his weights, mumbling to himself. He brushed sweat from his exposed areas then hurried to the house. He was alone – he hadn't any idea where the kids were, and he wasn't about to go find them. Sanji was working tonight – Zoro had plenty of time to think. He walked into their shared room and looked around.

_They were grown men sharing a room_!

The house was suddenly too small, and he left the room, intending on finding other options. But as soon as he reached the kitchen, he caught sight of Chopper's _doujinshi_. He paused, and stared.

With a trembling hand, he reached for the one on top – this one had a feminine looking male looking coy over a tray of food, while his lover squeezed him tightly from behind. Hearts and flowers blasted the background, along with cheery bubble letters proclaiming the taming of the lion. Zoro shuddered – this stuff was the literature of evil, deceit! He was sure one of the kids were going to catch the homo-bug if they were going to continue looking at this filth-

He sat down at the counter, flipping through the pages.

"Sanji wants to do this?" he questioned himself, aghast. The weaker submissive was portrayed daintily, with tears and determination to prove his worth, and to do so, he'd use his talents in the kitchen.

Zoro about barfed, heaving mightily at the thought of food being used for Sanji's evil. He thought about all the times he'd enjoyed Sanji's cooking – never saying it aloud, but making it clear with a gesture, a truce to help one of the kids clean dishes. He then shrugged because Sanji's cooking may be from the hand of some God, and he was a mere mortal – he couldn't help but partake in unworldly ambrosia. After all, Sanji didn't always ask him his opinion on things – no, wait! All those times he had to taste test the things Sanji was giving to other people! Wasn't that an indication Sanji had it for him?

No, well, wait – Zoro refuted that because Sanji didn't follow his tests with tear-filled confessions and sexy innuendoes. He flipped the pages, momentarily caught up in the story and feeling disgust because this character wasn't Sanji at all.

He was then shocked to see the Attacker 'making his will so'. He was everything Zoro had been preaching over, and this was the final straw. He hurled the book across the room with a scream.

"_LIES_!"

He reached for another book, and the premise was exactly the same, save for a few differences. The submissive was more stubborn in this book – fighting his Attacker before succumbing to the Saymay's will with protest and half-hearted struggle. Something he could see Sanji doing, because Sanji often did things with protest before succumbing.

"What does this mean?" he roared aloud to himself. "_What does it mean_?"

He flung that book in the direction of the first, then grabbed another. He struggled through the pictures presented, and forced himself to look at a sex scene. The graphics were horrendous – seeing a manly man with a dainty one, surrounded by flowers and italicized noises, made Zoro want to choke himself. His eye twitched as he forced himself to read the scene, from start to finish. He wanted to understand what Sanji was going through, and even with it right in front of him, Zoro still didn't get why Sanji switched immediately.

It had seemed like Sanji enjoyed sucking face with Gin. Sanji had been an entirely different person with Gin. Zoro wondered what the point was – why was Sanji so eager to find a cuddle buddy that he denounced women and went –

Well, men received him quickly, Zoro had to admit. It was insane how many times he had been checked out when Gin took him bowling. So many men admired Sanji – but why did Zoro feel so _involved_? Didn't he want Sanji to find happiness?

Zoro had to think about that one.

He did – it was Sanji's dream – aside cooking and something about All Blue _whatever_ – to be romantically involved with someone. It wasn't unmanly to admit that.

But to up and do _this_ – he looked back down at the book, grimacing. Things looked a little painful, and while it was amusing to seeing black barred aliens disappearing into depths unknown, he could definitely say Sanji would be comfortable being the Defender. He did so many actions in life that mimicked a Defender's meek rebellion against a dominant Attacker –

"This is so stupid," he said in disgust, tossing the _doujinshi_ aside. After all this thinking, he _still_ didn't know _what_ to make of _what_ had happened the day before. He glared at the living room, thinking about what was said in the jail cell.

"_I'm desperate to love another man, Zoro_!" was one of Sanji's screams, but Zoro had his doubts. He might've remembered things differently due to the trauma he was experiencing.

"_I need you to love me, Zoro_!"

"Why can't I think properly?" Zoro shouted, absolutely positive that Sanji hadn't said exactly that – but maybe it was in his attitude, in his demeanor. Is that what Sanji was asking from him? Zoro's affections? But Zoro wasn't even sure what qualified for affection, and if Sanji was looking from Zoro the things he was getting from Gin –

"THIS HURTS ME!" he growled, leaping from the barstool and doing pushups.

In the midst of his 500th pushup, Zoro paused. Something came to him as he stared down at some crumbs Luffy must've dropped that morning from the burritos Sanji had made.

What if he was just afraid that Sanji's heart would be broken yet again?

Wasn't that just friendly, brotherly concern?

Maybe it was Zoro all along taking things out of context – because he didn't listen half the time, anyway - and the situation had come to this. Maybe he'd subtly encouraged this abnormal behavior just because he was concerned for Sanji's wellbeing?

He laughed maniacally as he continued doing his pushups.

"That's all it was!" he exhaled each word with each push, feeling much better. "Ha ha! This was all a witch hunt for homos!"

The door opened at that moment, and Sanji walked in, carrying bags of leftover food from the restaurant. When he saw Zoro there, he dropped everything with a look of surprise. Zoro looked at him, still doing his pushups.

_It's not like I feel happy or anything when he comes home_, he thought with a shrewd expression. It came off looking like a sneer, which was helpful for Sanji.

Sanji flushed bright red because he wasn't expecting to see Zoro so soon, but he recovered quickly because that expression always pissed him off. He began picking up the bags with a huff. "You're home by yourself?"

"It was all manly concern, curlique," Zoro said in response, Sanji pausing in the midst of his straightening. "That's all it was. Everyone else misconstrued everything!"

"That's a big word for you," Sanji said slowly. "I'm amazed."

"Yeah, well, as long as I live, I will continue to amaze."

Sanji shut the door and made his way to the kitchen, giving Zoro suspicious looks. As he unlocked various containers to the counter, Zoro continued doing pushups and grinning at the floor.

"Are we…talking about something…about the other day?" Sanji asked cautiously. "O-or is this an entirely new subject?"

"Y'know how Nami bombed you hard all the time with made-up dates? And I was there, with a comment? Yeah, that's what this situation applies to. That guy was gonna break something of yours. I just had to be there to watch it happen."

Sanji stared at him for a few moments, then looked at the ceiling for clarification.

"Okay," he said, just as slowly. He swallowed tightly, peering over the counter for a closer look at his roommate, ready to say something in response. He was both startled and horrified to realize he was appreciating Zoro's form for a completely different reason. The aspiring bounty-hunter was shirtless, wearing a normal pair of sweats and his skin was glistening with hard earned moisture from his workout. Sanji's face flamed immediately, and he jumped back, rattling various pots and pans that were stacked neatly in the dish-drying rack.

"It all makes sense," Zoro said, almost cheerfully as he straightened away from the floor. He flexed, examining his pecs, shoulders, and Sanji was humiliated to find himself doing the same.

"It was all manly concern. Y'know, since you have a certain track record."

"I suppose," Sanji mumbled, hiding his flush by wiping his hair from his face, palming sweat and wiping his hands on his pants. He hadn't noticed before, but – no, he'd noticed plenty of times!

"People just got all crazy with this gay bug going around – "

"It's not an infection," Sanji snapped at him, turning around to hurriedly look at something other than Zoro's sweaty pecs. "It's something decided before we're even born!"

"What rubbish is that? Is that one of heroin-hero's sayings?"

"It's not 'rubbish'!"

"Then what the hell with all the women, then?"

"'Admiration'," Sanji muttered.

"So you wanted to be a woman? That's why you did what you did?"

"_No_!"

"I can't _even_, Rolling Pin, with you when you're half-assed with your shitty excuses," Zoro said in disgust, looking at the various containers before him.

"They're not excuses!" Sanji said, whirling around, and slapping a container shut as Zoro examined the contents. "Wait for the kids! We eat together!"

"Why are we doing _this_?" Zoro then asked, sweeping his arms wide to indicate the house as a whole. "You realize what this looks like to people? No wonder people thought we were banging!"

"What does that mean? Who's '_banging'_?" Sanji exclaimed angrily.

"Two grown men, living with – kids! _KIDS_! _Whose_ kids are they?" Zoro then asked in bewilderment. "Why the hell are we spending time like this, like we're this – this family? We're not a goddamned family!"

Sanji blinked, drumming his fingertips atop of the counter. He'd actually never given thought to it, before. He gave Zoro a surprised expression. "I…I honestly don't know. Didn't we make an agreement with Ace?"

"_You_ might've, but I don't recall ever – "

"You don't recall half the shit that happens during a day! Of course you wouldn't!"

"Oh, and you do?"

"I'm the responsible one here!"

"I don't need anybody watching over me!"

Sanji snorted, waving Zoro's declaration away. "By the way, I folded the last of your laundry and set it on the dresser."

Zoro gave a relieved expression, scratching a sweaty hip and revealing to Sanji the lack of underwear beneath the sweats. "Oh. Sweet, I needed clean underwear – wait a minute!"

Sanji pointed at the outraged expression. "You need me! Admit it! You wouldn't last a day out there on your own!"

"Is that a challenge?" Zoro asked, staring at him.

"Go right ahead, puss-face. You'll be back here in no time. That is, if you don't get lost walking out that front walkway."

Zoro frowned at him for a few moments, then narrowed his eyes. He puffed out because he was ready for another fight, and unconsciously leaned forward to invade space. Sanji stared right back, leaning against the counter. Silence descended between them, both of them glaring at each other.

At that moment, the teenagers barged into the house with loud shouts and laughter, and paused with shocked expressions as they stared at the two men.

"_Their first kiss_?" Luffy cried, Chopper gasping and Ussop's mouth dropping open.

Zoro and Sanji jumped away from each other, turning red.

"You asshole shit kids! It's not what you think! We were just talking!"

"Why are you saying shit like that? Can't you keep your damn nose out of men's business?"

"Oh, whew, I thought we ruined it," Luffy said with a relieved sigh. "I'm hungry. We worked up an appetite on campus, again."

Ussop looked at the _doujinshi_ Zoro had thrown earlier, giving them a curious kick.

"What'd you guys do?" Zoro asked suspiciously, turning away from Sanji. He snatched Chopper from the floor and tossed him upward while Sanji lifted an eyebrow.

"Ninja Faction wanted revenge! We tried looking for you, but Johnny and Yosaku said you'd already left," Luffy said cheerily. He pulled a paper from his backpack and waved it for Zoro's attention. "Check it out, bro! I scored a hella 'A' in ship management, today!"

"That's so awesome, I don't even know what that is," Zoro said, tossing Chopper onto the couch, much to the little raindeer's delight. "Ussop, you little bastard, I saw what you did to my weight bench. You're going to fix it, later."

"You can't tell me what to do - !"

Ussop then began screaming because Zoro pulled him into a headlock, deliberately rubbing his sweaty armpits onto the teenager's face. Luffy laughed and Chopper squealed with disgust while Ussop kicked and struggled.

Sanji rolled his eyes as he reached for the plates and utensils, batting Luffy's stretching hand away from the containers. 'Not a family,' he thought with a sneer. But he felt morose because the confusion had settled in. Maybe he really had embellished what he felt were Zoro's 'affections'. Maybe there really wasn't anything more between them at all.

He was frustrated to feel a lingering sense of disappointment with this. He started to feel tired after everything had been said and done. Gin was gone, and he had yet another failed 'romance' to notch on his belt. Maybe he imagined everything – so desperate for love and affection that he just _thought_ he was gay. Confusion made things difficult, and he needed to smoke.

"After dinner, you all finish your homework, BRUSH your teeth before you go to bed," he muttered, serving individual plates. "And for the love of - ! Pick up that crap shithole you call a room!"

"_Why_? It's not like women are going to come over and see stuff!" Luffy whined while Ussop sighed heavily.

"Do we really have to? It's pointless when it's just going to get dirty again!" Ussop complained, setting their backpacks aside and joining them in the kitchen. Chopper nodded, giggling when Zoro ruffled his forehead fur.

"Just get it done! It won't kill you! No one else will take you in when you're such a mess! They'll just leave you at the dump!"

"Aw, Sanji! You're always talking about the dump! Maybe you should take one, relax alittle."

"Science has proved that if the bowels are clean – "

"Don't talk about shit during dinner, you uncouth swine! No woman will ever want a man that can't keep his room clean!"

"Aw man, I'm not even interested in girls, so I don't care about that stuff, Sanji!" Luffy whined, picking his nose and wiping it on Chopper's fur. Chopper shrieked.

"The faster you guys get it done, the faster he'll stop nagging," Zoro muttered. Then his head snapped up suddenly, and he gave Sanji a horrid look. Sanji frowned at him, handing them plates as they lined up to eat, talking miles a minute.

"_You_ did this to me," Zoro snapped, pointing at him and stomping off towards their bedroom. "I want my own room! I need space! You're fucking smothering me!"

"Uh, what's that about?" Ussop asked.

"Daddy's throwing a fit because mommy's always right," Sanji said to the three curious faces looking up at him, not catching the feminine reference he'd been fighting from the very beginning.

The teens let it go because they knew better. Luffy laughed. "You guys! You'll always be together, no matter what."

"I seriously thought Zoro was going to be the woman, this time," Ussop said.

"_What_?" Zoro bellowed from the back, Ussop cringing. "The only woman in this house is the one serving you!"

"For fuck's sake - !" Sanji started to growl, but gave up because he'd already made his point. He just smiled at the confused teens, then searched his pockets for his cigarettes. Heading out the front door, he lit up as soon as he stepped outside.

The night air was intensely chilly, and he shivered briefly before walking towards the sidewalk. He stared out at the quiet street and reflected on the argument that had just occurred. He was started to question his future motive with love – it seemed that every time things looked certain, he'd be knocked down with a violent denial. He could vividly recall Nami shouting at him about what a fool he was; he could remember every date that every girl had skipped out on him with; and Gin had left without saying anything more to him. Now he was trying to convince himself that Zoro had feelings for him – a ridiculous notion.

Exhaling heavily, Sanji closed his eyes and wondered if it were even worth trying for. Maybe God was telling him not to chase, anymore. The failures were adding up, and he was getting _tired_.

Zoro was right – he'd been there each and every time to see Sanji's rejection. Maybe it was time to give it up.

But if he couldn't pursue love anymore – then what was he?

He frowned out at the streets and smoked in silence. With a heavy heart, Sanji decided to give up on love. He crushed his cigarette butt into the cement and then walked back into the house.


	18. Push It

**:: Push It ::**

Nami cautiously peered into the room, bustling with aspiring cooks. Most of them were meaty, brisk, already wearing choice clothing planned for those long months at sea. It smelled a combination of food smells that were unpleasant – mainly because the topic of the day was eggplants and turkey combinations that had to suit the intructor's taste. Sanji was up front, frowning at his chopping board and looking incredibly out of place. She didn't know what she was expecting to see on his face while he prepared his food, but she didn't expect him to look so down about it.

She wandered in, causing trays to drop, mouths to fall, food to splatter and whistles from those bold enough to do so. She knew she looked hot – tiny, orange shirt that bared her midriff, hair curled and pinned back, diamonds sparkling over her collarbone, and her mile-long legs in display in the tiniest of high waisted shorts and highest heels. She giggled and winked when necessary until she came up to Sanji's station.

He glanced at her, and continued chopping vegatables, which made her frown.

"Heard about the shipyards, yesterday," she said slowly. "You and Zoro went to jail?"

"It wasn't that big of a deal, Nami," he answered. "We weren't charged with anything."

Even his answer was as lifeless as the colors he dumped into a boiling pot nearby.

"Oh," Nami replied, feeling uncomfortable. "I just thought I'd check up on you…guys."

"Nobody was hurt."

"I heard Don Krieg's crew is one of the toughest out there – "

"I'm sorry, Nami, I'm in the middle of an assignment. I'll find you later to talk about it, all right?"

Her eyes widened, and she stared at him while he turned away to pick out some spices from a rack nearby. She wasn't sure if she felt hurt because he rebuffed her prying, or because she had ruined everything between them.

"Oh, okay. I just thought…Well, I'll see you later," she mumbled, walking away without the confidence she'd walked in with. She turned to see if he were watching her go, but he was once again staring in the pot he'd sprinkled spices into, and wasn't even interested in looking her way.

::

She found Zoro napping in his usual spot, a small war happening off on the grassy knoll nearby. Buccaneers and engineers, it looked, and their screams, shouts, gunfire and general mayhem wasn't enough to disturb the aspiring bounty hunter nearby. She shook her head, using her heel to prod Zoro awake. With a snort and a choke, he muttered a few threats she ignored, demanding loudly, "What happened to Sanji, Zoro?"

"Ugh, c'mon, witch…can't you see I'm busy? I'm behind on everything around here," Zoro complained, folding his arms behind his head and struggling for a better position.

"He didn't even talk to me the same," Nami murmured. "I mean, I know it was my fault in the first place, I said all those horrible things and did some terrible – "

"Yada, yada, yada! Go away!"

"What if he hates me, now? Is Sanji capable of hating someone?" she asked, worried as she sat next to him.

"I don't know why you even care, considering how bad you broke his heart," Zoro complained.

Nami sighed heavily, hugging her knees awkwardly. "If I could've thought of a different way to push him, he wouldn't be pretending to be gay, today."

"You can't _pretend_ to be gay," Zoro said with a heavy exhale of irritation. He opened an eye and looked over at the battle with a startled expression.

"I think that if you _made_ yourself do so – "

"Why don't you go experiment and tell me never?"

"I've kissed plenty of girls! I never felt the need to lower myself to their taco!"

Zoro thought about the tacos that Sanji had made for Gin the other night, wistfully wishing he'd been included. Whatever Nami had said went completely over his head.

"I think Sanji just did this to get back at me!"

"Your theories are just as stupid as his, are. Whatever idiot decides to do with his life isn't your business. He decided everything entirely on his own."

"But - !"

"Every time you talk to him then come to me makes me feel like kicking your ass. You literally have no idea how selfish and inconsiderate you are to people that are obviously comfortable with their lifestyle."

Nami stared at him for several moments.

"Besides, it isn't as if Brother Sanji isn't Brother Sanji when he's kissing another man," Johnny said, leaning out from the other side of the tree and startling her into a tiny shriek.

"He's still Brother Sanji," Yosaku scolded from above her, where he'd been napping in the branches above.

"Where'd you guys come from?" Zoro asked suspiciously.

"I thought it was rather romantic the way he was wooed by that rogue," Johnny then added wistfully. "It wasn't a mockery at all to be treated as a man by a man."

"It was almost as if they were friends, enjoying the night out, wasn't it?"

"Really? I wanted to bleach my brain after that night," Zoro muttered, closing his eyes again.

"Brother Sanji was happy because he was allowed to be himself," Yosaku said, folding his arms behind his head. "Almost as he is with Zoro."

"Oh, apparently we're gay together," Zoro then told Nami. "Did you know I was manipulated into a domestic partnership and didn't even know it?"

"Zoro has a family to support, Nami," Johnny said firmly. "He can't be dallying with outside affairs. The kids need to be raised right in this crazy world."

"ENOUGH!" Nami exclaimed, glaring at the two sitting on the ground. "Zoro, that's just silly! Even if you do rebuke my advances, you're not gay, either! You haven't expressed interest in anything!"

"Circle jerks between men don't make _us_ gay," Yosaku pointed out. "Men do this on the high seas because there aren't women around all the time. No 'mo, bro."

"I admit to nothing," Zoro said calmly.

"I, as well."

"'I'? Or 'aye', brother?"

"Who's eye we be speaking about? I thought we were talking about jerking each other off, again," Johnny asked in a bewildered tone.

"STOP!" Nami rolled her eyes, frowning as a flying engineer hit the grass in front of him. He was obviously out for the count, and she plucked grass from around her and sprinkled it atop of him. "Anyway, you can't be gay, either, Zoro. Sanji's just confused. He's just desperate. He's a twenty-year old virgin eager to - "

"Even so, that's his problem. That's not yours to discuss."

Nami sighed heavily, resting her chin upon her knees and staring off into the distance. "He had his heart broken again, didn't he? You only get this way when something bad happened to him."

"Are we still talking about Brother Sanji?"

"Brother Sanji needs his space, Nami."

"Shut up, you two! I'm talking to Zoro!"

"Anything you say to me can be said in front of them. I'm just going to gossip about it later, anyway," Zoro said.

"We always catch up on each other's business. Just in case."

"Aye, it's important that we know what's happening, just in case."

"Just in case, witch, _you're_ not part of the group."

"You're so annoying," she said with a sneer, tossing grass at him. "But…if you're going to be stubborn about this, just answer me this one question."

"I don't know if I want to."

Nami took a deep breath, fiddling with her necklace for a few moments. She then asked, "Are you in love with Sanji, Zoro?"

"Hell yeah. He cooks me stuff every night, cleans my clothes, takes good care of the kids, reminds me to wipe my ass – "

"I'm _serious_, Zoro!"

"I'm serious, too!"

She snorted, rising to her feet. "Whatever. I'll leave you alone, for now. Sanji promised to talk to me later."

After she left, Yosaku hissed, "Are you serious, Zoro?"

"Wait, that makes you a virgin, too, doesn't it?" Johnny asked with a horrified expression.

Zoro snorted.

::

"I finally found you guys!" she said cheerfully, walking over to the table the three shared. Luffy looked at her with a full mouth, Ussop wincing as he choked on his sandwich, and Sanji flicking his cigarette ashes to the side. She some papers in both hands, and sat across from Sanji, pushing Ussop and Luffy apart to do so. "I was starting to think you were avoiding me."

"Kinda – " Luffy admitted, finishing off his food.

Sanji kicked him underneath the table. "Not at all, Nami. I sit out here so these kids don't embarrass me any further."

"Well, I was thinking…since things didn't…go well, this weekend, with…with that guy and all, I was hoping I could help you out, a bit," Nami continued, laying her papers down in front of her. "I think I could set you up with my friends, Sanji."

"Nami, that's not necessary – "

"Look!" Nami showed him a few pictures of her hottest friends, all posed seductively, beautiful and threatened with blackmail to cooperate. Luffy whistled while Ussop reddened, both teens reacting rather 'normally' according to Nami. Sanji just sighed, and looked at his cigarette, stubbing it out on the patch of grass at his feet.

"Samantha, Carrie, Miranda – "

"Nami – "

"Wow, she's beautiful! What are those things on her nipples?" Luffy asked, reaching for one of the photos.

"Erm, well, huh, I think – " Ussop scooted closer to the table, hands over his lap and his face red.

"This isn't appropriate for them," Sanji said, hastily turning the photos over, Nami looking at him in confusion.

"But, Sanji…I can hook you up with one of them. You just have to pick one out – "

"I'm not interested. Maybe – maybe you can show Zoro these, and he'll be…he'll be interested," Sanji said with a cough.

Luffy snorted, trying to sneak a peek at one of the photos while Ussop sat stock still, face red as a beet. "I've shown Zoro all your porn magazines, Sanji, and Zoro didn't even get a stiffy once."

"How could you even _look_ for that sort of thing?" Ussop cried.

"I still can't accept this," Nami muttered, shuffling them together. "I think if you just went with one of them, they'll show you a good time, and – bi is in, now."

Sanji sighed heavily, looking at his hands. "I'm not interested in any of it, Nami."

"But - !"

"Please, Nami. Stop."

Dejected, Nami stared at Sanji across the table, and Luffy finally stilled. "I just…I'm just trying to help. If…if it makes you feel better, I can…I can make…I can find…_guys_…instead?"

"I'm just not interested – "

"Did you fall in love with that guy?" Nami then asked, her voice lifting with slight hysteria. "Is that why you're so - ?"

"_No_. I just…I've just realized I've tried too hard to find something in anybody that I…made a fool out of myself, I suppose," Sanji answered, staring at the table with a sad frown. "I just need to…take some time for myself and…and really figure things out. In the meantime, I'm just not…interested. In anybody."

"It doesn't help that we made things worse, Nami," Luffy confesed, sniffling as he stared down at the table with a guilty expression. "We tried to make Zoro confess his feelings for Sanji, and we screwed everything up."

"_What_?" Nami and Sanji asked at the same time, while Ussop winced.

"Well," Luffy sniffed once more, hunching his shoulders, "we were convinced that the reason why Zoro threw a fit about Gin was cuz he was jealous, and – "

"-we all didn't know the repercussions of our actions until later on. We're still convinced, by the way, but now Zoro's mad, and …and we messed it all up," Ussop said, wincing.

"Shit kids, I'm going to make you regret putting that filfth into that peabrain of his - !"

"We're sorry! It's just - !"

"_We're not sorry_!" Luffy declared, giving Sanji a determined expression. "We live with you guys! You think we're stupid, but we see things! We see it all! Those long stares in the bedroom, the fighting in the bathroom, the strangulation in the kitchen -!"

"_Shut_ up! That is absurd!"

Nami sighed while they argued, then clutched her photos tightly. She then growled, rising to stand, stepping away from the bench. "All of you are idiots! For me to be involved with the lot of you for so long, so much - ! makes me just as big as an idiot!"

Sanji rose, sputtering, "But none of it is true, this thing about me and Zoro - ! You know how he goes along with the things the kids do - !"

"Shut up, Sanji! You're the worst one out of them all!" she snapped, walking away. Her eyes filled with tears, and she struggled to keep them at bay until she was out of their sight.

With a heavy heart, she knew she had a lot of thinking to do.

::

"Are those my _pants_?" Sanji asked, aghast as Zoro walked into the house with a barrel of grog over one shoulder. His mouth fell open at the sight of Zoro wearing his best khakis, Luffy's Cookie Monster shirt and Ussop's battered running shoes. "Why do you insist on dressing yourself so - ? So -?"

"I lost mine the other day," Zoro said with a shrug, setting the barrel down on the counter. "And, besides, I told you before, woman, it invites challenges. All of you are lucky I escaped unscathed from my usual battles with unworthy opponents."

"Ha ha! Zoro, you have a huge ass!" Luffy exclaimed, spanking him.

Sanji closed his eyes and counted to ten, knife shaking above the chopping board. Luffy was doing his homework at the counter, arguing with him over his history assignment. Ussop had run off with Kaya, and Chopper was in the midst of studying for some upcoming exam.

"Ow, my hand," Luffy then muttered while Zoro sniffed the air.

"Tacos?" he asked, peering at the stove.

Sanji gave him a disgusted look. "How did you even get into them?"

"Baby oil."

"You put _oil_ - ?!"

"I think these are your fat pants, by the way."

"I am NOT fat!" Sanji exclaimed, glaring at him while Zoro rummaged through the cupboards for a glass.

"Oh, by the way, you seen my chonies? I''ve been freeballing since yesterday, and – "

"How could you _not_ wear underwear in MY pants?! Those are being burned tomorrow - you owe me – now I'm short - !" Sanji then snarled, whirling away to dump oil into a skillet.

"It was kinda embarrassing, today. I was sitting in class when Yosaku said I had grass on my pants – turns out your zipper's broken. Because it wasn't grass he was pulling," Zoro added with a wince.

Sanji stared at him with his mouth hanging open, Luffy chewing on his pen and watching them interact. Zoro swallowed a mouthful of grog he'd poured from the barrel, exhaling with a satisfied expression. Sanji looked at Luffy, who beamed at him brightly with a I-Told-You-So expression.

"By the way, asshat, I've been talking to the guys. I think it's about time I moved out," Zoro then said, causing Luffy to look at him with alarm. Sanji paused in the midst of preparing tortillas, then forced himself to focus on his task.

"You are, now?"

"Yeah. I mean, it got weird since you turned 'mo. I'm getting tired of defending myself all the time, with all these foolish accusations about us being together."

Sanji tried not to react at the feel of his breath catching in his chest. He swallowed tightly, feeling his face pull into a heavy expression. He kept his back to them so they couldn't see what he was feeling.

"But, _why_, Zoro? I don't want you to move away," Luffy said, his voice tinged with worry. "We won't say stuff anymore!"

"It'll be someplace close, buddy. So you can visit anytime before nine, and after twelve," Zoro assured him. He looked at Sanji. "How's that sound, Rolling Pin?"

"It's your choice," Sanji said woodenly. He resumed chopping with an absent expression, Zoro patting the barrel with a nod.

"Found this near a bar. Was just sitting there, so I helped myself to it." Zoro turned to go sit on the couch when he saw Nami sitting there, her face speaking volumes at everything she'd just heard and witnessed. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"I was just…I stopped by to…I think I'm going to go," she then said tightly, rising to her feet. "Sanji, thank you. For the…the…appetizer."

"Well, wait, it won't take but ten minutes to finish this - !"

"No, no…I've…I've seen enough," she said vaguely, shrugging on her trench coat.

Zoro looked at her in confusion, then finished off his glass with a shrug. "Whatever. It's bad enough you're stalking us at school, you have to show up here to continue your terrorism?"

"I just…had to confirm a few things with Sanji," Nami said lightly, looking from man to man, then shaking her head. She looked dazed as she let herself out, the three looking after her with bewildered expressions.

Once she left, Sanji continued cooking. But he felt stiff, hearing Luffy whine and complain about Zoro's choice. He stared down at the heating oil and felt as if he'd lost something significant. He hadn't realized how dependent he'd been on Zoro until recently, and now that Zoro was distancing himself from him, Sanji felt responsible for the mess.

He swallowed tightly as he began heating up the tortillas, oil bubbling noisily. The meat was sufficiently browned, so he reached over to turn it off, stirring the vegetables gently. Once that was done, he began shredding cheese, feeling as if every movement was a heavy one.

"You're moving because people are talking?" he then asked slowly, watching the cheese pile up. "Or because I now make you uncomfortable?"

"Probably both," Zoro admitted, reaching for some vegetables. As he chewed, he paused, tasting something off in the combined zest Sanji had prepared. He swallowed most of it unchewed. "You trying something new? This tastes weird."

Sanji swallowed tightly once more. He paused in shredding, then tended to the tortillas.

"I said I was sorry," Luffy apologized. "I just…I just thought I was helping you guys."

"It's not your fault, kid. It's just – it hit me the other day! I mean, living like this is probably not normal to most people, and, besides, Sanji needs his space."

"Well – "

"What made you think I wanted space?" Sanji asked, glaring at the skillet.

"So you can bring your dudes, home. That sort of thing."

"You never had a problem before, when I was making a fool out of myself over women."

"Well, it changed, curlique, because it got to be too much," Zoro said. "If I continue living here, then I'll keep interfering in your pursuit."

Sanji wasn't sure how to take that. His ears reddened, and he scowled down at the skillet with dry eyes that stung.

"So, you're saying Sanji makes you uncomfortable because he likes men?" Luffy asked quietly.

"I have nothing against it! I'm just saying, all this hoopla that happened afterward is something – "

"That's a pretty shitty way of saying you don't want to be around Sanji because he knows who he is, now!"

Zoro sighed. "Luffy, don't take it the wrong way – "

"What way am I supposed to take it? Things were fine until all that happened!"

"Don't argue with him, Luffy," Sanji said quietly. "Let him go."

"But, Sanji - ! I don't want him to move!"

"He's a grown man. He can make that decision whenever he wants."

"But - !"

"Go clean up. It's almost time to eat."

"Sanji - !"

"Go, or I'll throw it all away!"

With a muttered curse, Luffy left the counter, glaring at Zoro. He dragged his feet towards the bathroom while Zoro looked back at Sanji with a frown. He refilled his glass and realized how uncomfortable it suddenly felt.

"It's not because you're gayish, now. You've always have been," Zoro said. "I just don't think I should be around while you're looking for it."

"Just admit it – things changed. You think I'm disgusting."

"I do, but in the usual ways."

Sanji said nothing, cooking the tortillas until there was a sufficient amount that would satisfy the appetites of those waiting to eat.

"I think you guys are looking at it in the wrong way," Zoro said slowly.

"You are old enough to make your own decisions, Zoro. If you want to move out because of this, then get the fuck out."

"I don't mean to hurt anybody!"

"I'll help you pack your stuff! Or do you even want me around at all?"

"What? That's ridiculous!"

"_You're_ ridiculous! Save some for Ussop and Chopper when they get back!" Sanji snapped at him, throwing off his apron and then stalking to the front door. Zoro stared after him with a startled expression, then looked at the food that had been made. He caught sight of Luffy staring at him with an accusing expression from the hall. After a few moments, he strode into the room he shared with Ussop and slammed the door shut.

Zoro stared at the hall for a few moments, then looked at the food again. With a low curse, he turned to head for the front door and hear his pants rip with a loud protest. He sighed, then hurried towards the bedroom he shared with Sanji. His clothes were neatly folded and sitting atop of the dresser where Sanji had left them, and just the sight of them made him feel bad.

He changed into the sweats he'd worn the other day, kicked off Ussop's shoes, then switched to some slippers. He then hurried outside, but Sanji was gone. With his sense of direction, Zoro couldn't even begin to guess where he'd gone. He frowned at the darkness, not understanding what he'd done wrong.

He scratched his head and scowled at the front walkway. He turned back to walk into the house when he saw Luffy hastily shutting the blinds to the front window. When Zoro walked in, Luffy was once again shutting the door to their room with a loud slam.

He sighed, then ventured into the kitchen. He made himself a few tacos, but when he took a bite, none of it tasted the same. It was bland, sharp, and the meat seemed to cling to the back of his throat. He swallowed hard, then washed it down with some grog. The house felt so empty and silent, ringing with the words that had been expressed.

Zoro grumbled as he looked over at the living room, struggling to figure out what he did wrong.


	19. Silence Is Golden

**:: Silence Is Golden ::**

Sanji stared out at the dark waters with a forlorn expression. The cold wind coming in from the ocean caused his hair to ruffle, for him to shiver slightly. This side of the island was quiet, the water hitting the beach with solid slaps, and the general public already bedded down for the night. It was usually the sort of area where people who didn't want to pay the fee to port snuck in, and he'd watched large, humanoid pirates storm the beach walkway earlier, catching hapless taxis back to Roguetown for a night of fun.

He felt absolutely rotten. After reviewing everything that had been said, Zoro hadn't said things with true revulsion – it was just his blunt way of getting his opinion out there. But it hurt because Sanji felt that his actions had turned away the only friend he truly had.

He felt foolish for thinking the way he had, for pushing Zoro when Zoro had been uncomfortable, and now, he felt that his selfishness had broken the 'family' up. He felt that the teenagers would definitely run out of control with their misguided plans and impulsive thinking – Zoro had been the only one to keep them quietly under control. Sanji could boss them around only for so much before they rebelled, as teenagers naturally do.

While Sanji wasn't sure where his responsibility came from when it came to the kids, he just knew that their future had been cast for trouble with Zoro leaving.

Maybe it wasn't a bad thing – maybe it would turn out okay for Zoro to find his own place. The kids could still visit him.

But Sanji knew he would feel lonely and hurt that he'd caused this to happen.

He stared down at the butts he'd left around his feet, and felt tired. He knew he had overreacted – adding fuel to the fire. Further convincing Zoro's suspicions of his, ahem, femininity…but he had to leave. He had to breathe. He felt like he couldn't while Luffy pouted and looked hurt and Zoro looked relieved with his decision.

Sanji examined his nails. Then exhaled heavily, closing his eyes to regain his strength. The smell of the ocean was so strong here – it was salty and refreshing, and, one day, he would be living out there on some ship one day, cooking for his crew. Until then, he had to finish his college education, live land life as fully as he could, and learn how to get over Zoro.

He clasped his hands together and exhaled again. If he could get over Nami, then he could get over Zoro. He would focus on the kids for as long as they let him, and do what it took to graduate. As soon as he did, he would be gone, and he would live new adventures with new friends and new…goals.

He hated knowing that a part of him hoped selfishly for the true love that eluded him. Maybe he'd even run into Gin again – maybe they could carry on where they left off –

"No, fuck that, he didn't say 'goodbye'," he muttered aloud to himself. He felt bitter about it, pouting for a few moments as he glared at the ocean. Maybe Zoro had done well to chase Gin off – maybe, beneath that friendly, gentle exterior Gin had presented to Sanji, Gin was actually a cold-blooded user.

He had to laugh aloud at that, turning away from the ocean. He would go home, apologize for being an ass, then help Zoro move. Maybe there was some positive aspects to Zoro being missing – no competitive asshats to chase away his potential romantic aspects.

He chuckled bitterly as he headed for the nearby sidewalk. No matter how annoyed Zoro had been with him, Sanji had come to appreciate and depend on him to _just be there_ to–

He stopped short, feeling intensely heavy once more. He stared up at the stormy skies above, watching thick, grey clouds swirl and churn above him. He didn't know how to, but he was going to have to learn to get over Zoro, too.

::

The walk back to the house allowed him to prepare a face to show when he returned. While feeling a little foolish in that he'd proved Zoro's theory that he had some…feminine…characteristics, he used his recent 'breakup' with Gin as an excuse to feeling so down. He smoked a couple of cigarettes, then examined his outfit, making sure nothing had happened to it while he went walking. He walked into the house, and was annoyed to see the tv on full blast with some cartoon raccoon attacking a blue bird over a golf cart, and all three of the guys at the couch, eating out of the large containers he'd prepared the food in.

"You guys don't know what fucking plates are for?" he snapped, immediately heading for his kitchen. It was littered with the remains of his cooked ingrediants, the floor crunching underfoot, the sink crowded with the hot skillet, grater and knives. Growling at the sight of oil building up in the sink, he went to work.

"Once you find your place, shithead, I'll help you move," he then said, focusing his attention on the running water and soap.

"It'll…probably be in a couple of weeks. I have to wait for my…my last paycheck," he heard Zoro's muttered response. One of the teens sniffled – Sanji couldn't be sure who.

"'Last'? So you're quitting your job atop of things?" Sanji asked, glaring at the oil buildup.

"Well, I figured I'd go with those guys and do some bounty hunting – "

"What about school? You have loans to pay off!"

"We're going after big money guys – get off my nuts."

"Stupidest idea you've ever had," Sanji muttered, reaching for the paper towels.

"Yeah, well, I gotta pay my bills somehow, princess."

Sanji resisted hurling one of his knives at Zoro's head, clutching the handle in one hand and watching it shake. He then forced himself to set it aside and mopped up the oil with the paper towels, muttering to himself.

"Sanji, I need some help with my history assignment," Luffy grumbled, sitting at the counter with his backpack.

"I hate doing that subject with you. Ask asshat to do it for you."

"No! Zoro always gives me shitty answers!"

"That's what you get for depending on me," Zoro said, slurping down the rest of his grog.

"I really really want to believe that my grandpa bought all the whores on the island, impregnanted them all, and only one of them gave birth to a devil-god that will grant me superhuman powers and I just have to sleep with her once to – "

"You did _not_ tell him stuff like that!" Sanji exclaimed, looking back at Zoro with an incredulous look.

"Well, I must've fell asleep in class, so I might've embellished a little detail here and there – "

Luffy laughed, slapping his books onto the counter, atop of some lettuce leaves and a trail of onions. "Well, this is why I'm failing history, because I totally believe Zoro – "

"You're '_failing'_ history?" Sanji about shrieked, whirling around to look at him. "This is your senior year! You'll have to do summer school if - !"

"I hate school! I hate that it's oppressing my creativity and greatness to force me to conform to _society_ - !"

Above their arguing, Ussop glanced at Zoro. "So, you're just going to leave this all behind, huh? I guess I can take over as the man of the house, but in no way am I sleeping with Sanji to do it. I'm pretty straight."

Zoro stared at his empty glass, exhaling heavily as Luffy grew flustered and angry over his failing grade. "It's not like I contribute to much, anyway, Ussop."

"You're right. You don't," Ussop muttered, but it was only a lie, and he was tired of feeling sad.

"I'll just be down the street," Zoro continued. "You guys can come over after your homework's done."

"Yeah, well…Chopper's going to miss you the most."

"It's not like I'm dying, or anything! I'm just…this house is too small for all of us."

"Is it really that? Or is it just because you're – " but Ussop cut himself off and muttered to himself as he searched the back of his textbook for all the even answers.

The knock at the door had Luffy flying over to answer, eager to abandon his homework. He pulled it open with a cheery greeting. "Hi! Who are you guys?"

"Does Ace belong to you?" came a sinister voice that caused Zoro to hurriedly rise to his feet, and Sanji to round the corner of the counter to investigate their newest visitors.

"Yeah! He's my big brother!" Luffy answered carelessly, looking down, then up, head tilting back to take in an overall picture. "What are you guys? Fish?"

At the blue, meaty hand that ensnared his neck, lifting him off his feet, Luffy choked. Zoro went for his swords while Ussop screamed. Their visitors then forced their way into the house, revealing themselves as the large humanoids that Sanji had seen hours earlier. The guy holding Luffy had sharkish features, while one companion looked like an octopus, the other a hammerhead. They dwarfed the area immediately, rendering it smaller than it was.

"Your big brother burned up my weed garden, then left without saying he was sorry. The name's Arlong. This place is a dump. Hope you all don't mind me tearing it down and taking in an early meal of your bones," the sharkish man said, grinning pointed teeth at Luffy's blue face.

::

By the time the Fishmen were laid out, half the neighborhood was missing, in shambles. Firefighters rushed about to put out the fires, medical units were on hand to assist those that were hurt, and reporters were rushing everywhere.

The Marines were busy loading the unconscious Fishmen into large armored trucks, taking care to avoid their dangerous teeth and sharp weapons. Because of their Wanted status, the group was able to qualify for the multi-beli reward for the Fishmen. It had been a mighty battle that expanded into seven extra chapters, but had to be reduced to a paragraph because it diverted from the path of the story in a horribly distracting way.

Luffy was dancing nearby, Ussop fixing his hair – what was left of it – and his celebratory yells rang out above the chaotic noises of the formerly quiet neighborhood. His clothes were in disarray, and a couple of medics were chasing him around to treat a bleeding head wound, but Zoro figured the teen would be okay if he had enough energy to run around like that.

He scanned the scene to check on Sanji. He himself had the usual – he was dirty and sweaty, blood dripped from surface wounds, and he maybe a sprained ankle – the neighbors had an unusually sneaky watering system with hidden sprinkler heads lurking in the shadows. Swords sheathed, he caught his breath and felt pumped after beating some fishhead named Hammond. He had given him some trouble, but Zoro and the others were at an advantage over the Fishmen, being that this battle had been fought on land. Sanji had taken on Hachi earlier, and their battle had shredded up a majority of the east end of the neighborhood. Last he saw, Sanji had Hachi on the run, screaming about fried octopus balls, so Zoro was confident that he'd brag about his win soon enough.

He looked towards their house, and felt his mouth drop open. It was barely standing – burning brightly, obviously lost to the wreckage. For a moment he felt panicked because the loss of their home was an obstacle in his plans – and relief because – well, he wasn't sure, why. The loss would be devastating for the teens, as most of their stuff was in there, and –

He looked over at the two boys lingering nearby, and while their expressions reflected sadness and dismay, he was just glad that they were okay. He walked towards them, feeling heavy as Ussop cried theatric tears and Luffy looked pissed.

"ACE!" he growled. "this is all his fault!"

"Yeah, well, he knew you'd be able to handle it," Zoro said, patting their heads affectionately, and feeling relieved that they were all okay.

"What I want to know is how these Fish guys were able to cultivate a marijuana garden underwater," Ussop cried. "So what was Ace _doing_ underwater?"

Luffy's face changed. He looked shocked, slapping his own cheeks as he registered the question. Zoro looked around, waiting to see Sanji – but in the hustle of the activity around them, he didn't see the familiar flop of blond hair anywhere. He started to get worried, shifting away from the teens and looking around anxiously.

"Oowah! You're right! You're so totally right, Ussop! Hey, Zoro, I checked on Sanji. He was looking at the house, earlier," Luffy then said, hurrying after him. "Or, are we supposed to pretend that we don't notice you looking worried?"

"Then, where is he, now?"

"Oh, uh…um…I don't know? Looking for us?" Luffy then said, joining in on Zoro's search.

Some renewed shouts caught their attention, and they looked over at the house. They realized it was shaking, starting to collapse in on itself, but the firemen posted outside were shooting water at it, and screaming in alarm. Zoro and Luffy immediately raced over, hearing their shouts.

To their horror, they realized Sanji had gone back into the house, and there wasn't time to spare.

"Luffy! Shoot me!" Zoro shouted, Luffy stretching his body outward and wrapping his upper body around some trees with their tops burning, and used his legs to mimic this movement on streetlights, emerging as a slingshot. Without saying anything, Ussop helped Zoro pull his middle backward, the Marines clearing the firefighters out of the way once they realized what was happening. With just enough leverage, Zoro pushed himself backward against Luffy's middle, and Ussop released his hold.

With the force used, Zoro shot forward, withdrawing his swords. Working on pure action, he was able to break through the already fragile walls of the house, slamming through some burning beams, debris and what looked to be the boys' bunkbed. Just as the house began to come down atop of him as the result of his action, he spied Sanji's sprawled form near the closet they shared in the back room.

Without much time to spare, Zoro raced for Sanji, scooped him up with a quick lunge, and used his free hand to cut through the other burning wall, leaping out into the night as the house collapsed behind him. This feat was easy to do, considering how he'd fought with the Fishmen just minutes earlier, but he felt furious as he jogged his way to safety with Sanji tossed over his shoulders. People yelled and congratulated him on his winsome feat, but he ignored them as he tossed Sanji down like a sack of potatoes onto the grass.

Sanji coughed mightily a few times, but it took Zoro a few moments to realize that he was clutching something to his chest. Medical aid arrived within moments, hollering about carbon dioxide poisoning and oxygen, so as they swarmed over him, Zoro demanded, "What the fuck was so important that you almost got yourself killed over it, you stupid idiot?"

Sanji was just as dirtied and disheveled as the others, but smoke played a big part of his clothes being black and crispy. He looked like he was just rousing himself out of a concussion, loopy-eyed and unfocused, but he held the box tightly and glared at him. With an oxygen mask in place, he couldn't say anything anyway.

Within the next few minutes, he was loaded onto a stretcher and carted away, the three of them left standing there, watching with startled faces.

Luffy picked at his nails, and sniffled, kicking the grass with one sandaled foot. "It's all Ace's fault."

"Yes, it is," Zoro growled, clenching his fists. "It's _all_ his fucking fault. For everything! As soon as I get a hold of him, he'll wish he could put himself to sleep!"

Ussop decided not to explain what narclepsy meant, and nodded to show he was in total agreement with them.

::

At the hospital, the three of them waited for the doctor to leave the room. Once he had, they tromped in, smelling of smoke and looking worried at the man propped up on the hospital bed. Sanji was receiving a steady dose of oxygen, but his coughs filled the room with enough power to make them all wince. He was still dressed in his battle dirty clothes, but bandaged in various places where the nurses had thought he needed treatment.

Not even ten minutes after he'd arrived, Nami showed. Her skimpy clothes suggested she'd been at a club, and the teens tried hard not to notice her exposed flesh and glittery skin as she looked over the chart left behind by the doctors.

"I'm relieved that you guys are okay, but this is absolutely unacceptable, Sanji," she said, putting the chart away and rubbing her arms. "Was it really worth almost dying over?"

"You'd think, for a guy that smokes a carton a day, that a little house fire wouldn't be so terrible," Zoro muttered, spying the box Sanji had held on the table nearby. He ventured over to it as Sanji struggled to reply.

"At least we got the bounty off these guys," Luffy said with some worry. "We can get a new house! And clothes."

"A bounty is a good thing," Nami murmured, looking at Zoro with interest, then away when she remembered why she couldn't get his attention.

"Maybe with a bigger house, Zoro won't have to move…?" Ussop asked, playing with his ponytail as he examined Sanji's chart.

"_You're_ going to move?" Nami asked, then pressed a hand against her mouth to stop the giggles once Zoro gave her an irritated expression. "That will really happen!"

"Shut up, witch."

Over their rising words, Ussop read what had been written to Sanji. "Says you're concussed. Smoke inhalation. If these are your only injuries, I'm not that impressed. I'm walking away with more, but suffering in silence."

"What is all this paper?" Zoro demanded, having opened up the box and was holding up handfuls. "Was it really worth it to go back?"

"Birth…certificates…kids'…documentation, _your_ documentation," Sanji answered with a hacking fit. "The only copies – that exist. Stupid."

"They're here. They're obviously ALIVE. Why do they need a stupid paper to…" Zoro read through the few that was available to him, then fell silent. He cleared his throat, shuffled them into a neat stack, then put them away. The box was full of other things, pictures that were faded with age and more things wrapped and labeled in plastic.

Luffy, Nami, and Ussop stared at him in silence, looking puzzled. Zoro cleared his throat.

"Stupid, though. Next time, put it in a fireproof safe," Zoro then muttered, closing the box.

"What's in there?" Ussop asked. "Besides documentation that proves my princely status from an island on the Grand Line?"

"Or that I have a secret kid somewhere?" Luffy added with a laugh.

"Maybe an inheritance?" Nami suggested.

"Still, it's not like we wouldn't get anywhere without them," Zoro muttered, glaring at Sanji. "Even if they were lost, we still exist. We can still do things. Different things."

"College…is important…stupid."

"Not if we're just heading out for the Grand fucking Line!"

"That's all…Luffy has left…of his family. That's Ussop's – last – link to his."

"It's so stupid to lose your life for these stupid papers - ! Luffy would've found out about his family later on, anyway! Why would Ussop want proof of his mother's death hanging on his head like this?"

"I admit, my family history is shrouded with mystery, Zoro, but if Sanji has important things that are pertinent to me, then I'm grateful for him for taking care of it for me," Luffy said quietly. "Who knows what would've happened if I had it in my possession?"

"Turn into Mrs. Perkinson's for a grade?" Ussop mumbled from the side of his mouth.

Nami stared silently at the two men, shoulders slumping. She could no longer deny what she was starting to see. She couldn't deny what was happening. She gave a short, heavy sigh, looking at her heels for a few moments. Things finally changed for her, at that point. The things that the boys had claimed were 'always there' was undeniable. And it was further cemented with the way Zoro spoke to Sanji.

"Desperation calls for desperate measures, 'Sop. Still, Sanji, I'm grateful that you look over all that stuff, but…I would've felt even more terrible if you died in that fire," Luffy said, looking over at the cook. "I think you don't think of yourself, sometimes – you're always thinking about us other guys."

But even as it seemed Zoro was going to accept what Sanji's reasons were for returning to the house, his anger continued to build. Before he knew it, he was unable to stop himself from speaking exactly what he was thinking.

"Fucking ridiculous that you think doing this shit is productive for anybody! Who the fuck thinks walking into a burning house to get stupid shit like this is even worth it? It's all going to be lost anyway, when we set sail!" Zoro then snapped, rising his voice to be heard. "You're so fucking _stupid_! You think doing this helps other people? Who the fuck's going to watch these stupid assholes and get them into college? You think _I'm_ capable of doing that? You really think I'm fucking capable of getting these fuckers up in time for class, when I have a hard time doing it on my own?"

"Didn't expect…to go down – must've been – hit hard," Sanji argue breathlessly.

"Because your stupid mind is on other things! You're so stupid! _STUPID_!"

Luffy, Nami, and Ussop struggled not to look at each other, shrinking together as they tried to make themselves as small as possible. It was very difficult to ignore Zoro's enraged voice as it rose and became a near bellow. They hadn't seen him so furious, before, and couldn't exactly leap in to interject.

"You're so fucking selfish. You think _this_ is thinking about others, that this shit means anything?" Zoro indicated the box, and then tossed it to the floor, where it spilled out its contents. "Why don't you start thinking about actually applying it where it fucking counts? Stop putting yourself into positions where some pirate's gonna take off with your stupid ass, or dying in some fire. Fucking _asshole_."

Sanji could only stare at him in bewilderment, unable to come up with anything in reply.

"You deserve this, you blond dick. Stay here and think about how much you've failed everybody, today, and don't even come back and say I'm wrong," Zoro snapped at him, jabbing a finger in his direction before turning and leaving the room.

Nurses scattered and patients hollered for help when Zoro plowed through them to leave the building. Luffy and Ussop struggled to come up with something, but their mouths were open and lacked movement. Nami crossed the space needed to reach Sanji's side, and touched his shoulder with some comfort. Sanji couldn't even come up with a snarky reply, completely and utterly perplexed by Zoro's fury. He himself hadn't seen that before, and he wasn't sure how to react.


	20. A Stroke of Luck

A/N: THANK YOU ALL THAT HAVE LOVED THIS STORY. Everyone that reviewed, that Followed, that PM'D…all of you are great. All of you made this story survive! It was great writing it, and I enjoyed some of the shit I wrote – can't help it. Some of it was pretty awesome lmao! Anyway, this is the conclusion. It might not be what people wanted, but it goes with how the story had been created – can't change what's there already. (big grin) How it continues is of your own imagination.

THANK YOU AGAIN!

**:: A Stroke Of Luck ::**

The next day, Sanji stared out at the ocean. He had a few bandages visible on his face and hands, but nothing major was enough to keep him in the hospital. His lungs felt sore and it hurt to breathe, but he felt a lot better than when he'd first arrived in an ambulance.

Zoro had been furious. Sanji couldn't recall ever hearing such vehemenance from his best friend, before. He'd never seen such an expression. Sanji realized he did something entirely stupid, but at the time, he felt it was important to save the kids' and Zoro's vital information because –

Zoro was right, really. Things could be easily replaced. And once they set sail, it wouldn't matter, anyway. Anything could happen on those seas.

Sanji felt stupid. But he was only slightly thankful that Zoro had gotten himself lost leaving the hospital, and the boys went looking for him, but Sanji doubted a timely return. He needed that time to recover. Nami had reminded him to call her if they needed anything, and she gave him a kiss on the forehead after. The expression on her face suggested she was looking at things differently, like she'd lost a fight of some kind. When she walked away, it wasn't with the usual flair Nami usually had – it was the pace of a woman that had accepted what she couldn't change.

He ached for a cigarette, but he was advised against having one for the next couple of days, while his lungs healed. There was a lot to do – there was a house to find, clothes to replace, things to be –

He sighed heavily, feeling discombobulated. There was so much to do, but he hadn't the energy or will to follow through with things. Even after their material items were replaced, after a house was found, Zoro was still moving away. Zoro's feelings were still as they were, and Sanji still felt like he was losing a part of himself in the process.

He picked at the bandages on his hand, frowning at the action.

"Dude, Sanji! _Yo_!"

Sanji looked up with a start, and watched as Ace waved at him from the front lawn. He was dressed in heavier clothes, suggesting colder weather at sea, and his knit hat looked ridiculous with its little pom on top. His harem pants were vibrant with multi-color slashes of giraffes, and he had a long sleeve Dri-Fit tee layered under a bright red scarf that fluttered at his knees. Sanji winced at the sight of him.

"I heard what happened," Ace said once he reached him, slightly out of breath. He gave Sanji a hug that included an uncomfortable amount of back caressing. Sanji felt his skin start to flush with discomfort. "I came back as fast as I could. I didn't think they'd be that huge of a problem. You guys okay?"

"Relatively," Sanji said with a shrug, pulling away to give him an examining look. Ace just looked relieved, reaching out to curl an arm around Sanji's waist, pulling him close with a lurpy smile and another hug Sanji had to squirm out of. "You didn't have to come back for this."

"I was nearby, and – I felt bad. It was my fault. I should've, like, handled it beforehand, but…anyway, I knew you guys got them." Ace exhaled heavily against Sanji's neck. "Why are you the only one here?"

"I was stupid."

"We all make mistakes. It's cool. As long as nobody's dead, it's cool."

"I…a lot of stuff has happened since you left, Ace. It would probably be best if you weren't around when they come back," Sanji said carefully. "Luffy was upset."

"He should be," Ace said, crossing his arms over his chest. "It was my mess. He has every reason in the world to be pissed at me."

"I just…that thing…that thing you…you suggested…?" Sanji trailed off, unsure of how to proceed as everything that had happened came to him suddenly and it became too much for him to start simply. Ace gave him a curious look, gesturing at a nearby bench to sit.

Around them were people hurrying to and from the hospital, all with their own problems. Seagulls called from above, raiding the trashcans. Marines beat down a couple of pirates that protested, and a canon boomed in the distance.

As they sat, Sanji wincing with the effort, Ace stretched his arms out, allowing one to rest around Sanji's shoulders to pull him close. Uncomfortably, Sanji struggled to make himself as small as possible.

"I actually went along with…with what you…you suggested," Sanji said slowly, feeling his face reddening.

Ace had a vague expression on his face as he used the tips of his fingers to comb through the scruff on Sanji's face. "I gave you hella suggestions, so you're going to have to be specific –"

Sanji squirmed out of his touch. "Men, Ace. That…that thing…with men…"

"Yeah, gossip on the sea spread quick," Ace said, folding his hands behind his head and looking up at the sky. "I was actually really surprised that you went for Gin, the demon guy. Dude, his reputation is so bad – I thought you'd stick closer to home."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sanji asked indignently, reddening deeper.

"I thought you'd start off slow, but you went into the pool with one of the worst ones. Jeez, Sanji, I thought you'd have a little class. Well, I guess he liked you because you'res still here, talking to me," Ace decided, looking at Sanji with surprise. He then grinned, reaching over to nuzzle Sanji's ear, hugging him with loose arms around his shoulders. "How could anybody resist you? You're so cute!"

Sanji gave a disgusted noise, staring back at the ocean while Ace gave him a onceover.

"So, where're the guys?" he asked, looking around them, giving Sanji space with the action. "Zoro just left you here, alone?"

"I don't need a chaperone," Sanji muttered. "I'm a fucking adult."

"They didn't take it weird, did they?" Ace then asked, looking at him with worry. "I thought Luffy would freak out because someone would take you away from him – "

"They practically set me up with Gin, Ace."

"Ha ha, that little homewrecker! He only wants you to be happy, Sanji. I just thought….well, that things would go differently. Closer to home."

"I never knew that this world existed – I knew it was out there, I just didn't see it for me, Ace."

"I know. It was obvious. But now that you do – "

"I can't go back," Sanji finished, looking at his shoes, which were burned around the soles. "I can't…look at women the same. I can't…I just…I don't know what to do with myself, now. I thought I was…I thought I'd be happy, but…"

Ace's head fell back against the bench, and a deep snore filled in the trailing silence. Sanji examined his hands once more, waiting for the other man to wake up. In the meantime, life continued around them, and people did double takes at the man sleeping in cold weather gear.

He wondered if Zoro were okay, and felt foolish that he'd even do so. Of course he was – this was Zoro. He was probably holed up in some bar, drowning in grog and cooling down from the outrage he'd expressed. He frowned, and once he heard Ace rousing himself from the brief episode, he continued to talk.

"…I guess everything can't always go the way I'd like it to."

"I don't even think that's up to you to say," Ace said thickly, rubbing his eyes. Once he was done, he dropped his hand onto Sanji's thigh, uncomfortably close to his crouch. Sanji scooted away. "Dude, whatever happened to make you feel all down about things – "

"Zoro's moving out," Sanji cut in. He swallowed tightly. "He finds me…disgusting, now. Says he doesn't want to get in my way, but…I know what he's trying to say, Ace, but I can't…"

"He can't move out," Ace said, looking at him with a frown. "He's just saying that. I know Zoro. He can't say things right because he's too comfortable where he is."

"He – "

"Don't even worry about it, Sanji. If he was bothered about the whole gay thing, you'd know – "

"He's moving away _because_ of me, Ace!"

"He's moving away because he can't stand seeing you happy with somebody else, Sanji!" Ace interrupted. "He doesn't know how to accept that, and he doesn't know how to deal with it. He's a caveman, dude, he sees a threat, he's going to hit it. Or in this case, threaten to move away."

Sanji frowned at him. "We decided – "

"'We'?"

"Well, me, mainly, but…"

"Well, don't worry about it, Sanji. It's a waste of time. Eventually, it'll come back to him. Let him go. Let him see what the world is like without you, and he'll be back real fast," Ace said with confidence, folding his arms behind his head once more.

Sanji thinned his lips, shooting him a sideways look.

"It was obvious, for years, the thing between you two," Ace then added. "I'm surprised it went on for so long. Whatever, it'll work out. You just need to, like, be patient. Because it'll work."

"You don't know – "

"Christmas, two years ago. Remember?"

Sanji trailed off, thinking about the Christmas tree Zoro had hauled home from someone's back yard. The teenagers were gleefully throwing whatever sparkled or looked somewhat manageable with electricity onto it, and Ace had been there, snoring underneath the tree with a box of ornaments. Sanji was passing out snacks and hot cocoa and he remembered looking at Zoro with a grin because it was a moment straight out of some tv commercial, and he remembered Zoro looking frozen, holding tightly onto a box of icicles.

Ace was climbing to his feet then, and Sanji was distracted because Luffy was hanging all over him, and it was so chaotic –

"I don't…think…"

"He knew back then," Ace said with a nod. "Remember he kept talking about leaving with Johnny and Yosaku about making money catching all these guys? Did he ever go, by the way?"

Sanji felt like slapping Ace. He wanted to kick those freckles right off that sleepy-eyed face and just….choke him. Make him stop talking about things that weren't even there because he couldn't handle the rejection again and –

"He talks about it, but – "

"He never goes, Sanji. That's why I'm saying…_relax_. You guys both know it's there. It'll work itself out. I bet you he won't even leave when you guys find a new place," Ace said with confidence. "I don't know why you're freaking out. After it all, he hasn't left. _Ever_. He gets so jealous when I'm around, dude, I don't know why you ignore that."

"I…I can't even accept what's happening, Ace."

"You do. That's why you finally embraced the rainbow. You all say he's the stubborn one, but it took you this long to finally open your eyes. Let's go. I'm starving," Ace then said, rising to his feet.

Sanji stared after him, feeling wordless and foggy. Everyone around him were so convinced that there was something between him and Zoro, and yet…yet he couldn't see it. He couldn't accept it. He couldn't see it because – he was scared. Because it felt silly, because it felt unreal, but…if everyone was able to see it, then it must exist…

He rose from the bnech, brushing himself off. Ace reached for his hand, and Sanji gave him a disgusted look, Ace laughing because that was something he did.

Not even five minutes later, Ace stopped Sanji with a raised fist, then patiently forced him back a few steps. A moment later, Luffy slammed into Ace from the side, sending them both sprawling out into the street. Sanji would have been caught up in the action if Ace hadn't moved him, giving the younger teen a startled bellow.

Luffy punched and strangled Ace with furious words, Ace allowing him to do so with half-hearted struggles. People gave them a wide berth, curiously staring at the sight while Sanji waited for Ussop to catch up.

"So, it was true," Ussop managed to say between heaving breaths. "Ace was back."

"Did you find Zoro?"

"He said he had a few more barrels to finish off. I'm starting to believe that his blood's made of alcohol – "

"Show me where," Sanji then said, glancing at the brothers that grappled in the street.

::

"Let's go, idiot," Sanji said firmly, once he spotted Zoro sitting at the bar. There was a barrel sitting next to him, and the bartender looked a little dazed and red-faced, obviously exerted from some earlier action. Looking over the counter, Sanji saw the other barrel of grog at his feet.

"When they let you out?" Zoro asked suspiciously, frowning at him. "Don't tell me what to do. Everything you've said and done so far has driven me to drink even harder, so don't give me another reason."

"No one _makes_ you - ! Ace is here. I believe you had words for him."

"Hell yeah, I do," Zoro said, hastily finishing off what was in his mug. As he slid off his stool, he stumbled a bit, obviously affected by the alcohol. But as he made to push past Sanji, Sanji stopped him in place. "Why are you attempting to touch my manly body? Didn't I tell you anything less than me can't touch me?"

"Zoro, despite your bluster, I have something I need to say to you," Sanji said calmly, licking his lips as he glanced around the bar. It was pretty empty – a guy was passed out atop of a table in the back, and a bar maid was busy filing her nails near the television that displayed some afternoon soaps. "Give me a minute."

"By the time I get to Ace, Luffy's going to have made him weak, so I'll just end up killing him easier – "

"When I left, Ace had him in a headlock, so shut up," Sanji snapped. "Let me get this off my chest."

Zoro snorted, looking down at Sanji's chest with a raised eyebrow and a push of his finger. "I'm pretty sure there's nothing there, considering your lack of manliness – "

Self-conscious, Sanji covered himself with one hand, then realized how girly that looked as Zoro gave him a pointed look. He reddened, then kicked his shin hard enough to make him curl over with a pained bellow. "Just shut up! I'm trying to apologize here - !"

"It ruins everything when you tell me to shut up! Apologies are invalid!" Zoro snapped, rubbing his shin as he then straightened.

"You are so fucking annoying!"

"And you're so fucking bossy!" Zoro roared over him, pushing him aside. "I've got a shitlist to follow up with, woman, let me – "

Sanji kicked him in the back of the head, sending him stumbling into the doorway with a spectacular crash. The bartender cried out with consternation while the barmaid turned the volume up on the television set.

"Sanji, I swear to God," Zoro threatened, rising to his feet, rubbing bits of wood out of his hair and shirt.

"Promises, promises," Sanji muttered, walking over to him. "I'll keep it short."

Once he faced Zoro, who eyed him with a severe frown, Sanji felt his forehead break out in a sweat. But as apologies built up to his throat, all he heard were the teens' insistence, Ace's encouragement. Everything that had happened recently turned into a chaotic crash of sound, but when he looked at Zoro – it changed. Things were quiet, and things were…okay.

"Sorry…for…for being stupid," he said carefully. "All of it."

Zoro gave him a suspicious look. His brow furrowed, and he looked at Sanji, expecting something different to happen. He looked around himself, behind Sanji, and then out the door, expecting an attack of some kind. Then looked at Sanji again.

With a nod, he said gravely, "It's about time."

"Don't make this stupid - !"

"Admitting you're an idiot doesn't make up for all the crap you've done!" Zoro insisted. He gave a reluctant half shrug. "But it's a start, I guess. Just…I can't do shit for those kids like you can."

This was said with a mutter directed to the ground. Sanji felt some of his tension go away. This was a good sign. Zoro needed him – indirectly, but it was still a need.

"I think that…with some time, they'll get used to you being gone."

"I…I well, uh…I thought I…I better rethink some things," Zoro then said carefully, clearing his throat and looking at everything but Sanji. "I mean, obviously…with Ace starting shit with – like Arlong, I mean…you can't even keep your end of the battle. It won't stop there."

Insulted but feeling uplifted that Zoro had changed his mind, Sanji struggled not to show the relief he felt.

"Doesn't mean anything, though," Zoro added. "Just…y'know?"

"Yeah," Sanji said with a nod. " I think that…that things are fine without, y'know, people messing it up from the outside. Just…I'm done with all that."

"I don't know what that means," Zoro then said with a suspicious frown. "It's like you're staying stuff, but you're not saying all of it."

"That is exactly how I feel talking to you, sometimes, mosshead. You have shit to say, but you don't because you're too much of a pussy to make the move to do so."

"Men don't pussy out on moves! And there's nothing I've said that's been different!"

"You claim to be this manly man among men, Ape-face, but you're a woman when it comes to what you truly think!"

"That fire fucked you up from the inside, I'm thinking you don't know what it's like being a woman! You can't shut them up about their feelings - !"

"It made me see things a little more clearly, dick head." Sanji made himself look at Zoro, and it took a few moments for Zoro to realize what he was saying. He instantly grew sweaty, unsure of what to look at, fidgeting nervously as Sanji pinned him with a quiet stare.

"I've had enough adventure. I think…I think it's time for me to wait for you to catch up," Sanji admitted slowly. He swallowed tightly as it looked as if Zoro were struggling to understand what he meant. He kicked him again. "Damn you! You're making this awkward with your stupidity!"

"I don't even know what you're fucking saying! I'm trying to figure it out! Just say it out loud!"

"I finally see what the others were trying to tell me in the first place! But you're so dense that…it's…it's _okay_, really," Sanji then muttered, smiling faintly. "This…this here, it's…it's okay."

Zoro gave him a clueless look for a few moments, then shook his head tightly.

"I might've said some things in the heat of the moment, but I pretty much meant it all," he admitted, Sanji looking at him with a start. "Men can admit stuff. This…doesn't make them weak. It just…gets it out there. You're…y'know…my best – my roommate – babysitter, cook, shit, y'know, STUFF. So…it would be extremely…retar- _stupid_ if you lost your life over stupid shit. To…to make me look bad."

Sanji knew that this was all he was going to get from Zoro for now. It made him feel warm, tingly on the inside. This is what he needed.

"We'll get along fine, I think," Sanji murmured, walking ahead, folding his arms behind him. Zoro gaped after him, completely clueless as to what the exchange had been about. He looked at passing bystanders for help, and received none. He hurried after Sanji, stumbling slightly as the alcohol affected him.

"What are you talking about?"

"Everyone said I was the slow one – but I think they haven't spoken to you enough. Who dressed you, today? You are actually clothed properly."

"Quit changing the subject! Whenever Ace comes around, he says so much shit that completely fucks with your head, so what did he say now - ?"

Sanji looked at him, lifting his visible eyebrow. The way Zoro said Ace's name made it sound like Ace was one of the lowest things on the island, synonymous with murder. He felt the strange sensation of _really_ looking at Zoro and just…

Zoro cut himself off when Sanji kissed him. Sanji went with the impulse because he knew what it was, now. To kiss another man was an amazing feeling, and to kiss a man when there were feelings involved – made it a different sort of kiss. He was amazed at how familiar and comfortable he felt doing it with somebody he regularly fought with all the time, someone he lived with, someone –

Zoro then jerked backward as Sanji stilled, and both of them stared at each other in silence. After a few moments, Sanji turned and kept walking, his expression reflecting awe and surprise.

Zoro's mouth fell open. He went completely white, and his knees gave out. Bystanders stared down at him with expressions of disgust, shock and mirth. Shaking, Zoro stared down at his hands, then jerked back to his feet. He didn't know what to do with his hands, with his face – everything tingled, and his face was warm. Too warm. He shrieked, a rather unmanly show, startling everyone around him.

"I'm infected – I'm _infected_! I've got – I'm going to – " Zoro wiped his face furiously, an action that involved slapping himself in his frantic action to dislodge the feelings there. He thought he was on fire – he thought the tingling in his blood was an infection, and he wasn't going to take it quietly.

Those that watched him gave expressions of dismay, thinking he was overreacting. They gave him wide berths as he struggled to breathe and speak at the same time, stumbling after Sanji. "I'm going to fucking _kill_ you! You - ! You - ! _You don't do tha_t! You're not supposed to do _that_ - ! You're not going to get away with this, what's _wrong_ with you? Sanji, fucker, I'm going to _kill_ you!"

Behind him, Johnny and Yosaku gaped, their cigarettes falling to the pavement.

"I knew it," Johnny said gravely. "Brother Sanji has been infected."

"It appears Brother Zoro now shares the infection."

Both men looked at each other uncomfortably.

"Gloves from now on," Yosaku decided with a grave nod. Johnny agreed, and gave Zoro a piteous expression.

**::**

The house was bigger – the rooms were larger, and the kitchen was gorgeous. The dining room and living room combination was almost as half as wide as the house, and had plenty of room to allow their antics. The two bathrooms guaranteed no rush from anybody, and the area was relatively sparse, allowing them their freedoms in personal broadcast without being reported in by any neighbors whenever battles grew fierce, or someone was showering with the outside hose.

The money they'd been awarded by turning in the Fishmen had been graitutous – enough to replace household items, and replenish personal effects. Finals came and went, and winter break was anticipated.

Sanji whistled cheerfully as he stirred the contents in the wok, hearing Luffy, Ussop and Chopper plan their first voyage to sea on the kitchen floor, an occasional laugh or shout causing him to cringe. Dinner was grand, tonight – the kids had aced their exams, and he and Zoro had managed to make it through another semester without killing each other, or anybody that got in the way of their exams.

As he turned away from the wok to continue chopping up the rest of the vegetables, he glanced away from the kitchen. Zoro was glaring at the television screen with his bottle of grog, swords resting against the wall next to him. The screams of a sports event told Sanji that Zoro's intense focus was that – his shirt looked slightly shredded from an earlier skirmish, but he still matched what Sanji had picked out for him that morning. A combination of jeans and a sweater that looked entirely out of place for the aspiring bounty-hunter and caused Luffy to pretend swoon at his feet.

It was easier, Zoro gruffly admitted, to just wear what Sanji set out, instead of making the effort to find something from the kids' rooms down the hall. It also helped that the money had allowed Sanji to buy enough fitting clothes for Zoro to wear without running out during the course of the day.

Things weren't different. Zoro threatened him with death every day, and kept his distance. He made the usual protest and scoffing noises Sanji was familiar with, but the thing Sanji noticed more was the things he hadn't seen before.

The glares from Zoro whenever a guy approached Sanji; the comments he made whenever Ace molested him; the grumbles he made when Sanji dressed to impress, and the closeness of his presence as Sanji made a difficult decision.

It was all there – and Ace was right. The kids were right.

Sanji had learned to leave things the way they were. He was happiest, there.

It had taken a lot of hurt, discomfort and a bit of adventure to learn this, but…now that he'd arrived, the world was grand. Things were comfortable, beautiful, and he truly appreciated what he had. Maybe it wasn't what he'd envisioned or what he'd wanted, but…he was happy.

"Food is ready, assholes," he said minutes later, setting out the last plate. He began dishing them up as the teens scrambled to wash their hands, lining up at the kitchen sink and arguing over who was taking up the most water. "What are you guys, ten? Knock it off. Hey, grasshead, are you sure about that job, tomorrow? You can always do it another time."

"Are you suggesting that I back out?" Zoro asked, finishing off the last of his grog, rising from his chair. When he was close enough, he eyed the trash can and made a jump shot. The bottle crashed noisily against the wall, feet away from the container. Sanji gave him an annoyed expression. "So I suck at three-pointers."

"I'm not saying you should back out, but…"

"What's the big fuckin' deal? It's a job. It pays stuff. I will pay bills like a man." Zoro snapped his goggles on, and Sanji gave him an irritated expression. He reached out and pulled the goggles back, so that they snapped back against Zoro's face.

"A man pays his bills on time!" Chopper called over Zoro's cursing as he removed his goggles and threw them back into the living room.

"Maybe not on time, but definitely paid," Zoro corrected, taking the plate Sanji held out. He gave the man a cautious look, and stepped away from him in case Sanji tried anything more than that kiss months ago. Sanji rolled his eyes and made himself a plate.

"It's just…with that sea, you could be gone longer than what you'd expected. What if…something happens, and you don't…come home in a timely manner," Sanji said slowly, distributing the forks to the hands reaching for them. "Calm down, you're not animals! Sit at the table with some class, dammit! Don't spill!"

"This is acceptable to me. A man needs some peace and quiet, sometimes," Zoro complained. "Space! I need _space_! All you assholes are smothering me."

"Are you two sharing a room again?" Luffy asked. "Where's your bed at, Zoro? I tried to borrow your goggles, but then I saw that – "

"Stay out of my room! I sleep on the couch!"

"He's scared I'll ravage him in the middle of the night," Sanji said to Luffy.

Luffy laughed with delight while Chopper looked at Zoro with large, rounded eyes. "Ha, ha, that Zoro, he's such a virgin! It only hurts at the end, Zoro. Trust me."

"Luffy, you know nothing about – "

"Shit, Sanji, it's easy. Remember when – "

"STOP," Sanji commanded with a wince, feeling pained. He ate slowly, looking at the teenager as he beamed a haughty look at the others that looked at him enviously. "Oh, God, are you _serious_? Luffy?"

"You use those things I gave you, moron?" Zoro asked from the couch, eating and watching the television set with a determined expression. "I hope you didn't use them on that witch from school."

"Pft, Zoro, I know better."

"_You_ knew of this?!" Sanji asked with dismay.

"It's okay, Sanji," Chopper assured him. "We used the banana method first."

"Like a man, I'll take care of my responsibilities," Luffy said with a firm nod. "Gloves mean love."

"You shouldn't be encouraging him - ! He's a damn _child_, he can't be -! Who are her parents?" Sanji demanded, outraged.

"Calm down, virgin. Let the men talk," Zoro said, a mouthful of food muffling his words. "Luffy, you need to –"

"Pot calling the kettle black - !" Sanji exclaimed with outrage, slapping his plate down on the counter.

"_Lies_!"

"Can we just have a normal conversation around here?" Ussop asked on a sigh.

"Who is this poor woman?"

Luffy laughed suddenly. "Aw, you guys, you're so amazing. It's okay. I paid for her."

"_WHAT_."

"Yeah, I had some allowance left over – Sanji, you can't expect me to go out on the Grand Line and die a virgin. That's not my plans for life. I seriously expect you to plan it – I bought her for Ussop, too – "

"_WHAT_?" Ussop shrieked, turning as red as his t-shirt while Zoro guffawed his food over his lap.

"I need some experience for the next time I actually get with someone," Luffy continued. "It's not that big of a deal. I got it out of the way. By the way, Ussop, she knows what to do. Just let her do the work. She's a pro."

"I'm so proud of you, Luffy," Zoro said. "I didn't think you'd do it. But I don't think Ussop should take your seconds. I'll have Johnny find you one of your own, okay?"

"I DON'T WANT ONE."

"My morals are battling with my common sense," Chopper said pensively, staring at his plate. "I believe that Luffy's reasons are valid – it's really difficult to find love on the Grand Line. And dying a virgin is not something atop of anyboy's list."

"It's permanently etched on Sanji's gravestone," Zoro said with a laugh.

"No one's talking to you!"

"It's legal. If it's legal, it's okay," Luffy said with a shrug, continuing to eat. "Sanji, I want more."

"If it's legal," Chopper agreed with a shrug.

"Legalities strike down moralities in the end," Ussop agreed with a heavy sigh. "I just…I just don't know if I could actually do something like that."

Sanji stared at the boys as they continued to talk amongst each other with the topic.

"_Real_ men buy prostitutes to get the virginity out of the way," Zoro told him, moving around him to dish up seconds. He slapped Luffy's reaching hands out of the way. "Isn't that one of the things that Chopper's books glorified? The one with the writer who wanted to write a better book?"

"You read all of those?" Sanji asked in shock, Chopper looking delighted.

"I had to understand you, somehow."

"I am NOT those books! Dammit!"

"You're just like the Ookeys. All feminine and shit. Allowing your line of scrimmage to be dominated, ha ha!"

"Nobody dominates - ! Scrimmage? What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Maybe you should look into it. You're entering spinsterhood, at your age," Zoro chuckled, dumping hot sauce onto his dish contents. Sanji stared at him for several moments, about ready to unleash a flurry of expletives and insults until he relaxed. Chopper was watching them closely, fork at his teeth as Zoro realized Sanji's sudden silence.

When he looked over at the other man, Sanji grinned devilishly, Luffy screaming out with laughter as Ussop continued his protest. They were oblivious to the two men looking at each other, Zoro's face falling as he started to realize something significant was happening.

"You're absolutely right, idiot," Sanji said, returning his attention back to his plate, practically beaming with joy.

Zoro stared at him for several moments, then crushed the plate he had in both hands. He dropped it on the floor, and stomped out of the kitchen, Luffy and Ussop looking after him in surprise. Chopper laughed in delight, clapping his hooves together.

"What's happening…?" Ussop asked him in confusion, slapping Luffy's hands away from his dinner plate.

Zoro returned from the hall, throwing on a jacket. He picked up his swords and pulled them on, then found his wallet. Sanji looked startled, lowering his plate to the counter as Zoro strode to the door.

"No one's dominating _my_ fucking field! _I'm_ the man, I know _things_! I will not be challenged by this horseshit!" he shouted, exiting the door with a bang of the door on the wall. As the door slowly swung shut, the teen boys looked at Sanji with confusion.

"Wait! Zoro! I can help you! I have suggestions!" Chopper cried, leaving the table and hurrying after the other man. "Don't leave me behind, asshole! I love you, let me teach you!"

"What just happened?" Ussop asked again.

Sanji laughed, reddening. "Mother rules the roost, shit kids."

"I don't think we ever want to know, 'Sop," Luffy muttered, giving Sanji a wary look. "My mind is filled with dirty things right now."

"Luffy, they have ointments for that."


End file.
